Holy Underpants! By Shawnisgoingnowhere61
This was a challenge set by my buddy The Hezzmeister (don't ask). She said that I had to have: 1 Snape in Pokemon boxers and Pikachu slippers.
2 I have to incorporate the sentence, "I am pickle; hear me roar."
3 Ron must be wearing a thong at some point.
4 Draco must have prettyful blond ringlets.
So here it is:
Holy Underpants!
It was late, and Severus knew he had his least favorite class for two periods first thing in the morning. Yet, he ignored his inner voice screeching like a banshee that he should sleep, or just kill himself. He scuffled into his private sitting room for brandy. As he was passing the full-length mirror on the wall he noticed something. There was a hole in his favorite Vulpix boxers. A hole. Oh well. He at least still has his Pikachu talking slippers. He bent and pressed the button. "Pika! Pika!"
That brought a smile to his face as he trotted to his brandy.
The next morning…
Sevi scowled around at his Gryffindor and Slytherin class. As much as he was supposed to love his house, he hated it just as much, maybe even more than the other houses. It was full of power-hungry imbeciles and people who hide behind the more powerful. His scowl became more pronounced when he saw a Gryffindor, Weasley, digging at his butt, and a Slytherin, Malfoy, not paying attention.
"Ahem… Today we will be making the Draught of Telcontar. It makes the drinker able to walk long distances without getting tired. The ingredients are on the board, as are the instructions. Remember, this potion has serious side effects for mistakes. Get to work." He plopped, yes plopped, into his desk chair and glared at anyone who looked up from their work.
Draco was bored. Dead bored. He really wasn't paying attention to what he was doing until his cauldron seemed to disappear in a poof of smoke and brimstone and little pink clouds and strange quacking noises. And just as suddenly, Snape was there and seething.
"We will test your potion on Mr. Longbottom and his potion on you, Mr. Malfoy, at the end of class." Draco's eyes filled with terror, as did Neville's.
The end of class came all too quickly for Draco, but not quick enough for Ron. Sure, he was sorry for Neville, but to see Malfoy turn into some hideous, deformed thing would be once in a lifetime. Too bad this perfect moment was ruined by the fact that somehow his underwear had shrunk, so the back was giving him terrible trouble. As in, an über-wedgie. He tried really valiantly not to pick it in class but he failed, twelve times…
Anywho, the end of class. Draco had a small dose of Neville's vile-looking, but sweet smelling, potion. He was staring at it as if it had all the truths in the world swirling in its depths. Neville had a cup of the brightest pink liquid that anyone in the crowd had ever seen.
"Drink up!" Snape said with an evil, crazed glint in his eye.
So they drank. Draco seemed to think that it tasted very delicious, because he drank the entire cup. There was a bang and when the smoke cleared, Draco was gone. In his place was what looked like a beautiful porcelain doll, except she was wearing Draco's clothes. Her long, gorgeous blonde hair was curled into little ringlets, and her ice-gray eyes were widened with shock. Everyone stared. Those perfect eyes narrowed and out of that perfect mouth came, "What the bloody hell is going on? What's wrong with you people?" Dean Thomas passed out, for the voice issuing from those lips was Draco's! And suddenly everyone realized that this was no woman, it was Draco himself, with long pertiful hair. Ron instantly started dry heaving.
Snape shuddered, then told Neville to drink. Neville did so, pulling a face at the horrid taste. There was a blinding flash, and when the spots cleared from everyone's sight, there was a pickle standing where Neville had been. This was no normal pickle. It was a dill, and had Neville's face. Snape bent to pick him up, but before he could grab the pickle, it screeched, "I am pickle hear me roar! RAR!"
Snape flinched and went over to his personal cabinets. He pulled out a vial and poured some on the pickle. It poofed and Neville was sitting on the floor in his undies. Everyone laughed. Then Snape offered a cup of the liquid to Draco, who was springing his curls. Draco refused, saying, "I like this. It's fun."
Later that day, after Draco had skipped happily out of his dungeon, Ron had waddled out trying not to pick his wedgie, and Neville had walked out saying he was going to go back to the Common Room to get some clothes, Sevi sat in his sitting room in front of his fire. His Pikachu slippers were broken; now when you press the button, they said, "Peekahhh… Peeekaahhh." Like some old man on slo-mo. He super depressed and drunk. Oh, well… Tomorrow's another day.