Oh it's such a mess. Why do things always have to be so complicated? Why can't everything just be simple for once? Not only have I go to deal with the fact that my father is dying, but now I've got all of this going on as well.

I feel so bad about hurting Dan the way I have, but I can't help the way I feel and I can't change what's happened. I love Charlie. I always have done, and he's the father of my child. I just didn't realise what I had and I ran off to Canada for my career. I knew that Charlie wouldn't have come and I shouldn't have put him in that position, even though I did hate him for it. It was wrong of me to go without him.

Then I met Dan and fell in love with him. He made me feel special again. Mad me feel important and wanted. And he wanted Louis too. It was wrong of me to marry him though. I still loved Charlie, but I hated him for staying n England and I though I was 'in love' with Dan. Now it's the other way around.

Seeing Charlie again mad m fall in love with him all over again. I realised what I was missing. I never stopped loving him, but now I'm 'in love' with him again. The way he makes me feel so special, the way that he is so kind and loving. The way he is with Dad and Louis. Even the gentlemanly way he is with Dan. I love him so much and I don't think I could bare losing him again. Not as well as dad. I still love dad, but I'm not 'in love' with him. I'm in love with Charlie. No-one makes me feel the way he dos, and it was wrong of me to ever think they could. I'm in love with Charlie. Always have been. Always will be.