My Cup Runneth Over, part 3
by Susan Owens
Joxer returned the smile and took Gabrielle's hand in his. "Okay, let's go."
The three companions traveled along the trail, with Arose in the lead as their
lookout. Joxer watched the young Amazon for a long time before turning to
Gabrielle.
"You know, Gabs? I think Arose would have been one heck of an Amazon if she
hadn't died so young," he said aloud. "She has the know-how but not the skill. I
mean... Well... You know what I mean. She's got the heart to do great things.
You'd think she's kinda like me, I guess."
Arose called over her shoulder to alert him about a tree that had fallen onto
the path, partially blocking it. He smiled as he helped Gabrielle's body over
the obstacle, and continued to watch Arose as she bumbled along ahead of them,
her expression focused and alert as her gaze scanned the terrain before them.
"I hope someday that someone will come and free Arose from this place," he said,
a little wistful. "I know that if she had a good teacher like Cyane, she could
be a great warrior. I know that Cyane doesn't think much of me Gabs, but I
recognize a good and fair warrior when I see one. She kinda reminds me a little
of Xena, in fact..."
Arose suddenly cried out and leapt into a clump of bushes alongside the trail.
There was much thrashing and shouting, then a very angry and disheveled robin
flew up from the bushes to sit on a branch above, chattering indignantly to
anyone within earshot. The young Amazon's head appeared from between the leaves,
her cheeks flushed crimson with embarrassment.
"I'm okay! It's all under control here!" she announced.
Joxer shook his head, feeling a pang of familiarity at the sight of Arose
muttering to herself and picking twigs from her hair. "C'mon, Gabby," he said.
"We'd better catch up with Arose."
Cyane could do little but stare at the scene before them as she took in all that
Joxer had to say about her. "I didn't know he thought so highly of me,"she
murmured.
"Joxer's always been a good judge of character," Xena replied, not taking her
eyes away from where Joxer lay.
Cyane nodded, feeling humbled and a little bit guilty about the way she had
treated Joxer in the past. She knew she shouldn't have ever doubted Gabrielle
and Xena's praise for the bumbling hero. Test after test in the Amazon
Underworld, he had proved himself to be rather Mighty in heart and in deed.
When Joxer and Gabrielle caught up with Arose, she had finished brushing herself
off and was staring down into a valley. The expression on her face was distant
and conflicted.
"We will soon reach the next test," she said quietly.
She very suddenly turned to Joxer, taking his free hand in hers.
"Joxer...Please. When you save Queen Gabrielle--" She paused, and he was shocked
to realize that her eyes glistened with tears. "Joxer, please stay here with me.
I love you."
Joxer was stunned by the young Amazon's words, but he caught himself and smiled
down at her gently. "Arose, I'm really sorry. You know that my heart belongs to
Gabrielle."
The Amazon scrubbed the tears away from her eyes and gazed up at him,resolute.
"But I love you Joxer, with all of my heart. I knew from the moment I met you
that I had fallen for you. Please stay with me," she pleaded softly.
Joxer kindly brushed an errant lock of hair from her eyes. "Arose, I will always
be your friend, but I'm too old for you. Why, you couldn't have been more than
15 years old when you came here to the Underworld."
Arose set her jaw stubbornly, pulling away from him. "I am not 15! I am 16 and
you are not too old for me!" She stomped her foot for good measure. "I can't
help it that I'm in love with you! I- I love you so much!" She suddenly turned
and ran away from him. Joxer immediately ran after her and caught her by the
arm.
"Let go of me!" she snarled, trying to pull away from his grip and failing.
"Arose!" Joxer cried, ignoring her venomous glare as he gazed into her eyes.
"Arose, please! Listen to me! There's someone out there for you, someone who
will love you the way that you deserve to be loved."
She shook her head furiously but he held on fast. "I'll always, always be your
friend but I can't love you romantically. I'm so sorry, Arose. I don't want to
hurt you. I'm sorry."
As a last-ditch, desperate effort, Arose grabbed Joxer, pulling him close to her
and kissing him passionately. A sob caught in her throat when she realized that
he did not return her urgent caresses. He pulled away from her, his eyes sad.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She turned away from him, pulling the back of her hand across her eyes before
nodding to herself. "I'm sorry too, Joxer. I'm sorry that I'm in love with you.
I'm sorry that I always will love you. And I'm really sorry that I kissed you."
The last words were uttered bitterly. Joxer watched sadly as she abruptly walked
away from him, her head down. With a soft sigh, he collected Gabrielle, took her
hand, and solemnly followed the young Amazon as she picked her way along the
path.
It wasn't long before they had made their way down into the valley. Joxer had to
stop and stare for a very long time. He had seen many valleys in his time, but
never one that looked like this.
There were walls that stood ten feet high. There was something quite like a
tunnel to crawl through, and rows of chariot wheels laid over on their sides on
the sandy earth.
"We have arrived," Arose told him, looking around. "This is your next test...
The Obstacle Course."
Joxer just continued to stare, dumbfounded. Arose walked down to the "Obstacle
Course," and after shaking himself, Joxer took Gabrielle's hand and followed.
When they reached Arose, she was looking around curiously. "I wonder which
Amazon is in charge of this test--"
Suddenly, all three were bombarded by the piercing sound of a whistle.
"All right, you maggots, look alive! This ain't no playground! Drop and give me
fifty!"
Joxer's jaw dropped when an Amazon appeared before him, wearing the
strangest-looking clothes he had ever seen. Her heavily-starched and neatly
pleated garb was all in shades of green with a strange weapon strapped to her
side and an odd round helmet on her head. She also carried a small, tapered
black whip under one arm. Joxer cried out when she lashed out at him with it
without warning.
"OW! That really stings!" he yelled, sucking on the fingers the Amazon had
lashed.
"You pansy!" the green-clad Amazon warrior shouted, her voice dripping with
disgust. "I said drop and give me fifty, soldier!"
"Fifty?" Joxer cried, fast becoming completely and utterly confused. "Fifty
WHAT??!"
The Amazon looked scandalized that he dared to question her authority. "I will
not have my orders disobeyed, soldier! Now drop and give me fifty! NOW!" she
roared.
Arose frantically grabbed Joxer's arm and pulled him down to the ground.
"Joxer!" she hissed. "She wants you to do fifty push-ups."
"Push-ups?" he hissed back, panicking a little. "What the heck are push-ups?"
"Just watch!"
Arose straightened herself out, her toes and palms the only part of her body
that touched the ground. She began to bend her arms at the elbow, lowering her
body about halfway before pulling herself up and straightening her arms again.
He watched carefully and soon caught on to what she was doing. His arms ached
fiercely by the time he counted to fifty, but he had made it so he proudly
climbed to his feet and stood tall.
"DID I SAY YOU WERE DONE?" the Amazon yelled.
He flinched a little, deflating. "Um... No?"
The Amazon narrowed her eyes and approached him, pushing her face just inches
from his. "You will address me as Sergeant and you will speak loudly and
clearly. Do I make myself clear, soldier?" she said menacingly, spittle flying
from her mouth and showering his face.
"Yes, Sergeant," Joxer mumbled, not daring to wipe the mess away.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" the Amazon roared, showering him again.
"YES SERGEANT!"
The Amazon sergeant nodded her head, pleased at his response. "So, you're here
to try your hand at the Obstacle Course. Is that right?"
"YES SERGEANT!"
"Do you really think you've got the guts, soldier?"
"YES SERGEANT!" Joxer's ears began to ring and his voice was getting hoarse with
all the shouting and carrying on. He wasn't used to conversing like this.
"Well, I don't think you do. You're a Mama's Boy, aren't you soldier?
You're a pansy Mama's Boy, isn't that right?"
Joxer just stared at her, goggle-eyed.
"Don't eyeball me, boy!" she shouted, cracking her whip against her leg.
He gulped loudly and quickly moved his gaze to look at Gabrielle instead Boy...
She sure was asking for it, wasn't she? he thought to himself, but knew that he
would be better off if he played along with the Amazon Sergeant's game.
"YES SERGEANT, I AM A MAMA'S BOY!" he cried enthusiastically.
Arose clapped her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter, but the
Sergeant suddenly turned, noticing the young Amazon for the first time.
"What's so funny, soldier? Drop and give me fifty!"
Arose opened her mouth in protest. "But I'm not the one doing the test!"
