Chapter 6 - Belonging
Sam went back to Colorado at the end of October after three weeks with Jack, where her first priority had been to say goodbye to Pete. He knew that the end was coming when she suggested they meet at a restaurant just off Interstate 25, mid-way between his home in Denver and hers in Colorado Springs.
Dinner had been a quiet, hesitant affair, with long gaps between sentences and their food barely touched.
"Sam, you know I still love you. What's made you change?" he had asked finally.
"I'm sorry." she had sighed back. "It's not to do with you. It's me. I've realised that I should have told you that I didn't feel the same months back. But you were looking out for me when I was down, and I didn't have the courage then. It seemed *ungrateful* somehow."
"And now, Sam? What's given you the courage now? You've found someone new?"
"Yes... No... Not exactly." she had stammered, not looking at him.
Pete had become visibly annoyed at that point. "It's him, isn't it? I should have known he'd come crawling around when you were still vulnerable from leaving the Air Force."
"It wasn't like that at all, and you know it!"
"Do I? What on Earth do you see in someone like him anyway? He's ten years older than you and going downhill quickly! He'll have you running around looking out for him... He'll make you old as well."
"That's it!" Sam had retorted, standing up and throwing down her napkin. "I'm sorry you're hurt, but I won't have you bad-mouthing someone who's done more for me than anyone has a right to deserve. If I had regrets about leaving you before, they've gone now. Goodbye, Pete. And by the way, he's fifteen years older than me. But I stopped noticing that seven years ago."
She had sat for a while in her car outside the restaurant, her hands shaking as they gripped the steering wheel. Eventually though, she wiped the moisture from her eyes with the back of her hand and drove off, accelerating hard away from the car park into the night.
Her empty home hadn't seemed quite the place to go straight back to, so she called Daniel on her cell phone when she got back to the outskirts of Colorado Springs.
"Daniel? Hi, it's Sam. Yes, I'm OK, thanks. Well nearly anyway. I was wondering if I could come round for a while?"
"Ah... Well, you know that normally I'd be only too pleased. Your house is my house, and all that." Daniel stammered. "It's just that I have, er, something that I have to do this evening, and it's very important, and I'm sorry.."
"Daniel? Have you got a date?" she asked, her previous sadness suddenly overcome by feminine curiosity - you know, the deadly 'straight as an arrow' kind.
"Well, er, actually yes. We're just off out. If you'd like to join us.."
"Thanks, Daniel, but no thanks!" Sam laughed. "You have a great time. Bring her to see Jack and me in Minnesota sometime."
"You mean..?" said Daniel. "Oh, Sam, I'm really happy for you. But that reminds me, Jack called a while ago. Said he'd driven into town to make the call."
"What did he want?"
"He said he knew you'd probably call me at some time. He told me to tell you that he'd understand if things were difficult for you coming back here, and that he wants you to take all the time you need to decide what you want. He sounded pretty nervous, Sam. Well, nervous for him, anyway - no sarcastic comments or jokes."
"Did he? Wow!" she sighed. "OK thanks again, Daniel. If he calls again tell him I invited you and your hot date up to the cabin. Even he should get the message then." The fact that Jack hadn't called her directly struck her as a measure of how much he cared by not putting pressure on her.
"Thanks, Sam. Got to go now. And I'm really, really pleased for both of you."
"So am I, Daniel, so am I."
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During the journey she kept wondering whether her decision to take the hard, seventeen-hour ride on her motorcycle back to Minnesota in cold weather had been the right one. She'd spent the last night in her otherwise empty house in just a sleeping bag, getting up to pack her motorcycle panniers with the last of her personal items, to leave in the dark just after 3 am. Daniel had promised to meet up with her the night before but had not returned from the SGC. Sam was reminded yet again how partners were left in suspense, and wished she knew who his new girl friend was so that she could reassure her.
After a week away though, the manner in which Jack had warmed her up again and eased the stiffness in her joints after her arrival had been welcome, to say the least. Her quadruped namesake had been ecstatic at her return and had expressed her thanks by dropping another rabbit at her feet, which Jack quickly threw outside. After removing her leathers and donning an old oversized woollen shirt of Jack's, she thawed out in front of the fire with the dog, while he fed her hot soup followed by baked potatoes and a spicy goulash stew. Gourmet cooking it wasn't, but the timing was perfect. She rewarded him by falling sound asleep in his arms, and he carried her to bed before the fire died away completely.
