Hi hi
It's me I'm back. Sorry that I took so long. I was going to post really I was the first half of this was even proof read. But I felt bad for not posting so I want ahead and wrote some more so this chapters longer then most of my chapters. But that also means that the second part is edited by me. u.u I know I suck at it but I added scene changes at least to the second part so maybe their not so confusing now. Oh and I started summer classes e.e but I am taking an English class so maybe I'll learn something ^.^
Thanks to every one that reviewed I loved reviews. They make me feel like writing so you know what to do.
::Inu:: wench your forgetting something.
::Echoe:: yeah yeah I don't own you.
Echoe Shayne ^.^
Inu Yasha felt his heart contract. No. Had she just told him... no?
"Kagome."
"Why not Kagome, I would love you, take care of you, be everything that you want everything that you need." Clenching his hands into fists, he wanted to throw something, yell, or do anything. But he couldn't seem to do anything. All he could do was stand there and look into Kagome's soulful eyes. There was something there, in those eyes that he couldn't quite understand. She was afraid, after everything. She was afraid of him.
"But you deserve better then me, Inu Yasha. Don't you want to wait till you find someone that you love?" Kagome looked up into his golden eyes. Why couldn't she have said yes? It would have made things a lot easier on them both. But she didn't know if she loved him. And most of all, she didn't know if he truly loved her, and if he didn't, then she didn't want him to regret a few words that he had asked on the spur of the moment.
What the hell was wrong with her? Does she know what she's saying? Maybe all the other men had been right. Kagome was cold, and she only pushed people away from her. But he couldn't bring himself to say that about her. All the others may have been able to use it as an excuse, but not him. He knew her too well. So. why? Why was she saying no to him? Someone that he really loved, did she even know what love was?
"Do you know what love is, Kagome?"
She just stood there, resting against him. How could she answer that question? No, she didn't know what love was. She had fooled herself one too many times before. She could look up love in the dictionary and give him a definition of what love was, but that wouldn't be real. She couldn't tell him from the bottom of her heart what love really was. But if she had to give him a definition now, the only one that she would be able to give, would be heart ache. She had to say something fast. The longer that she was silent, the worse off she would be. Too late!
"Do you want me to take that as a no?" Her silence spoke volumes to him. She couldn't answer such a simple question. Yes or no, that was all that he wanted.
"You're right. I don't know what love is. I've tricked myself into thinking I know what it is too many times. And you don't have to ask me to marry you just because."
That irked him. Why did she have to question his motives? Did she really think that he would just ask her to marry him. just like that? That he would ask just any woman to marry him.
"Because what, Kagome? It's because I care about you. You know that I do."
"Just ask yourself this, Inu Yasha. If Miroku hadn't told you that he saw me last night, would you still be here? If you hadn't thought that I might be pregnant, would you have still asked me to marry you?"
"I knew that you weren't, and I asked you anyway, didn't I?" And you tell me no. Didn't even have to think about it! Just came right out and said it like it was the easiest thing in the entire world, to shoot me down. So, in the end that was it. She didn't trust him- her best friend, the person who had known her forever.
"I'm sorry Inu Yasha but." It hurt her to say it, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't say yes. Not now.
"But, what. are you still going on about how you're afraid that I would hurt you? I would rather die first, but I see that what I think means little to you." Being turned down hurt and it was showing in his voice. He was practically yelling at her, but he couldn't control himself.
"That's not true." He was getting madder by the second. She could practically feel it radiating off of him. What was she going to do now?
"You know what your problem is? You're so afraid to let anyone in. You want to know what love is, Kagome?" he had asked it in the form of a question. But he never waited for her to answer.
"Love is feeling alive. Love is a special feeling that you get when you see a certain person. Love is knowing that you would do anything to see that person happy, even if it means that you're unhappy. It's when you take that person in your arms and you kiss them. And for that one moment, you're the only two people in the entire fucking world."
Kagome couldn't say anything. She could only look up at him, moved by his words. So, that's what love was, or at least that's what Inu Yasha thought love was.
"I'm only going to swallow my pride once, Kagome. But know this is the last time. Marry me."
He opened her mouth to say something, but the tips of his fingers were held against her lips, only to be seconds later replaced with his own. Closing her eyes, she lost herself. Bring her hands up she looped them around his shoulders, pulling herself closer to him.
Drawing away, Inu Yasha smiled at the expression on her face. Bring his hand to the side of her face; he gently brushed away a strand of her hair that was clinging to her cheek.
Kagome opened her eyes, which were immediately met by Inu Yasha's amber ones.
"Tell me one thing, do you love me?" As it left her lips, she knew that it hadn't been a smart thing to say. But it was too late to get the words back. His eyes clouded ever so slightly, the amber color darkening.
She's not ready. If she had to ask him that, then she didn't understand. And the bad thing about it was that this was something he couldn't do anything about. No matter how mad he got, no matter what he said, she wasn't ready to understand.
"If you have to ask that, then I'm afraid I already have my answer, wench." It had come out harsher than he had intended it to. But all he could think about was getting away.
It was true, he did. She was cold like they had said. She couldn't give her heart to anyone. Not even to him. But if I could, I would give it to you, don't you understand? "Inu Yasha I'm." What was she going to say? That she was sorry, that wouldn't matter this time. She could say those words a thousand times and they still wouldn't mean anything. Closing her mouth, she couldn't even bring herself to speak them.
What was she going to say? That she was sorry. Sorry for what? Was it her fault that she doesn't love me? No, it wasn't, but right now he needed someone to blame. And the only one here was Kagome. "You're sorry. right. That line is not going to work this time, Kagome. I thought we could have had something, but I was wrong."
