Chapter 11 - To Be With You
His tongue passed thoughtfully over his lips, peering at the heavens that boasted of their brilliance and immortality. When he'd be dead and gone, that same quasar would still shine its light on one generation to the next. He sighed, resting in the dark that played against his mind.
Something startled him from behind, caused him to turn to the chirping, squawking noise. He wondered why he hadn't seen them before, four lit eyestalks wavering with the terrace floor lights.
"Come here guys," John said, waving them over to him. The two roly-poly bug-like DRDs whirred toward him, scampering in his direction. It was One-Eye, a bright Volkswagen yellow, and 1812, covered in red, white, and blue with 1812 he had written on its back.
John smiled. It was good to have some company, his two sidekicks. "Okay, pals, are you spying on me?" He tapped on One-Eye's yellow carapace and with its two eye stalks, it blinked twice. "No?"
Then John patted on 1812. "Hey, thanks for showing D'Argo the chip. I wouldn't be here without you guys' help." He picked up1812 and spoke to the crablike eye stalks. "How 'bout you? Been spying on me?" It replied with one blink. "Ah-hah, gotcha!" And he set it back down. "I think you both were in on the conspiracy. Moya knows I'm here?" One blink came from four eye stalks. "All right, you see me. I'm doin' okay. Now run along, guys." They hesitated, then squawked with a series of beeps, and 1812 turned in circles as if to say okay. John chuckled at the two of them, his own little buddies always watching out for him. They scurried back to an opposite side of the terrace where he could barely see their eye stalks as One Eye quietly whirred and squawked, the connection to Moya, an extension of her eyes and ears.
Moya. He could feel her soft humming through the terrace floor. Not her normal throbbing of a machine, like an air-conditioner or a loud refrigerator. Her pulse was different this time...slow...methodical. The soft vibrations pulsed through his legs then upwards. It seemed like she was massaging him. Tickled. Felt good with the exception of his back and crotch. He turned toward the edge of the towel lifted it slightly up and patted the floor. "Strange, don't know if you hear me, but it's hard to have loved and lost." John remembered the Leviathan losing her hybrid progeny, the gun ship Talyn. "It hurts." He sat back up and noticed the dulled lights in the floor flicker very slightly. "Yeah, I know." A chuckle escaped him as he thought to himself how crazy he was talking to a living ship that had DRDs acting as ears.
He flipped the lid in the cleaning kit, which unfolded like a tackle box. Rummaging through its small compartments, he found just what he was looking for. They were still there for safekeeping, his treasures: one for the pain of their fate and the other for the joy of their future. John picked the coin that he had tossed before Moya got sucked down a wormhole and Aeryn in her Prowler had left him behind. They had rested their decision in the hands of fate to say whether they'd stay together or part. Call it! Heads or tails. He held it in his left hand now, its metal cool against his fingers and flipped it high into the air once more. Fate. But it didn't matter which side was up as it landed with a dull thud on the towel; his attention was drawn to the golden band that Kha'Lan had made for him from Aeryn's flight pin. Taking it out of the box with his right hand, he closely examined the lights of the stars sparkling from its edges. Bittersweet memories of a sacrifice. Rea'Lan. John heaved a sigh, finality coursing through him, and held the ring in his hand.
"Aeryn, I want a life with you. To be with you. Always," he said to himself, his voice whispering away. Then he put the ring in his right pants pocket and reached for his pulse pistol to lay in his lap. As he settled in the sadness of the loss of life and who was responsible, the memory of Grayza stabbed him, that foul play over his body, the roaming of her hands finding places he never offered with consent.
Heppel oil.
No matter how much he had washed it off in the shower, the scent and the denial of Aeryn in his mind was still there...
"You would forsake Aeryn Sun and your child for me? Would you forsake Aeryn Sun? Commander, I will slice the child from the mother's womb. Do you want that?"
"No! Please, don't hurt them. Please."
"I ask for the last time before fatal injury is inflicted. Would you forsake Aeryn Sun and child?"
"Yes."
"You will explain all the details of the wormhole for my scientists?"
"Anything."
And John shivered. Guilt and shame stripped him of his dignity.
I could kill myself, be rid of this nightmare. No more chasing wormholes in my head ever again.
John heaved a sigh, finality coursing through him
His fingers slowly traced Winona's hard planes and then wrapped around the grip. He hefted his faithful weapon, feeling her balance once more even as his wavered crazily. It would be so easy to lift the gun a little higher, squeeze the trigger a final time. Take away all the pain. Aeryn's too. She can finally bury all of me.
Then, even as his hand tightened on the pistol, within him a sense of righteousness raged along with his hunger for Aeryn, his love for his unborn child, his desire to be made whole once more. And in that odd moment of peace, the weapon was released from his suddenly nerveless fingers to drop softly onto the towel once more.
Staring at Winona, slightly shaken, he chuckled humorlessly. I'd frell that up, too! Probably damage Moya more than me. Genius me. So he dismissed the thought, knowing he wouldn't pull the trigger. Something greater than Aeryn, Scorpius, and Grayza kept him alive inside. What was it? God's un-fickle finger of fate. Ironically, being free of pain and abuse would be heaven sent. So he sat there in the lonely spot of his mind...lonely and still, the fuchsia, violet, azure, and gold lights of the stars swirling bright before him.
***
Am I weak or strong? He made her weak; her mind failed her in his presence. More than her Peacekeeper commanders--officers, team leaders, captains she had reported to--he had the most power over her. This one lone human touched her like no one else. He alone had negated a whole lifetime of regimented ways and had given her rebirth. I am not the same.
The tears came as she stood there at the terrace door. His lone silhouette contrasted against the blazing stars. Four separate strings of lights on the terrace floor circled John and ran down the runway toward her. John's favorite pair of DRDs, they took a position on the opposite side of the terrace from him.
She turned back to the silhouette of John. Strong shoulders slumped, head cast down, the sadness of his form squeezed her heart. Even in his defeat, to Aeryn he appeared far more beautiful than the lights in boastful display. Can I tell him how he makes me feel? How he touches my heart? No. She shook away that thought. The words would jumble and confuse the translator microbes, for the feelings they evoked were beyond her own comprehension.
What have I done?
In his quarters all she had wanted to do was explain to John that she needed leave and she lost control. She was ready to give an explanation...and...his body reeked of that hypnotically wonderful scent of fresh soap mixed with his masculine smell; the scent of John Crichton. That intoxicating scent had drawn her into his embrace, and she had realized, as she had inhaled, that both John Crichtons were one and the same.
The remembrance of her body pressed against his cold, still figure had sent a jolt of crippling fear through her. She recalled seeing his life leak away, the brilliance die in his eyes, as death swallowed him whole. The fear of seeing that happen again had overwhelmed her, and she had again pulled away from him, unsure if there would be anything left of her if she should lose him that way again. And so she had tried to deny this union of their souls.
I don't even have a soul after what I've done to him. Aeryn thought, grimacing. She realized now that her timing had been off. John was already broken because of the lives lost on Yontur, and now he was alone because of her fear of him dying. And the physical pain, Aeryn had witnessed after he had been thrown into her cell because of Grayza's rape, was too extreme for this lone human. She had seen all the pain coalesce in his eyes just arns ago when he had asked her that one self-damaging question...
"I'm nothin' to you, right?"