The Amazon Sergeant cracked her whip impatiently in the air. "Do as you're
told!" She then turned her attention to the vacant-eyed Gabrielle. "You too,
Blondie! Drop and give me fifty!"
Of course, Gabrielle did not respond to the Sergeant's command. The Amazon
reached up to strike her with the whip, and Joxer leaped forward with a shout,
blocking his beloved from the Amazon's blow. Although his face stung from the
Sergeant's whip, he stood firmly between her and Gabrielle.
"You can yell at me, you can call me anything you like, but don't you dare raise
a hand to Gabrielle," he told her in a low, dangerous voice, sounding just like
Jett.
The Sergeant gave him a genuinely pleased smile. "That was part of the test,
soldier. I'm glad to see that Queen Gabrielle is in good hands. Are you ready
for the remainder of your test?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Okay then, soldier. You must run this obstacle course. If you make it through,
you'll pass this test. If you don't, you'll return to you own world without
Queen Gabrielle. So you understand? Miss just one obstacle and you're through."
Joxer nodded vigorously and gulped loudly.
"Okay, here's what you must do. First, you have to crawl under a briar patch,
then scale that wall, swing across that small creek over there, run through that
line of chariot wheels, and then crawl through that small tunnel before you
hurry back here to me," the Sergeant explained quickly.
"Is that all?" he asked her dryly.
"No," she pulled out a length of dark cloth from her pocket. "You must be
blindfolded."
Damn. Joxer felt a wave of despair flow over him as the Sergeant handed the
blindfold to Arose. The young Amazon approached him, reaching up to place the
blindfold over his eyes carefully. She leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on
the cheek.
"I love you," she told him softly. "Good luck."
Joxer could do little more than stand there blindly. "How am I supposed to
finish this test if I can't see the course?" he demanded.
"Use your other senses, Joxer!" a hauntingly familiar voice called out to him
encouragingly. "You can do it! Believe in yourself, Joxer... I know I do! I
believe in you!"
He turned towards the sound of the voice, his heart in his throat. "I will,
Gabrielle, for you I will!"
He stood still for a long moment, listening to the sound of the wind brushing
against everything around him. There was a soft whistling sound to his left and
he turned towards it, thinking that it must be the briars that the wind was
softly whistling through. He walked forward a few feet and yelped when his leg
was poked by a sharp barb. He hunkered down on all fours and started to crawl
underneath the blanket pointy briars, careful not to touch any more of the
barbs.
"Why did you use Queen Gabrielle's voice, sister?" the Sergeant asked the
younger Amazon as they watched Joxer's progress from afar.
Arose looked deeply sad, but firm in her resolve. "I want him to do this."
"Yes, but if he fails he will return to his own world."
"He won't fail. He can't fail. I want him to succeed."
"Why?"
Arose sucked in a breath. "Because I love him, sister. Even if he doesn't return
the feeling, I want him to be happy. And if he wins back Queen Gabrielle, he'll
be the happiest man on the face of this earth."
The Amazon Sergeant nodded quietly, surprised by her sister's depth of feeling
for the bumbling hero that was struggling in the briar patch before them.
Joxer somehow made it through the briar patch with only a few scratches. He
climbed to his feet, brushed himself off, then stopped and listened to
everything around him. He knew that he wouldn't be able to hear the wall, so he
tried to visualize where the wall was located in relation to the briar patch.
"C'mon, Joxer... Think..." he muttered to himself. He started forward slowly,
his arms held out before him in hopes of finding the wall. He stumbled about the
same general area for a few minutes before getting frustrated and hurling
himself forward with an angry cry. It was a sloppy way of going about it, but
Joxer did manage to find the wall; he quite literally ran right into it. He lay
still on the dirt, dazed by the startling blow he had taken to the head when he
ran into the wall.
Arose ran to his side, worried. "Joxer, are you all right?" she asked, her voice
shaking a little.
He continued to lie there for a long moment, waiting for the sparks to disappear
from behind his eyelids. He slowly pulled himself to his feet, using the
offending wall as support. "I am fine, Arose. Please let me finish this now."
Arose said nothing more to him, then walked back over to stand beside Queen
Gabrielle.
"He is doing this for you," she said, not caring that Gabrielle couldn't hear
her. "You are the luckiest woman alive, my Queen."
Joxer felt his way slowly around the wall until he located a rope hanging down
one side. He tugged on it briefly to test its strength, then heaved a sigh.
"Well, if Autolycus can do this, so can I!"
He began to climb the wall slowly and surely. He was almost halfway to the top
of the wall when he somehow lost his bearing and fell back to the ground with a
painful thump. He shook his head, rubbing his rear end with a hand before
reaching out for the rope once again. He knew that as long as he did not give
up, he could win this test.
All through the evening the Mighty One tried his hardest to scale the wall. It
seemed as though every time he thought he was at the top, he would slip and fall
back to the ground. Arose turned to the Amazon Sergeant with tears in her eyes.
"Can't you help him?"
The Sergeant shook her head firmly. "I can only encourage him, nothing more,"
she told Arose quietly. She then headed towards the wall, where Joxer was
leaning heavily, bruised and dirty from his efforts.
"You lily-livered maggot! My little old grandmother could scale this tiny little
wall!" she yelled in his ear, startling him thoroughly.
"I AM TRYING, DAMN IT!" he yelled back, frustrated.
"BULL!" she spat. "You may as well give up now, soldier. You don't have it in
you to scale this wall!"
Joxer suddenly threw himself at the wall with an animal cry. "NOOOOO! I WILL DO
THIS FOR GABRIELLE!"
Somehow he had found a core of strength in him that he didn't even know he
possessed. He was exhausted and every part of his body ached, but he pulled
himself up the rope and over the wall, tumbling down the other side. He realized
that he had finally made it over and leaped to his feet with a cry of joy.
Arose reached over and hugged Gabrielle fiercely, tears of happiness in her
eyes. "He did it, my Queen! Our Joxer did it!"
"'Our' Joxer? Hmm. It looks like maybe Arose really does care a lot for him,"
Eris murmured from her place next to Cyane. The other women in the hut nodded in
agreement.
"Yeah, I noticed," returned a worried Xena, frowning as she gazed down at the
still form of her friend.
Joxer calmed himself down and stood still once again to listen for the sound of
the creek running through the obstacle course. He caught the sound and headed
forward carefully.
Arose's breath caught in her throat as she watched him search. "Oh, Queen
Gabrielle, watch! He's doing this all for you!"
She looked at Gabrielle's vacant body and was startled by the rush of resentment
that came over her.
"Why did I have to die so soon? I know that if I had lived I would be with Joxer
now and maybe he would have loved me instead of you."
As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She hung her head in
shame. "I am sorry, my Queen. I know that he has chosen you, and with good
reason. Please forgive my selfishness..."
When she turned back to Joxer, she saw that he had found the platform and had
swung across the creek successfully with only a little mud splashed on his pants
to show for it. He had just managed to make his way through the chariot wheels
without breaking a leg and was looking for the tunnel, but was going in the
wrong direction.
"Joxer! Joxer! Behind you!" she cried out in Gabrielle's voice, and the bumbling
hero turned abruptly and smacked his foot into the side of the tunnel. He hopped
around on his uninjured foot cursing out in pain before shaking it off and
finding his way to the end of the tunnel. He climbed in and quickly found his
way to the other side.
"Now, Joxer! This way! Follow my voice!" Arose called, and Joxer followed the
sound of her voice eagerly. He didn't stop until he smacked right into the
Amazon Sergeant.
"Very good, soldier!" the Sergeant exclaimed, pulling the blindfold from Joxer's
eyes. "You passed my Obstacle Course. Here is your medal... Good luck on your
next test 'cause you're gonna need it!"
At that, the Amazon Obstacle Course and the Sergeant vanished from the valley.
Joxer peered at the medal in his hand for a long moment before placing it around
his neck with the others. Only four more to go, he thought to himself.
He then turned to Arose and smiled. "I will have to visit Artemis' temple when I
am finished with these tests and thank her."
"What do you mean?" Arose asked, her head tilted to one side.
"She helped me, Arose. Artemis let Gabrielle speak to me to give me
encouragement throughout this test," he told her.
Arose gazed at him glumly. "Yeah," she muttered. "That was nice of her."
She shook herself suddenly and started walking through the valley, along the
trail that had appeared after the Sergeant vanished. "Come on, then. The next
test is waiting. I'll walk on ahead."