All she could do was stare as Inu Yasha turned from her to open the door. She almost reached out to him, but for some reason she couldn't make herself move. So she stood there, just looking at the closed door. Closed! She had pushed him away. She had said no. What was wrong with her? She was an idiot, that's what! Closing her eyes, she fought back the tears. It was her choice to make and she had made it. So why did she feel dead inside? Then why had she ruined everything. She was the one to blame, yet she knew that if he asked her again right now, she would still say no.
Feeling deflated, she stumbled forward, resting against the door. She had no idea how long she stayed like that. Her thoughts drifted, only to be interrupted by the sound of someone banging on the door. Which if she hadn't been leaning against, she could have ignored. Flinging the door open, she thought that it might be Inu Yasha. But it was instead Sango standing there. Oh yeah. She had forgot that she had told the other woman that she could stay here till she found an apartment. She should have known better anyway to think that it would have been Inu Yasha. When he said that he was only going to swallow his pride once, he meant it.
Sango looked at the woman that was standing there. Her hand was still on the door, blocking Sango's path. Her eyes were vacant, like she was trying not to cry. Reaching out she pried her small hand off the door and stepped inside. "Ok. Tell me what's wrong."
"I said no."
"You said no?" It had sounded so. Final. so dejected. What had she said no to? "Here. Why don't we go to the couch and you can tell me all about." With Kagome's hand still in her grasp, Sango lead them to the couch.
"Oh god." Leaning her head forward, the tears finally started cascading down her face and begun there was no way to stop them.
Sango hadn't known Kagome for long, but she knew that she wasn't the type of woman to get all wishy-washy over nothing.
"I let him get away, Sango." All the sudden it made sense.
"What happened?"
"He asked me to marry him and I said no."
Sango looked down at her. 'I never thought that she was stupid'
"I asked him to tell me what love was and he did. But I was ashamed, because when he held me in his arms, when he kissed me, I didn't feel it. And now I've lost him."
"Kagome, I don't know everything that went on between you and Inu Yasha. But I do know that you haven't lost him. If you ever need him, he'll be there for you. And if you didn't love him, then it's good that he knows, so you didn't lead him on."
"I felt something, but I don't know if..." Because I'm a complete and utter fool I don't even know how I feel.
"Look here, Kagome. I admit you do have a problem, but the problem isn't that you let Inu Yasha get away. The problems you've got yourself. So confused that you don't even know what you want. And till you figure that out, you have no right to be crying over a decision that you made."
"Your right, but."
"But what. you're just going to linger on this forever. I suggest that you figure yourself out, because if you don't you're never going to allow yourself to be happy."
"Your right." Wiping her eyes, she looked at the girl that was sitting next to her. It made sense. Inu Yasha wasn't the problem. All the guys she had gone out with, they weren't the problem, she was. And that was something that she was going to change.
Throwing herself across the small couch, she wrapped the other girl in a hug.
"Thank you Sango."
Sango watched the other girl get up and head toward her room. When the door was shut and she was sure that Kagome couldn't hear her, she let out a sigh. "I can't believe she let him go. What an idiot!"
Inu Yasha slammed the door of his apartment shut. He had pushed her too far, too fast. He had known that she wasn't ready and he goes and opens his mouth, but at least he knew how she felt, or more like he knew how she didn't feel. Closing his eyes he turned around hitting the wall, leaving a big dent where his fist had connected. Well she would see he didn't need her. He wasn't in love with her. But, oh god, he was. All of his thoughts were filled with her. He needed to do something to forget her. Hell, he was going to go out with Miroku for a change.
Miroku rushed over to pick up the phone. "Are you going out tonight?"
'Inu Yasha.? He could at least say hello first.'
"No, actually I was going to stay home." What was wrong? Inu Yasha hardly ever wanted to out, and here he was calling him up and asking if he was going out.
"Oh well. I guess I'll be going out by myself then." With that he was about ready to hang up the phone, when he heard Miroku yelling on the other end.
"Alright, you twisted my arm. Let me get dressed and I'll be ready to go."
Miroku looked at his friend as he took what must have been his fifteenth shot. There were no signs of slowing down, and his face still had the same look that had been there when he had first seen him. What had happened? It had to be something to do with Kagome, right? Inu Yasha had rushed off when he found out about her. So what had happened when he went to see her?
"Is this about Kagome?"
Turning in the stool, Inu Yasha looked at Miroku. A look that said he thought Miroku was the dumbest person in the world. "No, it's not about Kagome. Nothing that wench does would ever get to me."
'It's about Kagome' Miroku added in his mind. It had to be. Kagome was the only person that could get Inu Yasha this upset. So what had happened?
"Did Kagome make a pass at you, because she's desperate or something?" he had meant it as a joke, but when his friends amber eyes flashed gold for a second, he shut up.
"Don't say her name! I don't want to hear one word about her! She is nothing to me!" Just the woman that I can't get out of my mind that's all. But I don't need to hear you talking about her when I already can't get her out of my mind.
"Oh..." what could he say to that? He wondered briefly if it was the tequila talking.
"Tomorrow, she's going to find out just how much I don't need her. I can have any woman that I want." His words were slurred and Miroku knew that it was time to get him out of here.
"Why don't I take you home and you can sleep it off bud."
"I don't want to go home. What I want is another god damn drink, now get me one."
"One more, then, I'm taking you home."
"Feh."
Kagome had decided today was going to be different, and she wanted Inu Yasha to know what she had found out about herself. Then if he understood, then maybe there was still a chance for something between them. But he wasn't there in the morning, nor was he there when lunch time came. Toward the end of the day, she had given up hope. He was out for the day, she would just have to go and see him after work.
Hiten smiled as he finished his last lines of the day.
"Kagome, would you like to go out and do something? You with me. like a date?"
