Author's Note: Yeah, I know I know it's long. This is actually my second
Lord of the Rings fic, so don't be too hard on me please. I tried, and it
didn't turn out half bad, I think. I know it's not the best, but....so
anyways, on with the story as soon as we can! Have fun!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or ther species, and I don't own the song. But I do own the plot line! Thank you! OK, so the song I chose was You, by Candlebox. It's a good song people, check it out. One last thing: I stole a quote and a song title. Quote by Sully Erna, Song title by Korn. On with the story!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
My eyes snapped open. I quickely turnd my alarm off, as not to wake Pippin, and slipped out of my bed unusually sneakily. I dressed quickely and quitetly. Before I left, I took one last look at the clock- 1:23 AM.
You
It's for you
Only you
It's for you
As I slipped out the door, I noticed the unusual brightness of the stars. How ironic. My bright star was still asleep in a dark room, having no idea what was about to happen. He had right to be asleep, after what had happened. Of course, I was thinking about him. I always was. If I had any time to be nervous though, it would be now. Hopefully everything would go according to plan, and I wouldn't be caught.
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"Merry!" Pippin snorted, laughing so hard he almost shot ale out his nose, "make sure and tell that one to Gimli.....I'm sure he'd get a kick out of it!"
"Yes, I'm sure he would Pip! I bet old Gandalf would like it more!"
"Ooooh, you'd be in for it if you told him that! I'd love to see it...."
We were drinking and having a spectacular time, Pippin, Merry, Frodo, and Sam. Just a night for the hobbits. But around 12:00 or so, the fun started to wear off and everyone was getting sleepy. Pippin kept falling backwards off his stool, and Frodo kept dropping things. At around 1:00 we all decided it would be best to go home and continue the party some other night.
It was a long walk from The Green Dragon to Merry and Pippin's house, and it was dark. We two young, but non the less experienced hobbits were weaving their way back home. I was shuffeling along, with Pippin right behind me. As we passed through a rather thick spot of bushes, I heard a small noise, like a branch breaking. I looked over at Pippin, but Pippin was stalk still, no where near a branch at all. There was no wind, so what had made that noise? A small rabbit maybe? A bird? It wasn't a rabbit, they didn't live near here...and all the birds were asleep. How odd.
"Merry, did you hear that?" Pippin asked, in a rather suspicious tone. He kept looking behind him, as if he thought something was there. The noise came again, but closer and louder. Two more times, and Pippin was back to back with me, both wishing we had our swords back. WHY didn't Pippin carry his around? He always thought he should, but never wanted to scare anyone. Now it could save our lives. Looking around, the both of us, we saw nothing. We stood there in fear for what seemed like an hour, and nothing came. Nothing made a noise. Pippin sighed and turned to face me. He looked right into my eyes, and was about to say how scary that was, when he saw my eyes become larger than normal. Pippin had seen that look before. Fear was all through his viens, but instead of focusing on my eyes, he focused on the reflection in them. There it went again, what I had seen. A quick black shadow passed by in between two trees. There was a small rustling noise, which grew louder, and out of the trees walked Frodo, Sam right behind him.
"Hahaha! You guys! I haven't ever seen you look like that! Do you really think something would attack you in the Shire?" Frodo laughed as he and Sam walked over and met the two others.
"No, no, I suppose not....I think I've spent too much time away from the Shire if you know what I mean. Why'd you do that anyways?" I asked as Pippin chuckled to himself.
"Oh, just some fun I guess. I haven't truley smiled in months."
We four hobbits walked together, talking about whatever had slipped our minds and we hadn't discussed before. We walked for about ten minutes, before we came to a fork in the road. Pippin and I had to take a left, while Frodo and Sam needed to take a right.
"OK guys. I guess we'll have to talk to you later. It was nice talking for a while!"
"Yes, it most certainly was, fun and exciting both!" Frodo said, a small laugh in his voice.
