"Master, we have her in the holding cell."
"Excellent. Bring her to me."
The evil conqueror Tatanga faced the grand window that looked out over the universe. He looked down on the planet below, grinning to himself. He hated that miserable world, Sarasaland, and had longed to make it his ever since that cursed Mario defeated him. Tatanga and what was left of his minions had retreated, but now he wanted nothing more than revenge. How dare that simple plumber make a mockery out of the great Conqueror? It was time this Mario got what was coming to him. He'd hypnotize anyone and anything that got in his way of killing that nuisance.
He heard the whir of his doors opening then closing, and a voice behind him demanded "What do you want with me?"
Tatanga still stared out the window, grinning slyly. "Isn't it obvious, Princess? I've come to seek my revenge on you and your quaint Sarasaland."
"What are you talking about, I don't rule Sarasaland."
Tatanga chuckled. "Well, well well, it seems my hypnotic powers are working already. You know, Princess," Tatanga began, turning to face her. "I think I should spare you the…what the heck?! You're not Daisy!!"
"Tell me something new," growled Princess Peach, feeling quite irritated.
"Daisy, relax. It'll be okay." Pauline tried to calm the hysterical girl, who was pacing nervously and crying.
"She's gone…they took her…"
"Who?"
"Tatanga."
"I keep hearing about this guy…who is he?"
"He…he tried to take my kingdom a long time ago. He hypnotized all my subjects and wanted me to marry him, and it was hopeless until Mario came along, but Mario and Luigi are gone now, so what am I going to do?"
Pauline silently agreed; it did look rather hopeless…again. Her first instinct was to continue the search without Peach but in her heart she knew that was wrong. After all, I'm sure Mario misses her.
Pauline glanced back at Daisy when she noticed she had stopped crying. Now she was stomping her feet on the ground and cursing madly at their latest opponent.
"Daisy, get a hold of yourself! Save your energy for the guys who took the Marios!"
Daisy gasped. "What if Tatanga did it?"
Pauline paused. It was possible. Perhaps that was why the Kumo was so hesitant to answer.
"Did Wario ever know about Tatanga?"
"N-no. No, I don't think so," she sniffled. "They are usually in the Mushroom Kingdom although they like harassing me just as much as Peach." Daisy set her jaw determinedly. "We have to save her. Then we'll get the Marios."
Pauline nodded.
"Right?"
"Yeah, right, sure. Definitely."
Daisy picked up the colander, a bent fork falling to the ground. The Kumos left it in the mad rush to escape their master's wrath. "Maybe this thing really does work."
"I highly doubt it," said Pauline with raised eyebrows.
Daisy shook it a little and pointed it in different directions in the sky. "Hello? Hello? Can anyone hear me? Peach?"
"Daisy, we need to think of a tangible plan, not play around with some kitchen utensils…"
"Hello? Hello?"
"Idiots! You've brought me the wrong one!"
"W-we're sorry, s-sir…"
"Sorry is not good enough! Now what are we going to do? No, don't answer that! Just get out of my sight!"
The mechanical door shut after the guards, and Tatanga sighed angrily, glaring at Peach. "The wrong one indeed…"
Peach swallowed, feeling a bit nervous under his stare.
"I don't suppose you know the cursed Mario, do you?"
"Um…I…"
Peach and Tatanga froze when Daisy's crackling voice cut into their awkward conversation.
"Hello? Peach? Are you there? Anyone?"
Trying to control his rage, Tatanga reached with a trembling hand and picked up his intercom microphone. "Your friend is unavailable at this time. Please hang up and try again."
"Tatanga! You give Princess Peach back or so help me, I'll--
"You'll what? Need I remind you Princess? I am up here and you are down there. You're so far away I can't even pinpoint you on the map. Now is not the time for arguing. Now is the time for cutting deals."
Peach waited nervously for an answer. "What sort of deal?"
"Oh, a fair one of course. I'll give you back this Princess if you give yourself up."
"That's not a fair trade!"
"Oh yes it is. A Princess for a Princess. Blood for blood. Of course, one is more valuable to me than the other…"
"Hey!" Peach shouted indignantly.
The line went scratchy, like a radio trying to find the right station. Finally Daisy's voice managed to be heard. "If…want me, you're…to…get me."
"Excuse me?" growled Tatanga, steaming at the girl's bold attitude.
"If you want me, come…get me."
The purple alien straightened his back. "I don't make deals with brash Princesses."
"Then…deal's off."
Peach cringed a little as Tatanga roared in anger. "Fine!"
"Fine. Give us…two hours."