"I'm sorry. I can't right now, I have to..." looking over his shoulder, the words died in her throat as she saw Inu Yasha. He was leaning over someone. The first thing that she noticed was that his hand was bandaged up. For a few seconds, all she could do was stare at him, his lean muscular form supporting its self against the wall. Briefly, she wondered how he had hurt his hand, till something else caught her attention. He was leaning over Kikyo, and she was tilting her head back and laughing at something that Inu Yasha had said. Standing there a little longer, she watched as they both turned to leave and Inu Yasha slipped one of his arms around her shoulder.
"Earth to Kagome."
Looking up, she saw that Hiten was still watching her waiting for an answer.
"I would love to."
__________
Kagome sat down as Hiten pulled out the chair for her. 'He was rather nice,' she thought, looking up as the waiter came and took their order. Then, he came back a few seconds later with their coffee. Looking down at the black brew, she began to put sugar in it.
He can do what ever he wants. I won't stop him. He can do what ever he wants with whoever he wants. And if he wants to hang all over that woman then it's not my problem. She felt her hand tighten. I don't care, he's only my friend. I said no. I can accept that. It was my choice I was the one that pushed him away.
"Kagome?"
I was the one. I have only myself to blame. But Sango had been right. She had no right to be upset. So why had seeing him with Kikyo made her so. so mad. No, not mad. Used.
"Kagome?" the voice said again this time a little more urgent.
"Huh." This time the sound of his voice got through to her. Looking up, she saw that Hiten was looking at her with a startled look on his face.
"Is something wrong?" Hiten asked in a confused voice.
"Ah no, what would make you think that?" fallowing his eyes she looked down finally realizing that she had a spoon in her hand, and that it was bent. A blush covering her cheeks she laid the utensil back down on the white table cloth with a nervous giggle.
Hiten had to try not and laugh. He didn't want to appear rude though he couldn't help but wonder what it was that she was thinking about. It couldn't have been something to pleasant. His eyes shifted to the bent spoon. She was stronger then she looked. Giving a nervous smile he tried to think of something to say to her, anything to say to her. But the silence stretched on and there was nothing to fill it.
__________
Kagome and Sango where sitting on the couch talking when the door bell rang. Looking at Sango she shruged as she stood up not knowing who it could be. The hands on the clock indicated that it was almost midnight. Maybe it was Miroku again. With a smile she opened the door only to have they happy expression on her face melt into one of worry.
Sango was shocked to see that Kagome came into the room with a little crying boy held tightly in her arms. She wanted to ask who it was, but knew that Kagome was to busy trying to calm the boy.
"It's alright now. Do you want to tell me what your doing here all by yourself? At this hour!"
The small boy peered up at his sister through a tear streaked face.
"Mom told me to get out. She said that she didn't want me." Kagome pulled him closer to her as his small body was wracked with sobs.
Damn her she was going to hear about this first thing in the morning but right now she had more important things to worry about.
Laying the sleeping body of her little brother down on the bed in the spare room she frowned how could her mother do something like this to him?
Exiting the room Kagome saw that Sango was still sitting in the same place that she had been.
"Sorry about that?"
"It's alright, that your brother?"
"Yeah. I was wondering if you could do me a favor and watch him tomorrow morning I have to go talk to our mother and I prefer that he wasn't around to hear what I have to say to her."
"Yeah no problem since there's no shooting tomorrow I have the entire day open."
"Thanks. I'm going to leave early in the morning. So maybe I can get back before he wakes up. But if you need help you can call Miroku or maybe, Inu Yasha I'll leave their numbers for you."
"Ok you should get to bed then." Sango said not knowing what else to say.
________
Kagome looked at the small house as the cab pulled into the drive way her mothers car was there so she knew that she was home leaning forward she handed the driver the money and asked if he would be kind enough to wait. Seeing him nod she got out of the car. Walking up to the house she put her key in the door pushing it open. The room was dark but she could make out the shape of her mother sitting on the couch.
"I knew that you would come here. So the brat made it to your place?" the older woman said her voice slurred.
The room smelled of alcohol as Kagome made her way toward her mother the smell only got worse and she had to fight the urge not to run out of the room gagging.
"What did you say to him?" Kagome asked coming to a stop in front of the sofa where her mother sat.
_______
Inu Yasha was awoke by the sound of his phone ringing what the hell. It was his day off. No one should have to be woken up by the phone. Letting the answering machine get it he covered his head with the pillow.
"Ah Inu Yasha you must not be there, or umm your still asleep. I know it's still early. But Kagome left this number."
Kagome left his number what the fuck?
"It's just that she went to her mothers." The voice said.
This could lead to problems. He knew that her mother always meant problems, but why would Kagome leave this number for her to call? Rolling over he picked up the phone.
"Ok tell me what your trying to say." He growled because he wasn't much of a morning person.
"Well you see her brothers here and I can't get him to quit crying." She expected to have to give more of an explanation then that but he surprised her.
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." With that he hung up the phone.
____
"Where is Kagome I want my Kagome."
Sango kneeled next to the little boy reaching out her hands to gather him to her but he backed away.
"I don't know you. Don't touch me." He recoiled from her touch the tears falling down his cheeks even harder then before.
It broke her heart what was she supposed to do? Hearing a knock on the door she practically ran to open it seeing Inu Yasha standing there looking rather rumpled like he had just rolled out of bed and came.
Nodding at Sango he walked past her into the hall.
"Hey Souta." He yelled hearing the sound of feet running from the other room. Kneeling down he caught the tiny figure in his arm.
"I want my sister."
"Oh I know, that you do. She'll be back pretty soon she went to talk to your mother."
Not the smartest thing to say. The little boy started to struggle against his arms.
"We have to go and get her. She's not safe there." Souta was frantic what would his mother do to his sister? Filled with fear he looked up at Inu Yasha.
