Tory and Ali Screw wit Lord of the Rings
"Gandalf, what happened to you? Didn't you die while in Moria?" Aragorn ask.
"No, I would tell you the story though, it's too long." Gandalf said. "Who are they?
"Oh, they? They're Ali and Tory." Aragorn told Gandalf.
"What are you doing here? How did you get here?" Gandalf said, turning to us.
"Please Gandalf, the story is really long and confusing. Must we tell you? Not now, if at any time." I said to Gandalf.
"Oh, cut the crap. Who you trying to impress?" Tory said to me. Thanks, great friend you are. I think she would know whom I was trying to impress. Hello? The hot guy standing right next to me (the hot guy was Legolas). You'd think she would know that. I mean, why would I want to impress Gandalf? Hell no, I wouldn't want to, but she might. I think her heart is set out for Aragorn (not Gandalf. I would hope not), but I'm not sure. Whatever.
We kept walking until I could walk any longer. Thank god Legolas was looking at me because he told Gandalf that we needed a break. I think he look tiered too though. Whatever. I walk up to Gandalf to tell him something, "Do you think we could leave the forest? I mean, I don't think any of us can breath in here. You might because you were sent back from the dead, but why should you get to breathe in here, when we can't?"
"Sure, I think that is the best idea you had yet (no shit Sherlock)." Gandalf told me. Oh, thanks. Hello? I haven't talked to you before now smooth one. For someone that is supposed to be smart. He just died, and came back to life. Does that give you special powers? I hope not.
After I talked to Gandalf, we all agreed on leaving the forest. Finally. Once we were out of the forest, Gandalf did this whistle, kind of lame thing with his mouth. Not cool! Then mysteriously out of no were four horses came to Gandalf's call. I look at Tory, and she whispered, "Thanks for the idea about leaving the forest. Now we have to ride horses, just the total opposite of what I wanted to do."
"Well, Tory, look on the bright side, you ass doesn't hurt anymore. Anyway you can ride with Aragorn, your secret lover."
"Thanks bitch!" Tory told me.
"No problem!" I smiled at her, and hoped onto my horse (in my talented way. (Tory happened to mention that in the last chapter. lol)) I love making Tory mad. It's so funny.
Aragorn helped Tory onto their horse, and we started off. I was riding next to Legolas, who kept looking at me. Dude, I hate when people stare at you. It feels like you are taking their test of something. But after a while, I was deep in a really good conversation with him. He's so hot. I loved it when he talked, I don't know why. Just something about it. Well I won't go on telling you what we talked about because you might find it boring. Ok, let's get to the good part.
We rode on for miles, non-stop. I could tell Tory was having the worst time in her life, but she had to realize that we weren't in the 21 century (where you could wave you hand and a taxi comes to pick you up). Oh well. After a long time, I spotted a hill in the distance (well, Legolas pointed it out to me, same difference). Gandalf then led us to the hill. Once we were very close, he said, "We might not be welcomed here. But that doesn't matter, for the king here knows me."
As we got closer to the gates, I could see two guards talking to each other, and looking at us. Gandalf rode faster, so he could talk to the guards without us hearing (how rude). I lean over to talk to Tory "Do you think we get to fight, at Helm's Deep?"
"Notice we are women, and women aren't allowed to fight."
"Well maybe we can change that!" I told her, and rode as fast as I could to the gate.
~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, all this stuff is happening Merry and Pippin are riding on the back of a tree. What fun. (I wasn't with them, but I know this from reading the book)
"Merry, why are we still on the back of a tree? Anyway, do you know were it's takin' us?"
"Pip, just shut up! I think this tree just became my new best friend. Treebeard, are you taking us to Isengard?"
"No, ass mouth. I heard what you just told Pippin, and I think it's wrong. I thought you loved him. The other day, I saw you sleeping next to each other. Don't diss your lover!" Treebeard yelled at Merry.
"Sorry Pip. I guess he is right. I do love you."
"Merry, you are so gay. Tonight I think I'm sleeping on the tree, not with you. Gross, I didn't know I was sleeping next to a gay guy. I think I'm now diseased."