Pippin and I hung a left while Frodo and Sam continued on their way to the right. Pippin and I were laughing and joking and having quite a bit of fun considering that we were both rather tipsy and very tired. We weren't paying any attention at all to our surroundings. Something we had learned to do over time. Unfortunently, we didn't hear the crackling of dead leaves and footsteps, following us. After a while of walking talking and laughing, we came to a small thicket. We walked inside without a worry or a thought. But something followed. It followed us stelthily for a long while, without being noticed. But after a while he got bored. As soon as we were looking very unsuspecting, he took a step right out in front of them. Pippin yelled and I jumped a foot in the air.
"What do you want?" Pippin asked timidly. The man didn't respond. He just stared at us both. His eyes were and eeriy black, and the expresion on his face couldn't be read. After a long while he spoke.
"I'm sorry for you both. But there's something that must be done." he said. Neither Pippin nor I knew what he was talking about. But I heard the oh so familiar ring of a blade being drawn from it's sheath, and saw the glint of a knife. Trying to add humor to the situation, though there was none, Pippin commented that it was only a knife and he thought the man could have come up with something a little bit bigger. They'd dealt with worse than this. But that only angered the man and he lunged at Pippin, who wasn't paying any attention. He jumped aside and missed the main part of the assult, but it had cut him, in the side. Pippin and I were both shocked, and looked at each other, then ran. There was nothing else we could do. It was hard to outrun a man....but we were hobbits. The size had been given to us for a reason. I glanced over at my cousin, and caught his eye. I nodded over at the side of the path, and Pippin caught my meaning. We both jumped into the trees, as to hide from the man. It didn't work. We were found as quickly as we had dissapeared, but the man had put his knife away. We two small hobbits couldn't figure out what was wrong with this man. Why was he here, and what was wrong with his brain? He stood there sliently for a long time, and as quickly and daftly as before removed his blade. He hacked and cut and slashed, but kept missing. Then he said something that made both Pippin and I stop in suprise. He had been following them for weeks, and said everything they had been doing was wrong. That we weren't thankful enough for what we had, and took advantage of everything. Actually neither of us could think of anything we had taken advantage of recently, but this man was obviosly crazy. And again, he tried to finish his assult, but didn't kill either of us. He caught Pippin by that damn scarf he always wears, and whispered something in Pippin's ear. Then the man threw Pippin aside ran over to him, and he sank the knife right into Pippin's shoulder. He fell to the ground and just layed there. I knew he wasn't dead, but I wasn't going to let him die either. I draged him all the rest of the way home, he wouldn't walk by himself. Obviosly the mysterious man had said something and left Pippin dangling, but I did not press the matter. He needed time. And he has still not told me what the man said, but in time he will.
I never change
I never care
I never believe my people
I'll tell you what I say
Now I'm after that man for what he did. I've thought this over for weeks and now my flawless plan will be put intro action.
I never lie
I never try
I never cry for you people
I'll push you
Push you away
As you loney people
Keep on running around my door
Yes, you loney people
Keep on begging
Beg for more
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I've been watching Pippin stalk around the house, I've seen him cry at night, I've seen this and it kills me to see it. Why must he be like this? I can't cheer him up, I can't fix it. I can't help it at all, except for this. My last plan, to help out the one I love.
And I cry for you
Yes I'll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it's for you
If this doesn't help I don't know what will.
It's for you
Only you
It's for you
Now is the time. I've come across a small house- it's small, and cold. It seems it's been abandoned for years, by the shape it's in. I don't understand how this man could live here, but it fits him well. Or will soon. Thank god I can sneak so well. Stealth is my gift and it comes in useful. In mischief and in revenge. This man doesn't know what he's in for, and because of this man, men must earn my trust.
