A/N: After another immensely long period of time, I have another update to present! In light of the third movie coming out, we will be slipping completely into movie-verse, so there we go. However, as we're still in the second part of the trilogy, there won't be any spoilers yet.
A/N2: [Frodo and Sam's plotline update] Umm…as you all know what's going on with Frodo and Sam, I've decided in my authorly wisdom to simply take out this plotline until near the end of the third part of the trilogy. That will make the rest of the story a LOT easier to understand, and, frankly, it's a very depressing plotline…this is a humorfic! No bad stuff!
*
The next morning, Tara bounded into Arweniel and Nuavariel's room to join in their major-gossip-fest. She revealed that she, too, had been visited by Jackie the night before, but hadn't spied on any dreams.
Morgan was gushing, "—and the first verse of the ballad was like—" when all three of them realized that Gimli had entered a long time ago and was standing on the threshold to the room, frozen in shock as he listened to what they were saying. His eyes widened when he was seen, and he instantly stammered,
"Uh…erm, I was s-sent to in-invite you to…to the council of war!" He then turned and was ready to scamper out of the room as fast as his dwarf-legs could go. But he underestimated three teenage girls, whose deepest secrets, not to be known to any man, were in danger of being known.
They surrounded him before he even took one step, Nuavar grabbing the front of his tunic and lifting him clear off the ground, Arwen with a small blade out and pointing at his neck, and Tara blocking his way out with her staff crossed firmly across the door.
"I…ladies, please!" he exclaimed gruffly. "Have you all gone mad?" Nuavar glared at him fiercely, and he gulped.
"How much did you hear?" Arweniel hissed, letting the dwarf feel the cold steel of her blade.
"…All of it?" Gimli wasn't lacking in courage; he managed to muster a grin in the face of the three harpy-like elves. "So, Aragorn composes poetry for you? Wait till I tell Legolas…!"
Arwen's blade pressed more firmly against his throat. "You will tell no one of this, do you understand, dwarf?"
"We will render you unable of procreation, I swear by my bow and my heart," Nuavar added, with a very frightening gleam in her eye.
At that announcement, Gimli quivered noticeably. He gave a shaky nod, which seemed to suffice. Nuavar set him down on the ground and Arwen sheathed the blade in her leather boot. Tara stepped away from the door, but couldn't hide her smirk.
"Now, let's get going to this council of war," she suggested. Gimli led the way, occasionally shooting shocked glances mingled with newfound respect over his shoulder at the girls.
*
Entering the room, Tara saw Théoden sitting on his throne, her teacher Gandalf at his side. Seeing his significant glance in her direction, she waved to the other girls and went to stand beside him.
Only Éowyn and two young children occupied the long tables filling the hall of the King. Éomer had left the night before on some mission, along with his own two thousand men, leaving the armies of Rohan somewhat lessened. Aragorn and Legolas stood close to each other, Aragorn absentmindedly biting a pipe and Legolas staring off into the distance. Gimli grunted at Erica and Morgan and went to sit at his own table, pulling out a pipe at the same time.
"Well, we're here!" Nuavar declared in a falsely cheerful voice. She grimaced at the dull mood that had settled over everyone like a mist.
"They had no warning," Éowyn declared to her uncle, rising from where the children ate hungrily. "They were unarmed. Now the wildmen are sweeping through the westfold, burning as they go. Will you do nothing, Uncle?"
"Call for help," Aragorn insisted with the air of one who has said this many times before. "Éomer will return; he will come to your aid."
Théoden shot a sharp glance at Aragorn. "Last I checked, Théoden, not Aragorn, was King of Rohan. Éomer is too far. He will not return in time. We must retreat, and make a stand—"
"—at Helm's Deep?" Arweniel inquired innocently.
Théoden's voice became a furious thunder, "LAST I CHECKED, THÉODEN, NOT ANYONE ELSE, WAS KING OF ROHAN!!"
Erica blinked under this onslaught. She held up her hands in a gesture of surrender, and moved closer to Aragorn for possible protection.
"Okay, okay, sorry dude," she placated him. Aragorn arched an eyebrow and looked at her.
"Dude?" he asked curiously. She shook her head, motioning for him to forget it.
*
It really wasn't much of a council of war, because Théoden quickly dismissed them to order one of his men to tell the city of the plans. Aragorn told the girls to get some clothes and provisions packed quickly, because they would be leaving soon. Then he, Legolas, and Gimli hurried off after Gandalf.
Erica turned to Morgan and Steph.
"Did he just tell us what I think he told us?" she asked slowly and deliberately.
"I think he just delegated to us the typically womanly task…THE SEXIST FREAK!" Morgan exclaimed. Tara gripped her staff tightly.
"Alright, girls, let's show that arrogant little—well, actually, he's quite big—prick!"
And they set to planning their revenge with a will.
*
Aragorn had his fateful discussion with Gandalf about holding the defences for three days, and asked some stable hands to get ready enough horses for all of them. Then, the three adventurers went to check on the girls' progress.
"Ready, Nuavar?" Legolas asked breezily as Nuavar, Arwen, and Tara, all bent beneath the weight of various bags and bundles, approached them. He didn't seem to notice her ferocious glare, but graciously offered to help her and took two bundles and a bulging bag—leaving her with an almost equal amount.
Aragorn did the same for Arweniel, but Gimli—perhaps remembering the morning's encounter—took Tara's entire load.
"Now let us go, the rest of the town is likely already moving out; some stable hands are getting our horses ready." Aragorn led the way back to the stables, completely missing the conspiratorial winks that passed between the three elves.
As the man, elf, and dwarf were getting the horses from their stables, where they were already saddled and bridled, one of the stable hands approached Nuavar.
"We have done your bidding, my Lady, strange though it may be," he said in a low voice. Nuavar smiled winningly at him and clasped him on the shoulder.
"You have done well and honoured the men of Rohan in this, young Rider. Be sure that you will always be welcomed among the Elves of Middle-earth for this."
The boy's eyes widened and shone with awe as he received a blessing in Sindarin, spoken first by Nuavar, then her two friends in turn. Finally, she kissed him gently on the forehead and whispered a farewell.
"Uhh…don't you think that was a bit overdone?" Tara asked.
"Why not? If he sabotaged the guys' stuff like we asked him to, he should be honoured." Nuavar grinned carelessly. "Now all we have to do is wait for their reactions."
Just then Éowyn walked into the stables to get her own horse, and, seeing the girls, smiled brightly and approached them.
"I do hope you enjoy my stew, it's famous in Edoras, you know. Let me know if you would like some more!" she said loudly. Then she took her horse and left, but not without managing to bat her eyes a few times at Aragorn, who merely seemed confused about the stew comment.
"What does she mean about her stew?" Gimli asked, when she'd gone. Tara smiled placatingly.
"Don't you fret, Master dwarf, the females have got all your domestic needs under control."
"Ah." He turned back to Legolas, who was already preparing to mount the horse they shared, without seeing the menacing glitter in Tara's eyes as she said 'domestic needs'.
*
A few minutes later, Aragorn and the girls were all mounted on their own horses, Tara having opted to go with them rather than stay with Gandalf. Legolas and Gimli were again sharing a horse, and after Gimli finally got mounted—with the help of the stable hand from earlier—they were ready to leave and join the steady stream of refugees leaving the city of Edoras.
*
A/N: That's all for now, folks! See ya next time…