_________
Miroku stumbled into the living room and saw that there was a message on his answering machine. The ringer had been off on the phone, and the message hadn't been loud enough to carry into the bed room pressing the button down he heard Sango's voice. At first he was caught up in the velvety sound of it then what she was saying actually started to make it thought to him. Kagome was at her mothers? Sango needed his help. With that thought he went to the bed room and threw on some clothes. He was honored that Sango would call on him to help but he was also worried. Kagome had went to her mothers. Mrs. Higurashi had a problem drinking. She had hadn't always had this problem, but after Kagomes father had died, it was like her mother had given up. Turning to the bottle hoping that it would fill the void that she had in her heart. Kagome had tried to get her to stop a few times, and a couple of times her mother tried to quite if only for the kids but it never lasted long. He could remember when it had started Kagome had come to school crying saying that he mom wouldn't get up.
Getting into the cab he frowned as he headed over to Kagomes the lest he could do was help with her little brother. Taking out his cell he dialed Inu Yasha's number he knew that his friend would want to know about this, but to his disappointment no one answered the phone so he left a message. Thankful that he had reached Kagomes building.
________
Sango lifted her head at the sound of the door bell ringing again. Jumping to her feet she went answer it. To her surprise Miroku was standing there looking just as shabbily dressed as Inu Yasha had when he had first arrived.
What good friends Kagome had. Looking down she wondered if anyone would ever care for her like this if something bad happened to her. Shaking her head she was ashamed. Now was not the time to think such things.
"Where's Souta?"
"He's in the living room."
Nodding Miroku made his way into the living room to see that Inu Yasha was already there was the little boy sitting on his lap.
Souta pushed at Inu Yasha's chest why wouldn't he do anything why wouldn't he help his sister? Turning his head he saw that Miroku had entered and was now sitting on the couch with then.
"Hi rat" Miroku said trying to get the boy to smile but to his surprise Souta turned and looked at him with eyes to old for any seven year old to have.
"I want to go get my sister."
Inu Yasha could see that this was something that the little boy wasn't going to drop.
"When did she leave?" the question was directed at Sango.
"A little after six this morning."
"Shit." He couldn't help but curse he knew that if Kagome was here she would scold him for saying something like that in front of her little brother, but right now he couldn't care less. That meant that she had been gone for over four hours. Getting to his feet he placed the small boy on the large couch cushions. "I'm going to go and get your sister for you."
For the first time since he got there Souta smiled.
Miroku looked at the little boy and then to Inu Yasha. Catching his eye he nodded before turning away.
"So it looks like it's just me and you now bud."
"No!" jumping of the couch he ran after Inu Yasha. "Where do you think your going I'm going too."
Stopping in his tracks at those words he turned around kneeling down and taking Souta into his arms.
"I think it's better if you stay here." Inu Yasha said trying his best he could to comfort he boy.
Souta had started crying again. Why was he leaving him he could help.
"I can take care of my sister."
_________
Kagome threw open the door carrying in the two small bags that she had brought with her as well as a stuffed little fox. Pausing in the hall she saw Inu Yasha was crouched down with her crying little brother in his arms. Notable to hold back her own tears she felt hot wet ness as the first ones started down her cheeks.
It was Souta that noticed her first. He pulled out of Inu Yasha's arms and ran to his sisters waiting embrace. "Kagome!"
"It's ok Souta your going to be staying with me for a while don't worry about it." She felt so emotionally stressed that she collapsed to her knees still holding her brother to her.
"I was so scared." The little voice said
"I know you where but you don't ever have to be scared again I'll make sure of it." She would she didn't want her little brother to ever have to go that house again.
Looking up threw her bangs she saw that Sango and her two friends still standing there, but it was Inu Yasha who voiced their thoughts.
"What happened?"
Then he saw it her face was covered with bruises her left eyes was swollen with a tint of purple around it.
Kagome heard the gasp from the people in the room and knew that they were looking at her face. Not wanting them to see she pulled her brother closer. Feeling strong arms enclosed them both. And despite herself she crumbled into them allowing the sobs to rack her body.
Miroku looked at the touching yet sad scene that was unfolding before their eyes. Reaching out he took Sango's arm leaning over to Whisper in her ear. That they should leave.
___________
The phone rang in the empty apartment the answering machine picking up after a few rings. "Hi this is Kikyo I was just wondering what time it was that you were going to pick me up today. Sorry to bother you, guess that I'll see you later this afternoon. Bye."
______
Inu Yasha looked down at Kagome after about and hour they had moved to the couch. Where they were still sitting. Looking down at the two of them he saw that Souta had cried himself to sleep and that Kagome was sitting there just staring off into space. He had tried to ask he what had happened a few times before, but every time ended up with Kagome crying again so this time he said nothing. Just held the two of them close. 'shit he was supposed to take Kikyo out this afternoon.' Kagome felt him stiffen and turned to look up at him.
"You have something else that your were supposed to be doing don't you?"
"Yeah but I can change it. It's no big deal after all." He didn't want to leave her alone reaching out he wanted to touch her face to sooth away that pain.
"No, I think that you should go I need sometime to think."
"I'm not leaving you alone." He felt his temperature rise how dare she think that she could just tell him what to do.
"I said go I don't need you, I want to be alone." She hadn't meant for it to come out as harsh as it did. but she couldn't take back the words now that they where out of her mouth. It had been the wrong thing to say she felt his body stiffen at her words. With that he got up his usually warm golden eyes glaring at her coldly.
"If that's really what you want then I'll be leaving." Then he didn't know why he had done it but much like her he hadn't been able to control the words that came out of his mouth even though he knew they would hurt her.
"I had a date tonight anyway." Before he could saying more he turned and walked out.
The sound of the door disturbing the silence of her apartment and Kagome was left alone to cry.
