Oh, the Strength of Pantene Pro-V Classic Hairspray: Ultra Firm Hold!

(As told by Inuyasha)

Ow.

It's been a while since it happened, and I still haven't fully recovered. Damn, that thing's scary. I never want to see it again.

If you're wondering what happened, I, Inuyasha, was beat up by an object. Yes, I admit it. And it was a frickin' inanimate object, at that.

But hey, who wouldn't blame me for underestimating it? It had looked innocent enough. I mean, it was just another item from Kagome's bag, for crying out loud. I glanced at it just once and figured it would be harmless.

I have never been more wrong in my life. 

************************************************************************

It all started that afternoon we were camping by the stream.

It was too damn hot to travel, and so I picked a shady spot not far from the village we left earlier that day. There wasn't a single cloud in the sky, and the heat was getting to everybody, even me. By the time we stopped to rest, I was sweating heavily.

The resting spot was at the top of a hill, dotted by trees. Shippo kept calling me a dog 'cause of the way I was panting, but I shut him up with a warning glare. As I fixed myself up onto a nice wide branch, I vaguely wondered why if my haori protects me from fire, it didn't seem to work on heat…

Finally, the women decided that they couldn't stand the swelter anymore, so they took off towards the stream. I was instructed to keep an eye on Miroku, but I really didn't need to, because one stolen glance at Sango's rear end as they walked off made him fan himself heavily. I guess even monks can keel over from high body temperatures.

So there we were, sitting in a circle of trees that were barely keeping us cool. Shippo was asleep next to Kirara at the bottom of the tree I was propped up in, and Miroku was meditating, trying his best to keep his body away from the sun. Ugh, the sun…

I jumped back down from the tree onto the yellow grass, bored. "They'd better get back soon," I muttered. I was getting irritated. Did females contain some sort of genetic flaw that always made them take half the day to get clean?

Miroku opened one eye with a faint effort. The glare of the sun didn't permit both eyes. "Try to relax, Inuyasha. As soon as the sun starts to sink back down, we'll start off. You need to conserve your energy."

I snorted, but I didn't argue. The bouzo had a point there.

As I turned my head back towards the place where the two women had disappeared ages ago, something shiny caught my eye.

I shielded my eyes, and bent down on the grass.

It was definitely something from Kagome's world. The object was somehow familiar, resembling a silver tube. I turned it over. Pantene Pro-V, Ultra Firm Hold?

I racked my brain, desperately trying to think in spite of the heat waves. I looked down again at the object I now held in my palm and frowned seriously at it, as if I was trying to solve a very manly problem. 

"What is it, Inuyasha?"

Miroku rose from his resting place and peered at the item.

"It's something I found on the ground," I said, displaying the object. "It must've fallen out of Kagome's bag. She told me what it was once, but now I can't remember."

Miroku stared at it, strangely uncomfortable. "Um… Inuyasha? It you don't know what it is, then don't you think you should put it down before something happens?"

I tossed the tube lightly in my hands. "Feh! Don't worry about it! It's just a weak human invention, at any rate. It can't be dangerous." I glanced down through a small hole in the tube and also discovered a button I hadn't noticed before.

And then I pressed the button just to show how harmless it was.

Something darted out of the hole- the next instant, my eyes felt like they were on fire. I roared and immediately dropped the can, covering my eyes.

"AAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" were my exact words.

I had never felt so vulnerable before. I still had my nose intact, of course, but dammit, my eyes really stung! And worse, I couldn't see, so I was blindly clawing at the air. If I could only find this damned thing and tear it to bits!

My mind was racing. So the mysterious object was actually a weapon. Even through the agony, I wondered if Kagome had finally gotten tired of sitting me whenever I did something and brought along this new horror, ready to unleash it upon me when her temper flared. I shuddered just thinking about it.

I felt Miroku's arm wrap around mine, shouting something along the lines of, "Inuyasha! Stop it! You're going to hurt yourself!"

My foot struck something hard and metallic on the ground… it was right under my foot!!

But before I could react, I lost my balance and I fell down on the grass, dragging Miroku down with me. Unfortunately, since the resting spot we had settled for was on top of a hill, we rolled all the way down to the bottom…

Where there was a clump of thorny bushes.

"AAAARRGGGHHHHH!!!" You can guess who that was.

The noise must've woken up Shippo, because I heard some shouting up on the hill. By then, I could open my eyes slightly and see blurred shapes, and I was thirsty for revenge.

Something shiny on the ground caught my eye. There it was! I would end it by smashing it onto the ground. I instinctively reached for the bright object, and brought it down hard on the first thing I saw: a strange dark-colored rock that was lying on the ground.

