Tory and Ali Screw wit Lord of the Rings
Chapter 10- Of Drunken Hobbities
Victory was ours. After five days of fighting, the battle was won. By who? By who, I can't hear you?! Us, Helm's Deep people. I mean Saruman is cool, but sending 10,000 orcs to kill us, not cool. Everyone looked surprised to see Gandalf. I mean, I think it was mean how he left us. But he did help us win the battle (brain, stop!) Gandalf rode toward us. "So, what do you think?"
"Very impressive! I didn't think you would get back in time." Aragorn answered him. Not really caring, but answering him anyway. Gandalf looked annoyed.
"Gandalf, I don't think we really care. Can you give us sometime to think?" Tory told him. Gandalf look offended by that, but he rode away. Once he had gone, Tory looked at Aragorn, rode (or hopped. Well I don't know.) next to him. Then the next second later they were kissing (or trying to kiss) while on their horses. It was so funny. They literally fell off of their horses. I turned to Legolas, and we rode off laughing. I almost fell off my horse, from laughing so much. Legolas had to catch me with his arm. He's so strong. But I mean it was really funny; how could you kiss while on horses? I don't know, and I never want to know. I'm a civilized person who kisses on ground, thank you very much (unlike someone, who kisses people what almost kill them. cough Tory cough)! I jumped off my horse, and sat on a rock. Legolas did the same, but there wasn't another rock, so he sat on mine (rock taker, I'm only joking). He moved his face close to mine, but I didn't come. How was I supposed to know he was trying to kiss me? But after a while a got the point and kisses him (he kisses go well-drool).
We had to leave, for Gandalf was going to take us to Isengard. What fun! We'll just let him kill us. I don't understand why we were going to Isengard, but I really didn't care.
~*~
It was late, but the trip to Isengard would be really long, so we needed a head start. We paused only once, for Gandalf was listening to something. What is was I could hear it, so I didn't really care (Notice- I never care anymore, lol). Finally after a long time of riding we stopped to rest our energy. I could see Tory was having a really hard time with the whole riding thing. I could hear her complaining about how much her butt hurt. "Go find a cousin then, Sherlock." I told her. Only, she took it the wrong way.
"Well, I don't have a cousin, if you are so interested in getting me a cousin why don't you find one yourself?" She said screaming in my ear, even if she was sitting next to me. Legolas heard her screaming, and brought me a blanket. "You will need this. For the night is getting colder. Go to sleep, you will need your strength tomorrow." He told me. Then he kissed me on my forehead. "As for you Tory, someone could have heard you a mile away. Please, there is more in the woods than you think. I know that for a fact. I've seen it with my own eyes. Other things walk during the night, which I don't even know of. Keep quiet, and get some rest, you too. As I told you, you will need your strength." Tory then turned her head in various directions.
"What do you think is out there?" She asked me, as Legolas walked away.
"Walking trees, what else? I thought you read the book." I told her, now taking a look around for myself.
"I did read it, but what else could be in the woods other than trees?"
"I don't know. Flesh eating orcs?" I only said that to scare her, I knew it wasn't true though. I would be funny if it was true, then they could eat Tory (I'm only kidding). I then wrapped myself in the blanket that Legolas gave me. It was getting colder, but the blanket kept me warm. Gandalf woke us up at dawn. Not cool, I really was tired. But he didn't care. We hopped back on our horses, and went on riding to Isengard.
~*~
I could see Saruman's tower as we got closer to Isengard. It was so big! Then out of no where this hideous smell surrounded us. I could see Gandalf smiling, but why? I didn't bother to ask him. He looked the happiest in days. We entered the gate that was protecting Saruman's tower. It was very foggy, and there was standing water here and there. Out of the fog, we could see a go-cart approaching us (Tory and I knew who they were but no one else did).
"Helloooooooo." One of them said to us, in a very drunk way. I think someone had a little too much alcohol to drink. Don't you agree? Then the next one said "Greetings from Isengard!" What another drunken hobbit!