Joxer took Gabrielle's hand and followed the young Amazon along the trail,
watching her and wondering about the confession that she had made to him earlier
in the day. He did care very deeply for the young Amazon girl.
He felt badly about what had happened and hoped that they could still remain
friends after everything was said and done.
Arose kept walking ahead slowly, facing completely away from Joxer and Queen
Gabrielle as they followed behind her. She didn't want to look at either of
them; it hurt her too much to do so. She hurried along ahead faster as the tears
began to fall down her face.
She couldn't let him know how she felt.
She couldn't let him see her crying.
The Seventh Test
Arose walked ahead, mumbling to herself miserably as she scouted the path. "Why
did he have to show up here? Why am I so in love with him? Why am I hurting
myself like this? He doesn't love me and he never will..."
Joxer followed about ten paces behind the young Amazon, watching her solemnly.
He found himself wishing that he could help her in some way, like he was helping
Gabrielle. She was a good kid. No, not a kid, he corrected himself firmly, but a
young lady. What could he possibly do to help her? He was jolted from his
unhappy reverie when Arose suddenly turned and ran back towards them with a look
of urgent terror on her face. "We've got to take a different path," she said
abruptly, completely out of breath.
Joxer tilted his head to the side, bemused. "Why? This is the path we were told
to follow for the seventh test."
"No!" Arose cried, then took a breath and repeated in a calmer tone, "No, we
must not."
Joxer stared at her, surprised at how frightened the young Amazon seemed. He
took her carefully by the shoulders and turned her around to face him. "Why
mustn't we, Arose? What are you afraid of?"
Arose pulled away and set her jaw in a stubborn line. "I'm not afraid," she
replied scornfully. "I'm an Amazon! Amazons fear nothing!"
Joxer stifled a smile, nodding. "Okay, okay, I didn't mean it like that. But
something's bothering you, Arose."
Several emotions fought their way across her face before shame won out. She hung
her head, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I-I'm sorry, Joxer. I'm afraid."
"Of what?" he asked gently. She raised her hand and pointed ahead of them. He
raised his gaze from her pale face and trembling lips to the direction she
indicated. His deep brown eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped slightly at what he
saw.
The sunny path they were presently standing upon seemed to wind down abruptly
into a darkly forbidding, narrow course fraught with fallen branches and jagged
stones. The trees on either side of the path were black, twisted and ugly,
completely devoid of life, leaf or fruit. Their branches were heavily weighted
with inky vines that hung down from above as if they were actively seeking an
unsuspecting traveler to strangle the life from. It was hands-down the most
horrible place he thought he would ever lay eyes on. What really made the
looming forest so frightening was the complete and utter silence that blanketed
the path. There was no birdsong, no leaves for the wind to rustle. It was a
terrifyingly evil, sterile place. Joxer swallowed back his own initial rush of
fear and gazed back down at his friend.
"That's what I'm afraid of," she told him softly. "The Forest of No Return."
"I don't blame you." He shuddered briefly, then pulled himself together and gave
her a lopsided, reassuring smile. "But I have to go through it. I have to take
this path wherever it leads Gabrielle and me. I-I understand if you don't wish
to come with us."
"No," Arose said hollowly, but her eyes were firm and resolute. "Queen Gabrielle
needs me and so do you. You can't do this alone." She stopped, set her shoulders
and raised her head proudly. Her lips held the ghost of a smile. "And besides...
I am an Amazon, after all."
"Yes, you are an Amazon, and a very brave one, too." Joxer's face broke out into
one of his wonderful, infectious grins, and Arose had no choice but to return it
as he took her hand in one of his own and Gabrielle's in another. "Come on, you
two. Let's go." With that, they disappeared into the Forest of No Return.
The ceremonial hut in the Amazon camp was filled with the low, surprised
murmurings of those that watched Joxer and his two companions hurl themselves
into the unimaginable peril of the Forest of No Return. Not a single warrior
knew another who had traveled through the Forest and returned unscathed in
either mind or spirit. It was all Xena could do to maintain her composure as she
watched her two best friends disappear into the darkness of the Forest.
Cyane stared at Joxer's body, shaking her head in disbelief. "Xena, when this is
all over, remind me to make that man an Amazon."
Xena managed a shaky smile in reply, nodding once before forcing herself to turn
back to the scene unfolding before them.
Joxer forged ahead through the deadly silent Forest, Arose clinging tightly
against him on one side, and Gabrielle's body trailing along unconcernedly on
the other. His thoughts wandered this way and that, scattering and bouncing
around his weary mind. A single thought rallied itself loudly and persistently:
Was the Forest the seventh test or was the seventh test beyond it?
So lost was he in his own thoughts that he didn't realize that Arose was
speaking to him. The air in the Forest was so oppressive that her voice seemed
muffled, subdued. "...don't understand," she was telling him quietly. "They say
it was once the most beautiful forest in the Amazon Underworld."
"What happened to it?" he asked her in a low voice, unwilling to break the
oppressive silence of the forest.
"The story goes that an Amazon warrior once lived here and she was always happy.
Then, one day for some reason unknown to the Underworld, she became unhappy and
the Forest began to change, too. It blackened and died until it became what we
see today. They say it is a reflection of her spirit, of the anguish she suffers
each day of her life," Arose replied softly.
Joxer suddenly came up short, pulling his companions tightly against his chest.
Arose looked up at him in confusion, then realized he was glaring at something
ahead of them. She followed his gaze and gasped when she saw that there was a
very small, bent and gnarled man standing before them on the path. She pulled
away from Joxer quickly, drew her sword and tried to take a defensive stance in
front of her friends. "Who are you?" she demanded imperiously.
The old man shook his head sadly. "No one. Just a lost soul."
They stared at the old man, neither of them moving a muscle for what seemed like
ages before the man spoke again, causing them to start in surprise. "If you must
go through here, boy, please be careful," he told Joxer slowly, his voice
mournful. At that, the man simply vanished.
Arose stalked over to where the little old man had stood no less than seconds
before and poked around the underbrush with the edge of her sword. "What a
strange man," she said at last, for lack of anything better to say.
Joxer was far too lost in his own thoughts to have heard her, however. "I wonder
what made the Amazon so unhappy? What could possibly have caused her soul to
blacken and die like this Forest?" He turned and looked at the young Amazon
thoughtfully. "Arose? Do you think this is the seventh test?"
She frowned at his words, and her tone was noncommittal. "I hope not, Joxer."
He narrowed his eyes and watched her for a long moment. "There's something
you're not telling me."
Arose sighed. "Joxer, there have been many Amazons who have tried to discover
what made the Amazon unhappy. They've all died for their failure."
"Died?!" Joxer repeated, confused. "I don't understand, Arose. This is the
Underworld we're talking about here. You're all already dead!"
"This is different, Joxer," the young Amazon insisted, making an impatient
gesture with her sword. "The Amazons who failed to find out what made her
unhappy were taken from our Underworld and cast into another place, a fate far
worse than death." She shuddered uncontrollably at her last words.
Joxer nodded, understanding at last. "Well, I guess I'll have to succeed, then.
I mean, there's gotta be a logical reason for all this doom and gloom."
Arose took a step towards him, a hand reaching out towards him. "Joxer, no." She
faltered for a moment, bringing her hand back down to her side and clenching it
into a fist. "Please, Joxer. It's too dangerous."
"I have to do this, Arose. I have to, for Gabrielle," Joxer said firmly.
"Gabrielle!" the young Amazon snarled. "I am so tired of Gabrielle! Gabrielle
this, Gabrielle that, Gabrielle, Gabrielle, Gabrielle! What about you, Joxer?"
Joxer stood there and blankly stared at his friend for a long time, Gabrielle's
hand in his own. He couldn't comprehend her words. He'd thought that Arose
understood why he was doing all of this. He finally turned from the Amazon and
pushed past her with Gabrielle in tow, continuing to climb deeper into the
Forest.
Arose put a hand to her mouth, tears filling her eyes and blinding her. Oh,
Goddess, she thought. I shouldn't have said all of that. What was I thinking?
She blinked away the tears and ran after her friend with a strangled cry.
"Joxer, wait!" she called out to him. "Joxer... Joxer, please!"