And there he sat in the dark and silence, suffocated slowly by a cloak of hopelessness. And then Aeryn could feel a change in the pattern of Moya's humming and the thrumming of her relaxing vibrations.
Are you singing to John? Aeryn thought, smiling. Moya comforting the man she will always love. And the sheer tenderness of the Leviathan's care began to melt her own cold resolve.
Aeryn moved silently toward the human that she believed in, trusted in spite of all his frelled plans. And in spite of his imperfections...he was beautiful to her. In her heart, she saluted him for his courage and commended him for his knowledge and wisdom. For many arns, she had secretly praised him for his resilience against adversarial forces. And she trembled in amazement of his unexpected gentleness. None of these things had she ever been able to tell him, for to do so would have meant opening her heart once more to loss. But, now, she thought that maybe Adu's words meant something.
Tell him how you feel.
Earlier, Aeryn had thought to correct the injustice she had caused John and wanted to at least help with his physical pain. It had been difficult to tell the old woman what had been done to John, but she recounted it briefly, a soldier's report. In the kitchen, she had waited as Noranti searched for some oils stored among Zhaan's old medical supplies.
The old woman had talked incessantly as she mixed herbs to heal his newly agitated wounds, and then had handed her a delicate purple bottle. "Special oils fit for kings," she had said, smiling gently, "for the one who rules your heart."
I'll make it up to him. I'll fix it. He will regain his dignity. Strength. I must have strength.
Perhaps, she should face her fears as she had once told John right before the neural clone took control of John...
"Yes. Listen! He put a neural tracer chip in your brain. You know this. You know he isn't really here."
"I see him! I see him!"
"Well, fight it! Listen to me. We've reached the surgical facility. We're going to see if they can remove the chip."
"I have to smash him!"
"No! Scorpius isn't really there, John. I need you to face reality as it is!"
"What's happening to me?"
"You know what's happening to you. Scorpius put that frelling chip in your brain."
"Aeryn... what do you see... in the mirror?"
"There is no mirror. There is no Scorpius. Look! You must confront your fears-- with strength."
That is what she decided she must do...confront her fears with strength. To speak her heart, and choose her own fate.
***
Cold. Cold. Too much air, John thought distractedly as a draft caught his back. Automatically, he flexed his shoulders against the breeze, unsure of how long the terrace doors had been open, too caught up in his own pain. Suddenly, he caught a distinct spicy, delicious smell. Greedily, he inhaled, even as his heart started skipping beats. Aeryn. Steady, boy. Steady. And solemnly, without turning, he spoke, his unseeing gaze fixed on the spread of stars.
"Bags packed?"
Her voice came from behind, trembling. "Don't say a word. Let me talk."
She crouched and cautiously set the tray down on the towel next to him. A graceful jerk of her head and all that glorious hair swung to fall behind her beautiful shoulders. His hands ached to play in all that silken surprise. And her soft, sultry voice was balm to his ragged soul, even now, even as she was leaving. John slowed his breathing to stay in control, to appear unmoved.
"I have something that will help," she said.
"Yeah?"
She was at his side on one knee, picking up what looked like an eight-ounce bottle of something. Then her face was a breath away. She looked down at the bottle while explaining.
"It's Zhaan's oils used by priests of the tenth level to venerate rulers, regents, and kings during their ceremonial inception of ruler ship."
"What has this to do with me?" John asked, looking closer while she took the small stopper off the glass purple bottle. It did appear to be made for kings by the way the swirl-shaped crystal flacon was decorated with a faux pearl and small diamond-like stones on the stopper.
"Everything." She placed a spot on her finger. "Do you think the aroma is fitting for a king?"
John slowly sniffed and the heady scent, soft, floral, and spicy rushed to his brain. Fresh like peppermint. "It's great. I like it. What's in this?"
"Noranti mixed some herbs in this to nullify the residue of Grayza's oils. Since she bathed you in her Heppel oil, you must still be feeling some results."
He froze, petrified, unable to think. The shame exposed itself like a gaping wound. And she's talking about it.
Aeryn placed her hand on his forearm. "What she did was inexcusable, worse than treason."
John withdrew his arm, shaking his head. He bit his lip, holding back the tears. Don't break down in front of her; it'll only cause more shame. Vulnerable like a child, he lowered his head with heart drumming in his ears while Moya's vibrations thrummed through the back of his thighs.
"I'm sorry," he said, choked, unable to look at her.
Aeryn stroked the side of his face, long, cool, and soft ones against his rough jaw, that sent heat flashes through him. But he was ashamed, memories coursing through him.
Suddenly, she shifted her position and was behind him. "I'm going to lift your shirt up and apply this. Let me work it in. It should help."
She lifted his T-shirt up above his shoulder blades and then he raised his arms and she completely pulled it off. They were cool, her hands, wet with oil. John's muscles recoiled at the touch of the slick cool liquid when it hit his sore spots... Hurts like crap. Her flesh slid against his flesh, that certain softness that spelled only woman. Methodical wetness, a touch of skin this time that wasn't Grayza's hands, but those of the woman he loved beyond hope. It was Aeryn's mouth that kissed his wound, slowly; and he felt her lashes, cheek, lips, nose on his back. Moments later, she slid down and her hair tickled him while she softly stroked his skin with her nose. Sssss... hold your horses, boy! Keep 'em down. His groin was pulsing with aching excitement, straining against his leathers already.
Aeryn. She always had a way with her hands. Wet with oil, they massaged his back, seeking the rifts in his flesh. God, how good she felt. The oil had burned when first applied, but now the cool soaked soothingly into his skin. And that heavenly scent: Aeryn and oils, he'd never forget it. Logic and emotions were warring against each other in John's mind, the logic of her leaving tomorrow against the tantalizing magic her touch was wreaking on his body. And logic lost. He surrendered his body to her demonstration of love, reverence, and adoration.
It hammered a triple beat as his eyes rolled upward to that thrill of pleasure. Oh my heart. She soaked him, bathed him in her sweetness. His back arched at the pleasure of her healing strokes.
After she wiped her hands on the small hand towel on the tray, she came around to face John. Kneeling before him, she captured his face in her hands. Her hair blanketed him as she came slowly down for his mouth. No one could've given him a better moment to have her so close. She came back to me tonight. This is the only sign I need. She came back. She was his boomerang love.
His mouth searched for the recess of her warm lips. Their tongues meshed and danced, that warm wetness of flesh, and his lips pressed, sucked her swollen ones, succulent and ready. His tongue intertwined with hers again, finding the joy of discovering his love anew.
We're making out and she's not running away! He kissed her again, hope flooding him. And joy, the like of which he had felt only once: that one night they had made love on the false earth, the first and only time he had made love to her. They had been cautious, nervous, desperate, at the mercy of life and death... And she had come for him on the false earth when she, at first, had said she would not.
My boomerang love.
John embraced her tightly, not wanting to let her go. Then Aeryn gently twisted out of his embrace. She looked at him and her eyes shocked him. He cupped her face and nearly gasped at what jewels the universe offered. The lights from the stars refracted in her eyes and he saw everything he desired in her eyes. Oh God, do I deserve her?
"John," she said, her voice just above a whisper. "I have one more place to anoint."
What was she saying, one more place? John sat stunned, looking at her for a long moment. "How do you know? I thought you didn't see that part. The torture part, I mean."