I'll never try
I'll never die
I'll never push for you people
I'll tell you how I feel
Silently I pickedthe lock, and the door swug open. It creaked, but I know it won't wake the man unless he hears things that no mortal can hear. It was silent dark and cold. How could one come home to this? There were all sorts of odd, strange, and some creepy things here. Heads, of headless animals. All sorts of butcher knives, swords, knives, strange and distorted pictures on the walls. I couldn't look at them. The house gave me the chills. Something large was on the couch, oddly enough it was man-sized, and wasn't moving. There was a white blanket drapped over it, with all sorts of stains. Some of which were red. I knew it was blood but I wouldn't believe it. This man was definitly insane. He had murdered a man and left him on his couch! Well, whatever you do comes back to you. This man obviosly knew naught of karma. I dared not to look in his cupords, but I did brave the look into his refridgerator. The sorts of disgusting things in there I won't even mention. This man was sick. I wanted to get this over with. So I crept into his room and oddly enough he had a clock. 2:01. So I had 3 hours to get this over with, before Pippin would be up and aware. So I took the rope I had brought along with me, and began my work. I tied his arms to the bedposts. I knew he was stronger than I, and I couldn't risk him waking before I could get out my weapon. I got his arms tied up, but as I began work on his leg, I felt him move. I knew he was awake, but I ducked behind the bed and he didn't see me. But he yelled as he realized his arms were tied. I silently crawled around the other side of his bed and stood up. He looked over at me, and I pulled out my weapon. It was his own knife, I had found it laying on his nightstand. His eyes grew wide, and to this day I remember his exact expression. The irony that he would be killed with his own knife. Well, he deserved it. I told him if he was quiet this would be a lot easier for the both of us. Before I killed him, I leaned over and in his ear I said, I won't lie. I've been after you. I don't listen to your people, and I won't deal with you anymore. Then with a quick movement, he was gone. A sneaky cut across his throat and he was gone.
And I'll cry for you
Yes, I'll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it's for you
And I'll take everything
As it comes my way
Pushing your pain round my door
And I cry for you as I die for you
Is this blood on my hands all for you
I had to rid his house of his body. My plan was to drag him down to the river, but he was to heavy. I just left him lying in his bed. Nothing more than he deserved. But sadly enough, I did have to give myself a small cut for reason to have blood all over myself. By the time I got home it was 4:30, and when I opened the door, I wasn't near as stealthy. It creaked loudly, and I shut it quickly. I imidiatly pulled my shirt off, for there was blood eveywhere. My plan was to throw it in the fire, since blood stains, but as soon as I looked up Pippin was standing there. He was looking at me, I couldn't read his facial expression. It was a first and it scared me. I didn't know what he was thinking. He just stood there without a word, looking at me. It wasn't a change he hadn't said a word for a week since the original incident, but this was different. After a long while, he finaly said something.
"Merry, what have you done?" Those were the only words out of his mouth. I just stood there, I couldn't say anything. I hope he would understand. I looked at him, strait into his eyes. I slowly walked over and put my arms around him. He was scared, I could tell. He was crying, and shaking. I didn't know what to do. He just cried into my shoulder. I leaned over and confessed all I had done in a quiet whisper in his ear. He just looked up at me, through his tear filled eyes. He just looked,and said nothing. It was killing me. Was he angry? Sad? Scared? Whatever it was I needed to know. Whatever it was was definitly taking over.
You shiver
And shudder
Recovers your mother
You feel it take control
All alone
Feel alive
In your soul
He cried more than usual that night. After a while he came and layed in my bed with me. He layed right up against me and cried with his head on my chest. I felt horrible. I don't know why he was acting like this, but I was starting to feel bad about what I had done. I lay awake even longer than Pippin thinking about it. I don't remember why I felt the need to do such a horrible thing. I could have helped Pippin some other way.
After a few weeks it was starting to drive me crazy. I saw things I knew weren't really there. I kept seeing his last expression. I couldn't get it out of my head. The blood, all over my hands, my shirt. The fact that I just left him lying there. Cold and alone. Even if he deserved that, it shouldn't have been me that delivered it. I kept hearing his voice, saying the same things over and over and over again. Pounding them into my head.
Come around town
Steal another dime
Take another line
Won't you feel it
Blanket your soul
Out of mind
It made me think to myself. The guilt was slowly ruining my life. Pippin was in the same state. He couldn't sleep, he barely said a word. I was the same. A lot of the time we would just sit together in my bed. Just sit and do nothing. We never talked about it. We talked ocasionally, but never had any fun, like that one last night at The Green Dragon.