Joxer the Mighty halted abruptly and whirled around to face Arose. "Look," he
began, his voice low and tense. "I told you all of this. I explained it. I love
Gabrielle, Arose. She is my life, my entire world." He stopped himself, ran a
hand through his untidy hair, and sighed. "Please try to understand, Arose. I
love her. I need her in my life and I'll take all of the tests you Amazons throw
at me. If I fail this one, so be it. At least I tried."
Arose swallowed back the lump in her throat. At last she nodded. "Fine, Joxer.
If you want to die, then follow me," she said bitterly. Arose walked ahead of
him on the path and he had no other choice but to follow. He was still trying to
forgive her for her outburst a few minutes before when they came upon what
looked like a former palace. The building before them was huge, its' crumbling
walls smothered in the same vines that choked the Forest around them. Without
hesitation, Arose began to climb a set of steps that led up to a huge set of
ornately carved wooden doors.
Joxer pulled Gabrielle up the steps as the young Amazon pushed open the wooden
doors with an angry shove. Inside, the palace looked no better than the outside.
The vines continued to grow within the walls, pouring through the high windows
and cascading down onto the furniture, partially hiding colorfully woven
tapestries and rugs that lined the floor. Not a light seemed to shine into the
rooms here, not a sign of life to be found other than those ever-present vines
that seemed to cast their own sickly, oily glow over everything within and
without the palace.
Suddenly there was a sharp voice, demanding: "Who are you and why have you
come?"
Both Joxer and Arose whirled around to see an Amazon coming down one of the
staircases before them. She was tall and pale, her sickly thin form covered in a
completely black gown that was unwashed and torn. Her hair and eyes were coldly
black, as black as her own heart and the Forest had become. She stared at their
horrified faces for a long time before snapping out, "Well? What do you want?"
Arose positioned herself in front of Joxer once again. She bowed her head
slightly out of respect, then pulled her head and shoulders back proudly. Only
Joxer was close enough to see how the young Amazon was trembling from fear. "I
am Arose. This is Queen Gabrielle, and her consort, Joxer."
The Amazon looked at them expectantly, then shook herself. "Oh. The test." She
narrowed her eyes and a coldly mirthless smile touched her lips. "All right,
Mighty One. Make me happy."
Joxer fidgeted nervously, then swallowed. "I, uh... I know a couple of jokes."
The Amazon yawned, bored. "Oooookay... Jokes, bad. Hmm. Don't like jokes." She
shook her head in disgust.
He cast his gaze about frantically, trying not to panic. "Well, ummm... Lemme
see... Oh, I know! What about a funny story?"
The Amazon suddenly moved down the staircase until she was standing before the
three friends. She stared at Joxer coldly before walking across the room and
draping herself across a vine-infested throne. She looked bored yet alert. "Go
on, then. Tell me your funny story if you insist. But I warn you, Joxer The
Mighty, if it does not make me happy, you shall perish."
Joxer nodded, took in a huge lung full of breath and began: "Once in a far-away
land lived a beautiful Princess who wanted to marry a real Prince. She was so
spoiled throughout her life that no one else would do. Her name was Hilda."
Arose stared at him. "Joxer," she muttered in warning. "It's supposed to make
her happy."
Joxer glanced at her, giving her a bright smile before continuing. "Every Prince
came from miles around but Hilda always found something wrong with each of them.
Then, one day, a handsome man came to the village outside the palace. He saw the
Princess and fell madly in love with her, but because he wasn't a Prince, he
decided to disguise himself as one."
"In other words-" the Amazon interrupted coldly, "he deceived her."
"Yes," he admitted, "but he had a good reason... May I finish?"
The Amazon waved her hand negligently. "Go on."
"Thank you."
"Exactly where is he going with this?" Cyane asked Xena. "She doesn't look very
happy with his story so far."
Xena shrugged in reply. "I don't know. Let's watch and find out."
Joxer cleared his throat. "Okay, so the young man took the Princess everywhere
and made her happier than she'd ever been in her life. She couldn't find a
single thing wrong with this man and fell deeply and madly in love with him. One
day she asked him to marry her and he said yes. They married under the pretense
of living happily ever after."
"Joxer," Arose hissed. "Look at her! This story isn't making her happy!"
"Arose, just trust me, okay?" Joxer whispered back furiously. He flashed his
friend a smile when she at last rolled her eyes and nodded at him. "So all was
right with the world until the Princess' mother, the Queen, found out that her
daughter's husband was a lowly commoner instead of Prince. The Queen enchanted
him and he was banished to a far-away land where the Princess would never find
him or see him again. The Princess was so unhappy that her kingdom around her
changed. Her palace crumbled and became dark and her Forest died."
"Enough!" the Amazon screamed, her voice cutting like a dagger through the heavy
air. She was on her feet and standing in front of her throne, her hands shaking
violently with anger and... something else. "I've heard enough! Now you shall
die!"
Joxer stepped forward, strangely unafraid at her anger. "Please let me finish,
Your Highness. I promise you'll not be disappointed."
Without a word the Amazon sat back down, her hands gripping the armrests on
either side. Her black gaze was feverish as Joxer smiled and went on to continue
his story. "People came from miles around to try to make the Princess happy but
they each failed and the Princess banished them to a fate worst than death. Many
years would pass before three strangers arrived in the Princess' kingdom. One of
the strangers came to the Princess and told her where her beloved Prince could
be found."
Joxer stopped and approached the throne fearlessly. Arose wanted to shout out to
him and tell him to stop, but her voice wouldn't work. She could do little but
stand there and watch as Joxer took the Amazon's hand and whispered, "Princess
Hilda, your husband Kelso is alive and well. He lives alone in your Forest of No
Return, and only your love for him can bring him back to you. Go to him now."
The Amazon Princess' breath caught in her throat, her black eyes bright with
tears. "Kelso? My husband is alive?"
"Yes," Joxer replied serenely. "He is in need of your love. Go to him, find him,
tell him how much you care for him."
The Princess took a deep breath, then let it out explosively. "I will," she told
him. "I will, but you wait here." Then without another word, the Princess stood
up and ran from the palace.
Arose stalked over to Joxer and grabbed his arm, turning him to face her.
"Joxer, how do you know all of this? How could you lie to the Princess?"
Joxer frowned. "I'm not lying, Arose." Then, he shrugged. "I'm only telling what
my mother once told me. At bedtime, she'd tell me a story about the lost love of
an Amazon Princess. My mother was half Amazon, you know. I knew that coming to
this palace had to be the test and when I saw the Princess, I remembered the
story."
Arose blinked in stunned amazement. "And that strange man we met in the
Forest... That's her lover, Kelso?"
"Right!" Joxer exclaimed happily, going to Gabrielle's side and taking her hand.
"I'm almost done, Gabrielle. We'll be together again soon!"
Suddenly, with no warning, everything around the three friends changed. The
choking black vines receded, shriveled and disappeared. The walls of the palace,
once soiled, dark and cracked, were once again gleaming white and whole.
Joxer and Arose ran to the wooden doors and looked out upon the Forest in
disbelief. What was once black, twisted and dead was now green and alive. The
trees bore fruit and birds flew over the Forest, singing happily at the rebirth
of their home. A stream now ran where the path once lay, wildflowers and huge
yellow daffodils growing along its bank. And standing before them at the foot of
the steps was a handsome young man and the Amazon Princess, now dressed in
glimmering white robes and achingly beautiful.
"Step forward, O brave and noble warrior," commanded the Amazon Princess. Her
once black eyes were now a soft azure, fringed with lashes of gold. Her hair
waved over her shoulders like the purest of golden silk, and her pale skin was
touched with the color of peaches in cream.
Joxer approached slowly, dazed at the sight of such beauty. He almost didn't
realize it when the Princess placed the seventh medal in his hand. He pulled
himself together and gazed down at the medal he clutched tightly, tears of
happiness welling up in his eyes.
"Joxer," the Princess began, catching his attention once again. "Your journey is
almost complete. There are only three obstacles left in your path. Two of them
are simple enough, but the last one will be the biggest challenge of them all."
Joxer blinked as the Princess took the medal from his hand and placed it around
his neck gently. "Make the right choice, Joxer," she implored quietly, then
reached up and tapped his forehead. "Think with your head and not with your
heart." At that, Princess Hilda and her husband Kelso vanished, leaving Joxer to
wonder just what she had meant by her words.
TBC
by Susan Owens
Joxer returned the smile and took Gabrielle's hand in his. "Okay, let's go."
