Author's Note:

Some time ago I got a flame for my other fic, Finding Allies, which is still in progress. I present to you the flame here, by the anonymous IhateCho, so that you can understand my digression. If you haven't read Finding Allies, you won't understand much of what the flamer says, but the really important part is the one about Umbridge.

"I wish Harry is really over Cho in your story. I totally hate her. Hmm.. let's see.. first, Draco Malfoy is really a charming boy despite his bad-ass attitude and all these degrading remarks he made to the trio and the Weasleys for five years? Second, Snape is really intelligent and polite and Amanda falls in love with him? Have you forgotten how bad he treats Harry and the Gryffindors and all the hard times he gives them and how biased that bastard is? What next? Are you gonna make Umbridge sweet little innocent women who was really pretending to be bad also? And Voldemort is nothing but a love-deprived teenager who is actually good and his killings are only cries for attention? Please!"

This flame has illuminated me in many ways.

First, I'm really sure now that masochists exist. How else could you explain that someone takes the time to read 128711 words -one hundred twenty eight thousand and seven hundred eleven words- although he/she absolutely dislikes the story?!

In my opinion, fan fiction exists to let readers who enjoy writing play a bit with the characters they love. With my fic(s), I don't intend to guess what will happen in the following books nor imitate Rowling. I try to enjoy myself and hopefully make the time until the next book comes out easier for other Potterfanatics. I don't care if Harry is over Cho in the original books, or how bad Draco or Snape are. The more unlikely the fic is, the funnier it will be! We are here exploring possibilities, not playing at reading Rowling's mind.

Second, this flame has inspired me in a way I could have never dreamt of. I really hate Umbridge, as most of you probably do, and she is definitely going to pay for her actions in my main fic, but I decided the possibility suggested by IhateCho was really good, a real challenge, and I found myself suddenly carried away by my wild imagination. What if Umbridge had a soft side after all...?

Obviously it's going to be a humorous fic, made of very short chapters. I'll try to update once a week. I hope you have as much fun reading it as I'm having writing it.

Thus said, let me warn you that this short fic is only my way of showing that we are all free to imagine whatever we want. It would be absolutely boring if everybody had to imagine the same things.

And without further ado, let me introduce you to the new Dolores Umbridge...

The clouds moved aside, leaving a clear blue sky after them. It was the first day the people in London could see the sun in a very long time. The summer was being especially rainy. It was as if the sky was reflecting the wizarding community's dark mood. Since the Ministry had acknowledged that Voldemort was back, nobody had been able to smile.

The warming sun tempted many people to sit outside, and Dolores Umbridge was one of them. They were working so many hours a day in the Ministry that nobody would dare accuse her of laziness if she made a little break. She stretched herself, welcoming the soft rays of light on her skin, and walked to the gardens just behind the Ministry. She went to the small stand next to the main gates and asked for a cappuccino. She borrowed the copy of the Daily Prophet available to customers and went to sit in one of the tables.

Dolores took off her shoes, letting the cool grass tickle her feet, and sipped her coffee while her eyes scanned the Contacts page in the Daily Prophet. She had been doing it for the last ten years. After so much time, everybody else would have probably given up already, but not Dolores. She didn't do things by halves. Never. Her ideas might be wrong, but she believed in them, and would defend them until her very last breath.

The ads today sounded very familiar. Dolores was sure she had read them before.

"Smiley. Young handsome male with good teeth and a bad memory is searching for a twin soul. Send owl with photograph to Smiley555. Ugly and/or fat women, refrain from writing to me."

"Mickey Mouse. Little loving man, 37, would like to make new acquaintances. If you need a loyal friend, send owl to MickyMouse666."

A playful ray fell on one of the advertisements, and Dolores' eyes followed it. She sat immediately straight in her chair. Maybe this was what she had been looking for all these years:

"Lonely Soul would like to find partner for life. I'm 37, economically independent, fit and without physical mishaps. Send owl to LonelySoul777."

Seven was Dolores' lucky number. LonelySoul777... it sounded definitely right.

Dolores took a parchment and a quill out of her bag, and started writing her reply:

"Dear Lonely Soul,

I'm not going to tell you my name just yet, you can call me Sweetheart for now. I'm 33, tanned and attractive in a charismatic sort of way. I've been looking for a partner for life for a very long time too. If you want to meet me, send me your reply by return owl to Sweetheart777 with the time and place, I'll rearrange my schedule if I have to.

Yours,

Sweetheart."

Dolores walked with decision back to her office in the Ministry and tied the parchment to her owl. Then she opened the window and watched as the owl disappeared in the distance, carrying with it all of her hopes.

AN: Virtual chocolate frogs to those of you who guess who Smiley and Mickey Mouse are. Come on, it's really easy!