"Hello Merry and Pippin! It's great to see you again!" Gandalf said. Everyone was surprised to see them. No one said anything for a long time.
"Having to much alcohol are we? It was so easy to tell that you two were drunk." I told them.
"Please don't drink and drive!" Pippin said, getting out of the go- cart.
"Well, I think you broke that rule, eh Pip?" I told him, while Merry go out of the go-cart.
"Shhh, don't tell my mummy or the hobbit men (basically to make a long story short, hobbit men are like police men), they might catch me and put me in hobbit jail." (I will tell you what hobbit jail is, but I think you know it already. Hobbit jail is jail for hobbits except they treat the prisoners poorly, like we do) Pippin said, trying to walk, but fell over.
"Don't worry, Pippin. If the hobbit men were after us, we would hear noises. No one knows we each had two bottles of wine each."
"Well, now we do." Tory said to them. "I think I'm going to tell the 'what men'?"
"Hobbit men." I corrected her.
"No please don't. I'll do anything for you. Just don't tell them. Please!!!"
"Enough with this nonsense! Where is Treebread? I would like to talk to him. Théoden, you will come with me too." Gandalf said, trying to put some sense in the hobbities.
"Around there sir, dear-kind-white-Gandalf you would never tell the hobbit men, good Gandalf." Merry said, pointing around at Saruman's tower. "He's on the other side. Don't tell the hobbit men. I don't want to go to hobbit jail."
"Ok, I won't. Get some food for them, and catch up on some things. If you can still talk by the time they eat." Gandalf said pointing at Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Tory and I. "Théoden, let's go!" We watched as Gandalf and Théoden rode away. Now we were left to face to two drunken hobbities. What fun! We followed the hobbits into a room house thing attached to the wall gate thing (I'm sick and I'm making no sense at all what so ever, so I'm very sorry if you don't understand what I'm writing.)
"Sit down while we find you some food." Merry told us, but who could trust drunken hobbities. I guess we will be eating dirt, for they will probably drop the good food on the floor. They came back within five minutes with a hand full worth of food. They dropped the food on the table, and we began to eat.
"Is this orc food?" Gimli asked, turning to look at Merry and Pippin.
"No, why would it be?" Pippin asked, looking around the room.
"Because when you are drunk, you don't know what you're doing." I said, now starting to agree with Gimli. The food tasted weird.
"Believe me; I know this is man food." Merry said, looking at Tory's wine glass.
"How can we? I think this food has a weird taste to it. What are you getting at?" Legolas said, after he tasted his food.
"Nothing, its just food, eat it." Pippin said.
"I don't think I'm hungry anymore." I said looking at Tory. "I need some fresh air." I told her.
I left the table, and walked outside. I sat on the wall thinking for a while. Then Tory came out to talk to me.
"We can't stay here. I know that, and I know you know that." She said, taking a seat next to me.
"I know, but I don't want to leave. I want to stay here. What problems would it make?"
"Lots; you would be interfering with the book itself. Well we already did that." She said while looking up at the stars.
"If the book ends with Frodo and Sam, then aren't we in the wrong spot. We have to be with them. I have some feeling that if we don't finish the book then we will never be able to leave, but how to get to Frodo and Sam?" I told her.
"I thought about that too. But I'm not sure. It'd not like we are going to magically reappear some where else. That can't happen. I think we will have to travel there. But how, I do not know." Tory told me, with sadness in her voice.
"We most go then. Book three (the Lord of the Rings is split up into six books. But when they made the books, they put two together in each one) ends soon, so we have to leave." I told her, now looking at the stars too.
"Right, but it would take us forever to leave and get to the Emyn Muil Mountains. Remember we are in Isengard, not Rivendell (According to the map in my book, Rivendell is closer to the Emyn Muil Mountains then Isengard; Mirkwood is the closest, but it is south of the Emyn Muil Mountains). It would take us forever to get there, and remember I can't ride as fast as you." Tory said looking around to make sure no one was coming out.