The three companions traveled along the trail, with Arose in the lead as their
lookout. Joxer watched the young Amazon for a long time before turning to
Gabrielle.
"You know, Gabs? I think Arose would have been one heck of an Amazon if she
hadn't died so young," he said aloud. "She has the know-how but not the skill. I
mean... Well... You know what I mean. She's got the heart to do great things.
You'd think she's kinda like me, I guess."
Arose called over her shoulder to alert him about a tree that had fallen onto
the path, partially blocking it. He smiled as he helped Gabrielle's body over
the obstacle, and continued to watch Arose as she bumbled along ahead of them,
her expression focused and alert as her gaze scanned the terrain before them.
"I hope someday that someone will come and free Arose from this place," he said,
a little wistful. "I know that if she had a good teacher like Cyane, she could
be a great warrior. I know that Cyane doesn't think much of me Gabs, but I
recognize a good and fair warrior when I see one. She kinda reminds me a little
of Xena, in fact..."
Arose suddenly cried out and leapt into a clump of bushes alongside the trail.
There was much thrashing and shouting, then a very angry and disheveled robin
flew up from the bushes to sit on a branch above, chattering indignantly to
anyone within earshot. The young Amazon's head appeared from between the leaves,
her cheeks flushed crimson with embarrassment.
"I'm okay! It's all under control here!" she announced.
Joxer shook his head, feeling a pang of familiarity at the sight of Arose
muttering to herself and picking twigs from her hair. "C'mon, Gabby," he said.
"We'd better catch up with Arose."
Cyane could do little but stare at the scene before them as she took in all that
Joxer had to say about her. "I didn't know he thought so highly of me,"she
murmured.
"Joxer's always been a good judge of character," Xena replied, not taking her
eyes away from where Joxer lay.
Cyane nodded, feeling humbled and a little bit guilty about the way she had
treated Joxer in the past. She knew she shouldn't have ever doubted Gabrielle
and Xena's praise for the bumbling hero. Test after test in the Amazon
Underworld, he had proved himself to be rather Mighty in heart and in deed.
When Joxer and Gabrielle caught up with Arose, she had finished brushing herself
off and was staring down into a valley. The expression on her face was distant
and conflicted.
"We will soon reach the next test," she said quietly.
She very suddenly turned to Joxer, taking his free hand in hers.
"Joxer...Please. When you save Queen Gabrielle--" She paused, and he was shocked
to realize that her eyes glistened with tears. "Joxer, please stay here with me.
I love you."
Joxer was stunned by the young Amazon's words, but he caught himself and smiled
down at her gently. "Arose, I'm really sorry. You know that my heart belongs to
Gabrielle."
The Amazon scrubbed the tears away from her eyes and gazed up at him,resolute.
"But I love you Joxer, with all of my heart. I knew from the moment I met you
that I had fallen for you. Please stay with me," she pleaded softly.
Joxer kindly brushed an errant lock of hair from her eyes. "Arose, I will always
be your friend, but I'm too old for you. Why, you couldn't have been more than
15 years old when you came here to the Underworld."
Arose set her jaw stubbornly, pulling away from him. "I am not 15! I am 16 and
you are not too old for me!" She stomped her foot for good measure. "I can't
help it that I'm in love with you! I- I love you so much!" She suddenly turned
and ran away from him. Joxer immediately ran after her and caught her by the
arm.
"Let go of me!" she snarled, trying to pull away from his grip and failing.
"Arose!" Joxer cried, ignoring her venomous glare as he gazed into her eyes.
"Arose, please! Listen to me! There's someone out there for you, someone who
will love you the way that you deserve to be loved."
She shook her head furiously but he held on fast. "I'll always, always be your
friend but I can't love you romantically. I'm so sorry, Arose. I don't want to
hurt you. I'm sorry."
As a last-ditch, desperate effort, Arose grabbed Joxer, pulling him close to her
and kissing him passionately. A sob caught in her throat when she realized that
he did not return her urgent caresses. He pulled away from her, his eyes sad.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
She turned away from him, pulling the back of her hand across her eyes before
nodding to herself. "I'm sorry too, Joxer. I'm sorry that I'm in love with you.
I'm sorry that I always will love you. And I'm really sorry that I kissed you."
The last words were uttered bitterly. Joxer watched sadly as she abruptly walked
away from him, her head down. With a soft sigh, he collected Gabrielle, took her
hand, and solemnly followed the young Amazon as she picked her way along the
path.
It wasn't long before they had made their way down into the valley. Joxer had to
stop and stare for a very long time. He had seen many valleys in his time, but
never one that looked like this.
There were walls that stood ten feet high. There was something quite like a
tunnel to crawl through, and rows of chariot wheels laid over on their sides on
the sandy earth.
"We have arrived," Arose told him, looking around. "This is your next test...
The Obstacle Course."
Joxer just continued to stare, dumbfounded. Arose walked down to the "Obstacle
Course," and after shaking himself, Joxer took Gabrielle's hand and followed.
When they reached Arose, she was looking around curiously. "I wonder which
Amazon is in charge of this test--"
Suddenly, all three were bombarded by the piercing sound of a whistle.
"All right, you maggots, look alive! This ain't no playground! Drop and give me
fifty!"
Joxer's jaw dropped when an Amazon appeared before him, wearing the
strangest-looking clothes he had ever seen. Her heavily-starched and neatly
pleated garb was all in shades of green with a strange weapon strapped to her
side and an odd round helmet on her head. She also carried a small, tapered
black whip under one arm. Joxer cried out when she lashed out at him with it
without warning.
"OW! That really stings!" he yelled, sucking on the fingers the Amazon had
lashed.
"You pansy!" the green-clad Amazon warrior shouted, her voice dripping with
disgust. "I said drop and give me fifty, soldier!"
"Fifty?" Joxer cried, fast becoming completely and utterly confused. "Fifty
WHAT??!"
The Amazon looked scandalized that he dared to question her authority. "I will
not have my orders disobeyed, soldier! Now drop and give me fifty! NOW!" she
roared.
Arose frantically grabbed Joxer's arm and pulled him down to the ground.
"Joxer!" she hissed. "She wants you to do fifty push-ups."
"Push-ups?" he hissed back, panicking a little. "What the heck are push-ups?"
"Just watch!"
Arose straightened herself out, her toes and palms the only part of her body
that touched the ground. She began to bend her arms at the elbow, lowering her
body about halfway before pulling herself up and straightening her arms again.
He watched carefully and soon caught on to what she was doing. His arms ached
fiercely by the time he counted to fifty, but he had made it so he proudly
climbed to his feet and stood tall.
"DID I SAY YOU WERE DONE?" the Amazon yelled.
He flinched a little, deflating. "Um... No?"
The Amazon narrowed her eyes and approached him, pushing her face just inches
from his. "You will address me as Sergeant and you will speak loudly and
clearly. Do I make myself clear, soldier?" she said menacingly, spittle flying
from her mouth and showering his face.
"Yes, Sergeant," Joxer mumbled, not daring to wipe the mess away.
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" the Amazon roared, showering him again.
"YES SERGEANT!"
The Amazon sergeant nodded her head, pleased at his response. "So, you're here
to try your hand at the Obstacle Course. Is that right?"
"YES SERGEANT!"
"Do you really think you've got the guts, soldier?"
"YES SERGEANT!" Joxer's ears began to ring and his voice was getting hoarse with
all the shouting and carrying on. He wasn't used to conversing like this.
"Well, I don't think you do. You're a Mama's Boy, aren't you soldier?
You're a pansy Mama's Boy, isn't that right?"
Joxer just stared at her, goggle-eyed.
"Don't eyeball me, boy!" she shouted, cracking her whip against her leg.
He gulped loudly and quickly moved his gaze to look at Gabrielle instead Boy...
She sure was asking for it, wasn't she? he thought to himself, but knew that he
would be better off if he played along with the Amazon Sergeant's game.
"YES SERGEANT, I AM A MAMA'S BOY!" he cried enthusiastically.
Arose clapped her hand over her mouth, trying to stifle her laughter, but the
Sergeant suddenly turned, noticing the young Amazon for the first time.
"What's so funny, soldier? Drop and give me fifty!"
Arose opened her mouth in protest. "But I'm not the one doing the test!"
