I am doll parts, bad skin, doll heart.
It stands for knife, for the rest of my life
-Hole, "Doll Parts"
***
Fulton
It's 5 A.M. I wake up in Minneapolis, in Portman's condo, in his bedroom, on his bed, sleeping next to him with nothing but our boxers on as I cradle his head against my cheeks. His violet bruises from our meet with the Diamond Ducks the night before are still fresh on his eternally infant face. His rhythmic snores form a coherent and pleasant lullaby that relaxes my soul and liquefies my muscles. I brush his hair with my nose and inhale the scent of sweat mixed with Herbal Essence shampoo that radiates from his curls. My only desire then and there was to hold him in my arms like this forever. Dean....
Dean....
It was then and there in Portman's bedroom that I spot my stepmother in her typically sluttish attire and holding a grocery bag, entering. She pulls out a drawer, spills Dean's clothing from it onto the floor and sifts through it, presumably looking for something. When done, she leaves the clothing and drawer on the floor and opens another one. She does this again and again until she's done with all of the drawers in the room and leaves to the living room. Curious about what the hell was she doing, I follow her.
There, she does the same thing, this time, heading to Portman's huge stereo system and taking out CDs, tapes, and vinyl records, still as though she was looking for something. I catch up to her, and she spots me, staring blankly at the events. She speaks to me in this soft but cracking tone.
"Boy, have you seen your daddy's money?"
"What?"
"Where's the money, boy? Your mother needs to buy some nice things to keep herself looking pretty."
"You're not my mother." I said indignantly.
"Oh, boy, don't you start with your attitude and help me find the money."
"You'll need a lot more than what my Dad has to make yourself pretty."
"Boy, don't you talk back! I have to take you to the bus stop, meet my manicurist in an hour, then to my hair dresser at 12, and do the grocery shopping for your daddy, and I don't have all day for your smart mouth." She now moves to the kitchen and searches through the cabinets, keeping her face focused on her treasure hunt.
"That's a lot of work. Have you ever considered a mortician instead? One stop does it all!"
"You just wait until your daddy wakes up!"
"I'm just being thoughtful." Only in my dreams could I talk back to her.
With a pan she just found, she comes to me, waves it at my face and nags, "You want me to wake up your daddy to get you the bucket?"
Oh shit! The bucket!
The phone rang, but I didn't think of it.
I started to back off from her. Then without a reason she brings the pan down and calls James and Hike to help her find the money. Surely enough, the two are already here, searching the vinyl records left at the foot of Dean's stereo.
"Si-nay-tray?" James goes in his dumbass voice that so reminded me of Dwayne's. "It sounds like some gay shit!"
"Hendrix? Is that like some sort of Japanese car?" Hike does his own thing by tearing the boxed sets and leafing through the booklets inside. "Heart? Led Zeppeline? The Be-at-tles?" He laughs at the cover of Please Please Me and says, "Look at the one with the goofy teeth!"
"Boys, stop messing with Daddy's things and find that money!" My stepmother goes indifferently.
"Wait, mom, there's more!" James then gets his hands on Dean's vinyl copy of Cabaret. Now they're messing with his Bob Fosse collection! (Only I know that Dean, violent enforcer and all-around tough guy, has a big thing for musicals!) "A musical?" It was how he said it, with an air of repugnance, which unnerved me. "I think we got a queer living in our house!"
"It's not your house!" I shout.
"Hey, mom, why don't we go to the big city and sell all this pansy shit? Maybe we can get some money for your manicure!"
"That's a good idea, boy!" With that, James and Hike find a suitcase and stuff the records inside. I try to stop them by holding back their hands, saying, "Get your hands off Dean's records!"
"Forget it, pansy! We need the money, and if Dad has a problem with it, he can always put you in the bucket." Hike says as he pulls me off of James.