Please review. ^.^ in other words if you want more review ^.^
It's me I'm back. Sorry that I took so long. I was going to post really I was the first half of this was even proof read. But I felt bad for not posting so I want ahead and wrote some more so this chapters longer then most of my chapters. But that also means that the second part is edited by me. u.u I know I suck at it but I added scene changes at least to the second part so maybe their not so confusing now. Oh and I started summer classes e.e but I am taking an English class so maybe I'll learn something ^.^
Thanks to every one that reviewed I loved reviews. They make me feel like writing so you know what to do.
::Inu:: wench your forgetting something.
::Echoe:: yeah yeah I don't own you.
Echoe Shayne ^.^
Inu Yasha felt his heart contract. No. Had she just told him... no?
"Kagome."
"Why not Kagome, I would love you, take care of you, be everything that you want everything that you need." Clenching his hands into fists, he wanted to throw something, yell, or do anything. But he couldn't seem to do anything. All he could do was stand there and look into Kagome's soulful eyes. There was something there, in those eyes that he couldn't quite understand. She was afraid, after everything. She was afraid of him.
"But you deserve better then me, Inu Yasha. Don't you want to wait till you find someone that you love?" Kagome looked up into his golden eyes. Why couldn't she have said yes? It would have made things a lot easier on them both. But she didn't know if she loved him. And most of all, she didn't know if he truly loved her, and if he didn't, then she didn't want him to regret a few words that he had asked on the spur of the moment.
What the hell was wrong with her? Does she know what she's saying? Maybe all the other men had been right. Kagome was cold, and she only pushed people away from her. But he couldn't bring himself to say that about her. All the others may have been able to use it as an excuse, but not him. He knew her too well. So. why? Why was she saying no to him? Someone that he really loved, did she even know what love was?
"Do you know what love is, Kagome?"
She just stood there, resting against him. How could she answer that question? No, she didn't know what love was. She had fooled herself one too many times before. She could look up love in the dictionary and give him a definition of what love was, but that wouldn't be real. She couldn't tell him from the bottom of her heart what love really was. But if she had to give him a definition now, the only one that she would be able to give, would be heart ache. She had to say something fast. The longer that she was silent, the worse off she would be. Too late!
"Do you want me to take that as a no?" Her silence spoke volumes to him. She couldn't answer such a simple question. Yes or no, that was all that he wanted.
"You're right. I don't know what love is. I've tricked myself into thinking I know what it is too many times. And you don't have to ask me to marry you just because."
That irked him. Why did she have to question his motives? Did she really think that he would just ask her to marry him. just like that? That he would ask just any woman to marry him.
"Because what, Kagome? It's because I care about you. You know that I do."
"Just ask yourself this, Inu Yasha. If Miroku hadn't told you that he saw me last night, would you still be here? If you hadn't thought that I might be pregnant, would you have still asked me to marry you?"
"I knew that you weren't, and I asked you anyway, didn't I?" And you tell me no. Didn't even have to think about it! Just came right out and said it like it was the easiest thing in the entire world, to shoot me down. So, in the end that was it. She didn't trust him- her best friend, the person who had known her forever.
"I'm sorry Inu Yasha but." It hurt her to say it, but she couldn't do it. She couldn't say yes. Not now.
"But, what. are you still going on about how you're afraid that I would hurt you? I would rather die first, but I see that what I think means little to you." Being turned down hurt and it was showing in his voice. He was practically yelling at her, but he couldn't control himself.
"That's not true." He was getting madder by the second. She could practically feel it radiating off of him. What was she going to do now?
"You know what your problem is? You're so afraid to let anyone in. You want to know what love is, Kagome?" he had asked it in the form of a question. But he never waited for her to answer.
"Love is feeling alive. Love is a special feeling that you get when you see a certain person. Love is knowing that you would do anything to see that person happy, even if it means that you're unhappy. It's when you take that person in your arms and you kiss them. And for that one moment, you're the only two people in the entire fucking world."
Kagome couldn't say anything. She could only look up at him, moved by his words. So, that's what love was, or at least that's what Inu Yasha thought love was.
"I'm only going to swallow my pride once, Kagome. But know this is the last time. Marry me."
He opened her mouth to say something, but the tips of his fingers were held against her lips, only to be seconds later replaced with his own. Closing her eyes, she lost herself. Bring her hands up she looped them around his shoulders, pulling herself closer to him.
Drawing away, Inu Yasha smiled at the expression on her face. Bring his hand to the side of her face; he gently brushed away a strand of her hair that was clinging to her cheek.
Kagome opened her eyes, which were immediately met by Inu Yasha's amber ones.
"Tell me one thing, do you love me?" As it left her lips, she knew that it hadn't been a smart thing to say. But it was too late to get the words back. His eyes clouded ever so slightly, the amber color darkening.
She's not ready. If she had to ask him that, then she didn't understand. And the bad thing about it was that this was something he couldn't do anything about. No matter how mad he got, no matter what he said, she wasn't ready to understand.
"If you have to ask that, then I'm afraid I already have my answer, wench." It had come out harsher than he had intended it to. But all he could think about was getting away.
It was true, he did. She was cold like they had said. She couldn't give her heart to anyone. Not even to him. But if I could, I would give it to you, don't you understand? "Inu Yasha I'm." What was she going to say? That she was sorry, that wouldn't matter this time. She could say those words a thousand times and they still wouldn't mean anything. Closing her mouth, she couldn't even bring herself to speak them.
What was she going to say? That she was sorry. Sorry for what? Was it her fault that she doesn't love me? No, it wasn't, but right now he needed someone to blame. And the only one here was Kagome. "You're sorry. right. That line is not going to work this time, Kagome. I thought we could have had something, but I was wrong."