"Gandalf, what happened to you? Didn't you die while in Moria?" Aragorn ask.
"No, I would tell you the story though, it's too long." Gandalf said. "Who are they?
"Oh, they? They're Ali and Tory." Aragorn told Gandalf.
"What are you doing here? How did you get here?" Gandalf said, turning to us.
"Please Gandalf, the story is really long and confusing. Must we tell you? Not now, if at any time." I said to Gandalf.
"Oh, cut the crap. Who you trying to impress?" Tory said to me. Thanks, great friend you are. I think she would know whom I was trying to impress. Hello? The hot guy standing right next to me (the hot guy was Legolas). You'd think she would know that. I mean, why would I want to impress Gandalf? Hell no, I wouldn't want to, but she might. I think her heart is set out for Aragorn (not Gandalf. I would hope not), but I'm not sure. Whatever.
We kept walking until I could walk any longer. Thank god Legolas was looking at me because he told Gandalf that we needed a break. I think he look tiered too though. Whatever. I walk up to Gandalf to tell him something, "Do you think we could leave the forest? I mean, I don't think any of us can breath in here. You might because you were sent back from the dead, but why should you get to breathe in here, when we can't?"
"Sure, I think that is the best idea you had yet (no shit Sherlock)." Gandalf told me. Oh, thanks. Hello? I haven't talked to you before now smooth one. For someone that is supposed to be smart. He just died, and came back to life. Does that give you special powers? I hope not.
After I talked to Gandalf, we all agreed on leaving the forest. Finally. Once we were out of the forest, Gandalf did this whistle, kind of lame thing with his mouth. Not cool! Then mysteriously out of no were four horses came to Gandalf's call. I look at Tory, and she whispered, "Thanks for the idea about leaving the forest. Now we have to ride horses, just the total opposite of what I wanted to do."
"Well, Tory, look on the bright side, you ass doesn't hurt anymore. Anyway you can ride with Aragorn, your secret lover."
"Thanks bitch!" Tory told me.
"No problem!" I smiled at her, and hoped onto my horse (in my talented way. (Tory happened to mention that in the last chapter. lol)) I love making Tory mad. It's so funny.
Aragorn helped Tory onto their horse, and we started off. I was riding next to Legolas, who kept looking at me. Dude, I hate when people stare at you. It feels like you are taking their test of something. But after a while, I was deep in a really good conversation with him. He's so hot. I loved it when he talked, I don't know why. Just something about it. Well I won't go on telling you what we talked about because you might find it boring. Ok, let's get to the good part.
We rode on for miles, non-stop. I could tell Tory was having the worst time in her life, but she had to realize that we weren't in the 21 century (where you could wave you hand and a taxi comes to pick you up). Oh well. After a long time, I spotted a hill in the distance (well, Legolas pointed it out to me, same difference). Gandalf then led us to the hill. Once we were very close, he said, "We might not be welcomed here. But that doesn't matter, for the king here knows me."
As we got closer to the gates, I could see two guards talking to each other, and looking at us. Gandalf rode faster, so he could talk to the guards without us hearing (how rude). I lean over to talk to Tory "Do you think we get to fight, at Helm's Deep?"
"Notice we are women, and women aren't allowed to fight."
"Well maybe we can change that!" I told her, and rode as fast as I could to the gate.
~*~*~*~
Meanwhile, all this stuff is happening Merry and Pippin are riding on the back of a tree. What fun. (I wasn't with them, but I know this from reading the book)
"Merry, why are we still on the back of a tree? Anyway, do you know were it's takin' us?"
"Pip, just shut up! I think this tree just became my new best friend. Treebeard, are you taking us to Isengard?"
"No, ass mouth. I heard what you just told Pippin, and I think it's wrong. I thought you loved him. The other day, I saw you sleeping next to each other. Don't diss your lover!" Treebeard yelled at Merry.
"Sorry Pip. I guess he is right. I do love you."
"Merry, you are so gay. Tonight I think I'm sleeping on the tree, not with you. Gross, I didn't know I was sleeping next to a gay guy. I think I'm now diseased."