To the Happy Couple
Skip to: part two
by Susan Owens
Copyright 2002
Rated: PG
Summary: Judd, Joxer's father, makes trouble for the happy couple during their
honeymoon.
Timeline: takes place about a month after the wedding in "My Cup Runneth Over".
"Well boy, I'm out of here. My ten-year sentence is over and I'm as free as a
bird!"
Jett stared at his father through the bars of his jail cell. "Father, leave Jox
alone! He's happy now!"
"Leave him alone? Are you insane? The little dork finally got married and I've
got to meet the fool that married him," Judd laughed harshly.
Jett stood up, reached through the bars and grabbed his father. "Now you listen
to me! Joxer's happy! Gabrielle's the best thing that's ever happened to him,
and if you ruin it for him I will personally kill you," he swore.
Judd grabbed his son's hands. "Let go of me now boy, or I promise that you'll
regret it!"
Jett growled at his father and then released him. "Please, just let Joxer
alone."
"I won't do anything to hurt the dork now that he's married."
"Father, please!"
"I said I won't, and I won't. Warlord's honor," Judd said.
"Yeah, like you know anything about honor," Jett growled.
Judd smiled and walked away, leaving Jett wondering what in Tartarus his father
was up to.
Two weeks later, Joxer and Gabrielle arrived in a small village. Gabrielle
counted their money carefully. "Joxer, this money has to last us a week. We
really shouldn't have spent so much money shopping with Jace and Arose."
"Well, Jace just wasn't going to let us leave without new clothes," Joxer said.
"That's true," Gabrielle smiled and looked over at her husband dressed nicely in
a simple tunic and pants. "Like I was saying, this money has to last a week, so
find a room but a cheap one, okay? We need to eat and board Sugar too, so I'll
look for a stable that's decent and cheap." She leaned over and gave him a kiss
that he returned eagerly.
Joxer nodded when the kiss broke, took the money from Gabrielle and headed over
to an inn near the village center to see about a room. When he walked in,
everyone smiled at him. Joxer smiled back, wondering why anybody was bothering
with him. The innkeeper rushed over to him, grabbing his hand and shaking it
hard. "You must be Joxer the Mighty! Welcome! Welcome to my inn. It's a great
honor to have you here!"
Joxer was puzzled, but recovered quickly. "Uh, thanks. I need a room for two and
something to eat," he said.
"Yes, of course you do! The best room in the house," the innkeeper said.
"I can't afford the best room in the house. We're a little short on dinars,"
Joxer admitted.
"Money? Did I even mention money? Everything's on me! The room, the food,
everything!"
Joxer stared at the innkeeper, his eyebrows furrowing together. "Now, wait a
minute! Why are you giving everything free to me?"
The innkeeper was told what to say just in case Joxer asked. "Ah... Well, it's
not really free. The money was sent to me with a note telling me you were coming
as wedding gift."
"Oh. From who?"
"Don't know. The note wasn't signed."
"I bet it was Xena..." Joxer replied to the innkeeper, a smile lighting his
features, not even thinking that Xena couldn't afford to pay for such a thing.
"Yes, I'll bet it was Xena too." The innkeeper climbed on a chair. "Everyone,
listen to me! We have an honored guest here, Joxer the Mighty! Please sing his
praises with me." Everyone stopped whatever they were doing, stood up, and sang
very loudly and off-key Joxer's song to his complete amazement.
Gabrielle walked in just in time to hear the singing. "What is going on?" she
asked.
Joxer looked at Gabrielle with what seemed to be pride, but his eyes were filled
with mischief. "I found the place I want to live," he said.
Gabrielle stood next to Joxer with her mouth hanging open and watched the people
in the tavern singing, completely missing the teasing note in her husband's
voice.
"Gabrielle, look around you! They love me here! Listen, they're singing my
song," Joxer beamed as he waved his arms at the crowd then looked at Gabrielle
to see if she was catching on.
"Yeah. I noticed," replied Gabrielle, holding her hands against her ears. "If
you want to call that singing," she said dubiously.
"I think it's nice. I think I'll join them," he said, eyes twinkling.