The Amazon Sergeant cracked her whip impatiently in the air. "Do as you're
told!" She then turned her attention to the vacant-eyed Gabrielle. "You too,
Blondie! Drop and give me fifty!"
Of course, Gabrielle did not respond to the Sergeant's command. The Amazon
reached up to strike her with the whip, and Joxer leaped forward with a shout,
blocking his beloved from the Amazon's blow. Although his face stung from the
Sergeant's whip, he stood firmly between her and Gabrielle.
"You can yell at me, you can call me anything you like, but don't you dare raise
a hand to Gabrielle," he told her in a low, dangerous voice, sounding just like
Jett.
The Sergeant gave him a genuinely pleased smile. "That was part of the test,
soldier. I'm glad to see that Queen Gabrielle is in good hands. Are you ready
for the remainder of your test?"
"Yes," he replied.
"Okay then, soldier. You must run this obstacle course. If you make it through,
you'll pass this test. If you don't, you'll return to you own world without
Queen Gabrielle. So you understand? Miss just one obstacle and you're through."
Joxer nodded vigorously and gulped loudly.
"Okay, here's what you must do. First, you have to crawl under a briar patch,
then scale that wall, swing across that small creek over there, run through that
line of chariot wheels, and then crawl through that small tunnel before you
hurry back here to me," the Sergeant explained quickly.
"Is that all?" he asked her dryly.
"No," she pulled out a length of dark cloth from her pocket. "You must be
blindfolded."
Damn. Joxer felt a wave of despair flow over him as the Sergeant handed the
blindfold to Arose. The young Amazon approached him, reaching up to place the
blindfold over his eyes carefully. She leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on
the cheek.
"I love you," she told him softly. "Good luck."
Joxer could do little more than stand there blindly. "How am I supposed to
finish this test if I can't see the course?" he demanded.
"Use your other senses, Joxer!" a hauntingly familiar voice called out to him
encouragingly. "You can do it! Believe in yourself, Joxer... I know I do! I
believe in you!"
He turned towards the sound of the voice, his heart in his throat. "I will,
Gabrielle, for you I will!"
He stood still for a long moment, listening to the sound of the wind brushing
against everything around him. There was a soft whistling sound to his left and
he turned towards it, thinking that it must be the briars that the wind was
softly whistling through. He walked forward a few feet and yelped when his leg
was poked by a sharp barb. He hunkered down on all fours and started to crawl
underneath the blanket pointy briars, careful not to touch any more of the
barbs.
"Why did you use Queen Gabrielle's voice, sister?" the Sergeant asked the
younger Amazon as they watched Joxer's progress from afar.
Arose looked deeply sad, but firm in her resolve. "I want him to do this."
"Yes, but if he fails he will return to his own world."
"He won't fail. He can't fail. I want him to succeed."
"Why?"
Arose sucked in a breath. "Because I love him, sister. Even if he doesn't return
the feeling, I want him to be happy. And if he wins back Queen Gabrielle, he'll
be the happiest man on the face of this earth."
The Amazon Sergeant nodded quietly, surprised by her sister's depth of feeling
for the bumbling hero that was struggling in the briar patch before them.
Joxer somehow made it through the briar patch with only a few scratches. He
climbed to his feet, brushed himself off, then stopped and listened to
everything around him. He knew that he wouldn't be able to hear the wall, so he
tried to visualize where the wall was located in relation to the briar patch.
"C'mon, Joxer... Think..." he muttered to himself. He started forward slowly,
his arms held out before him in hopes of finding the wall. He stumbled about the
same general area for a few minutes before getting frustrated and hurling
himself forward with an angry cry. It was a sloppy way of going about it, but
Joxer did manage to find the wall; he quite literally ran right into it. He lay
still on the dirt, dazed by the startling blow he had taken to the head when he
ran into the wall.
Arose ran to his side, worried. "Joxer, are you all right?" she asked, her voice
shaking a little.
He continued to lie there for a long moment, waiting for the sparks to disappear
from behind his eyelids. He slowly pulled himself to his feet, using the
offending wall as support. "I am fine, Arose. Please let me finish this now."
Arose said nothing more to him, then walked back over to stand beside Queen
Gabrielle.
"He is doing this for you," she said, not caring that Gabrielle couldn't hear
her. "You are the luckiest woman alive, my Queen."
Joxer felt his way slowly around the wall until he located a rope hanging down
one side. He tugged on it briefly to test its strength, then heaved a sigh.
"Well, if Autolycus can do this, so can I!"
He began to climb the wall slowly and surely. He was almost halfway to the top
of the wall when he somehow lost his bearing and fell back to the ground with a
painful thump. He shook his head, rubbing his rear end with a hand before
reaching out for the rope once again. He knew that as long as he did not give
up, he could win this test.
All through the evening the Mighty One tried his hardest to scale the wall. It
seemed as though every time he thought he was at the top, he would slip and fall
back to the ground. Arose turned to the Amazon Sergeant with tears in her eyes.
"Can't you help him?"
The Sergeant shook her head firmly. "I can only encourage him, nothing more,"
she told Arose quietly. She then headed towards the wall, where Joxer was
leaning heavily, bruised and dirty from his efforts.
"You lily-livered maggot! My little old grandmother could scale this tiny little
wall!" she yelled in his ear, startling him thoroughly.
"I AM TRYING, DAMN IT!" he yelled back, frustrated.
"BULL!" she spat. "You may as well give up now, soldier. You don't have it in
you to scale this wall!"
Joxer suddenly threw himself at the wall with an animal cry. "NOOOOO! I WILL DO
THIS FOR GABRIELLE!"
Somehow he had found a core of strength in him that he didn't even know he
possessed. He was exhausted and every part of his body ached, but he pulled
himself up the rope and over the wall, tumbling down the other side. He realized
that he had finally made it over and leaped to his feet with a cry of joy.
Arose reached over and hugged Gabrielle fiercely, tears of happiness in her
eyes. "He did it, my Queen! Our Joxer did it!"
"'Our' Joxer? Hmm. It looks like maybe Arose really does care a lot for him,"
Eris murmured from her place next to Cyane. The other women in the hut nodded in
agreement.
"Yeah, I noticed," returned a worried Xena, frowning as she gazed down at the
still form of her friend.
Joxer calmed himself down and stood still once again to listen for the sound of
the creek running through the obstacle course. He caught the sound and headed
forward carefully.
Arose's breath caught in her throat as she watched him search. "Oh, Queen
Gabrielle, watch! He's doing this all for you!"
She looked at Gabrielle's vacant body and was startled by the rush of resentment
that came over her.
"Why did I have to die so soon? I know that if I had lived I would be with Joxer
now and maybe he would have loved me instead of you."
As soon as the words left her mouth, she regretted them. She hung her head in
shame. "I am sorry, my Queen. I know that he has chosen you, and with good
reason. Please forgive my selfishness..."
When she turned back to Joxer, she saw that he had found the platform and had
swung across the creek successfully with only a little mud splashed on his pants
to show for it. He had just managed to make his way through the chariot wheels
without breaking a leg and was looking for the tunnel, but was going in the
wrong direction.
"Joxer! Joxer! Behind you!" she cried out in Gabrielle's voice, and the bumbling
hero turned abruptly and smacked his foot into the side of the tunnel. He hopped
around on his uninjured foot cursing out in pain before shaking it off and
finding his way to the end of the tunnel. He climbed in and quickly found his
way to the other side.
"Now, Joxer! This way! Follow my voice!" Arose called, and Joxer followed the
sound of her voice eagerly. He didn't stop until he smacked right into the
Amazon Sergeant.
"Very good, soldier!" the Sergeant exclaimed, pulling the blindfold from Joxer's
eyes. "You passed my Obstacle Course. Here is your medal... Good luck on your
next test 'cause you're gonna need it!"
At that, the Amazon Obstacle Course and the Sergeant vanished from the valley.
Joxer peered at the medal in his hand for a long moment before placing it around
his neck with the others. Only four more to go, he thought to himself.
He then turned to Arose and smiled. "I will have to visit Artemis' temple when I
am finished with these tests and thank her."
"What do you mean?" Arose asked, her head tilted to one side.
"She helped me, Arose. Artemis let Gabrielle speak to me to give me
encouragement throughout this test," he told her.
Arose gazed at him glumly. "Yeah," she muttered. "That was nice of her."