So I had commited murder. Now that I had done that, what could even compare? Why not just go do what I had always wanted to do, but never seriously thought about? Murder is murder and you can't it back, and it is the worst you could do. I sank to his level, lower, just to seek revenge for my love. I hated seeing him like that, and I went and made it worse.
Come around town
Steal another dime
Do another crime
Won't you get it higher and higher
Roll through time
After a while, it got worse. I was reminded of the days of the Ring. We thought we would never come out alive, but we did. Everything gets worse before it gets bettter. Maybe this will all go away. I always had hope...just a fools hope. But never give up. Things will always be OK in the end, and if it's not OK then it's not the end! I always followed that, but I was starting to second guess myself. Pippin and I started crying less, talking and sleeping more. We still slept together, for that comfort, but life was slowly, VERY slowly returning to me. The pain was starting to leave me.
Come around town
Steal another dime
Don't you push your drugs in my face
Yes I'm feeling
Feeling fine
Don't you push your drugs in my face
Or I'm gonna put you in your place
Fuck you
I don't want it no more
And it's mine
Said this pain in my heart is all mine
Yes it's mine all alone
Healing time was allowed, and the pain was almost completely gone from the both of us. I was glad this was over, and we started going out again...to The Green Dragon. Pippin and I did things we used to, things only he and I know about.
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
And now that time has passed and healed the opne wounds, I still have scars. Despite the fact that what's done is done, and all is returned to normal, or almost, I still remember that night. I did, I burned my cloths, I carried out my plan and was never caught, but I still dream. Nothing controls dreams. I still see his face, hear his screams, smell his blood. But when I wake in fear, Pippin is always there. He's always there. In the end it was me, not him, that needed the help. He never did tell me what the man said to him, we never figured out who the man was, and Pippin never knew what I said to the man before I killed him. But that matters not. We have each other and I've done my time.
And it's mine on my own
Yes, it's mine all alone
As I cry for you
Yes, I'll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll take
Everything as it comes my way
Feel in my heart it's for you
And I'll lie for you as I die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now
How I feel inside
Fuck you It's for you
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or ther species, and I don't own the song. But I do own the plot line! Thank you! OK, so the song I chose was You, by Candlebox. It's a good song people, check it out. One last thing: I stole a quote and a song title. Quote by Sully Erna, Song title by Korn. On with the story!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
My eyes snapped open. I quickely turnd my alarm off, as not to wake Pippin, and slipped out of my bed unusually sneakily. I dressed quickely and quitetly. Before I left, I took one last look at the clock- 1:23 AM.
You
It's for you
Only you
It's for you
As I slipped out the door, I noticed the unusual brightness of the stars. How ironic. My bright star was still asleep in a dark room, having no idea what was about to happen. He had right to be asleep, after what had happened. Of course, I was thinking about him. I always was. If I had any time to be nervous though, it would be now. Hopefully everything would go according to plan, and I wouldn't be caught.
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"Merry!" Pippin snorted, laughing so hard he almost shot ale out his nose, "make sure and tell that one to Gimli.....I'm sure he'd get a kick out of it!"
"Yes, I'm sure he would Pip! I bet old Gandalf would like it more!"
"Ooooh, you'd be in for it if you told him that! I'd love to see it...."
We were drinking and having a spectacular time, Pippin, Merry, Frodo, and Sam. Just a night for the hobbits. But around 12:00 or so, the fun started to wear off and everyone was getting sleepy. Pippin kept falling backwards off his stool, and Frodo kept dropping things. At around 1:00 we all decided it would be best to go home and continue the party some other night.
It was a long walk from The Green Dragon to Merry and Pippin's house, and it was dark. We two young, but non the less experienced hobbits were weaving their way back home. I was shuffeling along, with Pippin right behind me. As we passed through a rather thick spot of bushes, I heard a small noise, like a branch breaking. I looked over at Pippin, but Pippin was stalk still, no where near a branch at all. There was no wind, so what had made that noise? A small rabbit maybe? A bird? It wasn't a rabbit, they didn't live near here...and all the birds were asleep. How odd.