"What? Fine, Joxer! You go ahead and join them. I don't mind. I'll just sit here
and wait," she said as she sat down.
"Thanks, Gabrielle! I won't be long," Joxer smiled. He wondered how long he
should keep this up, but right now he was enjoying it.
Gabrielle stood up and snapped at him, "Joxer! I was being sarcastic!" She
reached up and grabbed him by the earlobe. "Let's get out of here."
"OW! OW! OW! Gabrielle, you promised not to do that any more!" he whimpered.
"Then let's see about a room and go upstairs," Gabrielle said.
Joxer rubbed his ear and winced at the pain he felt coming from where Gabrielle
had grabbed him. "We already have a room and dinner coming," he said.
"How much is the room and dinner going to cost us?" Gabrielle asked
suspiciously.
"Nothing! Someone already paid for it. It's a wedding gift," Joxer replied.
Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "From who?"
"I don't know. The innkeeper said someone sent a note and told him to give us
the best in the place. It's right at the top of the stairs," Joxer said. "I
think it might have been Xena. Besides, the villagers are happy to see me."
"Joxer, there's no way Xena could afford this place! I'm going to bed. You can
stay down here with your followers," Gabrielle sighed and started to walk
upstairs.
"Gabrielle, don't be that way. They love me!" Joxer protested.
"I love you too Joxer, but I'm not sharing you with a whole village, so it's
either them or me."
Joxer looked at all the people singing his song then back at Gabrielle. "Oh,
it's no contest."
Gabrielle smiled. "Good, then let's go."
Joxer wasn't quite ready to stop teasing yet even though there was a little
voice in the back of his head saying, DON'T! He just couldn't resist saying,
"I'm staying here."
"What? Oh, fine! You stay here then," Gabrielle walked away in a huff, heading
upstairs. Joxer ran after her, realizing then that the joke had gone a little
too far.
"Gabrielle! Gabrielle! I was just joking, honey!" Gabrielle headed into the room
and slammed the door in Joxer's face, locking it behind her. "Come on,
Gabrielle. Let me in! I was kidding you, honest!" He banged his fist against the
door in frustration.
"No, go away, Joxer! Go down and sing your stupid song with those drunks,"
Gabrielle's voice was muffled behind the door.
"My song isn't stupid and they're not drunk!" Joxer was beginning to get angry
now.
Gabrielle opened the door and threw her boot at him. "Go away, Joxer!"
Joxer backed up a couple of paces to avoid getting hit, but Gabrielle was
quicker than him. When the boot hit Joxer on the forehead, he lost his balance
and tumbled down the stairs. Gabrielle ran out, picked up her boot, re-entered
the room and slammed the door. Joxer got up and brushed himself off. A young
woman ran over to see if he was all right. "Here, let me help you up! Are you
okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks," Joxer muttered, completely embarrassed.
"Joxer, come and join us in your song," the woman said.
Joxer stared up at the stairs, his pride now hurt. He hollered up to his wife, "
Fine, you want me to sing with them, fine! " He then turned back to the girl.
"Thanks, I think I will." Joxer walked over and began singing his song with the
others.
Gabrielle listened at the door, hoping that Joxer would come back up but he
didn't. She felt so unhappy. What had gone wrong? Gabrielle knew she was
short-tempered but that was uncalled for. Joxer was excited and she really
didn't blame him for that. The villagers liked him and didn't think he was a
dork, but why? What was going on here? For the first time since they had been
married, she and Joxer were not together and she had something important to tell
him. They were going to be parents. She had felt sick in town, so she had gone
to see a healer and was told she was going to have a baby. They had conceived on
that night in the Amazon village. She had planned a quiet romantic time alone to
tell him. Now she was here and he was downstairs. Gabrielle threw herself down
on the bed and wept bitterly.
A lone figure, wearing a hooded cloak so that he couldn't be seen, sat in a
shadowy corner of the inn, watching Joxer and the other people having fun as
Joxer began teaching them another verse of his song. "Joxer, by the time I'm
done, Gabrielle will hate the very mention of your name," Judd smiled as he paid
the innkeeper with a sack filled with dinars. "Make sure everyone gets their
share. I want Gabrielle out of his life by the end of this week," he whispered.