"Do you think Gandalf could help us then?" I asked her, now looking into the fog.
"No, because then he would know where Frodo and Sam are. In the book, he doesn't know." She told me, now looking away from the door.
"Then we must go ourselves. I mean I love it here and all, but I'm starting to miss my home." I said to her, starting to get sad.
"Yeah, I guess your right. We have to make it to the Emyn Muil Mountains, or we will be stuck here forever. I do want to live my life. It's neat to be in a book and all but I guess I want to get home too." Tory said to me.
"I guess everyone is a little home sick in this book. That's kind of funny. Come on, let's go get ready." I said, starting to get up.
"Ali, remember no one can come with us, ok?" She said.
"Yeah, I know. But it's going to be hard leaving all this behind. I guess I can look forward to another adventure, but with different people. Come on, let's get this over with." I walked inside, to see everyone listening to Merry and Pippin.
"Come sit down and listen to Merry and Pippin's story." Aragorn said.
"We can't. We have to leave, right now." I said looking at Tory, who looked sad.
"Why?" Legolas said.
"We have to finish this book, or we will never leave. I'm sorry." I said, looking down at my feet. I couldn't stand to let Legolas see my face. I could feel a tear coming out of my eye. I walked into the other room, so I could find a towel to wipe it off. I heard foot steps coming in after me.
"Here." I felt a towel come over my shoulder, and I wiped my face with it. A hand was on my shoulder and it turned me around. I looked into the face of Legolas. He put his hand on the back of my head, and brought my face close to his. He kissed me and I leaned back. It was too hard to leave, but I had to.
"I have to go. You know that and I know that. Walk with me." We walked out into the fog. "I need a horse that can ride fast." I told him.
"I don't get it. Why do you have to leave?" He said putting on a look like, why has this happened I don't understand.
"We have to finish the book. I want to get home soon. Well not really, but I miss my family. You would too if you were in my position. I ask only one thing else from you." I told him looking into his gorgeous blue eyes.
"What, I will do anything for you." He said bringing me closer to him.
"Don't forget me. Now I must leave." His kisses me and I hopped up on the horse next to me. I rode back to the gate wall thing, leaving him behind me. I turned around once to look at him. He looked depressing in the fog. Damn, I don't want to leave him. Once I reached the gate wall thing, I hopped off my horse to get Tory. I walked in to see that neither Tory, Aragorn, nor Eomer sat at the table. "Where's Tory?" I asked Pippin.
"What? Who are you, are you the garbage man? Here that this." He said while handing me his plate. I told it in my hand, and rubbed it in his face. When I put the plate down his face was covered with spaghetti sauce.
"No, I'm not the garbage man. If I was I would be called the garbage woman." I told him.
"Hey Merry look, I'm all dirty!" He said looking at Merry.
"No shit Sherlock." I tried to say in a whisper, but it came out pretty loud.
~*~
Look I don't want to go onto five pages, so I'm going to let Tory tell you what she was doing with Aragorn. Well actually it doesn't interest me, so I'm not going to write it. Sorry about the length of this chapter. I found I was laughing while writing it. Hope you liked it. It's not that funny because I'm sick and it's not supposed to be that funny.
~*~
Tory looked back as we rode off into the fog.
"Don't look back. It will only hurt you more." I told her, not looking back.
"I know, but I'm going to miss them. They were so nice to us." She said almost starting to cry.
"Well now they are just a mere memory. We have to get to the Emyn Muil Mountains as fast as we can." I told her.
"Yeah, I guess so." We rode off into the dark, not knowing what we would meet next. Hopefully we will make it to the Emyn Muil Mountains, without being noticed. I figured we would go though Rohan, and pass though Mirkwood. The ride ahead of us would be long, put we will just have to suck it up. On the bright side we get to meet Frodo, Sam and Sméagol. As we rode on, I thought about what has happened to me.