"Two hours? It took me ten minutes to get light years away from you! Fifteen minutes."
"One hour."
"Fifteen minutes."
"Half an hour. Take it or leave it."
"Grrr…fine! I'll drop her off where I picked her up."
"Geez, he sounds like a soccer mom," mumbled Pauline.
Daisy turned around. "A what?"
"Thirty minutes, ladies. I bid you farewell."
"Yeah, well, we're waiting for you, stupid alien butthead!" Pauline looked disappointed at Daisy's attempt at an insult, but chuckled anyway.
"Well, what do you plan to do now, miss bodyguard-in-training?"
Daisy grinned knowingly. "Hook, line and sinker, Pauline. Then we'll have our fish in a barrel."
Tatanga slammed down his intercom device and roared again. Peach frowned. "Don't you get tired of doing that?"
"Silence, impudent girl! Have you no idea who I am?"
"I know who you are, and I'm not afraid! Mario beat you once, he can beat you again!"
He laughed wickedly in her face. "If that's true, where is he now? I see only your Princess friend attempting to rescue you."
Peach's eyes went wide as realization set in. "You," she breathed.
"Yes, me." He went back to the window, staring at the galaxy idly.
"You!" she screamed. "You did it! You took them!"
He turned around, looking bored. "Took who? Augh!" Peach charged into him and knocked them both on the floor.
"You took them! Give them back, you monster!"
"I don't know what you're talking about…ack! Stop biting!" They rolled on the floor until Tatanga got the better of her and sat on top of her. Peach was determined to get the last word, however. So she punched him.
"Owe!" His hands went up to his face and he growled in pain. He narrowed his eyes at her. "You'll pay for that one." Grabbing her wrists he pulled out a pair of spacey handcuffs and snapped them on securely. He dragged her up and shoved her towards the door; Peach felt like she could have slammed through the strong steel. "When I'm through with you, Princess Daisy will wish she never made this deal."
"What…what are you going to do?" asked Peach, trying to sound as brave as before.
"She'll think you're yourself, but you're not." He walked towards her and she shrank backwards, staring at him. "It will be too easy to mislead her…and once I have Princess Daisy and you, Mario will not resist the temptation to rescue you…then I'll finally have him where I want him."
So he doesn't have Mario and Luigi, Peach thought drowsily. This was just Tatanga's way of luring the plumbers out of hiding. The longer she stared at the alien conqueror the more mesmerized she felt. His eyes were so dark, so black…she just couldn't look away.
"Yes," he repeated. "Mario won't resist his Princesses."
"Resist…" Peach slurred as she started to forget where she was.
"Yes, and you should not resist any longer." Peach couldn't remember who she was looking for, or even her own name. Strange, she thought. I know I'm somebody, but I can't remember. Maybe this purple guy will help me figure it out…
"Who…?"
"Who am I? Why, I'm your ally, Princess. Your friend."
"Friend?"
Tatanga smiled to himself. "Yes. And friends do things for each other. You want to do something for me, don't you?"
When Peach didn't move, he grabbed her chin and raised it up and down. "Yes, you do."
"I do," repeated a disoriented Peach.
Tatanga triumphantly leered over his prisoner. "Excellent."
"Okay, run this by me again," sighed Pauline in the wreckage of the bar, massaging her temple with two fingers.
"We're going to get Peach, but I'm not going in her place."
"And just how do you want to pull that off?"
"Easy. We'll dress up the bait in one of my dresses, and while I get Peach, you kick their butts."
"Glad to hear I'm the feminazi," muttered Pauline. "So who's the bait?"
"Well…you'll be kicking their butts…in one of my dresses…"
"Wait, what?! Oh no. No, no, no…this I refuse to do."
"Pauline come on, don't you want to rescue Peach?"
The "yes" took longer to come than Daisy expected. She clenched her fists angrily. "Peach is vital to our search for Mario and Luigi! I don't care if you believe it or not! And…even if she wasn't, she's our…well, she's my friend. And I'm not going to just sit around and let some freakazoid take her away from me and ruin my kingdom again! Now are you going to help me do this or not?"
Pauline nodded immediately to appease the heated Princess. "Fine."
"Good," Daisy smiled. "Now we don't have much time to get to the palace, so we'll have to hurry."
Pauline followed her, climbing over chairs and rotting boards. Better to agree with Daisy than to set her off again. Maybe she'll start warming up to Peach later. "Daisy, what about my hair? They'll never fall for it."
"If they got the wrong Princess the first time, they'll easily goof it up again."
Ah yes. Credit for the word "feminazi" goes to Serebii. Here's your "no-bake" cookie! ^_^