TEEN TITANS ROAD TRIP
Preliminary notes
This is a parody. I do not own the Teen Titans, or Canada. Nor do I own an IQ. I wish I did though…
Key" " – Spoken words
' ' – Thoughts
~( )~ - Elapsed time
On with the story….
==========================
== Chapter one ====
===========
======
==
Today was definitely not a good day in Breast Boy's book. He had just been ridiculed, berated, stir-fried, and sautéed by everyone in the Tower. All for a stupid tofurkey. He thought to himself, nursing his bruises and burns, 'Owwch…. maybe I should just give up on the tofu…they don't seem to be showing any affection for the great soymilk condensate…. oh, and note to self: Never stand within 15 feet of Fartfire's ass when she is pissed.'
-"What are you mumbling about, dickhead?"
Rapin' , the resident grouch, had just walked in, bearing a pair of considerable-sided jugs, and a live chicken that was for some strange reason spray-painted pink. Well, never mind the chicken, Breast Boy wanted those jugs! Rapin' was a girl of slight complexion, wearing a purple cloak with a few strategically placed rips, presumably to feed her pet hamster. Under that was a tie-dye leotard that seemed to get shaggier every time he saw her. There was a large brown smear all over the fanny-flap, fastened only at one corner. 'She should really get some diapers...' Breast Boy thought, thinking he was alone in his mind. Not so. 'You do know that I can read minds, right?' Rapin' now sounded truly pissed, even as a disembodied voice. Breast Boy opened his eyes, only to wish he had kept them closed. He thought he saw a pink chicken breaking the speed limit in his direction. Rapin' was attacking, furiously. As Rapin' swung the quite flustered chicken, Breast Boy cowered behind the rather large stack of various pornographic magazines next to the tired purple couch.
They were in the living room. And it definitely was living, as evidenced by the large amounts of mold and other growths that sometimes sloshed about with eerie noises, reminiscent of unpleasant bowel movements. Speaking of unpleasant bowel movements, Cydork had just entered the room. He was an overweight, partly robotic, afro-sporting African-American…person.
-"Hey, ya'll foos!! Whatcha fo' shizzle doizzzing, G? You all be fightin' now? Fo' shizzle, gaw'ta see dis, dawg!!"
Evading the flying feathers, Cydork sprinted to the microwave, to take out a bag of popcorn that looked like it had been there for months.
-"Hey!! That's my popcorn!!"
Breast Boy, busily dodging the blur of a chicken assaulting him, edged toward the microwave.
-"You better not be touching my popcorn!! I'll roast your ass!!"
Impervious to threats, Cydork crashed on the couch, which emitted a loud, piercing shriek of pain. Robbin' must have been out late, partying, Cydork thought, as he lifted off a pancake shaped like a boy. The pancake was wearing neon-green tights, a fur cape, and a wince of evident pain. It spoke.
-"Man, Cy, you really gotta get some Trimspa, I mean geez!! You must weight a couple of tons!!"
-"I be da proud o' mah fat, yo!! No jackhole docta gonna be takin' MY hard-earned belly!!", the fat man retorted.
-"Well, don't be proud on top of ME! You almost broke my…"
-"DICK!!! DICK GRAYSHIT!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? I GOTTA BONE TO PICK WITH YOU, BOY!!!"
All heads turned it time to see a grossly overweight senior citizen wearing women's underwear fly toward the window. This was Fatman, Robbin's adopted father. Tonight, he was drunk. Our four adventurers watched the figure swoop down in a not-so-graceful arc, and hit the bullet-and-overweight-person-proof glass. SMACK! Fatman's body temprorarily adhered to the wall, and then started slowly slipping downwards. As he finally broke contact with the window, Fatman issued a strangled cry…
-"I'LL BE BAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacccccckkk………after I get some aspirin……"
An impact of fat against concrete was heard. Then, a rush of air as the poor, helpless Fartman bounced back. When he reached the window, he had time for one strangled cry before he went falling back:
-"Bastards!!"
THUD
-"Cowards!!"
THUD
-"Ingrates!!"
THUD
-"CONCRETE IS PAINFUL!!!"
CRASH
Just in time, a minivan with a satellite dish had pulled up, and broke the 400 lb. Man's fall. Literally. As the vehicle was crushed under the weight, several figures rolled out. Two of them promptly set up a director's chair for the third one.
-"Are we live?"
-"Testing…testing….1,2,3…is this shit on?"
-"How could it be, our equipment is crushed under that whale down yonder…"
-"Whatever. Roll the intro"
Suddenly, music erupted from the minivan, which, amazingly, still retained some functioning parts.
when there's trouble, you know who to call….
TEEN TITANS!!
From their tower, they can see it all…
TEEN TITANS
When there's evil on the attack,
You can rest, knowing they got your back…
Cause when the world needs heroes on patrol….
TEEN TITANS GO!!!
…
Well, that was the first chappie. Sorry if it was a bit short, but I'm still developing where I go with this. Please review, OR I WILL TEAR YOUR APPENDIX OUT AND FEED IT TO MY ARMPIT!!! I'll update soon….