"Grayza was kind enough to explain how your DNA was extracted. I only applied the sealant when you were unconscious so I wouldn't embarrass you." John started to open his mouth and she put her fingers on his lips. "Shhhh, it'll do you good."
She slowly unzipped his leathers, locking her eyes with his. And then she applied the oils to her hand and proceeded with the best frelling massage this side of the Uncharted Territories.
She slipped her palm bathed in the healing oil into his pants and worked to message the oil into his wounded crotch. Instinctively, he gyrated with her rhythm and leaned his pelvis into the pressure of her hand. Firmly, she kneaded him like his aunt's kneaded bread dough, and with a similar result. Ssssssss...he hissed. God! He rolled his eyes to heaven and hoped his hardness didn't show. Pain shot through his nerve endings then a quick splash of cool relief poured through him. His head lolled back. Oh, this could go on forever.
"Oh, BABY!" he yelled.
To anchor himself, he placed his hands behind him on the floor. His back arched as she worked it into his wound. And they made a mighty rhythm. She's so fine. Could die right here. So he wouldn't release on her, he stopped his movements and grabbed her face. Take it slow, buddy. He felt himself tremble and let the waves of pleasure rumbled through his body. "Aeryn?" He released a breath and held it one more moment to let the waves subside and drew her closer. John smelled his scent and oil on her hands that moved to his face and stroked his hair back. John leaned slowly to kiss her while his throbbing abated.
She had forgotten to wipe her hands on the towel, and now it was too late. He already captured her lips and she kissed him back, feeling his pulses of pleasure throb against her as he drew her across his lap. It was his excitement and scent that drove her to claim him. And when he cupped her face with his hand, he breathed her name. And she was amazed... his eyes. How he communicated with his eyes. She could see his longing for her, and his anxiety stung. What else can I do to help him through this?
"John, it may not wipe away your memories. But you will heal. And time will cloud some of the memory of her." She shook her head, hoping he'd understand that what Grayza had done wasn't his fault.
"No, it won't." Though he negated her, his voice was gentle, soft, accepting. He was so close. So close. Why did he make her tremble? She couldn't breathe as he pulled back to face her.
"John, don--" Before she could finish, he stopped her by touching the soft fleshy part of her lower lip.
"You." He leaned into her and kissed her lips softly.
"You, Aeryn." He breathed her name, the soft love in his voice sending prickles down her spine and causing her to combust like a newborn star. With his hands caressing her shoulders, he groaned against her silken hair. He moved and lifted himself from her tresses and then perused her face, the reverence of his gaze making her feel more treasured than all the money in a shadow depository.
"You wipe her out." His eyes betrayed the secrets in his heart. Aeryn received his sincerity, and her tears flowed as no words could stumble out in answer.
***
It was her tears that lanced his heart. John shook his head and leaned his forehead against hers. He cupped her face again, wondering for cycles what that frelling neural clone had said when it had taken control of him. He had to know why she didn't trust him enough to stay.
"Aeryn." John tightened his hold on her face and stroked with his fingers her cheeks and jaw. Afraid. He was afraid to ask because of the tragedy that happened afterwards; a tragedy he still felt responsible for.
"Yes?" Aeryn closed her eyes while John still leaned against her.
"What did I say... I mean before it... in the neural cluster before it knocked you out?" He heard her gasp and wished he never brought it up. No wonder she wants to run away.
She released the hold and shook away the distaste of that tragic memory. "You still don't know? Then I'll tell you everything that had happened in there." She proceeded to let him know about his reconfiguring a comm signal and saying the chip was under house arrest. Then Aeryn lowered her head and told the most important moment that haunted her ever since...
"Once the Diagnosan's finished with Moya, he's going to take a look at you."
"It won't help."
"Mm... I am... reminded at this point... of a word that you actually brought to this vessel. Hope."
"I would be lost... without you."
"Then you'll never be lost."
"No matter what happens... you... have worked your way... into my heart."
"You've shown me that I have one."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
John looked away to the stars that shone unconcerned at his misfortune. Heartbroken for her, he returned his gaze to lock with hers. "Oh, God." He bit his lip. "The things I've done to you. No wonder," he said softly, rubbing her face with the back of his hand. "How could you ever look at me again? Is that why you're leaving?" Her eye lashes fluttered, beautiful like the tips of a raven's wing. She lowered her head; he caught her downcast chin with his hand. "What have I done to you?"
A desperate embrace was all John could give. He held her tightly as they sat on the floor and rocked her in his arms. "Oh, Aeryn... I'm so sorry."
She laughed against his shoulder, becoming wet with her tears. Then she looked up at him. I can't hurt her again, can't take this. Reaching for his face, she smiled, bright and beautiful. "What? It wasn't your fault. How can you be sorry?" Her voice choked with tears. She was broken, too. "That wasn't even the worst. The worst was losing you. I'm so afraid of that happening again, John. So afraid that I can't keep that from happening to you."
His Aeryn, his boomerang love. He had kept his heart in a safety box to give when ready, when he could trust her, and the circumstances were just right. Right now, they were at their worst, and keeping his heart safe was no longer an option when it concerned her; this was his last shot to keep her from leaving tomorrow. And trust? He didn't deserve hers after hearing about the neural clone's actions; Harvey was quiet but still inhabiting his head. And she still loved him, even after knowing about Grayza raping him.
No more allowance for wasted arguments and separations was to exist for them, he decided. He had to live for today, not yesterday, not tomorrow, given the dangers they met at every turn. Whether she left or stayed, he had to have some kind of proof that she would return or, at least, think of being with him. Actually, he was banking on her returning. But through all his suffering, his humbling inability to control anything, if he could just grasp this one thing, the security of Aeryn's love, he would be made whole.
Gaining confidence from his decision, his spirits lifting, John gathered his muscles to rise. Aeryn must have felt the shift in his body and instinctively knew his next move, because she sprang from his lap in one fluid motion, unasked, to face him. He looked into her eyes, and the certainty rang through him. We belong together.
***
All his glory splayed before her as John stretched. Fine muscles rippled. The oil, mixed with myrrh and balm, shone on his skin, emphasizing the hills and valleys of his beautiful physique. His powerful chest, patterned with graceful swirls of tawny hairs, caused her mouth to salivate. He turned and bent over. Oh my Cholak, she thought. His backside made her fingers twitch, wanting to touch it. She didn't notice what he picked up near the cleaning kit, so focused was she on his behind. Turning, one hand closed around something, he reached in one of his pants pocket with the other, and he held out two balled fists with a childish grin that she had missed for what seemed like cycles. Yet, at odds with his grin was the solemnity in his eyes.
"Which one." He proffered them to her. "Point to one."
She pointed to the left hand and saw the coin, the one they had flipped to let fate choose their destiny, rest on his palm.
"Take it," John said, letting her take it from his hand. "You chose fate?"
"No," she said, and tossed the coin to the other side of the terrace. "What's in the other hand?"
"You want to choose this one, Aeryn? Are you sure because if you do, there's no turning back."
He was playing a game. A deadly game. She hesitated, and then asked, "All right, is it bad? Because I've had enough of bad."
He smiled. "No. Go ahead, it won't bite."
"You sound like the Diagnosan when he says this won't hurt. Okay." Unconsciously, she slung her hair back over her shoulder and touched his balled hand, her own trembling a little. Silently, he unclenched his fingers to display the object resting on his palm.