All she could do was stare as Inu Yasha turned from her to open the door. She almost reached out to him, but for some reason she couldn't make herself move. So she stood there, just looking at the closed door. Closed! She had pushed him away. She had said no. What was wrong with her? She was an idiot, that's what! Closing her eyes, she fought back the tears. It was her choice to make and she had made it. So why did she feel dead inside? Then why had she ruined everything. She was the one to blame, yet she knew that if he asked her again right now, she would still say no.
Feeling deflated, she stumbled forward, resting against the door. She had no idea how long she stayed like that. Her thoughts drifted, only to be interrupted by the sound of someone banging on the door. Which if she hadn't been leaning against, she could have ignored. Flinging the door open, she thought that it might be Inu Yasha. But it was instead Sango standing there. Oh yeah. She had forgot that she had told the other woman that she could stay here till she found an apartment. She should have known better anyway to think that it would have been Inu Yasha. When he said that he was only going to swallow his pride once, he meant it.
Sango looked at the woman that was standing there. Her hand was still on the door, blocking Sango's path. Her eyes were vacant, like she was trying not to cry. Reaching out she pried her small hand off the door and stepped inside. "Ok. Tell me what's wrong."
"I said no."
"You said no?" It had sounded so. Final. so dejected. What had she said no to? "Here. Why don't we go to the couch and you can tell me all about." With Kagome's hand still in her grasp, Sango lead them to the couch.
"Oh god." Leaning her head forward, the tears finally started cascading down her face and begun there was no way to stop them.
Sango hadn't known Kagome for long, but she knew that she wasn't the type of woman to get all wishy-washy over nothing.
"I let him get away, Sango." All the sudden it made sense.
"What happened?"
"He asked me to marry him and I said no."
Sango looked down at her. 'I never thought that she was stupid'
"I asked him to tell me what love was and he did. But I was ashamed, because when he held me in his arms, when he kissed me, I didn't feel it. And now I've lost him."
"Kagome, I don't know everything that went on between you and Inu Yasha. But I do know that you haven't lost him. If you ever need him, he'll be there for you. And if you didn't love him, then it's good that he knows, so you didn't lead him on."
"I felt something, but I don't know if..." Because I'm a complete and utter fool I don't even know how I feel.
"Look here, Kagome. I admit you do have a problem, but the problem isn't that you let Inu Yasha get away. The problems you've got yourself. So confused that you don't even know what you want. And till you figure that out, you have no right to be crying over a decision that you made."
"Your right, but."
"But what. you're just going to linger on this forever. I suggest that you figure yourself out, because if you don't you're never going to allow yourself to be happy."
"Your right." Wiping her eyes, she looked at the girl that was sitting next to her. It made sense. Inu Yasha wasn't the problem. All the guys she had gone out with, they weren't the problem, she was. And that was something that she was going to change.
Throwing herself across the small couch, she wrapped the other girl in a hug.
"Thank you Sango."
Sango watched the other girl get up and head toward her room. When the door was shut and she was sure that Kagome couldn't hear her, she let out a sigh. "I can't believe she let him go. What an idiot!"
Inu Yasha slammed the door of his apartment shut. He had pushed her too far, too fast. He had known that she wasn't ready and he goes and opens his mouth, but at least he knew how she felt, or more like he knew how she didn't feel. Closing his eyes he turned around hitting the wall, leaving a big dent where his fist had connected. Well she would see he didn't need her. He wasn't in love with her. But, oh god, he was. All of his thoughts were filled with her. He needed to do something to forget her. Hell, he was going to go out with Miroku for a change.
Miroku rushed over to pick up the phone. "Are you going out tonight?"
'Inu Yasha.? He could at least say hello first.'
"No, actually I was going to stay home." What was wrong? Inu Yasha hardly ever wanted to out, and here he was calling him up and asking if he was going out.
"Oh well. I guess I'll be going out by myself then." With that he was about ready to hang up the phone, when he heard Miroku yelling on the other end.
"Alright, you twisted my arm. Let me get dressed and I'll be ready to go."
Miroku looked at his friend as he took what must have been his fifteenth shot. There were no signs of slowing down, and his face still had the same look that had been there when he had first seen him. What had happened? It had to be something to do with Kagome, right? Inu Yasha had rushed off when he found out about her. So what had happened when he went to see her?
"Is this about Kagome?"
Turning in the stool, Inu Yasha looked at Miroku. A look that said he thought Miroku was the dumbest person in the world. "No, it's not about Kagome. Nothing that wench does would ever get to me."
'It's about Kagome' Miroku added in his mind. It had to be. Kagome was the only person that could get Inu Yasha this upset. So what had happened?
"Did Kagome make a pass at you, because she's desperate or something?" he had meant it as a joke, but when his friends amber eyes flashed gold for a second, he shut up.
"Don't say her name! I don't want to hear one word about her! She is nothing to me!" Just the woman that I can't get out of my mind that's all. But I don't need to hear you talking about her when I already can't get her out of my mind.
"Oh..." what could he say to that? He wondered briefly if it was the tequila talking.
"Tomorrow, she's going to find out just how much I don't need her. I can have any woman that I want." His words were slurred and Miroku knew that it was time to get him out of here.
"Why don't I take you home and you can sleep it off bud."
"I don't want to go home. What I want is another god damn drink, now get me one."
"One more, then, I'm taking you home."
"Feh."
Kagome had decided today was going to be different, and she wanted Inu Yasha to know what she had found out about herself. Then if he understood, then maybe there was still a chance for something between them. But he wasn't there in the morning, nor was he there when lunch time came. Toward the end of the day, she had given up hope. He was out for the day, she would just have to go and see him after work.
Hiten smiled as he finished his last lines of the day.
"Kagome, would you like to go out and do something? You with me. like a date?"