When she woke up in the night, Sam felt oddly pleased to find Sam 2 sleeping on the bed at her feet again. Looking across as Jack's unconscious form, she was overwhelmed by a feeling of belonging in a way she had ever known before. She moved closer and rested her forehead against his shoulder, reaching over to lay her arm lightly across his chest. He grunted in the same way that the dog did, and she smiled, her inner self wondering whether she could orchestrate this nocturnal 'choir'. Squeezing Jack gently again, at the same time rubbing her foot against the dog, she was rewarded with a stereophonic response and giggled softly. The mood of contentment and amusement accompanied her into sleep again.
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Sam was relieved that the plastic boxes containing her clothes and personal items had already been delivered the day before her arrival. Jack had stacked them in the lounge and the barn but had been reluctant to open any.
Although the situation was new for her, Sam had quickly realised that manipulating Jack the civilian was a talent that she possessed in abundance, in contrast to their time together in the military. His astonishment at the number of boxes she had sent and his lack of understanding about where all the contents were going to be accommodated were relatively easily overcome. In each room she helped him, forced him or wheedled him into emptying each and every cupboard or storage place of useless items and junk, or 'family heirlooms' as he referred to them. However she showed the utmost respect regarding anything relating to his late son, which Jack appreciated even when he had come to realise that he was being railroaded into the inevitable. She then arranged for two piles - 'his' and 'hers' to be placed in the open, and got him to agree that anything old and un-needed should be discarded. She had even seeded her own pile with some disposables to give a semblance of equality. What was placed back in the cupboards was what they wanted to keep. He finally agreed with a sigh that an eighty-twenty split of space in her favour in the large wardrobe was reasonable, remembering that his ex-wife's logic had also been irrefutable on this subject. But it felt so good to be sharing his life again, and he was sure he could find a corner of the barn for some of his stuff anyway.
So here she was, bridges burned - house up for sale, furniture in storage in the same Colorado warehouse as Jack's, car sold. Just the adventure of an electricity-free cabin winter for her with the man she loved and the dog that was becoming as big a part of her life as it was Jack's. Barter deals for the things they needed, just getting to know the small community - all challenges to be looked forward to.
They say you don't know happiness until it's gone, but Sam suddenly realised that she did. She recognised that she'd get a back into a role involving science at some stage, but right now, there was no need to rush. No need at all.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Sam went back to Colorado at the end of October after three weeks with Jack, where her first priority had been to say goodbye to Pete. He knew that the end was coming when she suggested they meet at a restaurant just off Interstate 25, mid-way between his home in Denver and hers in Colorado Springs.
Dinner had been a quiet, hesitant affair, with long gaps between sentences and their food barely touched.
"Sam, you know I still love you. What's made you change?" he had asked finally.
"I'm sorry." she had sighed back. "It's not to do with you. It's me. I've realised that I should have told you that I didn't feel the same months back. But you were looking out for me when I was down, and I didn't have the courage then. It seemed *ungrateful* somehow."
"And now, Sam? What's given you the courage now? You've found someone new?"
"Yes... No... Not exactly." she had stammered, not looking at him.
Pete had become visibly annoyed at that point. "It's him, isn't it? I should have known he'd come crawling around when you were still vulnerable from leaving the Air Force."
"It wasn't like that at all, and you know it!"
"Do I? What on Earth do you see in someone like him anyway? He's ten years older than you and going downhill quickly! He'll have you running around looking out for him... He'll make you old as well."
"That's it!" Sam had retorted, standing up and throwing down her napkin. "I'm sorry you're hurt, but I won't have you bad-mouthing someone who's done more for me than anyone has a right to deserve. If I had regrets about leaving you before, they've gone now. Goodbye, Pete. And by the way, he's fifteen years older than me. But I stopped noticing that seven years ago."
She had sat for a while in her car outside the restaurant, her hands shaking as they gripped the steering wheel. Eventually though, she wiped the moisture from her eyes with the back of her hand and drove off, accelerating hard away from the car park into the night.
Her empty home hadn't seemed quite the place to go straight back to, so she called Daniel on her cell phone when she got back to the outskirts of Colorado Springs.
"Daniel? Hi, it's Sam. Yes, I'm OK, thanks. Well nearly anyway. I was wondering if I could come round for a while?"
"Ah... Well, you know that normally I'd be only too pleased. Your house is my house, and all that." Daniel stammered. "It's just that I have, er, something that I have to do this evening, and it's very important, and I'm sorry.."
"Daniel? Have you got a date?" she asked, her previous sadness suddenly overcome by feminine curiosity - you know, the deadly 'straight as an arrow' kind.