"Merry, did you hear that?" Pippin asked, in a rather suspicious tone. He kept looking behind him, as if he thought something was there. The noise came again, but closer and louder. Two more times, and Pippin was back to back with me, both wishing we had our swords back. WHY didn't Pippin carry his around? He always thought he should, but never wanted to scare anyone. Now it could save our lives. Looking around, the both of us, we saw nothing. We stood there in fear for what seemed like an hour, and nothing came. Nothing made a noise. Pippin sighed and turned to face me. He looked right into my eyes, and was about to say how scary that was, when he saw my eyes become larger than normal. Pippin had seen that look before. Fear was all through his viens, but instead of focusing on my eyes, he focused on the reflection in them. There it went again, what I had seen. A quick black shadow passed by in between two trees. There was a small rustling noise, which grew louder, and out of the trees walked Frodo, Sam right behind him.
"Hahaha! You guys! I haven't ever seen you look like that! Do you really think something would attack you in the Shire?" Frodo laughed as he and Sam walked over and met the two others.
"No, no, I suppose not....I think I've spent too much time away from the Shire if you know what I mean. Why'd you do that anyways?" I asked as Pippin chuckled to himself.
"Oh, just some fun I guess. I haven't truley smiled in months."
We four hobbits walked together, talking about whatever had slipped our minds and we hadn't discussed before. We walked for about ten minutes, before we came to a fork in the road. Pippin and I had to take a left, while Frodo and Sam needed to take a right.
"OK guys. I guess we'll have to talk to you later. It was nice talking for a while!"
"Yes, it most certainly was, fun and exciting both!" Frodo said, a small laugh in his voice.
Pippin and I hung a left while Frodo and Sam continued on their way to the right. Pippin and I were laughing and joking and having quite a bit of fun considering that we were both rather tipsy and very tired. We weren't paying any attention at all to our surroundings. Something we had learned to do over time. Unfortunently, we didn't hear the crackling of dead leaves and footsteps, following us. After a while of walking talking and laughing, we came to a small thicket. We walked inside without a worry or a thought. But something followed. It followed us stelthily for a long while, without being noticed. But after a while he got bored. As soon as we were looking very unsuspecting, he took a step right out in front of them. Pippin yelled and I jumped a foot in the air.
"What do you want?" Pippin asked timidly. The man didn't respond. He just stared at us both. His eyes were and eeriy black, and the expresion on his face couldn't be read. After a long while he spoke.
"I'm sorry for you both. But there's something that must be done." he said. Neither Pippin nor I knew what he was talking about. But I heard the oh so familiar ring of a blade being drawn from it's sheath, and saw the glint of a knife. Trying to add humor to the situation, though there was none, Pippin commented that it was only a knife and he thought the man could have come up with something a little bit bigger. They'd dealt with worse than this. But that only angered the man and he lunged at Pippin, who wasn't paying any attention. He jumped aside and missed the main part of the assult, but it had cut him, in the side. Pippin and I were both shocked, and looked at each other, then ran. There was nothing else we could do. It was hard to outrun a man....but we were hobbits. The size had been given to us for a reason. I glanced over at my cousin, and caught his eye. I nodded over at the side of the path, and Pippin caught my meaning. We both jumped into the trees, as to hide from the man. It didn't work. We were found as quickly as we had dissapeared, but the man had put his knife away. We two small hobbits couldn't figure out what was wrong with this man. Why was he here, and what was wrong with his brain? He stood there sliently for a long time, and as quickly and daftly as before removed his blade. He hacked and cut and slashed, but kept missing. Then he said something that made both Pippin and I stop in suprise. He had been following them for weeks, and said everything they had been doing was wrong. That we weren't thankful enough for what we had, and took advantage of everything. Actually neither of us could think of anything we had taken advantage of recently, but this man was obviosly crazy. And again, he tried to finish his assult, but didn't kill either of us. He caught Pippin by that damn scarf he always wears, and whispered something in Pippin's ear. Then the man threw Pippin aside ran over to him, and he sank the knife right into Pippin's shoulder. He fell to the ground and just layed there. I knew he wasn't dead, but I wasn't going to let him die either. I draged him all the rest of the way home, he wouldn't walk by himself. Obviosly the mysterious man had said something and left Pippin dangling, but I did not press the matter. He needed time. And he has still not told me what the man said, but in time he will.