Judd looked at the innkeeper as he set down a mug of ale in front of him and
lifted the mug up. "Here, join me in a toast: to the happy couple. May their
lives be completely miserable by the end of the week!"
A couple of hours later, Joxer no longer felt like singing with the villagers
and refused all offers of ale. He felt downright miserable. What a fool I've
been, he thought to himself sadly. He knew that the fight with Gabrielle was his
fault because he had taken his joke too far. He decided to go upstairs to try
and apologize for what he had done. "Excuse me folks, but I'm getting tired," he
said to the group.
"You can't leave! We're having fun!" one of the women protested and several
voices rose in agreement.
"I'm sorry, but I'm tired. Thank you," Joxer repeated politely and turned around
to walk up the stairs. "I just hope she unlocked the door," he muttered to
himself.
In the corner of the tavern, Judd watched him leave and signaled one of the
barmaids over. "Follow him and make sure they are kept apart," he ordered.
The girl smiled. "I'll do my very best."
He grabbed her by the arm roughly. "Make sure you do, wench! I'm paying you and
the rest of these idiots very well for this job, so don't screw up, or I'll make
sure that you regret you were ever born," his voice lowered to a raspy whisper.
The girl pulled away from him, unafraid of his threatening tone. "I always do my
best so don't you worry, old man." She walked away from the recently freed
warlord and watched Joxer carefully to see what would happen and to plan how and
when to strike.
Joxer stopped at the door of their room and knocked on it. Getting no answer, he
called out softly, "Gabrielle, I know that you're mad at me and I really don't
blame you. I acted like a fool. This was our night to be together and I ruined
it by being my own stupid self. I don't blame you if you never speak to me
again. Gabrielle, I love you." Gabrielle listened to Joxer's words and she
wanted to run over and let him in but her pride would not let her. Joxer leaned
his forehead against the door, closed his eyes, and sighed. "Well, I'm going to
go sleep in the barn with Sugar. Goodnight, Gabrielle. See you in the morning -
that is, if you still want to see me." He walked away from the door and trudged
down the stairs with a heavy heart.
Gabrielle listened as Joxer's footsteps faded away then she sat up to think. She
felt as if Xena was talking to her. "Gabrielle, go to him. You love him so much
and you're letting your pride get in the way! Don't let it end like this! Talk
to him," her friend's husky voice echoed in her mind. Gabrielle got up, pulled
her boots on, walked down the stairs then headed for the stables.
One of the villagers watched Gabrielle exit the tavern with a frown on her face.
"I don't feel right about this," she said uneasily to the man standing next to
her at the bar. "He seems like such a nice young fellow."
The man rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on! He's nothing but a bumbling idiot. You've
heard all the tales about him traveling with Xena and Gabrielle - getting them
into trouble without even trying! He can't even walk two steps without tripping
over his feet. I still can't believe that she-" he pointed a finger at
Gabrielle's retreating figure - "actually married him! And that stupid theme
song of his... Gods, that'll stick in my head for weeks! Believe me, he deserves
whatever's coming to him - but it's been worth it," he patted his money pouch
and grinned toothily.
"You may think so, but I don't," she replied coldly. She tossed the pouch she
had been given onto the bar. "Take it. I don't want it," she said to the
bartender and walked out the door.
"Do you want me to stop her?" the innkeeper asked Judd as he served him another
ale.
The warlord raised the mug to his lips and took a long drink, wiping the foam
away from his lips with the back of his hand before replying. "No. Let her go -
for now." The dark eyes glittered. "I'll deal with her later."
Dyana followed Joxer out to the stables as she had been ordered to from a short
distance away so he wouldn't see her. She watched him as he patted the white
horse's velvet muzzle. He smiled sadly as Sugar whickered softly and looked at
him with mournful eyes. "Hey there, Sugar. I guess I'll be sleeping in here
tonight. Hope you don't mind the company." The horse whinnied in reply and
pushed his shoulder with her nose. "Thanks." He walked over to the saddlebag
hanging in the stall and looked inside for a few moments, eventually pulling out
a big red apple. "Here you go," he offered Sugar the treat.