She shook herself suddenly and started walking through the valley, along the
trail that had appeared after the Sergeant vanished. "Come on, then. The next
test is waiting. I'll walk on ahead."
Joxer took Gabrielle's hand and followed the young Amazon along the trail,
watching her and wondering about the confession that she had made to him earlier
in the day. He did care very deeply for the young Amazon girl.
He felt badly about what had happened and hoped that they could still remain
friends after everything was said and done.
Arose kept walking ahead slowly, facing completely away from Joxer and Queen
Gabrielle as they followed behind her. She didn't want to look at either of
them; it hurt her too much to do so. She hurried along ahead faster as the tears
began to fall down her face.
She couldn't let him know how she felt.
She couldn't let him see her crying.
The Seventh Test
Arose walked ahead, mumbling to herself miserably as she scouted the path. "Why
did he have to show up here? Why am I so in love with him? Why am I hurting
myself like this? He doesn't love me and he never will..."
Joxer followed about ten paces behind the young Amazon, watching her solemnly.
He found himself wishing that he could help her in some way, like he was helping
Gabrielle. She was a good kid. No, not a kid, he corrected himself firmly, but a
young lady. What could he possibly do to help her? He was jolted from his
unhappy reverie when Arose suddenly turned and ran back towards them with a look
of urgent terror on her face. "We've got to take a different path," she said
abruptly, completely out of breath.
Joxer tilted his head to the side, bemused. "Why? This is the path we were told
to follow for the seventh test."
"No!" Arose cried, then took a breath and repeated in a calmer tone, "No, we
must not."
Joxer stared at her, surprised at how frightened the young Amazon seemed. He
took her carefully by the shoulders and turned her around to face him. "Why
mustn't we, Arose? What are you afraid of?"
Arose pulled away and set her jaw in a stubborn line. "I'm not afraid," she
replied scornfully. "I'm an Amazon! Amazons fear nothing!"
Joxer stifled a smile, nodding. "Okay, okay, I didn't mean it like that. But
something's bothering you, Arose."
Several emotions fought their way across her face before shame won out. She hung
her head, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I-I'm sorry, Joxer. I'm afraid."
"Of what?" he asked gently. She raised her hand and pointed ahead of them. He
raised his gaze from her pale face and trembling lips to the direction she
indicated. His deep brown eyes grew wide and his jaw dropped slightly at what he
saw.
The sunny path they were presently standing upon seemed to wind down abruptly
into a darkly forbidding, narrow course fraught with fallen branches and jagged
stones. The trees on either side of the path were black, twisted and ugly,
completely devoid of life, leaf or fruit. Their branches were heavily weighted
with inky vines that hung down from above as if they were actively seeking an
unsuspecting traveler to strangle the life from. It was hands-down the most
horrible place he thought he would ever lay eyes on. What really made the
looming forest so frightening was the complete and utter silence that blanketed
the path. There was no birdsong, no leaves for the wind to rustle. It was a
terrifyingly evil, sterile place. Joxer swallowed back his own initial rush of
fear and gazed back down at his friend.
"That's what I'm afraid of," she told him softly. "The Forest of No Return."
"I don't blame you." He shuddered briefly, then pulled himself together and gave
her a lopsided, reassuring smile. "But I have to go through it. I have to take
this path wherever it leads Gabrielle and me. I-I understand if you don't wish
to come with us."
"No," Arose said hollowly, but her eyes were firm and resolute. "Queen Gabrielle
needs me and so do you. You can't do this alone." She stopped, set her shoulders
and raised her head proudly. Her lips held the ghost of a smile. "And besides...
I am an Amazon, after all."
"Yes, you are an Amazon, and a very brave one, too." Joxer's face broke out into
one of his wonderful, infectious grins, and Arose had no choice but to return it
as he took her hand in one of his own and Gabrielle's in another. "Come on, you
two. Let's go." With that, they disappeared into the Forest of No Return.
The ceremonial hut in the Amazon camp was filled with the low, surprised
murmurings of those that watched Joxer and his two companions hurl themselves
into the unimaginable peril of the Forest of No Return. Not a single warrior
knew another who had traveled through the Forest and returned unscathed in
either mind or spirit. It was all Xena could do to maintain her composure as she
watched her two best friends disappear into the darkness of the Forest.
Cyane stared at Joxer's body, shaking her head in disbelief. "Xena, when this is
all over, remind me to make that man an Amazon."
Xena managed a shaky smile in reply, nodding once before forcing herself to turn
back to the scene unfolding before them.
Joxer forged ahead through the deadly silent Forest, Arose clinging tightly
against him on one side, and Gabrielle's body trailing along unconcernedly on
the other. His thoughts wandered this way and that, scattering and bouncing
around his weary mind. A single thought rallied itself loudly and persistently:
Was the Forest the seventh test or was the seventh test beyond it?
So lost was he in his own thoughts that he didn't realize that Arose was
speaking to him. The air in the Forest was so oppressive that her voice seemed
muffled, subdued. "...don't understand," she was telling him quietly. "They say
it was once the most beautiful forest in the Amazon Underworld."
"What happened to it?" he asked her in a low voice, unwilling to break the
oppressive silence of the forest.
"The story goes that an Amazon warrior once lived here and she was always happy.
Then, one day for some reason unknown to the Underworld, she became unhappy and
the Forest began to change, too. It blackened and died until it became what we
see today. They say it is a reflection of her spirit, of the anguish she suffers
each day of her life," Arose replied softly.
Joxer suddenly came up short, pulling his companions tightly against his chest.
Arose looked up at him in confusion, then realized he was glaring at something
ahead of them. She followed his gaze and gasped when she saw that there was a
very small, bent and gnarled man standing before them on the path. She pulled
away from Joxer quickly, drew her sword and tried to take a defensive stance in
front of her friends. "Who are you?" she demanded imperiously.
The old man shook his head sadly. "No one. Just a lost soul."
They stared at the old man, neither of them moving a muscle for what seemed like
ages before the man spoke again, causing them to start in surprise. "If you must
go through here, boy, please be careful," he told Joxer slowly, his voice
mournful. At that, the man simply vanished.
Arose stalked over to where the little old man had stood no less than seconds
before and poked around the underbrush with the edge of her sword. "What a
strange man," she said at last, for lack of anything better to say.
Joxer was far too lost in his own thoughts to have heard her, however. "I wonder
what made the Amazon so unhappy? What could possibly have caused her soul to
blacken and die like this Forest?" He turned and looked at the young Amazon
thoughtfully. "Arose? Do you think this is the seventh test?"
She frowned at his words, and her tone was noncommittal. "I hope not, Joxer."
He narrowed his eyes and watched her for a long moment. "There's something
you're not telling me."
Arose sighed. "Joxer, there have been many Amazons who have tried to discover
what made the Amazon unhappy. They've all died for their failure."
"Died?!" Joxer repeated, confused. "I don't understand, Arose. This is the
Underworld we're talking about here. You're all already dead!"
"This is different, Joxer," the young Amazon insisted, making an impatient
gesture with her sword. "The Amazons who failed to find out what made her
unhappy were taken from our Underworld and cast into another place, a fate far
worse than death." She shuddered uncontrollably at her last words.
Joxer nodded, understanding at last. "Well, I guess I'll have to succeed, then.
I mean, there's gotta be a logical reason for all this doom and gloom."
Arose took a step towards him, a hand reaching out towards him. "Joxer, no." She
faltered for a moment, bringing her hand back down to her side and clenching it
into a fist. "Please, Joxer. It's too dangerous."
"I have to do this, Arose. I have to, for Gabrielle," Joxer said firmly.
"Gabrielle!" the young Amazon snarled. "I am so tired of Gabrielle! Gabrielle
this, Gabrielle that, Gabrielle, Gabrielle, Gabrielle! What about you, Joxer?"
Joxer stood there and blankly stared at his friend for a long time, Gabrielle's
hand in his own. He couldn't comprehend her words. He'd thought that Arose
understood why he was doing all of this. He finally turned from the Amazon and
pushed past her with Gabrielle in tow, continuing to climb deeper into the
Forest.
Arose put a hand to her mouth, tears filling her eyes and blinding her. Oh,
Goddess, she thought. I shouldn't have said all of that. What was I thinking?
She blinked away the tears and ran after her friend with a strangled cry.
"Joxer, wait!" she called out to him. "Joxer... Joxer, please!"