I never change
I never care
I never believe my people
I'll tell you what I say
Now I'm after that man for what he did. I've thought this over for weeks and now my flawless plan will be put intro action.
I never lie
I never try
I never cry for you people
I'll push you
Push you away
As you loney people
Keep on running around my door
Yes, you loney people
Keep on begging
Beg for more
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------------------------
I've been watching Pippin stalk around the house, I've seen him cry at night, I've seen this and it kills me to see it. Why must he be like this? I can't cheer him up, I can't fix it. I can't help it at all, except for this. My last plan, to help out the one I love.
And I cry for you
Yes I'll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it's for you
If this doesn't help I don't know what will.
It's for you
Only you
It's for you
Now is the time. I've come across a small house- it's small, and cold. It seems it's been abandoned for years, by the shape it's in. I don't understand how this man could live here, but it fits him well. Or will soon. Thank god I can sneak so well. Stealth is my gift and it comes in useful. In mischief and in revenge. This man doesn't know what he's in for, and because of this man, men must earn my trust.
I'll never try
I'll never die
I'll never push for you people
I'll tell you how I feel
Silently I pickedthe lock, and the door swug open. It creaked, but I know it won't wake the man unless he hears things that no mortal can hear. It was silent dark and cold. How could one come home to this? There were all sorts of odd, strange, and some creepy things here. Heads, of headless animals. All sorts of butcher knives, swords, knives, strange and distorted pictures on the walls. I couldn't look at them. The house gave me the chills. Something large was on the couch, oddly enough it was man-sized, and wasn't moving. There was a white blanket drapped over it, with all sorts of stains. Some of which were red. I knew it was blood but I wouldn't believe it. This man was definitly insane. He had murdered a man and left him on his couch! Well, whatever you do comes back to you. This man obviosly knew naught of karma. I dared not to look in his cupords, but I did brave the look into his refridgerator. The sorts of disgusting things in there I won't even mention. This man was sick. I wanted to get this over with. So I crept into his room and oddly enough he had a clock. 2:01. So I had 3 hours to get this over with, before Pippin would be up and aware. So I took the rope I had brought along with me, and began my work. I tied his arms to the bedposts. I knew he was stronger than I, and I couldn't risk him waking before I could get out my weapon. I got his arms tied up, but as I began work on his leg, I felt him move. I knew he was awake, but I ducked behind the bed and he didn't see me. But he yelled as he realized his arms were tied. I silently crawled around the other side of his bed and stood up. He looked over at me, and I pulled out my weapon. It was his own knife, I had found it laying on his nightstand. His eyes grew wide, and to this day I remember his exact expression. The irony that he would be killed with his own knife. Well, he deserved it. I told him if he was quiet this would be a lot easier for the both of us. Before I killed him, I leaned over and in his ear I said, I won't lie. I've been after you. I don't listen to your people, and I won't deal with you anymore. Then with a quick movement, he was gone. A sneaky cut across his throat and he was gone.
And I'll cry for you
Yes, I'll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now how I feel inside
Feel in my heart it's for you
And I'll take everything
As it comes my way
Pushing your pain round my door
And I cry for you as I die for you
Is this blood on my hands all for you
I had to rid his house of his body. My plan was to drag him down to the river, but he was to heavy. I just left him lying in his bed. Nothing more than he deserved. But sadly enough, I did have to give myself a small cut for reason to have blood all over myself. By the time I got home it was 4:30, and when I opened the door, I wasn't near as stealthy. It creaked loudly, and I shut it quickly. I imidiatly pulled my shirt off, for there was blood eveywhere. My plan was to throw it in the fire, since blood stains, but as soon as I looked up Pippin was standing there. He was looking at me, I couldn't read his facial expression. It was a first and it scared me. I didn't know what he was thinking. He just stood there without a word, looking at me. It wasn't a change he hadn't said a word for a week since the original incident, but this was different. After a long while, he finaly said something.