It was a metal band. The metal seemed familiar, but the plain design reminded her of Zhaan's rings except this one was gold instead of silver. She looked up and his eyes, so full of hope, sparkled before her. Aeryn took the ring out of his hand and smiled.
"What is this? What does this mean?" She shook her head, not comprehending the weight of the matter. It must be important what he was presenting to her. "Jewelry? A gift? But why?"
"A keepsake." He took the ring from her and slid it on the third finger of her left hand. "It's to commemorate our love. No matter where you go, my heart will be with you. And I'll always hope for your return."
Oh the pain. She put her hand to her chest and breathed. "It's like Zhaan's rings."
"No, it's a wedding band."
Aeryn gaped at his words and could only listen.
John continued, holding her hands. "There's a custom in my world that when a man finds a woman whom he loves, he offers his hand to hers in marriage."
Aeryn interrupted. "Yes, I know this tradition. And you were almost... almost..."
"I know," he said. "And... I didn't love Katralla. But instead of eighty years as a statue..." He paused. Aeryn felt her brow tighten. John continued. "The man offers his love a band, a ring to symbolize their union, their love for each other."
"Then she becomes his partner or mate, right?" she asked, her voice shaking a little.
What was that recurring word John used? Happiness? Could she ever receive that. His gift had rocked her foundation, and now she was undecided about leaving. She had always wanted to stay, to be with him. But the fear remained overwhelming, driving her to run away.
Death. Acceptance of it was ingrained into her from birth. Taught in her childhood, death was always there like a mercenary to put her fellow mates and herself at rest. First, imagine them and yourself dead. Then, in reality, you could accept the loss with control and focus on your duties. Death was to be embraced. She had imagined herself dead many times, during many different missions. And yet, she had not been able to accept it openly when it had stolen John from her. And she couldn't witness the same cold stillness creeping over the body of this John, as it had the other. Why was this happiness John had referred to so many times, significant? Was it worth the cost?
However, one thing Aeryn knew as she gazed into his stormy eyes that darkened, reminding her of the false earth, its clouds and rain. She wanted to be his mate forever, no matter what.
***
John marveled at the softening of her features, fragile like a porcelain doll. The stars knew just how to limn the lines of her cheeks; he almost lost what he was about to say, so caught up in her, and he shook himself. She had asked if he meant her to be his partner, mate.
"Exactly. That translation is close enough," he said, nodding. It would crush him if she took off the ring and threw it back in his face, but he couldn't blame her. He held his breath unconsciously while he waited for her to digest what he had said. But he hadn't expected her answer.
"It took you long enough," she said, tilting her head with that slight coy smile curving her lips.
John couldn't help but guffaw. It shocked him, her sudden acceptance. Surprises, that's what she always had for him. Then he saddened and took her hands again. "I'm not the best guy to know, Aeryn. Even Adu could tell..." John looked sadly past Aeryn to the stars. "I've killed too many, I mean..." he could feel her move, her lips pursing, ready to say something. "No wait, let me explain myself. It hurts to be like this, Aeryn. Hurting you and the others because of this wormhole information in my head. Everybody wants a piece of me." She kept looking at him, her brow crinkled and her eyes sad. Her mouth pouted, lips he wanted to taste even now. "Adu says the universe doesn't revolve around me. But with Scorpius, the Scarrans, and..." He stopped, couldn't go any farther.
"John." Aeryn cupped his face. "For me, you are the center of my universe. And frell everyone else." She was crying again and he ached terribly so for her, for himself. Aeryn took John and placed her head on his shoulder, combing her agile fingers through the hairs of his chest. Something was happening to him, he didn't know what it was. It was different from what happened in the shower he had taken. No Grayza, but the guilt of souls lost overpowered him again. And he trembled against her and cried silent tears.
"John? Oh, John. I'm so sorry."
He lifted himself from the sanctuary of her neck and saw her heartbreak. He reached for her face, to live again... and wept. "Forgive me, Aeryn, for denouncing you and the baby and for all the lives lost on Yontur because I frelled up big time."
"What do you want me to say?" she asked, softly. "For me, there's nothing to forgive you for. And for your conscience, I forgive you of everything that has come against you." She stroked his hair, holding him tenderly.
"Don't leave me." John held onto her tightly. "Stay."
She didn't speak, clinging to him as tightly as he did her. Trembling hands met to resolve their needs; he needed her more than his breath. Lips met, craving to comfort, appeasing the need to be one.
A passionate tumble took them to the deck. She sat on top of him, taking off her vest. His body reacted instantly to hers, made in perfect form. Blinding beauty. Then the terrace went dark... no runway lights, no DRD stalks blinking or flashing. No whirring and beeping... just the quiet normal hum of Moya.
Maybe, maybe she'll stay. He breathed his hope into her skin.
Her lithe body smoothed over his like pudding ready to eat. Ohhh... she was his chocolate candy. Addicted to her, his hands roamed her ivory skin down the slope of her graceful neck. He leaned to suck that tender spot where the artery in her throat pulsed. Soft. Sweet. Smooth. After roaming the hills of her chest and hips, his hands rested in the valleys of her neck, then her waist. In a roller coaster of desire, John flipped them both over so that he would be on top, in control. Tenderly, he stroked the healing wound that had caused her to be away from him during the Spherical's descent. He leaned down and kissed it, his tongue following its pattern, hoping his touch would speed the healing.
A frenzy of pleasure hit him when her deep, sultry moan of desire vibrated through his lips. He buried his face against her stomach for a moment, willing this moment to last, to wash away all the moments lost between them. Gently, Aeryn lifted his face after a few seconds, and the intense love in her eyes drove away the last of the pain and doubt and fear between them.
***
They came together in a rhythm. Human and Sebacean. Man and woman. Man and wife. The two met to consummate their vow and became one.
"Hold my hand, baby. YES! That's it." She grabbed it and held tightly. They stretched out their arms, beat by beat, thrust by thrust, their dance in the process of life becoming desperate. "Stay with me. Oh, AERYN!"
"Help me, John." Her eyes, dark muddy waters of gray, barely seen by the stars. He became worried in midstream. "Help me to stay." He swept her in his arms throbbing, releasing. She yelled again tossing her head, turning. "Help me. Don't let me go. John, John?" She kept calling his name and he answered.
"Yes, yes, yes," he cried, with each loving thrust, each loving kiss. Pressured that this would be the last time, he loved her harder and the blood rushed to his head, making him feel as if he were to burst. And once he released himself, his anxiety, and his love into her, he rolled over with exhaustion, not to crush her. Satisfied, he was strangely revitalized even though exhausted. Tears formed in his eyes and he pulled her to his chest, wet with sweat. Quakes rumbled through his body, holding her close to him. "Oh, baby, I'll never let you go."
***
Swirls of ivory, bright splashes of fuchsia, violet, azure, and gold. And then out of all the quasars and nebulas, appeared the sun, bright and brilliant in all its golden glory. He had kissed the sun, Aeryn Sun. John smiled on the terrace floor beside his love, his mate, his wife. He inched closer to her and played in her long tresses, soft like silk. She grinned lazily back at him, naked as a jay bird, just as he was.
"I brought some food for you. It's cold. Are you hungry?" Aeryn asked, idly twirling the hairs on his chest into little knots.
