~Challenge beyond immortality`

Chapter one: Curious vampire

another one of my pointless and lame humor fics

usual disclaimers that anyone would put (the world is so sew happy its sick, I mean come on, do they really think we try to say we own something like a whole series or company?!)


One wonderful day at the Hellsing manor, Integra's sweet tooth was acting up. She wanted chocolate. Chocolate chip cookies. She wasn't about to go out and buy them either. She went down into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and pulled out some Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie dough in a big tub. She set it on the counter, then got a big spoon, metal tray, and started pre-heating the oven.

She opened the tub and looked at the delicious cookie dough, even not baked it tasted good to her. She began spooning big clumps out and plopping them on the tray. She looked at her tray, she thought to herself that maybe she should make two. Walter might want some. So she repeated the process and then put both trays in the oven. While the cookies baked she went into the next room and continued reading a book. Simple task. Then she jumped up. She forgot to set the timer. Integra was a perfectionist when it came to her cookies. They had to be perfect, just how grandma made them.

Alucard awoke and decided to see what his master was up too. When he was close to the kitchen he smelled the cookies baking. He had no idea. The last time he must have had or seen a cookie was in a good hundred years. He stood in front of the oven and looked inside. He was very puzzled. What was that? Who put it in there. He opened the door to it and bent down to look inside.

"Cookies?!" It was like a reunion with a loved one who you thought you would never see again."I wouldn't doubt it if the last time I tasted a cookie was when I was human."

"Who's in there?" Integra asked from the other room.

Alucard vanished himself, she looked behind her shoulder. Alucard for some reason didn't even come to mind. She began to read again. Alucard became visible. He opened the oven again and peered inside, watching the dough puff and bake. For some reason, he wanted one. He waned a human snack. He reached his gloved hand inside to take one out. Had no idea they weren't done and could touch it. Accidentally he touched the hot, orange glowing heat bar.

"Agh! What was that?" He had burned his hand and there was a charred whole in his glove. Even as his skin regenerated it stung.

Alucard decided to take it easy and just go sit with his master. He wouldn't question the cookies. He appeared beside her. Put his hand on top of the book and pushed it shut. Integra marked her page and put it on her lap.

"Yes." she said looking at him

"How are you tonight?" he asked kindly

"I'm fine. You?"

"Oh, I'm fine as well." he smiled

"You don't have anything to do again." she said questionably

"No I don't."

"Well, I'm baking cookies. I guess you could have one. I don't know if vampires eat cookies though." she joked

Alucard's face lit up "That would be great. I haven't had one in so many years."

"I just have to let them finish. The timer will go off."

"This is something you do a lot that I don't know about, master?

"Not often, occasionally."

"I've never seen you."

"I do it in the day mostly. Or I make them and you aren't around."

Alucard laughed

the timer beeped.......he could finally have a cookie