Dyana watched him and rolled her eyes. What in Tartarus did that woman see in
him? Yu... Wait a minute... She took a closer look at the lanky man feeding the
horse an apple and talking to it softly. He IS cute, in a goofy kind of way...
Oh well, let's get this over with, she thought to herself as she inserted her
foot inside a crack in the floor. "Oh, help! Please help me, kind sir!"
Joxer looked over at the girl and walked over to help her. "Sure. What's the
problem?"
Dyana smiled widely at him. "Oh silly me just got my foot caught in this stupid
old crack that I didn't see and I can't seem to get out by myself. Would you be
a dear and help me?"
"Of course. Just hold still. Gee, it looks like your foot's really stuck inside
there," Joxer nodded and bent down to help her. From the corner of her eye,
Dyana saw Gabrielle coming. She suddenly pushed Joxer back, knocking him into
the hay and leaped on top of him before he could recover. When Gabrielle finally
came into the stables she saw Joxer and a strange girl kissing - at least that
was what it looked like to her.
"Joxer, how could you do this?! You said you love me and I find you here making
out with this... this... AUGH! I'm going back to Xena! I never want to see you
again! Never!" Gabrielle ran from the stables in tears.
Joxer finally managed to get Dyana off him. "What in Tartarus were you doing?"
he breathed.
Dyana smirked. "It's called kissing dork, and you're not half bad." She licked
her lips suggestively. "Let's do it again."
She reached up to pull him down again, but Joxer pushed her away from him and
rose to his feet. "You tricked me! Why? What did I do to you?"
Dyana looked up at him, still smirking. "Listen, doll-face. It's just business,
you know. Some guy asked me to do it, so I did. He paid me well." The smirk
widened. "Very well."
Joxer grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up to face him. He grabbed her by
the shoulders. "Tell me who paid you off to try and break up our marriage," he
growled.
Dyana tried to pull away but Joxer's grip was too tight. "Let go! You're hurting
me."
"Tell me now!" Joxer demanded, eyebrows rising and his face turned deathly pale
when he realized something else. "He paid the people off in the tavern too,
didn't he? Didn't he? Tell the truth!" his voice rose to a hoarse, angry shout.
Dyana began shivering at the look on Joxer's face and nodded in confirmation.
"J-J-Judd. His name is Judd. Please let go of me," she pleaded in a tiny voice.
Joxer's eyes blazed with fury as he pushed her away from him in disgust. "Damn
him! Damn him! Tell me where he is," he snarled, whirling around to face her.
Dyana was frightened of this so-called dork. "He's in the tavern..."
Joxer walked from the stables and headed for the tavern. He stormed inside, the
double doors slamming against the wall with a loud crack from the force of him
pushing them open. "FATHER, DAMN YOU TO TARTARUS! WHERE ARE YOU? SHOW YOURSELF,
YOU SON OF A BACCHAE!" he bellowed. Nobody in the tavern said a word as they
watched him searching for his father with wild eyes.
"Well, well, well. My youngest son does have a backbone after all," a deep voice
rasped.
Joxer turned in the direction of the voice to see a tall man dressed all in
black sitting at a corner table and his eyes narrowed. People cleared a path as
he headed for the man and stood before him, his fists clenched together. "Get up
and fight me - Father..." he growled.
Judd stayed where he was, staring up at him with a look of disbelief on his
face. "Are you insane, boy? I'll beat you to a pulp!" He laughed, the harsh
sound echoing eerily in the silent tavern.
Joxer stared back. "I said get up! I'll teach you to meddle in my life."
Judd chuckled evilly and stood up, staring directly into Joxer's eyes. "You'll
teach me?" He poked Joxer in the stomach with a finger, pushing him back a
little. "Okay... boy... Teach me."
Joxer swung his fist at his father who caught it easily and squeezed hard,
making him cry out. "Boy, you always make that mistake."
"Not this time - Father," Joxer sneered as his free fist plunged into Judd's
stomach.
Judd doubled over and wheezed, "How... did... you... do... that..."
Joxer pulled Judd upright until he was staring into his youngest son's face.