"Yeah." This was the happiest moment in his life, a hallmark moment. He wished he had a camera to take a picture of her and send home to his family. Ooops, but not with Aeryn naked. He had to grin at the thought of his dad's face as he received that mental Polaroid. "I'm starving... for you."
They made delicious love again and let the peaceful sleep cycle overcome them.
***
It was when he had awakened that he found her gone. The tray and crumpled towel was still there, but she had left. And that fear hit him harder than a bullet. She had left without saying goodbye.
***
"Captain Adu Kendrell, I'm ready," Aeryn said, chin lifted and one eyebrow raised, standing at her cell door. She was a beautiful creature adorned in her battle-arrayed hair, slicked back in a tight braid. Adu shook himself at how she glowed like her given name. He noticed she had two black duffle bags hanging from her shoulders.
"Officer Aeryn Sun," Adu said, laughing inside. "What has happened to you? Girlie, you appear to out glow the quasars."
Aeryn squinted her eyes. "Not after I get through with you. Come on, let's go to the docking bay."
"Wait. There shouldn't be any hurry to make it down there. The Regent doesn't want to see us until a few arns later. Why so early?" They walked through a corridor, leading to the hanger.
"I have something of a personal nature to take care of." She shrugged her strong shoulders, hefting the two duffle bags.
"Ahhhh..." He paused. "None of my business, right?"
"Right."
"What about Commander Crichton? I'm sure the Regent would like to see him."
Aeryn gave him a sharp look. It seemed his rap set her nerves on edge. "Regent Mon-tan-nish-no did not ask for Crichton. He only asked for us. You know that."
"It would have been a nice surprise for the Regent to see him."
"Adu, let's just get this over with."
"In a hurry, are you?" Adu smirked. She ignored him and marched ahead.
They reached the hanger. The Delta and her Prowler were refueled and ready.
***
She didn't want to see the hurt in John's eyes when she left, but it was necessary to be debriefed and honor her duties. The length of time she would need to spend on Yontur was uncertain. It could take monens to complete her mission, abandoned because of her being wounded and taken away for over two weekens during Moya's Starburst away from Yontur.
To further complicate matters, there was that personal matter to attend to. She had located a Diagnosan who was willing to see her early that morning, to check her health and the status of her child in stasis. But she feared she might be kept there for examinations and be detained for many solar days; hence, her time on Yontur could easily stretch beyond the time necessitated by her military duties. With her tactical, strategist thinking, all possibilities had to be taken into account, from the best to the worst. After being shot, Aeryn wanted to ensure that no harm had come to the child. And if all fared well, duties completed, she could return to Moya speedily. That was one more thing she could do for John, to ensure theirs and the baby's safety.
If it was necessary to comm John, she would, perhaps, on Yontur. But not yet. She didn't want to disclose any news of herself and the baby until she had been examined and knew how long that she'd be away. And with Grayza and the Peacekeepers still hunting him, she certainly did not want him trapped on a planet with her for an unknown length of time she'd be away.
"So, we'll comm Crichton later. He's asleep." Aeryn tilted her head and closed her eyes, weary of the emotional war within her. "What do you want to tell him, Adu. It won't change things. I'll still have to leave. You know that."
Adu's smile was sure, straight, without reservation. "We have weathered Charrids, Scarran attacks, and even nearly a whole planet destroyed." He cocked his head. "Haven't we?"
Aeryn crossed her arms tightly and released a surrendering sigh. "Yes."
"But, my girlie, I have never seen you so distraught over anything like this. And it is all because of this John Crichton."
Aeryn shot a burning stare at Adu. He only laughed and cocked his head to the other side, never stopping his speech. "You tremble at the mention of him. If I were a fool, I would think you were quaking for me." And his deep laughter rumbled. "Because this fine man that I am is irresistible. Look at you. Your eyes all watery, you're trembling. Girlie, do you still want to go with me?"
"Yes." How was she going to live through this, with Adu haunting her about John at every turn.
"This human has a hold on you." He kept nodding, which was increasingly infuriating her.
"It's still none of your frelling business."
"You are a worrisome warrior, never surrendering. Even, perhaps, when you should." They reached the hanger.
***
"PILOT! Locate Aeryn!" He rushed put on his pants, commando style, threw on his T-shirt, and hopped, trying to run and put on his boots at the same time. Static, then Pilot's voice rang through with confidence.
"Commander, she is near Docking Bay two."
"Thanks, Pilot." John ran the thirty-yard dash in record time to reach the bay. It was when he had awakened that he had found her gone. The tray and crumpled towel was still there, but she had left. And that fear hit him harder than a bullet. She had left without saying goodbye.
He skidded around the last curve of the corridor and rushed into the hanger bay. Only D'Argo and Chiana were there along with Aeryn, her hair tightly braided again, and Adu. Lightheadedness threatened John when he saw the duffle bags and Aeryn and Adu dressed in flight suits. He strode quickly to where she stood, and as their eyes locked, it didn't matter that other people were watching. All that mattered was her. Her leaving. Again.
"You weren't going to say goodbye?" John said, heated, hurt.
"I didn't want to disturb you. You were sleeping and needed the rest," Aeryn said, her words trembling.
"After last night?" he said softly as he stroked her face, unable to stay angry at her, even for a microt.
She leaned into him, relaxing her full weight on him. "Uh-hmm." Her strong fingers caressed the back of his neck, and she pulled him down and gave him a full kiss with those luscious lips. His whole body set on fire again as he crushed her to him.
"I don't know if I'll ever see you again. I'm afraid for you to go, Aeryn," he whispered, his lips brushing her ear.
She put a cool, trembling hand on his cheek. She was so sad, so heartbroken, like him. "I'll come back. I promise." Her voice was unusually high, choking with tears.
Still holding her, John raised his head to look over her shoulder at Adu. "I don't have to like this. Her leaving."
"Hey," Chiana yelled, "You don't have to go. John's here, we're here. Come on, there's nothing down there to keep you. This is where you belong, Aeryn."
Adu laughed. "Sounds excellent, but our Aeryn Sun is stubborn," he said, with hands on hips.
Swallowing hard, Aeryn raised her head from John's chest. "John, I'm sorry, but I have to go. The Regent has recalled us, and I have duties I must fulfill." John kept stroking her hair, keeping every last microt of memory in the time bottle of his heart.
"Aeryn," D'Argo nodded his head of tentacles, "we need you here. You know that."
Chiana wavered with her lithe body and angled arms, shaking her head sadly. "Let her go, D'Argo. She won't listen."
Adu lifted his arms. "Officer Sun, they do need you. More than you know. Look at what happened just monens ago when a crewmember was in danger."
Adu pointed at John. "You, brother man, I'll speak to you after this. Since everyone doesn't know what the other does and is worth. Let me make it known." He gestured to Aeryn, deepening his accent. "You, lovely lady, are fit to be a Regent's mate. Brother man, when we were in a sector of space running off some Charrids, she had found you suffocating in your module and dragged you from--"
Aeryn snapped a murderous look at Adu, wishing she had know earlier to stop him in time. "You will not tell or I'll kill you."
"Ah, but, girlie, I need to impress how needed you are here. To tell secrets never meant to be told. To come clean."