"C'mon! I'll be late for my manicure!" My stepmother screeches. Hike finally pulls me away from James and flings me to the other side of the living room. All three of them hastily leave, leaving me on the floor. My nerves rattle at the thought of what my Dad, I mean, Dean will do to me when he sees that his treasured records are missing.
But it's too late. Dad comes from the bedroom and sees the mess of silverware and records on the floor.
"BOY!"
His voice freezes my spine. He looks straight into my scared eyes. The fear communicates to me quickly. I push myself to a corner, away from his steps, but he goes to me and picks me up by the ear. He pulls me to the kitchen and throws me down against the stove and runs to the bathroom. I had to get out, so I run to the door, but it's locked. I go to the balcony, but where would I go from there? I can't hide under anything because I'm too big, so I go to the closet and close the door behind me, hoping that he won't find me.
Unfortunately, that doesn't work, for he finds me quickly. In his hand is the big bucket. Behind him is Jonathan Bosco in his Wild gear.
"There's my son the queer. Shame, shame, shame on me!" Dad says with an evil grin.
Bosco just stood there shaking his head and saying, "Bad, bad work, Mr. Starbuck."
The two crouch down towards me. Bosco holds the bucket tightly with his two hands as my dad grabs my head by the hair and submerges it inside....
...The ocean's so cold today....
...And now I'm in this light blue tiled pool, sinking rapidly to the bottom of it. Just when the blue water starts entering in my lungs, the Portman of My Dreams jumps into the pool and grabs me before I sink to my untimely death. He pulls me up to the surface of the pool and brings me over the edge and props me on the floor. He presses his lips against mine and exhales into me. The water then coughs up, and I wake up to the see that I'm in this Roman spa, with old guys in togas and the whole bit, and the Portman of My Dreams helps me up by holding both of my hands and giving me a warm smile. There, in plain view of the old and horny men, we kiss, but something inside of me told me that I had to be elsewhere, so I broke the kiss off. He didn't seem to mind, but I went on. I didn't know where I had to go, though. I just knew I had to go there right now before it was too late.
Away from the pool with Roman columns, I go down this hall tiled with blue all over and head to this shower room. All of the showers were on and spewed hot water and steam. I look around and see these two men who hold up this white cloth. On the cloth is a silhouette of a short man who sits down on a stool on the other side of the cloth. Near the cloth on my side is a stool for myself, so I sit on it.
"My son, you need refreshment." From his weak and aged voice, I instantly recognized it was some sort of priest.
I bow my head and go, "I'm in pain, and I need your guidance. You're my last hope. What's wrong with me?"
"You have committed a grave sin, my son. It is my hope that you will confess it to me for the salvation of you and your home."
"I confess to nothing. I never did anything, and I'm not your son."
"Do not be foolish, my son. Abstain from the desires of the flesh."
"I have nothing to abstain from." Now I was growing annoyed as well as disillusioned by his advice.
"That is because you do not understand what you must abstain from."
I had a big hunch it had something to do with me loving Portman, a guy. I didn't want him to say it, that loving Portman was evil, but I knew it would come to that.
"I love Dean. I haven't hurt anyone by loving him, have I?"
"Then what of those men that you attacked two nights before?"
"They attacked us! I was defending Dean! When someone needs my protection, I have to come to defend him or her. It's my job!"
"Then you find what you do gratifying and fulfilling."
Now really annoyed, I retort, "It's not gratifying! I don't like it, but I do it because... it's the only thing I know how to do. Wouldn't you do the same if you had someone you loved? Oh wait; you don't have one, because you can't have one! Well, mister, I have my love, Dean Portman, and I will defend Dean to the death because I care for him."
Disappointed, the priest behind the cloth sighs and says, "Then I have no choice but to leave you to the whims of the flesh. Here, then." The man's hand reaches over the cloth and hands me these two green leeks. "Take these, my son. May they serve you well."
Just then, the two men wrap the cloth around him and, like a magic trick, the cloth collapses over him and he disappears as the cloth lands flat on the floor. The steam of the showers soon overwhelms me as I stand in Portman's shower with my boxers still on. I turn off the water, dry myself, and leave the bathroom and into the living room.