"I'm sorry. I can't right now, I have to..." looking over his shoulder, the words died in her throat as she saw Inu Yasha. He was leaning over someone. The first thing that she noticed was that his hand was bandaged up. For a few seconds, all she could do was stare at him, his lean muscular form supporting its self against the wall. Briefly, she wondered how he had hurt his hand, till something else caught her attention. He was leaning over Kikyo, and she was tilting her head back and laughing at something that Inu Yasha had said. Standing there a little longer, she watched as they both turned to leave and Inu Yasha slipped one of his arms around her shoulder.
"Earth to Kagome."
Looking up, she saw that Hiten was still watching her waiting for an answer.
"I would love to."
__________
Kagome sat down as Hiten pulled out the chair for her. 'He was rather nice,' she thought, looking up as the waiter came and took their order. Then, he came back a few seconds later with their coffee. Looking down at the black brew, she began to put sugar in it.
He can do what ever he wants. I won't stop him. He can do what ever he wants with whoever he wants. And if he wants to hang all over that woman then it's not my problem. She felt her hand tighten. I don't care, he's only my friend. I said no. I can accept that. It was my choice I was the one that pushed him away.
"Kagome?"
I was the one. I have only myself to blame. But Sango had been right. She had no right to be upset. So why had seeing him with Kikyo made her so. so mad. No, not mad. Used.
"Kagome?" the voice said again this time a little more urgent.
"Huh." This time the sound of his voice got through to her. Looking up, she saw that Hiten was looking at her with a startled look on his face.
"Is something wrong?" Hiten asked in a confused voice.
"Ah no, what would make you think that?" fallowing his eyes she looked down finally realizing that she had a spoon in her hand, and that it was bent. A blush covering her cheeks she laid the utensil back down on the white table cloth with a nervous giggle.
Hiten had to try not and laugh. He didn't want to appear rude though he couldn't help but wonder what it was that she was thinking about. It couldn't have been something to pleasant. His eyes shifted to the bent spoon. She was stronger then she looked. Giving a nervous smile he tried to think of something to say to her, anything to say to her. But the silence stretched on and there was nothing to fill it.
__________
Kagome and Sango where sitting on the couch talking when the door bell rang. Looking at Sango she shruged as she stood up not knowing who it could be. The hands on the clock indicated that it was almost midnight. Maybe it was Miroku again. With a smile she opened the door only to have they happy expression on her face melt into one of worry.
Sango was shocked to see that Kagome came into the room with a little crying boy held tightly in her arms. She wanted to ask who it was, but knew that Kagome was to busy trying to calm the boy.
"It's alright now. Do you want to tell me what your doing here all by yourself? At this hour!"
The small boy peered up at his sister through a tear streaked face.
"Mom told me to get out. She said that she didn't want me." Kagome pulled him closer to her as his small body was wracked with sobs.
Damn her she was going to hear about this first thing in the morning but right now she had more important things to worry about.
Laying the sleeping body of her little brother down on the bed in the spare room she frowned how could her mother do something like this to him?
Exiting the room Kagome saw that Sango was still sitting in the same place that she had been.
"Sorry about that?"
"It's alright, that your brother?"
"Yeah. I was wondering if you could do me a favor and watch him tomorrow morning I have to go talk to our mother and I prefer that he wasn't around to hear what I have to say to her."
"Yeah no problem since there's no shooting tomorrow I have the entire day open."
"Thanks. I'm going to leave early in the morning. So maybe I can get back before he wakes up. But if you need help you can call Miroku or maybe, Inu Yasha I'll leave their numbers for you."
"Ok you should get to bed then." Sango said not knowing what else to say.
________
Kagome looked at the small house as the cab pulled into the drive way her mothers car was there so she knew that she was home leaning forward she handed the driver the money and asked if he would be kind enough to wait. Seeing him nod she got out of the car. Walking up to the house she put her key in the door pushing it open. The room was dark but she could make out the shape of her mother sitting on the couch.
"I knew that you would come here. So the brat made it to your place?" the older woman said her voice slurred.
The room smelled of alcohol as Kagome made her way toward her mother the smell only got worse and she had to fight the urge not to run out of the room gagging.
"What did you say to him?" Kagome asked coming to a stop in front of the sofa where her mother sat.
_______
Inu Yasha was awoke by the sound of his phone ringing what the hell. It was his day off. No one should have to be woken up by the phone. Letting the answering machine get it he covered his head with the pillow.
"Ah Inu Yasha you must not be there, or umm your still asleep. I know it's still early. But Kagome left this number."
Kagome left his number what the fuck?
"It's just that she went to her mothers." The voice said.
This could lead to problems. He knew that her mother always meant problems, but why would Kagome leave this number for her to call? Rolling over he picked up the phone.
"Ok tell me what your trying to say." He growled because he wasn't much of a morning person.
"Well you see her brothers here and I can't get him to quit crying." She expected to have to give more of an explanation then that but he surprised her.
"I'll be there in fifteen minutes." With that he hung up the phone.
____
"Where is Kagome I want my Kagome."
Sango kneeled next to the little boy reaching out her hands to gather him to her but he backed away.
"I don't know you. Don't touch me." He recoiled from her touch the tears falling down his cheeks even harder then before.
It broke her heart what was she supposed to do? Hearing a knock on the door she practically ran to open it seeing Inu Yasha standing there looking rather rumpled like he had just rolled out of bed and came.
Nodding at Sango he walked past her into the hall.
"Hey Souta." He yelled hearing the sound of feet running from the other room. Kneeling down he caught the tiny figure in his arm.
"I want my sister."
"Oh I know, that you do. She'll be back pretty soon she went to talk to your mother."
Not the smartest thing to say. The little boy started to struggle against his arms.
"We have to go and get her. She's not safe there." Souta was frantic what would his mother do to his sister? Filled with fear he looked up at Inu Yasha.
