Chapter 15
So apparently we were running/jumping down a cliff or sliding in my case or rolling in Sam's case. Hobbits are SO stupid. (A/N: *ducks as hobbit lovers throw things at her*)
I was confused. I had a feeling that some things were whacked. Come on... Sauron: a hippie? No way! He was an evil war lord. Hopefully, or else the whole plot of the book is ruined. I had a spark of ingenuity. (A/N: unfortunately a spark is not a forest fire which is what I need to raise my grade in math...and Latin...and social studies () We were stuck in the Mary-Sue version of Lord of the Rings that happens when someone tries to make a parody out of a Mary-Sue!! NO ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! SAVE ME!!! I was trying not to think about that right now. Ali and I had to figure out how to get to the end of the book without dying or getting any of the major characters killed which would totally screw up the plot...the book... and the impact of this on modern society. *breathe*
Ali got down to the hobbits before I did and was trying to convince them to go back up the hill. Sam wanted to stay and look at the "pretty flowers" on the gate formerly known as the Black Gate.
"I want to stay and look at the pretty flowers too!" whined Frodo.
"They are going to see us and capture us any minute!" Ali argued.
"But-" Frodo pouted. I cut him off.
"Frodo, Sam duck under your invisi-cloak thing...Ali, you go too if you can all fit. They're coming! If you can sneak away, do it. I'll be back as soon as I can. Go!" I had noticed two blue beings with pink shoes coming toward the cloud of dust we raised while we were arguing pointlessly. I now had to get the evil beings to believe that I wanted water. If this was the world I believed it was, it would work.
"Where are you going?" Ali called. I ignored her and walked down to the bottom of the hill. The two ugly creatures had noticed me.
"Halt, who goes there?" the larger one demanded.
"Hello, do you think you could help me?" I said, smiling. "I was wondering if there was a lake around here somewhere. I'm kind of dirty." It was true. The swamp gunk was plastered all over me.
"Who are you?" the larger one asked again. The smaller one was just staring. He'd probably never seen a blonde before. They aren't that common in Middle-Earth.
"My name is uh... Afungalia. (A/N: pronounced "uh-FUN-ga-lee-ah") Can you point me to the nearest lake or something?" I smiled fakely.
"All right, Afungalia, why are you here in Florador?" the larger one asked. Florador? What the heck? My theory had been proved. We are in Mary- Sue/parody world
"Uh... I wanted to look at the pretty flowers on the gate but I got all yucky and now I want a lake." I needed time for Ali and the hobbits to get away, but not this much.
"You like the flowers?" the smaller one piped in suddenly, "I painted some of them."
"They're very nice" I assured him. "So do you know where a lake is?"
"Yes, there's one right over there." The smaller one pointed.
"Thanks." I turned to walk off.
"Wait!" the larger one grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. He was quite a bit taller and I don't think I could have run away from him. "We should take her in for questioning." Ok, so this guy was smarter than I expected. "We don't really know why she is here."
"I just wanted to see the flowers. Now I'm all dirty so I want a lake." I said. "You understand, don't you?" The smaller one nodded, and then elbowed the larger one.
"Yes, I understand." The larger one said. "I suppose you aren't here to do anything bad to Florador or Flowron."
"No I'm not." I would not want anything to do with a person called Flowron (who was probably Sauron), but I didn't say that. I really wanted to get out of here alive and with all my limbs.
"Alright then. The nearest lake is over that hill to the left of the tree that looks like a man bending over to take a dump." These Florador people certainly had great imaginations.
"Thanks guys. You were a great help." I lied as I turned and walked away. ~*~
"Where the hell is she?" Ali muttered under her breath. She didn't want to admit it, but she was really worried about Tory. She had been 30 minutes already and that was a bit longer than was probably good here.
After Tory had started to talk to the weird looking creatures, Ali had gotten the hobbits to try creep silently up the hill. (Fat Sam had slipped. Twice.) They were now camped near a tiny stream so the hobbits could wash up. Gollum was here as well and fishing for "tasssssssssty fissssssshesssssssss". Sam was looking for food and Frodo was sulking.