Joxer the Mighty halted abruptly and whirled around to face Arose. "Look," he
began, his voice low and tense. "I told you all of this. I explained it. I love
Gabrielle, Arose. She is my life, my entire world." He stopped himself, ran a
hand through his untidy hair, and sighed. "Please try to understand, Arose. I
love her. I need her in my life and I'll take all of the tests you Amazons throw
at me. If I fail this one, so be it. At least I tried."
Arose swallowed back the lump in her throat. At last she nodded. "Fine, Joxer.
If you want to die, then follow me," she said bitterly. Arose walked ahead of
him on the path and he had no other choice but to follow. He was still trying to
forgive her for her outburst a few minutes before when they came upon what
looked like a former palace. The building before them was huge, its' crumbling
walls smothered in the same vines that choked the Forest around them. Without
hesitation, Arose began to climb a set of steps that led up to a huge set of
ornately carved wooden doors.
Joxer pulled Gabrielle up the steps as the young Amazon pushed open the wooden
doors with an angry shove. Inside, the palace looked no better than the outside.
The vines continued to grow within the walls, pouring through the high windows
and cascading down onto the furniture, partially hiding colorfully woven
tapestries and rugs that lined the floor. Not a light seemed to shine into the
rooms here, not a sign of life to be found other than those ever-present vines
that seemed to cast their own sickly, oily glow over everything within and
without the palace.
Suddenly there was a sharp voice, demanding: "Who are you and why have you
come?"
Both Joxer and Arose whirled around to see an Amazon coming down one of the
staircases before them. She was tall and pale, her sickly thin form covered in a
completely black gown that was unwashed and torn. Her hair and eyes were coldly
black, as black as her own heart and the Forest had become. She stared at their
horrified faces for a long time before snapping out, "Well? What do you want?"
Arose positioned herself in front of Joxer once again. She bowed her head
slightly out of respect, then pulled her head and shoulders back proudly. Only
Joxer was close enough to see how the young Amazon was trembling from fear. "I
am Arose. This is Queen Gabrielle, and her consort, Joxer."
The Amazon looked at them expectantly, then shook herself. "Oh. The test." She
narrowed her eyes and a coldly mirthless smile touched her lips. "All right,
Mighty One. Make me happy."
Joxer fidgeted nervously, then swallowed. "I, uh... I know a couple of jokes."
The Amazon yawned, bored. "Oooookay... Jokes, bad. Hmm. Don't like jokes." She
shook her head in disgust.
He cast his gaze about frantically, trying not to panic. "Well, ummm... Lemme
see... Oh, I know! What about a funny story?"
The Amazon suddenly moved down the staircase until she was standing before the
three friends. She stared at Joxer coldly before walking across the room and
draping herself across a vine-infested throne. She looked bored yet alert. "Go
on, then. Tell me your funny story if you insist. But I warn you, Joxer The
Mighty, if it does not make me happy, you shall perish."
Joxer nodded, took in a huge lung full of breath and began: "Once in a far-away
land lived a beautiful Princess who wanted to marry a real Prince. She was so
spoiled throughout her life that no one else would do. Her name was Hilda."
Arose stared at him. "Joxer," she muttered in warning. "It's supposed to make
her happy."
Joxer glanced at her, giving her a bright smile before continuing. "Every Prince
came from miles around but Hilda always found something wrong with each of them.
Then, one day, a handsome man came to the village outside the palace. He saw the
Princess and fell madly in love with her, but because he wasn't a Prince, he
decided to disguise himself as one."
"In other words-" the Amazon interrupted coldly, "he deceived her."
"Yes," he admitted, "but he had a good reason... May I finish?"
The Amazon waved her hand negligently. "Go on."
"Thank you."
"Exactly where is he going with this?" Cyane asked Xena. "She doesn't look very
happy with his story so far."
Xena shrugged in reply. "I don't know. Let's watch and find out."
Joxer cleared his throat. "Okay, so the young man took the Princess everywhere
and made her happier than she'd ever been in her life. She couldn't find a
single thing wrong with this man and fell deeply and madly in love with him. One
day she asked him to marry her and he said yes. They married under the pretense
of living happily ever after."
"Joxer," Arose hissed. "Look at her! This story isn't making her happy!"
"Arose, just trust me, okay?" Joxer whispered back furiously. He flashed his
friend a smile when she at last rolled her eyes and nodded at him. "So all was
right with the world until the Princess' mother, the Queen, found out that her
daughter's husband was a lowly commoner instead of Prince. The Queen enchanted
him and he was banished to a far-away land where the Princess would never find
him or see him again. The Princess was so unhappy that her kingdom around her
changed. Her palace crumbled and became dark and her Forest died."
"Enough!" the Amazon screamed, her voice cutting like a dagger through the heavy
air. She was on her feet and standing in front of her throne, her hands shaking
violently with anger and... something else. "I've heard enough! Now you shall
die!"
Joxer stepped forward, strangely unafraid at her anger. "Please let me finish,
Your Highness. I promise you'll not be disappointed."
Without a word the Amazon sat back down, her hands gripping the armrests on
either side. Her black gaze was feverish as Joxer smiled and went on to continue
his story. "People came from miles around to try to make the Princess happy but
they each failed and the Princess banished them to a fate worst than death. Many
years would pass before three strangers arrived in the Princess' kingdom. One of
the strangers came to the Princess and told her where her beloved Prince could
be found."
Joxer stopped and approached the throne fearlessly. Arose wanted to shout out to
him and tell him to stop, but her voice wouldn't work. She could do little but
stand there and watch as Joxer took the Amazon's hand and whispered, "Princess
Hilda, your husband Kelso is alive and well. He lives alone in your Forest of No
Return, and only your love for him can bring him back to you. Go to him now."
The Amazon Princess' breath caught in her throat, her black eyes bright with
tears. "Kelso? My husband is alive?"
"Yes," Joxer replied serenely. "He is in need of your love. Go to him, find him,
tell him how much you care for him."
The Princess took a deep breath, then let it out explosively. "I will," she told
him. "I will, but you wait here." Then without another word, the Princess stood
up and ran from the palace.
Arose stalked over to Joxer and grabbed his arm, turning him to face her.
"Joxer, how do you know all of this? How could you lie to the Princess?"
Joxer frowned. "I'm not lying, Arose." Then, he shrugged. "I'm only telling what
my mother once told me. At bedtime, she'd tell me a story about the lost love of
an Amazon Princess. My mother was half Amazon, you know. I knew that coming to
this palace had to be the test and when I saw the Princess, I remembered the
story."
Arose blinked in stunned amazement. "And that strange man we met in the
Forest... That's her lover, Kelso?"
"Right!" Joxer exclaimed happily, going to Gabrielle's side and taking her hand.
"I'm almost done, Gabrielle. We'll be together again soon!"
Suddenly, with no warning, everything around the three friends changed. The
choking black vines receded, shriveled and disappeared. The walls of the palace,
once soiled, dark and cracked, were once again gleaming white and whole.
Joxer and Arose ran to the wooden doors and looked out upon the Forest in
disbelief. What was once black, twisted and dead was now green and alive. The
trees bore fruit and birds flew over the Forest, singing happily at the rebirth
of their home. A stream now ran where the path once lay, wildflowers and huge
yellow daffodils growing along its bank. And standing before them at the foot of
the steps was a handsome young man and the Amazon Princess, now dressed in
glimmering white robes and achingly beautiful.
"Step forward, O brave and noble warrior," commanded the Amazon Princess. Her
once black eyes were now a soft azure, fringed with lashes of gold. Her hair
waved over her shoulders like the purest of golden silk, and her pale skin was
touched with the color of peaches in cream.
Joxer approached slowly, dazed at the sight of such beauty. He almost didn't
realize it when the Princess placed the seventh medal in his hand. He pulled
himself together and gazed down at the medal he clutched tightly, tears of
happiness welling up in his eyes.
"Joxer," the Princess began, catching his attention once again. "Your journey is
almost complete. There are only three obstacles left in your path. Two of them
are simple enough, but the last one will be the biggest challenge of them all."
Joxer blinked as the Princess took the medal from his hand and placed it around
his neck gently. "Make the right choice, Joxer," she implored quietly, then
reached up and tapped his forehead. "Think with your head and not with your
heart." At that, Princess Hilda and her husband Kelso vanished, leaving Joxer to
wonder just what she had meant by her words.
TBC