Chapter 10- Of Drunken Hobbities
Victory was ours. After five days of fighting, the battle was won. By who? By who, I can't hear you?! Us, Helm's Deep people. I mean Saruman is cool, but sending 10,000 orcs to kill us, not cool. Everyone looked surprised to see Gandalf. I mean, I think it was mean how he left us. But he did help us win the battle (brain, stop!) Gandalf rode toward us. "So, what do you think?"
"Very impressive! I didn't think you would get back in time." Aragorn answered him. Not really caring, but answering him anyway. Gandalf looked annoyed.
"Gandalf, I don't think we really care. Can you give us sometime to think?" Tory told him. Gandalf look offended by that, but he rode away. Once he had gone, Tory looked at Aragorn, rode (or hopped. Well I don't know.) next to him. Then the next second later they were kissing (or trying to kiss) while on their horses. It was so funny. They literally fell off of their horses. I turned to Legolas, and we rode off laughing. I almost fell off my horse, from laughing so much. Legolas had to catch me with his arm. He's so strong. But I mean it was really funny; how could you kiss while on horses? I don't know, and I never want to know. I'm a civilized person who kisses on ground, thank you very much (unlike someone, who kisses people what almost kill them. cough Tory cough)! I jumped off my horse, and sat on a rock. Legolas did the same, but there wasn't another rock, so he sat on mine (rock taker, I'm only joking). He moved his face close to mine, but I didn't come. How was I supposed to know he was trying to kiss me? But after a while a got the point and kisses him (he kisses go well-drool).
We had to leave, for Gandalf was going to take us to Isengard. What fun! We'll just let him kill us. I don't understand why we were going to Isengard, but I really didn't care.
~*~
It was late, but the trip to Isengard would be really long, so we needed a head start. We paused only once, for Gandalf was listening to something. What is was I could hear it, so I didn't really care (Notice- I never care anymore, lol). Finally after a long time of riding we stopped to rest our energy. I could see Tory was having a really hard time with the whole riding thing. I could hear her complaining about how much her butt hurt. "Go find a cousin then, Sherlock." I told her. Only, she took it the wrong way.
"Well, I don't have a cousin, if you are so interested in getting me a cousin why don't you find one yourself?" She said screaming in my ear, even if she was sitting next to me. Legolas heard her screaming, and brought me a blanket. "You will need this. For the night is getting colder. Go to sleep, you will need your strength tomorrow." He told me. Then he kissed me on my forehead. "As for you Tory, someone could have heard you a mile away. Please, there is more in the woods than you think. I know that for a fact. I've seen it with my own eyes. Other things walk during the night, which I don't even know of. Keep quiet, and get some rest, you too. As I told you, you will need your strength." Tory then turned her head in various directions.
"What do you think is out there?" She asked me, as Legolas walked away.
"Walking trees, what else? I thought you read the book." I told her, now taking a look around for myself.
"I did read it, but what else could be in the woods other than trees?"
"I don't know. Flesh eating orcs?" I only said that to scare her, I knew it wasn't true though. I would be funny if it was true, then they could eat Tory (I'm only kidding). I then wrapped myself in the blanket that Legolas gave me. It was getting colder, but the blanket kept me warm. Gandalf woke us up at dawn. Not cool, I really was tired. But he didn't care. We hopped back on our horses, and went on riding to Isengard.
~*~
I could see Saruman's tower as we got closer to Isengard. It was so big! Then out of no where this hideous smell surrounded us. I could see Gandalf smiling, but why? I didn't bother to ask him. He looked the happiest in days. We entered the gate that was protecting Saruman's tower. It was very foggy, and there was standing water here and there. Out of the fog, we could see a go-cart approaching us (Tory and I knew who they were but no one else did).
"Helloooooooo." One of them said to us, in a very drunk way. I think someone had a little too much alcohol to drink. Don't you agree? Then the next one said "Greetings from Isengard!" What another drunken hobbit!
