Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling made up these cool characters. I am just having my way with them... ooh, sounds saucy!
A/N: Stupid fluffy one-shot. I may add a chapter, depending on how the reviews go.
My name is Hedwig.
"Hi Hedwig!"
And I am an… I'm sorry this is so difficult for me…. I am an abused owl. *sob*
"OH NO!" *owl gasps*
Yes, it's true. I belong to one of the foulest wizards of our time.
"Malfoy?"
Potter. Harry Potter. No, wait, that makes him sound like a cool licensed to kill secret agent… can't have that. PppppppppppppppppppotteRRRRRRR!!!
"Wow, do you need a hanky? That was quite a loogie you hocked there."
Thank you. As I was saying, I belong to this Harry boy. And, when he first got me, life was bliss. A large fellow bought me for Harry, for his birthday and first year at Hogwarts. I know he's a famous boy, but really what difference does it make to an owl? I carry mail, I don't save lives. Nooo. Harry does, though. All the time. Oh yes. Then he writes people to tell them about it. Who carries those letters? ME, of course. Oh, sure that's my job - don't even say it, I can read your beaks from here. But, all I ask is some consideration in return. No. Harry is an evil, owl hating sonofawitch (literally) and I shall not serve him any longer!
"Owl mutiny? We can't have that! We'll all get a bad reputation! they'll replace us with carrier pigeons!"
Before you protest, let me present my evidence.
Exhibit A. A book. A simple, ordinary book. But look closer… what is the title of this book? It is called WHICH OWL? It is seen clearly here, on Harry's nightstand, where he sets his glasses. HE IS CONSDERING BUYING ANOTHER OWL! I AM BEING CHEATED ON!
*owl gasps*
That's right. He doesn't even bother to try to hide it. And it isn't just the book. Sometimes.. when I'm out hunting… Harry sends letters with a….. SCHOOL OWL!
*owl gasps*
Yes, and sometimes, the letters are so 'top secret' that he… he….
"It's all right, Hedwig, we're all here to support you."
Sometimes he won't let me take his important mail! *sobs* No, I'm only allowed to take messages to friends over breaks. I only cart his shit around the country side, with a little bit of PUMPKIN JUICE as a reward, and how am I repaid? He doesn't even trust me! How can our relationship WORK without trust? He lets me take whole HAMS to people, then all of a sudden he can't use me? I think he doesn't want me out carousing with the other post owls. he doesn't want me to hear of his indiscretions! Oh, for shame!
A/N: Stupid fluffy one-shot. I may add a chapter, depending on how the reviews go.
My name is Hedwig.
"Hi Hedwig!"
And I am an… I'm sorry this is so difficult for me…. I am an abused owl. *sob*
"OH NO!" *owl gasps*
Yes, it's true. I belong to one of the foulest wizards of our time.
"Malfoy?"
Potter. Harry Potter. No, wait, that makes him sound like a cool licensed to kill secret agent… can't have that. PppppppppppppppppppotteRRRRRRR!!!
"Wow, do you need a hanky? That was quite a loogie you hocked there."
Thank you. As I was saying, I belong to this Harry boy. And, when he first got me, life was bliss. A large fellow bought me for Harry, for his birthday and first year at Hogwarts. I know he's a famous boy, but really what difference does it make to an owl? I carry mail, I don't save lives. Nooo. Harry does, though. All the time. Oh yes. Then he writes people to tell them about it. Who carries those letters? ME, of course. Oh, sure that's my job - don't even say it, I can read your beaks from here. But, all I ask is some consideration in return. No. Harry is an evil, owl hating sonofawitch (literally) and I shall not serve him any longer!
"Owl mutiny? We can't have that! We'll all get a bad reputation! they'll replace us with carrier pigeons!"
Before you protest, let me present my evidence.
Exhibit A. A book. A simple, ordinary book. But look closer… what is the title of this book? It is called WHICH OWL? It is seen clearly here, on Harry's nightstand, where he sets his glasses. HE IS CONSDERING BUYING ANOTHER OWL! I AM BEING CHEATED ON!
*owl gasps*
That's right. He doesn't even bother to try to hide it. And it isn't just the book. Sometimes.. when I'm out hunting… Harry sends letters with a….. SCHOOL OWL!
*owl gasps*
Yes, and sometimes, the letters are so 'top secret' that he… he….
"It's all right, Hedwig, we're all here to support you."
Sometimes he won't let me take his important mail! *sobs* No, I'm only allowed to take messages to friends over breaks. I only cart his shit around the country side, with a little bit of PUMPKIN JUICE as a reward, and how am I repaid? He doesn't even trust me! How can our relationship WORK without trust? He lets me take whole HAMS to people, then all of a sudden he can't use me? I think he doesn't want me out carousing with the other post owls. he doesn't want me to hear of his indiscretions! Oh, for shame!