Shocked, John looked down at Aeryn's taut face and then quickly stepped in front of Adu. "What secrets?" he asked guardedly, glancing from Aeryn to Adu. Jaw set, she shook her head slightly, glaring at Adu.
Adu cocked an eyebrow. "I'll tell you more in a bit. Wait, wait, wait." He waved John back. "Now, lady girl here saw you, brother man, in your module. She took you to Elack and I gave you sustenance and we placed you back in the module, but kept you on Elack. Hah!" Adu, unashamed, stood with his arms akimbo, shaking his head.
"That's when I knew it, that she is ruined for any other man. And on Yontur, watching you, John, I knew that. You are both ruined for any others." Before Adu finished, he grabbed John by the arm for privacy, leaving Aeryn gaping for words. As Adu ushered him to the other side of the hangar, John, stunned, kept looking over his shoulder at her. Chiana and D'Argo, shocked, stared at Aeryn as she sank down to sit on a duffle bag like a balloon deflated.
"This is in honor of your help to our humble planet, my brother man." Adu handed him a patch about the same size as his IASA patch. It had delta wings and some Sebacean writing around the emblem with feathered wings. It was colorful, strange, and still alien.
"What's this?" John took it.
"You are now an honorary member of our Mercenary unit called the Entertaining Angels. Strange, but that is what Regent Mon-tan-nish-no wanted. We have been needing a name and the Regent finally came up with one after all that has happened. Why Entertaining, because that is what he loves. And Angels, that is what he said that night of the gala, the angels rejoiced. So there is the story. You, me, and Aeryn are the Entertaining Angels."
"Thanks, but." John was ready to give it back until Adu gave that look of fiery pride, daring him to return it. So John nodded and gave the warrior a masculine slap on the back. "You've done a lot. You're part of us, man."
"And you, likewise. My privilege." Adu turned to stride back to the group, but John gripped his arm.
"Adu, man...She found me, saved my life, and...just left me there?" he asked, his voice soft with pain and confusion.
Adu nodded, grasping John's shoulder. "Brother man...it was what she thought was best. For both of you. It cost her, and she was so desperate not to lose you. Emotions...bah! Used to them, Peacekeepers aren't. Go soft now. Play her-- "
"—like my gun," John finished, smiling a little.
Adu wagged a finger. "Exactly! You learn at last! Trust her, my brother. Trust her to do what she must, and find her way back to you."
Swallowing hard, John nodded, turning the patch in his fingers. And they strode to where the small group gathered. "It has been an adventure," John said quietly, and turned his gaze to Aeryn, who slowly rose to her feet. Guardedly, she searched his eyes, as if she expected him to be angry for leaving him on Elack. Faintly, he smiled, and she crossed quickly to him.
With nothing more said, Aeryn took John's hands and intertwined them with hers. "I will always love you, John."
He took her and kissed her hard and breathed into her ear. "I love you beyond hope."
"Always keep it, John. Hope." She raised her eyebrows. "I will be back." She released from his grip and went to her Prowler and then the hanger doors shut, separating his love from him.
He leaned, palms against the door too, stunned to move. Chiana's feathery touch fluttered over his arm, trying to soothe him. "Hey, old man," she whispered in his ear. "Any other male, I'd say you were nelly-whipped. But you--you just love her too much."
"She'll be back, John," D'Argo said, dropping the comforting weight of his heavy hand onto John's shoulder. "She promised you that, and Aeryn will honor her words."
John stood still for a moment, gathering strength from his friends. Then he moved away from them; he was a man.
"Crichton, you--you look terrible. Let me make you something to eat."
"No thanks, Chi," he said, and, shoulders slumped, walked away, unable to bear the kindness of his friends.
Be strong, he thought and proceeded to the terrace. His head felt dizzy, and he felt sick to his stomach. He was stung by her sudden departure. Oh God. His knees felt weak, too. He wasn't sure he could make it to the terrace. He couldn't even think past that point.
***
Yontur. The planet had appeared like a blue and golden montage of clouds and dirt when Aeryn and Adu had landed. Now she stood among the ruins that smelled of dirt and bones. Squinting at the golden sphere that lit the sky, she turned toward the crunch of Adu's boots. Why had he stopped here? They were between a columned building and what appeared to be a fountain that was pulverized. The city of Armana had taken a cruel beating.
Her appointment with the Diagnosan had ended early, and that had left some time for Adu to show her something important at that spot. She planted her hands on her hips, surveying the area beside a four-wheel contraption that had sluggishly carried them over the rough terrain to this location. It was practical with huge wheels on suspensions that adjusted with the bumpiness of the rocks and gorges.
"What do you have in mind here, Adu?" she asked, watching him fingering his pouch clipped to his belt.
"Aaarrchh, I never wanted to do this." Adu reached for something in his small packet. He put something in her hand. Frowning, confused, when she saw it was her flight badge with her number on it. She had wondered where she lost it, seeing that a nasty tear had been left in her jacket. Examining it more closely, she saw that a piece had been broken off. The pin glinted in the light as she turned it. It was smudged with dried blood on its edges, whose blood she didn't know. It could've been hers.
Adu continued. "He held onto this even when he was knocked unconscious from a blast. I had to tear his fingers apart from this. John held to this pin as if it were his lifeline. Your pin, Aeryn. Right where you're standing." Adu seized her left hand, adorned with the band she loved and treasured. "This, lady girl," he tapped on the band, "is what he had made from the broken piece. One of the metallurgists, Kha'Lan, I believe that is her name, made it for him."
Aeryn wrenched her hand from him as the dust swirled from a soft breeze. "Why are you telling me this?"
"I want you to share his nightmare. He needs you. And you should return as quickly as possible."
She grimaced. "He doesn't need me. He can fare on his own without me." She was bluffing... no, actually lying. She knew he needed her and she would return. It was when that she didn't know. This was inconceivable, the rebellion within her, her emotions warring with her sense of duty.
"Then listen. John made an agreement with Kha'Lan to find his sister if she made this golden band for him. When we were on the surface bringing the recovering Sebaceans back to the lab, he had spotted the little girl, not older than six cycles. After he wrapped the naked child with his coat and started to head toward me, he was grazed by a blast."
Aeryn turned away, looking at the devastation. She sighed heavily and covered her face with her free hand. "I should have been here." Now internally shaking, she saw the place where death had almost taken John.
"We took him and the child back to the lab underground. And despite all our efforts, she died. The blast did not destroy the planet. It was absorbed by the shield of the poles that he planned and erected. By the stars of Yontur, girlie, this was not about his wormholes, but his ingenuity. As you can see, the only damage was to the city through the Spherical burrowing down to the caves. That caused tremors throughout the area, toppling many of the buildings, but not leveling the city. They are rebuilding even as I speak."
She knelt and brushed the dirt where John had fallen and lowered her head.
Adu touched her shoulder. "Your being there would have made no difference. None. Because those same lives would have still been lost. Many of the Sebaceans we were trying to save had died. Less than half survived, the strong ones. This was worldwide, too, through the changing of the pole signatures." She felt Adu squeeze her shoulder gently and leaned into his grip gratefully, needing his strength in order to listen to this tale. "He fared well, helping us until the girl he had tried to save died. A part of him died with her. I saw it in his eyes."
"I know." Aeryn nodded, the tears threatened to fall. It's always in his eyes. She fiddled with the pin in her hand. John's blood.