"I've been watching Xena. I may not be a fighter, but you took away my life, my
angel, my Gabrielle, and I swear you'll pay for that!"
Judd saw the change in Joxer's eyes and for the first time in his life, he was
scared at what he saw in them. "Come on, boy! It was a joke! I meant no harm..."
he blustered.
"Right, just like you meant no harm to Jillian! NO MORE LIES! NO MORE!" Joxer
continued holding Judd by his shirt collar, his face inches away from his
father's. "I'm going to take you to Gabrielle and I want you to tell her
everything you've done, then I want you to leave and if I ever see you again,
I'll kill you with my bare hands! Do I make myself clear... Father?" his lips
turned up in revulsion at the last word.
Judd nodded, wide-eyed. Joxer looked at everyone else in the tavern. They all
were standing with their backs up against the wall, scared to death of the
so-called "dork" that supposedly couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. He
snarled wordlessly at them and then stormed out the doors dragging his father
with him so he could look for Gabrielle. After a while, he found her sitting
alone on a bench with her head in her hands. "Gabrielle, honey..." he said
gently.
"Joxer, go away!" Gabrielle's shout was muffled beneath her hands.
Joxer shook his head stubbornly. "No! Not until you hear me out. Father, tell
her what you did - or what you tried to do."
Alarmed by the angry tone in her husband's voice, Gabrielle looked up and saw
Joxer gripping a tall, older man by his shirt collar. "You! You're behind this?"
"Yeah, I'm behind this. I wanted to break you two up. I don't want Joxer to be
happy," Judd said haughtily.
Gabrielle stared at Judd, astonished. "But why? He's your son! Why would you
want his life to be miserable?"
Judd laughed harshly. "Because he's a worthless dork, that's why!"
Gabrielle rose to her feet, furious. "Don't you ever call the man I love..." she
began to threaten Judd when Joxer suddenly bent his father's left arm back,
making him cry out in pain. Gabrielle's eyes grew wide at the fury she saw in
her normally sweet-natured husband's face.
"Father, did I ever tell you how much I hate being called a dork?" Joxer
muttered in Judd's ear.
"You're hurting me..." Judd gritted through clenched teeth, crying out once more
when Joxer bent his arm back again.
Joxer let go of him and pushed him away, making the older man stumble forward a
few steps. "Now get out and remember what I said!"
Judd gazed into the eyes of his youngest son with what Joxer could have sworn
was the faintest look of respect in his eyes, nodded, and was gone.
Gabrielle gazed at Joxer as he turned around to face her, the anger in his face
gone. She saw that he was shaking and she waited until he calmed down before she
spoke. "Thank you, Joxer," she said huskily.
Joxer looked at her with tears in his eyes. "You're welcome Gabrielle, and
please forgive me for being such a jerk. I was trying to joke with you, but it
backfired and I went too far. I'm sorry. I never meant to..." He sighed and hung
his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand.
Gabrielle stared at him for a moment before reaching out with her finger and
lifting up his chin for him to look at her. "No, Joxer. You weren't being a
jerk. I was because I didn't realize that you were joking in the first place and
I let my pride get in the way. Gods, I never should have thrown that boot at
you. You really could've been hurt badly when you fell down those stairs - or
worse. Please forgive me."
Joxer smiled at her and said with a lopsided grin, "I forgive you." He raised
his eyebrows and cleared his throat. "You know, I have to get used to you saying
you're sorry to me."
Gabrielle laughed softly. "Yeah, it is something different, huh?" She laughed
again as Joxer nodded in agreement. Her laughter faded and she bit her bottom
lip before speaking again. "I never thought I'd ever see you get so angry,
Joxer. I hope it's a long time before I see it again. You scared me a little,"
she admitted quietly.
Joxer looked down into her eyes, all trace of amusement gone from his face.
"Yes. I'm sorry if I scared you but Gabrielle, the thought of losing you was
more than I could bear," he kissed her softly on the lips and pulled her close
to him. "Actually, I scared me," he whispered, running his fingers through her
hair.
Gabrielle nodded and looked up at him. "You stood up to your father. You did it
for me. For our child," Gabrielle murmured, cupping his cheek with her hand.