"Well, er, actually yes. We're just off out. If you'd like to join us.."
"Thanks, Daniel, but no thanks!" Sam laughed. "You have a great time. Bring her to see Jack and me in Minnesota sometime."
"You mean..?" said Daniel. "Oh, Sam, I'm really happy for you. But that reminds me, Jack called a while ago. Said he'd driven into town to make the call."
"What did he want?"
"He said he knew you'd probably call me at some time. He told me to tell you that he'd understand if things were difficult for you coming back here, and that he wants you to take all the time you need to decide what you want. He sounded pretty nervous, Sam. Well, nervous for him, anyway - no sarcastic comments or jokes."
"Did he? Wow!" she sighed. "OK thanks again, Daniel. If he calls again tell him I invited you and your hot date up to the cabin. Even he should get the message then." The fact that Jack hadn't called her directly struck her as a measure of how much he cared by not putting pressure on her.
"Thanks, Sam. Got to go now. And I'm really, really pleased for both of you."
"So am I, Daniel, so am I."
XXXXXXXXXXXX
During the journey she kept wondering whether her decision to take the hard, seventeen-hour ride on her motorcycle back to Minnesota in cold weather had been the right one. She'd spent the last night in her otherwise empty house in just a sleeping bag, getting up to pack her motorcycle panniers with the last of her personal items, to leave in the dark just after 3 am. Daniel had promised to meet up with her the night before but had not returned from the SGC. Sam was reminded yet again how partners were left in suspense, and wished she knew who his new girl friend was so that she could reassure her.
After a week away though, the manner in which Jack had warmed her up again and eased the stiffness in her joints after her arrival had been welcome, to say the least. Her quadruped namesake had been ecstatic at her return and had expressed her thanks by dropping another rabbit at her feet, which Jack quickly threw outside. After removing her leathers and donning an old oversized woollen shirt of Jack's, she thawed out in front of the fire with the dog, while he fed her hot soup followed by baked potatoes and a spicy goulash stew. Gourmet cooking it wasn't, but the timing was perfect. She rewarded him by falling sound asleep in his arms, and he carried her to bed before the fire died away completely.
When she woke up in the night, Sam felt oddly pleased to find Sam 2 sleeping on the bed at her feet again. Looking across as Jack's unconscious form, she was overwhelmed by a feeling of belonging in a way she had ever known before. She moved closer and rested her forehead against his shoulder, reaching over to lay her arm lightly across his chest. He grunted in the same way that the dog did, and she smiled, her inner self wondering whether she could orchestrate this nocturnal 'choir'. Squeezing Jack gently again, at the same time rubbing her foot against the dog, she was rewarded with a stereophonic response and giggled softly. The mood of contentment and amusement accompanied her into sleep again.
XXXXXXXXXXXX
Sam was relieved that the plastic boxes containing her clothes and personal items had already been delivered the day before her arrival. Jack had stacked them in the lounge and the barn but had been reluctant to open any.
Although the situation was new for her, Sam had quickly realised that manipulating Jack the civilian was a talent that she possessed in abundance, in contrast to their time together in the military. His astonishment at the number of boxes she had sent and his lack of understanding about where all the contents were going to be accommodated were relatively easily overcome. In each room she helped him, forced him or wheedled him into emptying each and every cupboard or storage place of useless items and junk, or 'family heirlooms' as he referred to them. However she showed the utmost respect regarding anything relating to his late son, which Jack appreciated even when he had come to realise that he was being railroaded into the inevitable. She then arranged for two piles - 'his' and 'hers' to be placed in the open, and got him to agree that anything old and un-needed should be discarded. She had even seeded her own pile with some disposables to give a semblance of equality. What was placed back in the cupboards was what they wanted to keep. He finally agreed with a sigh that an eighty-twenty split of space in her favour in the large wardrobe was reasonable, remembering that his ex-wife's logic had also been irrefutable on this subject. But it felt so good to be sharing his life again, and he was sure he could find a corner of the barn for some of his stuff anyway.
So here she was, bridges burned - house up for sale, furniture in storage in the same Colorado warehouse as Jack's, car sold. Just the adventure of an electricity-free cabin winter for her with the man she loved and the dog that was becoming as big a part of her life as it was Jack's. Barter deals for the things they needed, just getting to know the small community - all challenges to be looked forward to.
They say you don't know happiness until it's gone, but Sam suddenly realised that she did. She recognised that she'd get a back into a role involving science at some stage, but right now, there was no need to rush. No need at all.
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