_________
Miroku stumbled into the living room and saw that there was a message on his answering machine. The ringer had been off on the phone, and the message hadn't been loud enough to carry into the bed room pressing the button down he heard Sango's voice. At first he was caught up in the velvety sound of it then what she was saying actually started to make it thought to him. Kagome was at her mothers? Sango needed his help. With that thought he went to the bed room and threw on some clothes. He was honored that Sango would call on him to help but he was also worried. Kagome had went to her mothers. Mrs. Higurashi had a problem drinking. She had hadn't always had this problem, but after Kagomes father had died, it was like her mother had given up. Turning to the bottle hoping that it would fill the void that she had in her heart. Kagome had tried to get her to stop a few times, and a couple of times her mother tried to quite if only for the kids but it never lasted long. He could remember when it had started Kagome had come to school crying saying that he mom wouldn't get up.
Getting into the cab he frowned as he headed over to Kagomes the lest he could do was help with her little brother. Taking out his cell he dialed Inu Yasha's number he knew that his friend would want to know about this, but to his disappointment no one answered the phone so he left a message. Thankful that he had reached Kagomes building.
________
Sango lifted her head at the sound of the door bell ringing again. Jumping to her feet she went answer it. To her surprise Miroku was standing there looking just as shabbily dressed as Inu Yasha had when he had first arrived.
What good friends Kagome had. Looking down she wondered if anyone would ever care for her like this if something bad happened to her. Shaking her head she was ashamed. Now was not the time to think such things.
"Where's Souta?"
"He's in the living room."
Nodding Miroku made his way into the living room to see that Inu Yasha was already there was the little boy sitting on his lap.
Souta pushed at Inu Yasha's chest why wouldn't he do anything why wouldn't he help his sister? Turning his head he saw that Miroku had entered and was now sitting on the couch with then.
"Hi rat" Miroku said trying to get the boy to smile but to his surprise Souta turned and looked at him with eyes to old for any seven year old to have.
"I want to go get my sister."
Inu Yasha could see that this was something that the little boy wasn't going to drop.
"When did she leave?" the question was directed at Sango.
"A little after six this morning."
"Shit." He couldn't help but curse he knew that if Kagome was here she would scold him for saying something like that in front of her little brother, but right now he couldn't care less. That meant that she had been gone for over four hours. Getting to his feet he placed the small boy on the large couch cushions. "I'm going to go and get your sister for you."
For the first time since he got there Souta smiled.
Miroku looked at the little boy and then to Inu Yasha. Catching his eye he nodded before turning away.
"So it looks like it's just me and you now bud."
"No!" jumping of the couch he ran after Inu Yasha. "Where do you think your going I'm going too."
Stopping in his tracks at those words he turned around kneeling down and taking Souta into his arms.
"I think it's better if you stay here." Inu Yasha said trying his best he could to comfort he boy.
Souta had started crying again. Why was he leaving him he could help.
"I can take care of my sister."
_________
Kagome threw open the door carrying in the two small bags that she had brought with her as well as a stuffed little fox. Pausing in the hall she saw Inu Yasha was crouched down with her crying little brother in his arms. Notable to hold back her own tears she felt hot wet ness as the first ones started down her cheeks.
It was Souta that noticed her first. He pulled out of Inu Yasha's arms and ran to his sisters waiting embrace. "Kagome!"
"It's ok Souta your going to be staying with me for a while don't worry about it." She felt so emotionally stressed that she collapsed to her knees still holding her brother to her.
"I was so scared." The little voice said
"I know you where but you don't ever have to be scared again I'll make sure of it." She would she didn't want her little brother to ever have to go that house again.
Looking up threw her bangs she saw that Sango and her two friends still standing there, but it was Inu Yasha who voiced their thoughts.
"What happened?"
Then he saw it her face was covered with bruises her left eyes was swollen with a tint of purple around it.
Kagome heard the gasp from the people in the room and knew that they were looking at her face. Not wanting them to see she pulled her brother closer. Feeling strong arms enclosed them both. And despite herself she crumbled into them allowing the sobs to rack her body.
Miroku looked at the touching yet sad scene that was unfolding before their eyes. Reaching out he took Sango's arm leaning over to Whisper in her ear. That they should leave.
___________
The phone rang in the empty apartment the answering machine picking up after a few rings. "Hi this is Kikyo I was just wondering what time it was that you were going to pick me up today. Sorry to bother you, guess that I'll see you later this afternoon. Bye."
______
Inu Yasha looked down at Kagome after about and hour they had moved to the couch. Where they were still sitting. Looking down at the two of them he saw that Souta had cried himself to sleep and that Kagome was sitting there just staring off into space. He had tried to ask he what had happened a few times before, but every time ended up with Kagome crying again so this time he said nothing. Just held the two of them close. 'shit he was supposed to take Kikyo out this afternoon.' Kagome felt him stiffen and turned to look up at him.
"You have something else that your were supposed to be doing don't you?"
"Yeah but I can change it. It's no big deal after all." He didn't want to leave her alone reaching out he wanted to touch her face to sooth away that pain.
"No, I think that you should go I need sometime to think."
"I'm not leaving you alone." He felt his temperature rise how dare she think that she could just tell him what to do.
"I said go I don't need you, I want to be alone." She hadn't meant for it to come out as harsh as it did. but she couldn't take back the words now that they where out of her mouth. It had been the wrong thing to say she felt his body stiffen at her words. With that he got up his usually warm golden eyes glaring at her coldly.
"If that's really what you want then I'll be leaving." Then he didn't know why he had done it but much like her he hadn't been able to control the words that came out of his mouth even though he knew they would hurt her.
"I had a date tonight anyway." Before he could saying more he turned and walked out.
The sound of the door disturbing the silence of her apartment and Kagome was left alone to cry.
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