Ali lay back on the grass. She was tired. It was all that anxiety from almost being captured by hippies (a scary predicament). I'm sure Tory will be here soon, she thought as she drifted off to sleep.
~*~*~
I found them near a stream. Sam was yelling at Gollum on behalf of Frodo and Ali was sleeping. I wondered how she could because Sam was yelling loud enough to bring armies from Mordor, Rivendell, and Lorien. They hadn't seen me yet.
"Guys, would you please SHUT UP!" I yelled. Sam stopped yelling.
"Sorry, miss, it's just that Gollum was--" he started
"Sam, I think you should know by now that I really don't care. Please just cook the meal. And don't kill each other. Blood is messy and I don't want to clean it up." I turned to Ali. "Wake up slugabutt!"
She opened her eyes. "Go away," she mumbled.
"I'm back.... Did ya miss me?" I laughed.
"Not one bit. Shut up and let me sleep. I'm tired."
"Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?" I teased her. "But seriously, you have to get up. We have to get going."
"No we don't. Remember this is the part where Sam and Frodo see the Oliphant and... I can't remember what happens next but I think it's important." she said. I thought for a minute. I couldn't remember what happened next either. That was probably not good.
"I can't remember either. Let's have lunch now and wait to see what happens." I said. "I'm hungry."
"You are ALWAYS hungry!" Ali groaned. I laughed.
"I know. Let's eat." We walked over to where Sam was cooking some good smelling thing in his pots. We wolfed it down, ( I was so starved, Talking to weird colored beings takes a lot out of you.)
Sam looked up halfway through the meal. "Where's Frodo?" We looked around. The hobbit was nowhere to be seen.
"I'd better go look for him." Sam said, getting up.
"I'll go too." I said quickly. I was bored.
"I'll stay here to guard the camp." Ali said. "I'm tired."
"Don't fall asleep. We'll be back soon." I called over my shoulder. We were off to see the oliphants!
So apparently we were running/jumping down a cliff or sliding in my case or rolling in Sam's case. Hobbits are SO stupid. (A/N: *ducks as hobbit lovers throw things at her*)
I was confused. I had a feeling that some things were whacked. Come on... Sauron: a hippie? No way! He was an evil war lord. Hopefully, or else the whole plot of the book is ruined. I had a spark of ingenuity. (A/N: unfortunately a spark is not a forest fire which is what I need to raise my grade in math...and Latin...and social studies () We were stuck in the Mary-Sue version of Lord of the Rings that happens when someone tries to make a parody out of a Mary-Sue!! NO ANYTHING BUT THAT!!! SAVE ME!!! I was trying not to think about that right now. Ali and I had to figure out how to get to the end of the book without dying or getting any of the major characters killed which would totally screw up the plot...the book... and the impact of this on modern society. *breathe*
Ali got down to the hobbits before I did and was trying to convince them to go back up the hill. Sam wanted to stay and look at the "pretty flowers" on the gate formerly known as the Black Gate.
"I want to stay and look at the pretty flowers too!" whined Frodo.
"They are going to see us and capture us any minute!" Ali argued.
"But-" Frodo pouted. I cut him off.
"Frodo, Sam duck under your invisi-cloak thing...Ali, you go too if you can all fit. They're coming! If you can sneak away, do it. I'll be back as soon as I can. Go!" I had noticed two blue beings with pink shoes coming toward the cloud of dust we raised while we were arguing pointlessly. I now had to get the evil beings to believe that I wanted water. If this was the world I believed it was, it would work.
"Where are you going?" Ali called. I ignored her and walked down to the bottom of the hill. The two ugly creatures had noticed me.
"Halt, who goes there?" the larger one demanded.
"Hello, do you think you could help me?" I said, smiling. "I was wondering if there was a lake around here somewhere. I'm kind of dirty." It was true. The swamp gunk was plastered all over me.
"Who are you?" the larger one asked again. The smaller one was just staring. He'd probably never seen a blonde before. They aren't that common in Middle-Earth.