"Merry, what have you done?" Those were the only words out of his mouth. I just stood there, I couldn't say anything. I hope he would understand. I looked at him, strait into his eyes. I slowly walked over and put my arms around him. He was scared, I could tell. He was crying, and shaking. I didn't know what to do. He just cried into my shoulder. I leaned over and confessed all I had done in a quiet whisper in his ear. He just looked up at me, through his tear filled eyes. He just looked,and said nothing. It was killing me. Was he angry? Sad? Scared? Whatever it was I needed to know. Whatever it was was definitly taking over.
You shiver
And shudder
Recovers your mother
You feel it take control
All alone
Feel alive
In your soul
He cried more than usual that night. After a while he came and layed in my bed with me. He layed right up against me and cried with his head on my chest. I felt horrible. I don't know why he was acting like this, but I was starting to feel bad about what I had done. I lay awake even longer than Pippin thinking about it. I don't remember why I felt the need to do such a horrible thing. I could have helped Pippin some other way.
After a few weeks it was starting to drive me crazy. I saw things I knew weren't really there. I kept seeing his last expression. I couldn't get it out of my head. The blood, all over my hands, my shirt. The fact that I just left him lying there. Cold and alone. Even if he deserved that, it shouldn't have been me that delivered it. I kept hearing his voice, saying the same things over and over and over again. Pounding them into my head.
Come around town
Steal another dime
Take another line
Won't you feel it
Blanket your soul
Out of mind
It made me think to myself. The guilt was slowly ruining my life. Pippin was in the same state. He couldn't sleep, he barely said a word. I was the same. A lot of the time we would just sit together in my bed. Just sit and do nothing. We never talked about it. We talked ocasionally, but never had any fun, like that one last night at The Green Dragon.
So I had commited murder. Now that I had done that, what could even compare? Why not just go do what I had always wanted to do, but never seriously thought about? Murder is murder and you can't it back, and it is the worst you could do. I sank to his level, lower, just to seek revenge for my love. I hated seeing him like that, and I went and made it worse.
Come around town
Steal another dime
Do another crime
Won't you get it higher and higher
Roll through time
After a while, it got worse. I was reminded of the days of the Ring. We thought we would never come out alive, but we did. Everything gets worse before it gets bettter. Maybe this will all go away. I always had hope...just a fools hope. But never give up. Things will always be OK in the end, and if it's not OK then it's not the end! I always followed that, but I was starting to second guess myself. Pippin and I started crying less, talking and sleeping more. We still slept together, for that comfort, but life was slowly, VERY slowly returning to me. The pain was starting to leave me.
Come around town
Steal another dime
Don't you push your drugs in my face
Yes I'm feeling
Feeling fine
Don't you push your drugs in my face
Or I'm gonna put you in your place
Fuck you
I don't want it no more
And it's mine
Said this pain in my heart is all mine
Yes it's mine all alone
Healing time was allowed, and the pain was almost completely gone from the both of us. I was glad this was over, and we started going out again...to The Green Dragon. Pippin and I did things we used to, things only he and I know about.
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
I don't want it no more
And now that time has passed and healed the opne wounds, I still have scars. Despite the fact that what's done is done, and all is returned to normal, or almost, I still remember that night. I did, I burned my cloths, I carried out my plan and was never caught, but I still dream. Nothing controls dreams. I still see his face, hear his screams, smell his blood. But when I wake in fear, Pippin is always there. He's always there. In the end it was me, not him, that needed the help. He never did tell me what the man said to him, we never figured out who the man was, and Pippin never knew what I said to the man before I killed him. But that matters not. We have each other and I've done my time.
And it's mine on my own
Yes, it's mine all alone
As I cry for you
Yes, I'll die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll take
Everything as it comes my way
Feel in my heart it's for you
And I'll lie for you as I die for you
Pain in my heart it is real
And I'll tell you now
How I feel inside
Fuck you It's for you