"Hello Merry and Pippin! It's great to see you again!" Gandalf said. Everyone was surprised to see them. No one said anything for a long time.
"Having to much alcohol are we? It was so easy to tell that you two were drunk." I told them.
"Please don't drink and drive!" Pippin said, getting out of the go- cart.
"Well, I think you broke that rule, eh Pip?" I told him, while Merry go out of the go-cart.
"Shhh, don't tell my mummy or the hobbit men (basically to make a long story short, hobbit men are like police men), they might catch me and put me in hobbit jail." (I will tell you what hobbit jail is, but I think you know it already. Hobbit jail is jail for hobbits except they treat the prisoners poorly, like we do) Pippin said, trying to walk, but fell over.
"Don't worry, Pippin. If the hobbit men were after us, we would hear noises. No one knows we each had two bottles of wine each."
"Well, now we do." Tory said to them. "I think I'm going to tell the 'what men'?"
"Hobbit men." I corrected her.
"No please don't. I'll do anything for you. Just don't tell them. Please!!!"
"Enough with this nonsense! Where is Treebread? I would like to talk to him. Théoden, you will come with me too." Gandalf said, trying to put some sense in the hobbities.
"Around there sir, dear-kind-white-Gandalf you would never tell the hobbit men, good Gandalf." Merry said, pointing around at Saruman's tower. "He's on the other side. Don't tell the hobbit men. I don't want to go to hobbit jail."
"Ok, I won't. Get some food for them, and catch up on some things. If you can still talk by the time they eat." Gandalf said pointing at Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Tory and I. "Théoden, let's go!" We watched as Gandalf and Théoden rode away. Now we were left to face to two drunken hobbities. What fun! We followed the hobbits into a room house thing attached to the wall gate thing (I'm sick and I'm making no sense at all what so ever, so I'm very sorry if you don't understand what I'm writing.)
"Sit down while we find you some food." Merry told us, but who could trust drunken hobbities. I guess we will be eating dirt, for they will probably drop the good food on the floor. They came back within five minutes with a hand full worth of food. They dropped the food on the table, and we began to eat.
"Is this orc food?" Gimli asked, turning to look at Merry and Pippin.
"No, why would it be?" Pippin asked, looking around the room.
"Because when you are drunk, you don't know what you're doing." I said, now starting to agree with Gimli. The food tasted weird.
"Believe me; I know this is man food." Merry said, looking at Tory's wine glass.
"How can we? I think this food has a weird taste to it. What are you getting at?" Legolas said, after he tasted his food.
"Nothing, its just food, eat it." Pippin said.
"I don't think I'm hungry anymore." I said looking at Tory. "I need some fresh air." I told her.
I left the table, and walked outside. I sat on the wall thinking for a while. Then Tory came out to talk to me.
"We can't stay here. I know that, and I know you know that." She said, taking a seat next to me.
"I know, but I don't want to leave. I want to stay here. What problems would it make?"
"Lots; you would be interfering with the book itself. Well we already did that." She said while looking up at the stars.
"If the book ends with Frodo and Sam, then aren't we in the wrong spot. We have to be with them. I have some feeling that if we don't finish the book then we will never be able to leave, but how to get to Frodo and Sam?" I told her.
"I thought about that too. But I'm not sure. It'd not like we are going to magically reappear some where else. That can't happen. I think we will have to travel there. But how, I do not know." Tory told me, with sadness in her voice.
"We most go then. Book three (the Lord of the Rings is split up into six books. But when they made the books, they put two together in each one) ends soon, so we have to leave." I told her, now looking at the stars too.
"Right, but it would take us forever to leave and get to the Emyn Muil Mountains. Remember we are in Isengard, not Rivendell (According to the map in my book, Rivendell is closer to the Emyn Muil Mountains then Isengard; Mirkwood is the closest, but it is south of the Emyn Muil Mountains). It would take us forever to get there, and remember I can't ride as fast as you." Tory said looking around to make sure no one was coming out.