Look at that. Everything's fine and clean.
I run into Portman's room and see that all the drawers are back in their place. The clock now reads 6:30. Everything's fine except for one crucial detail: Portman's gone.
I lost him.
Portman
Shit! I'm in deep shit! I forgot all about Amber! I hope Fulton got the message on the machine!
Dang! After having a great night with Fulton holding me in his arms, Amber calls me in the morning to tell me how many more things must be taken care of for the wedding. The ring on my finger was unusually tight, and I didn't like it like that.
The weird thing was that I felt dirty. Sleeping with Fulton and then sleeping with her wasn't fair for either of them. Fulton already knows about me and Amber, but Amber doesn't know a thing about us. Confusion and panic ran over me as I picked up the phone, after a tough struggle to free myself from Fulton's huge arms (mostly because I didn't want to).
"Amber!"
"Sweetie, it's six o'clock! We've got a lot of planning to do, and you promised me that we'd take care of the dress the minute you got home from your road trip." That voice wasn't as angelic as her usual.
"Babe! I'm so sorry, but I have practice today!"
"You're been suspended for two games! How can you go to practice?"
"Amber, that's how things are. You get suspended, but you show up for practice anyway."
"And I was trying to call you, but you never even answered your cell phone!"
"The cell? Oh, shit! I left the phone at my place the whole time! I was in a big rush!" That was no save. I forgot to take the cell phone on this road trip.
"Then why didn't you call me?"
"Babe, I'm really sorry, but you know how it is! I have games, commercials, and interviews to do! Plus, I need the time to relax. Hockey's a busy sport."
She stays silent for a minute, then she goes, "Portman, are you seeing someone else?"
That really mixed me up. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell her? Then she'd be crushed. What if she also rats on us? That'd ruin us! But I didn't want to lie to her, too. I am seeing someone else, and he just happens to be my best friend and fellow teammate. Nervous, I joke what she said with a chuckle and then, "No babe! I'm in love with you, and there's no one else."
"Are you sure about that?"
To be honest, I'm not sure about anything right now. All I know is that I love Fulton, but I kinda love Amber, too. "Babe, I'm sure about it. I'm just tired. It's been a long trip, that's all."
To make matters worse, she adds, "Well, why don't you come to my place and sleep over until it's time to go to practice."
Uh-oh. I know what that means. She wants my sex. The worst thing is that I felt up for it, but the feeling was mixed. The boner was there, but my heart wasn't. Trying to refuse, I go, "At this time, in the morning?"
"But I miss you!"
Dammit! She's getting all puppy-faced! I now feel obligated to make her happy! Maybe I could just go to her place, give her a good fuck, and get it over with. Or maybe I could just outright tell her. My heart's with Fulton Reed. I love Fulton Reed to death! Just that line moving across my lips feels like taking a load off!
"Okay."
You're weak, Portman. That's your problem. You're too fucking weak!
"Great!" Now her mood becomes cheerful and happy all of a sudden. "I'll get the coffee ready. Bye!"
I hang up the phone, get dressed, leave Fulton on my bed, and head downstairs and straight to the Porsche. My only purpose right now was to get her out of the way so that at least she'd be happy with me for the rest of the day.
And that's what I set out to do. I'm going to please her and please her right, because Dean Portman never leaves a girl disappointed, right? I speed the Porsche to her place, which is already set up for our quickie, coffee, candles, and all. Without even thinking about it, I take her in my arms and rip off her clothing like some animal, which sends Amber into her orgasmic swoons. Right on her kitchen table, well, I fuck her.
Oh no! What have I done?
*** Author's Note: Judging from the low number of reviews from my last venture, I'm thinking that you probably weren't impressed by my last chapter. This one will probably be just as disappointing, since this one came out in a rush. Hopefully, I'll do better next time. Hey, Cake Eater, how was that engagement with "The Hobbit"?