***
"Ahhh, my Captain and Officer Sun, it has been a force of wills here. And you both are in one piece. That is good to see." Regent Mon-tan-nish-no ushered Aeryn and Adu into his makeshift office. Everything appeared quite functional. It was a single room, not that large but with the necessary amenities, simply a few chairs, small desk and a pitcher of Raslak.
"We've had to make ends meet here," the Regent said. "But that is much better than being non-existent. Wouldn't you say?" Beaming, the Regent came from around the old wooden desk to clasp their hands in greeting, first Adu's, and then Aeryn's "Why," he said in amazement as he lifted her hand. "This is quite a change for you."
Embarrassed, not knowing what to say, Aeryn blurted out, "John Crichton has asked me to be his wife." She noticed Adu lift his eyebrow, appearing surprised. "Actually, this is not legally documented, but this was the only way that we could..." She looked at Adu again, who was smiling, almost laughing. "What?" Aeryn demanded, frowning in puzzlement at his reaction.
"I thought that was a friendship ring. Oh, my brother man works quickly." Then Adu laughed loud and reared his head back.
"I don't find this humorous." Aeryn crossed her arms and turned her attention to the Regent. No longer did he wear the showy clothes of royalty, but the robes he wore now were practical in a dusty brown and purple trimming; a simple turban was his headgear. "Your Regent, about our mission..."
Before she could finish, the Regent raised his hand. "I have prepared a substantial payment for all of your services. Your husband? Commander Crichton had received his payment, but he turned it over to Kha'Lan's account, which will hold her nicely for a lifetime."
"Really?" Aeryn was surprised, but dismissed her shock because that was John Crichton, paying back a debt and putting things right. From seeing John's reactions, this seemed to be an empty feat.
"Though we've told Kha'Lan of her bequest, she is still distraught about her sister's memorial. Everything of the child had been destroyed in the quake. Now, according to our tradition, she will not be able to say farewell to Rea'Lan and help her soul to journey to a place of peace for the dead. We've tried to locate anything, but to no avail." The Regent exhaled and sat in the hard dark chair.
"Maybe I can help. May I speak with her?" Aeryn asked, thoughtfully twisting the ring on her finger.
***
The Regent and Adu were present, trying to appear as if they weren't in the room. Kha'Lan had just arrived, pale with a shock of curly cropped hair. Her appearance was as any tech anywhere, small framed, fragile, and not exposed to the dangers of life and death. No longer innocent, the youth now had had a taste of both. And her eyes appeared empty, lost, begging to be free from isolation and sorrow. Aeryn took a deep breath, for she once had experienced the same emotions Kha'Lan was feeling, but she had expressed them in anger and rejection of the man who was now her husband."
"Hello, my name is Aeryn. I am John Crichton's," she hesitated, still marveling at being able to say the word at last, "wife."
Her dark eyes hollow, Kha'Lan simply stared up at Aeryn uncertainly.
Aeryn knelt before her and felt awkward, trying to say the right words without sounding frivolous. She gently stroked the girl's arms. "I am very sorry about your sister. John didn't mean--"
The girl lowered her head and shook it, vigorously. "We didn't mean for him to get hurt," she cried, her voice breaking in spots. "They carried him in the lab with my sister. She was fine for awhile. Really." Her eyes met Aeryn's, sad and dark. "But he was very hurt until Captain Adu helped him. And... then the place shook and they had to switch the signature... and Rea'Lan..." The girl couldn't continue and wept.
"Don't, it's not hopeless for her." Aeryn caught the girl's face with both hands, then wiped a tear away gently with her thumb.
"Yes it is," she answered, quickly. "There's no rest for her. After all that we've done and she's lost."
"I have something." Aeryn pulled the pin from her pocket and proffered it on her palm. "Take this." The girl shook her head, uncomprehending. "Here. When he made his vow, my husband told me that his world's tradition of a wedding, a legal document representing our vow, a gathering of family and friends, would be impossible for us to have. There was nothing he could do but this--this ring, this symbol of our bond. This ring you made from my flight pin has given him hope and me happiness. We now can be family.
"And the pin marks his hope of saving Rea'Lan as well. This is his blood on its edges; he clutched this pin, this hope, even as he held onto your sister and tried to save her. See?" Aeryn pointed to the rusted streaks on the metal. "This is your memorial. A memorial of hope."
Kha'Lan looked at the pin for a long moment before closing shaking fingers around it. She nodded, unable to speak. Aeryn, aching for her loss, embraced the girl. Kha'Lan's tears of relief and grief soaked the shoulder of her uniform.
***
Ten torturous arns passed. Swirls of ivory haunted him, bright splashes of fuchsia, violet, azure, and gold. And then out of all the quasars and nebulas, had appeared the sun, bright and brilliant in all its golden glory. He had kissed his sun, Aeryn Sun. John sat torn and alone on the terrace floor with no mate, no wife. He felt so unloved, unwanted. He inched closer in his mind to her and played in her long tresses, soft like silk. She grinned lazily back at him, naked as a jay bird. But memory alone was not enough. Out of his mind, he hung his head and lamented to be free.
Cold... so cold... so alone. He shivered, holding his last resolve, to stay strong, alive, if he'd ever see her again... or his child. Arms folded across his stomach, he sat cross-legged on the deck. And waited.
They squeaked, squawked, bleeped, whirring in to nudge against his rear. 1812 and One-Eye kept bumping into him with their miniature shovels as if to scoop him up. Refuse, that's me. Just ball me up and throw me away. John knew he couldn't stay in the land of self-pity too long. It would engulf him, grind him to nothing, until he would be unable to perform, work, and be a part of life. So he turned around to the DRD's. "Heeeyyy, buddies. What's happenin'? Trying to take care of me again?"
"John?" That sultry voice sent his world rocking and reeling. He looked up and stood, shocked, petrified. His heart hammered in his ears. "I forgot something," she said.
She was here in all her glory, if only for a moment. "What? Come again?" He scratched his head baffled. How could she forget anything and why this seesaw of emotions every time she appeared? Breathe in, breathe out. Slowly. Listen to her.
"I... forgot something." She slowly walked toward him, hair pulled back tight in a braid. The same as when they had said goodbye on that fateful departure.
"Do you need my help? I mean to look for it. Clothes? Uh, something for your Prowler? What?"
"Would you help me?" She was only a nose away. Her sweet breath filled his senses, until he thought he would faint, intoxicated. What kind of power did she have over him? His body was singing at her closeness. Oh, woman, you're killing me.
"What did you forget, Aeryn?" Speaking softly, his hand moved unintentionally up to caress her cheek.
"I had forgotten that I belong here."
His hand stilled, and, scarcely daring to hope, he gazed searchingly at her. "You're not joshing me are you?"
"No. At least, I don't think I am. I'm not really sure what you said," she replied, a hint of a smile curving her lips."
"You won't leave me again? Because I wouldn't survive the next time you left."
"No. I'm here to stay," she said softly, covering his hand with her own."
"How? Why?"
"Because I've learned to face my fear and take strength. And I couldn't be without you."
"That's why you left because, you couldn't see me die again and I didn't give you a chance to help me down there on Yontur, right?"
She nodded and the tears began to flow. "And... I checked with a Diagnosan. She said our child is fine."
"Oh, baby." He swept her in his arms, rocked with emotion.