Joxer nodded and gazed down into her eyes. "Yes. I did it for you and for our
child." Gabrielle smiled and returned his kiss. Joxer suddenly pulled away, his
eyes wide. "Wait a minute! Did you say our child?"
"Uh mmm," Gabrielle's eyes began twinkling as she brushed a lock of hair away
from his eyes.
"We're going to have a child?" A huge, goofy grin spread across Joxer's face.
"Yep."
"A baby? A little Joxer or Gabrielle?" Joxer was practically babbling at this
point.
"Uh huh."
"I'm going to be a father?"
Gabrielle's smile grew wide and she nodded in confirmation. "You sure are,
Pookie. WHOA!" She suddenly found herself being pulled down to the ground as
Joxer fainted and landed on top of him. She looked at her husband as he lay
there with his goofy but sweet smile on his face. Her eyes shifted downward as
she patted her still rock-hard stomach affectionately and smiled. "Well sweetie,
that's your father, Joxer The Mighty. He's not called the Master of Mayhem for
nothing because sometimes he does some really crazy things and people don't see
the real person underneath. He always comes through in the end, though - and I
love him for it." She sighed happily as she put her arms around his still form,
leaned over to kiss him again and waited for him to wake up.
The End
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Jett, and all other characters
who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory
are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No
infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan
fiction. The characters of Judd and Dyana were created by the author for use in
this fiction. This story is copyright © 2002 by Susan Owens and is her sole
property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit
in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must
include all disclaimers and copyright notices.
Skip to: part two
by Susan Owens
Copyright 2002
Rated: PG
Summary: Judd, Joxer's father, makes trouble for the happy couple during their
honeymoon.
Timeline: takes place about a month after the wedding in "My Cup Runneth Over".
"Well boy, I'm out of here. My ten-year sentence is over and I'm as free as a
bird!"
Jett stared at his father through the bars of his jail cell. "Father, leave Jox
alone! He's happy now!"
"Leave him alone? Are you insane? The little dork finally got married and I've
got to meet the fool that married him," Judd laughed harshly.
Jett stood up, reached through the bars and grabbed his father. "Now you listen
to me! Joxer's happy! Gabrielle's the best thing that's ever happened to him,
and if you ruin it for him I will personally kill you," he swore.
Judd grabbed his son's hands. "Let go of me now boy, or I promise that you'll
regret it!"
Jett growled at his father and then released him. "Please, just let Joxer
alone."
"I won't do anything to hurt the dork now that he's married."
"Father, please!"
"I said I won't, and I won't. Warlord's honor," Judd said.
"Yeah, like you know anything about honor," Jett growled.
Judd smiled and walked away, leaving Jett wondering what in Tartarus his father
was up to.
Two weeks later, Joxer and Gabrielle arrived in a small village. Gabrielle
counted their money carefully. "Joxer, this money has to last us a week. We
really shouldn't have spent so much money shopping with Jace and Arose."
"Well, Jace just wasn't going to let us leave without new clothes," Joxer said.
"That's true," Gabrielle smiled and looked over at her husband dressed nicely in
a simple tunic and pants. "Like I was saying, this money has to last a week, so
find a room but a cheap one, okay? We need to eat and board Sugar too, so I'll
look for a stable that's decent and cheap." She leaned over and gave him a kiss
that he returned eagerly.
Joxer nodded when the kiss broke, took the money from Gabrielle and headed over
to an inn near the village center to see about a room. When he walked in,
everyone smiled at him. Joxer smiled back, wondering why anybody was bothering
with him. The innkeeper rushed over to him, grabbing his hand and shaking it
hard. "You must be Joxer the Mighty! Welcome! Welcome to my inn. It's a great
honor to have you here!"
Joxer was puzzled, but recovered quickly. "Uh, thanks. I need a room for two and
something to eat," he said.
"Yes, of course you do! The best room in the house," the innkeeper said.
"I can't afford the best room in the house. We're a little short on dinars,"
Joxer admitted.
"Money? Did I even mention money? Everything's on me! The room, the food,
everything!"