"Do you think Gandalf could help us then?" I asked her, now looking into the fog.
"No, because then he would know where Frodo and Sam are. In the book, he doesn't know." She told me, now looking away from the door.
"Then we must go ourselves. I mean I love it here and all, but I'm starting to miss my home." I said to her, starting to get sad.
"Yeah, I guess your right. We have to make it to the Emyn Muil Mountains, or we will be stuck here forever. I do want to live my life. It's neat to be in a book and all but I guess I want to get home too." Tory said to me.
"I guess everyone is a little home sick in this book. That's kind of funny. Come on, let's go get ready." I said, starting to get up.
"Ali, remember no one can come with us, ok?" She said.
"Yeah, I know. But it's going to be hard leaving all this behind. I guess I can look forward to another adventure, but with different people. Come on, let's get this over with." I walked inside, to see everyone listening to Merry and Pippin.
"Come sit down and listen to Merry and Pippin's story." Aragorn said.
"We can't. We have to leave, right now." I said looking at Tory, who looked sad.
"Why?" Legolas said.
"We have to finish this book, or we will never leave. I'm sorry." I said, looking down at my feet. I couldn't stand to let Legolas see my face. I could feel a tear coming out of my eye. I walked into the other room, so I could find a towel to wipe it off. I heard foot steps coming in after me.
"Here." I felt a towel come over my shoulder, and I wiped my face with it. A hand was on my shoulder and it turned me around. I looked into the face of Legolas. He put his hand on the back of my head, and brought my face close to his. He kissed me and I leaned back. It was too hard to leave, but I had to.
"I have to go. You know that and I know that. Walk with me." We walked out into the fog. "I need a horse that can ride fast." I told him.
"I don't get it. Why do you have to leave?" He said putting on a look like, why has this happened I don't understand.
"We have to finish the book. I want to get home soon. Well not really, but I miss my family. You would too if you were in my position. I ask only one thing else from you." I told him looking into his gorgeous blue eyes.
"What, I will do anything for you." He said bringing me closer to him.
"Don't forget me. Now I must leave." His kisses me and I hopped up on the horse next to me. I rode back to the gate wall thing, leaving him behind me. I turned around once to look at him. He looked depressing in the fog. Damn, I don't want to leave him. Once I reached the gate wall thing, I hopped off my horse to get Tory. I walked in to see that neither Tory, Aragorn, nor Eomer sat at the table. "Where's Tory?" I asked Pippin.
"What? Who are you, are you the garbage man? Here that this." He said while handing me his plate. I told it in my hand, and rubbed it in his face. When I put the plate down his face was covered with spaghetti sauce.
"No, I'm not the garbage man. If I was I would be called the garbage woman." I told him.
"Hey Merry look, I'm all dirty!" He said looking at Merry.
"No shit Sherlock." I tried to say in a whisper, but it came out pretty loud.
~*~
Look I don't want to go onto five pages, so I'm going to let Tory tell you what she was doing with Aragorn. Well actually it doesn't interest me, so I'm not going to write it. Sorry about the length of this chapter. I found I was laughing while writing it. Hope you liked it. It's not that funny because I'm sick and it's not supposed to be that funny.
~*~
Tory looked back as we rode off into the fog.
"Don't look back. It will only hurt you more." I told her, not looking back.
"I know, but I'm going to miss them. They were so nice to us." She said almost starting to cry.
"Well now they are just a mere memory. We have to get to the Emyn Muil Mountains as fast as we can." I told her.
"Yeah, I guess so." We rode off into the dark, not knowing what we would meet next. Hopefully we will make it to the Emyn Muil Mountains, without being noticed. I figured we would go though Rohan, and pass though Mirkwood. The ride ahead of us would be long, put we will just have to suck it up. On the bright side we get to meet Frodo, Sam and Sméagol. As we rode on, I thought about what has happened to me.