She spoke into his shoulder, her voice muffled. "I couldn't see you dying again or our child to die either." That pierced John. It stung, and it all made sense now. But he was afraid to lose her again. He had to make sure she wouldn't run away.
"And what's changed? There aren't any certainties with the lives we lead."
"This...is where I belong now. With you. Always with you. For as long as we have. There are...quite a few things I need to say. It may help you to understand." She inhaled sharply, gathering her strength, hoping that he would comprehend it all. "The baby had to be released from stasis. I'm sorry I didn't ask you first, but—"
"Release. What do you mean by release?"
"All right." Aeryn closed her eyes and explained. "Military campaigns can last for many cycles. Imagine if even a portion of a female unit fell pregnant. Those of us born on a Command Carrier can retain an embryonic fetus for up to seven cycles."
"This could've been anyone's child? And... I'm thinking it's the other guy's. This actually could be from... ?"
"Yes, even four cycles before I met you. And only a surgeon can release the stasis so the baby can grow."
"And that's really why you left? Before Moya got sucked into a wormhole?"
"Yes." She nodded.
He jerked away from her. The information was coming too fast. Stasis. Surgery. Growth. Aeryn's baby having the other guy's... or his DNA? He rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand and began pacing, trying to piece it all together. He'd just learned of a new, alien method of women carrying babies. This demanded thought. He always assumed it was the other guy's because of timing, but he was timing from women's pregnancies from Earth. He had thought that maybe Sebacean women took a little longer to show, or the pregnancies were longer. He never suspected this.
So John stopped pacing when Aeryn spoke again. "I wanted to ask if you agreed to this, but there was no time. The Diagnosan on Yontur had to schedule surgery for me because the child was unstable in the stasis due to my injury. I'm sorry, John." Her eyes were pleading with him to understand.
He came to her and smiled. "You shouldn't apologize. I should. I don't know why I didn't think to get you to a doctor. Don't know why I thought we could just Starburst away and everything would be okay. I thought you had healed."
"Me too. But I was afraid when the wound opened again at Starburst. And--I didn't want to take any chances with the baby." He embraced her. Gently, she pushed him back as he embraced her. "I have more to say."
"More? Okay." John braced himself, his hands tightening on her back. Nothing simple or sweet came from Aeryn's lip regarding news, especially these days. Bracing himself, John forced himself to listen without trepidation. She came back, like she said she would. She's having your baby. Trust her.
"Did you know Adu was promoted to Overseer, Palimous' job by the Regent?"
John looked at her. "No? But that's great," he said, hesitantly. Now his heart was doing a triple beat and he wondered if Aeryn could hear it. Hurry, hurry, hurry... get it over with Aeryn. Stop procrastinating and tell me now.
"Yes, it is. As his first official duty, Adu granted my request to be relieved from duty. He said it would be his--gift to us both. He said a lot of other things too, you know him, but--Anyway, it was the Regent who--who--"
"What, Aeryn? Did he recall you to duty?" If that slimy sucker did, I'll--
"Well... actually," she paused, and raised her eyebrow. "The Regent gave us a document that would officially put our marriage on record. But only with our consent."
"How? What?" John shook his head, not believing what he was hearing.
"Remember you spoke about vows and the Earth tradition of marriage. Well, the Regent set up a portable imagery disk that will allow us to complete our vow, and allow for a witness. We have thirty days to erase its validity, but afterwards the document is sealed and would stand even if contested by Peacekeepers." She reached in her pocket and pulled out a disk about an inch thick and five inches in diameter. "Here, if put your thumb on this marker and...."
Before she could finish, John followed her directions and saw the Regent's image pop up, rant on about the ceremony of marriage, and then ask the parties to sign by touching the button with their fingers.
"How do they know it's the real me?" John asked.
"By having a stored record of our molecular structure. We can erase this at any time. Like I said, the records won't be completely valid until thirty days later. And if you don't want to, I'll understand," she said, her voice shaking only a little bit.
"You think I might not want to sign? Sure you aren't thinking twice?" Shaking his head, John laughed and stroked her face, guilty of all the pain he caused her on Yontur. "I'll never underestimate you again, Aeryn. I should have made it clear what I promised instead of running off like that, making you believe something else." He held her face, tenderly. "I had to protect you, but I didn't have to do it that way."
"That's part of why you're insane." She somehow jumped the subject when she lifted herself from his shoulder and smiled that sweet crooked smile. "I don't know how you found out, but the child is yours. I didn't know myself until a few arns ago."
"What do you mean? I didn't know. I just knew that no matter who the father is, I love you, and that makes me love anything connected to you." His stomach abruptly had rattlers once again at the enormity of the task before him. "Mine? Really? Not--"
Aeryn continued. "The med techs traced the timing. It was nearly three cycles ago when our child was created."
John gasped and placed his hand on her stomach. Then he knelt and rested his head on her abdomen, hugging her tightly to him. Aeryn slowly knelt before him, leveling to his view. She tilted her head and stroked his face. "I love you so much. Before, I would have never hesitated to leave Moya, to fulfill my duty. But now knowing you, believing in you, I couldn't do otherwise than what I'm doing now. Coming back. I'll never love another but only you, John Crichton, astronaut, maker of wormholes, magnet for trouble...father of my child. Bringer of hope wherever you go."
"Aeryn? I didn't know you could talk so much?" he said, humorously, needing to break the tension, his mind spinning at the possibilities opening before him.
"I've had a good example."
He laughed and hugged her, wishing he could twirl her around and around. Someone had prayed for him. Because she was here in his arms.
"You're my boomerang, Aeryn," he said, softly.
"And what's that."
"It's a weapon you throw, and when it hits the target it returns back to you. You, Aeryn, are my boomerang love."
His fingers laced through her ebony hair and unbraided it, "You..." He leaned into her and planted his forehead on hers, "...drive me crazy. Out of all the universe, I pick the most stubborn woman alive."
She kept her forehead with his. "And I, a frelling madman," she said, softly, her voice revealing a smile.
"You're the one that's driving me crazy. Like right now." His eyes glanced to her full lips, begging him to taste them as he let down her hair.
He seized her mouth and found her taste intoxicating, driving him to want more of her, to explore and express this new joy that overwhelmed them both. Married. Having his baby. A family, together always.
Somewhere in the throes of passion as she lay in his arms, John wondered, Am I in heaven? Her complexion was ivory, and she was strong, beautiful like Rome's coliseums. And while she enveloped him, her tears like rain cleansed his fears, and bright clouds of mercy grazed his lips. Aeryn, an angel?
Words drifted, echoed through his mind...softly...
You said fate is what brought us together. If that is so, then we'll be together again.
He knew they would have disagreements, misunderstandings, mood swings, and life-threatening challenges. But right now, she was here in his arms and he was whole. He glanced at the stars before diving in to kiss her again and brought his gaze back to her and smiled. With a prayer in his heart, all John could say was thank you.
***
The DRDs scampered out of Moya's opened door. One was red, white and blue; the other's carapace was yellow. They quickly escaped the two passionate creatures on the terrace and returned to their regular duties. And then her doors closed as Moya hummed to them a lullaby, leaving them privately alone.
It was a time to live and a time to learn. A time to cry and time to be born. It was a time in the Uncharted Territories where a human and a Sebacean found each other. It was a time in Moya's life to serve them, for trouble interminably abode with them.
THE END