"Oomph!"

 Too late, I realized that the "evil weapon" I held in my hand was Miroku's shakujo, and that the "rock" I had just struck the shakujo on was Miroku.

I was starting to get really, really ANGRY. Not just angry, but ANGRY.

"Inuyasha! Inuyasha!! What happened? Are you and Miroku-sama all right?" Shippo came hurtling down the hill.

I reached for my beloved Tetsusaiga. Together we would send this bastard down to hell.

This time, I saw it. It was lying a few feet from where we had landed. I aimed for the center of the tube and swung down hard.

The force of the impact was totally unexpected. Instead of cleaving the can in half, which was what should've happened, Tetsusaiga actually rebounded from the impact. I could feel the ringing through my arms. The tiny can instead hurtled through the air at an incredible speed and landed onto Shippo's head.

Shippo gave a small grunt, and then fell backwards, unconscious.

I had had it. I was nearly blind, I had thorns imbedded in me, and Miroku and Shippo had both fallen at the hands of this monster (okay, so it was at my hands technically- but the thing was still evil). It needed to be stopped, right now.

I tossed the thing as hard as I could towards the hill and prepared to make the final blow.

"KAZE NO KIZU!!!!!!"

The hill of trees erupted into light. Literally. The explosion caused by Tetsusaiga, combined with the extreme heat, was more powerful and destructive than I had meant it to be. Uh-oh.

I watched, rooted to the spot, as the attack ripped through the hill and then spread out in a larger explosion that was definitely going to flatten the area…

 "Oh …." I muttered a few colorful phrases to myself.

When the smoke had cleared, I didn't bother looking around. There wasn't anything to see. The entire hill had been leveled. For a moment I just stood there. Then, I suddenly realized that it was gone, turned into ashes.

I started to laugh. It was a really twisted laugh that rivaled Naraku's laugh in the Insane Villains Category. I slid Tetsusaiga back into its sheath victoriously and laughed even harder. "Take that, bitch!" I screeched.

But then I heard a metallic clang somewhere close by…

And then I saw something silver roll down towards the direction of the stream, stopping gently at a pair of delicate feet.

It was Kagome.

She had a towel wrapped around her, and I watched in horror as Kagome, completely unaware of the mortal danger she was in and the destruction the thing had caused, stooped and picked it up. She was muttering something about how she had forgotten to take it with her. I rushed forward in slow motion, waving my arms wildly…

"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" But I was too late.

She had already pressed the button, and she was spraying into her hair…Wait a minute- her hair?????

Kagome smiled softly and lifted her eyes, noticing me for the first time. She dropped the can, her mouth wide open in shock. "I- INUYASHA!!!!"

All right, I don't blame her for fainting on the spot.

As soon as I examined the "weapon" again, I read the rest of the label: …The Ultimate Hairspray, virtually indestructible…for an extra firm hold and the style you love with 70% more shine…

I glanced back down at Kagome, whose hair was, true enough… nice and shiny.

*****************************************************************

So now Miroku, Shippo, and I are recovering in what's left of the surrounding area. Kagome decided (wisely) to put all her stuff away for the evening.

"Inuyasha?"

I turned around. It was Kagome. "How's your arm feeling?" My left arm had gotten burned slightly from the Kaze no Kizu.

"I'm fine, it was just a scratch," I mumbled. I was still humiliated.

Sango was tending to Miroku, who was slowly gaining consciousness. Sango took note of this and scooted her rear away from his hand. "He'll be all right," she said, sighing.

Shippo was clinging to Kagome and would not let go. Every time he was reminded of the bottle of hairspray, he would squeak and dig himself further into Kagome's chest.

Little brat.

But I guess having a bottle of hairspray fly towards you at a high speed would scare you. Hell, it scared me when it squirted in my eye.

Kagome was stroking Shippo absentmindedly when she suddenly blushed. "Hey Inuyasha? Could you please get my razor and shampoo bottles? I just remembered I left it by the stream."

I grumbled and muttered, "Feh! Why can't you get your own stuff?", but I got up and headed towards the stream.

The items lay in a neat little row on the grass. I scooped them up in my arms and played with the razor, tossing it lazily up and down. Suddenly one of the bottles slipped. I bent down to reach it. When I looked up again, the razor was headed straight for my nose.

"AAAARRGGGHHHHH!!!"

I swear I will never touch another one of Kagome's stuff.

*******************************************************************

Next Time on Attack of the Filler Arc: 50-odd consecutive days of absences from school is finally its toll on Kagome- what will happen to her when she finds this out? And wait- did Kagome just challenge Inuyasha to a competition?