"My name is uh... Afungalia. (A/N: pronounced "uh-FUN-ga-lee-ah") Can you point me to the nearest lake or something?" I smiled fakely.
"All right, Afungalia, why are you here in Florador?" the larger one asked. Florador? What the heck? My theory had been proved. We are in Mary- Sue/parody world
"Uh... I wanted to look at the pretty flowers on the gate but I got all yucky and now I want a lake." I needed time for Ali and the hobbits to get away, but not this much.
"You like the flowers?" the smaller one piped in suddenly, "I painted some of them."
"They're very nice" I assured him. "So do you know where a lake is?"
"Yes, there's one right over there." The smaller one pointed.
"Thanks." I turned to walk off.
"Wait!" the larger one grabbed my shoulder and turned me around. He was quite a bit taller and I don't think I could have run away from him. "We should take her in for questioning." Ok, so this guy was smarter than I expected. "We don't really know why she is here."
"I just wanted to see the flowers. Now I'm all dirty so I want a lake." I said. "You understand, don't you?" The smaller one nodded, and then elbowed the larger one.
"Yes, I understand." The larger one said. "I suppose you aren't here to do anything bad to Florador or Flowron."
"No I'm not." I would not want anything to do with a person called Flowron (who was probably Sauron), but I didn't say that. I really wanted to get out of here alive and with all my limbs.
"Alright then. The nearest lake is over that hill to the left of the tree that looks like a man bending over to take a dump." These Florador people certainly had great imaginations.
"Thanks guys. You were a great help." I lied as I turned and walked away. ~*~
"Where the hell is she?" Ali muttered under her breath. She didn't want to admit it, but she was really worried about Tory. She had been 30 minutes already and that was a bit longer than was probably good here.
After Tory had started to talk to the weird looking creatures, Ali had gotten the hobbits to try creep silently up the hill. (Fat Sam had slipped. Twice.) They were now camped near a tiny stream so the hobbits could wash up. Gollum was here as well and fishing for "tasssssssssty fissssssshesssssssss". Sam was looking for food and Frodo was sulking.
Ali lay back on the grass. She was tired. It was all that anxiety from almost being captured by hippies (a scary predicament). I'm sure Tory will be here soon, she thought as she drifted off to sleep.
~*~*~
I found them near a stream. Sam was yelling at Gollum on behalf of Frodo and Ali was sleeping. I wondered how she could because Sam was yelling loud enough to bring armies from Mordor, Rivendell, and Lorien. They hadn't seen me yet.
"Guys, would you please SHUT UP!" I yelled. Sam stopped yelling.
"Sorry, miss, it's just that Gollum was--" he started
"Sam, I think you should know by now that I really don't care. Please just cook the meal. And don't kill each other. Blood is messy and I don't want to clean it up." I turned to Ali. "Wake up slugabutt!"
She opened her eyes. "Go away," she mumbled.
"I'm back.... Did ya miss me?" I laughed.
"Not one bit. Shut up and let me sleep. I'm tired."
"Would you like some cheese with your WHINE?" I teased her. "But seriously, you have to get up. We have to get going."
"No we don't. Remember this is the part where Sam and Frodo see the Oliphant and... I can't remember what happens next but I think it's important." she said. I thought for a minute. I couldn't remember what happened next either. That was probably not good.
"I can't remember either. Let's have lunch now and wait to see what happens." I said. "I'm hungry."
"You are ALWAYS hungry!" Ali groaned. I laughed.
"I know. Let's eat." We walked over to where Sam was cooking some good smelling thing in his pots. We wolfed it down, ( I was so starved, Talking to weird colored beings takes a lot out of you.)
Sam looked up halfway through the meal. "Where's Frodo?" We looked around. The hobbit was nowhere to be seen.
"I'd better go look for him." Sam said, getting up.
"I'll go too." I said quickly. I was bored.
"I'll stay here to guard the camp." Ali said. "I'm tired."
"Don't fall asleep. We'll be back soon." I called over my shoulder. We were off to see the oliphants!