Joxer stared at the innkeeper, his eyebrows furrowing together. "Now, wait a
minute! Why are you giving everything free to me?"
The innkeeper was told what to say just in case Joxer asked. "Ah... Well, it's
not really free. The money was sent to me with a note telling me you were coming
as wedding gift."
"Oh. From who?"
"Don't know. The note wasn't signed."
"I bet it was Xena..." Joxer replied to the innkeeper, a smile lighting his
features, not even thinking that Xena couldn't afford to pay for such a thing.
"Yes, I'll bet it was Xena too." The innkeeper climbed on a chair. "Everyone,
listen to me! We have an honored guest here, Joxer the Mighty! Please sing his
praises with me." Everyone stopped whatever they were doing, stood up, and sang
very loudly and off-key Joxer's song to his complete amazement.
Gabrielle walked in just in time to hear the singing. "What is going on?" she
asked.
Joxer looked at Gabrielle with what seemed to be pride, but his eyes were filled
with mischief. "I found the place I want to live," he said.
Gabrielle stood next to Joxer with her mouth hanging open and watched the people
in the tavern singing, completely missing the teasing note in her husband's
voice.
"Gabrielle, look around you! They love me here! Listen, they're singing my
song," Joxer beamed as he waved his arms at the crowd then looked at Gabrielle
to see if she was catching on.
"Yeah. I noticed," replied Gabrielle, holding her hands against her ears. "If
you want to call that singing," she said dubiously.
"I think it's nice. I think I'll join them," he said, eyes twinkling.
"What? Fine, Joxer! You go ahead and join them. I don't mind. I'll just sit here
and wait," she said as she sat down.
"Thanks, Gabrielle! I won't be long," Joxer smiled. He wondered how long he
should keep this up, but right now he was enjoying it.
Gabrielle stood up and snapped at him, "Joxer! I was being sarcastic!" She
reached up and grabbed him by the earlobe. "Let's get out of here."
"OW! OW! OW! Gabrielle, you promised not to do that any more!" he whimpered.
"Then let's see about a room and go upstairs," Gabrielle said.
Joxer rubbed his ear and winced at the pain he felt coming from where Gabrielle
had grabbed him. "We already have a room and dinner coming," he said.
"How much is the room and dinner going to cost us?" Gabrielle asked
suspiciously.
"Nothing! Someone already paid for it. It's a wedding gift," Joxer replied.
Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "From who?"
"I don't know. The innkeeper said someone sent a note and told him to give us
the best in the place. It's right at the top of the stairs," Joxer said. "I
think it might have been Xena. Besides, the villagers are happy to see me."
"Joxer, there's no way Xena could afford this place! I'm going to bed. You can
stay down here with your followers," Gabrielle sighed and started to walk
upstairs.
"Gabrielle, don't be that way. They love me!" Joxer protested.
"I love you too Joxer, but I'm not sharing you with a whole village, so it's
either them or me."
Joxer looked at all the people singing his song then back at Gabrielle. "Oh,
it's no contest."
Gabrielle smiled. "Good, then let's go."
Joxer wasn't quite ready to stop teasing yet even though there was a little
voice in the back of his head saying, DON'T! He just couldn't resist saying,
"I'm staying here."
"What? Oh, fine! You stay here then," Gabrielle walked away in a huff, heading
upstairs. Joxer ran after her, realizing then that the joke had gone a little
too far.
"Gabrielle! Gabrielle! I was just joking, honey!" Gabrielle headed into the room
and slammed the door in Joxer's face, locking it behind her. "Come on,
Gabrielle. Let me in! I was kidding you, honest!" He banged his fist against the
door in frustration.
"No, go away, Joxer! Go down and sing your stupid song with those drunks,"
Gabrielle's voice was muffled behind the door.
"My song isn't stupid and they're not drunk!" Joxer was beginning to get angry
now.
Gabrielle opened the door and threw her boot at him. "Go away, Joxer!"
Joxer backed up a couple of paces to avoid getting hit, but Gabrielle was
quicker than him. When the boot hit Joxer on the forehead, he lost his balance
and tumbled down the stairs. Gabrielle ran out, picked up her boot, re-entered
the room and slammed the door. Joxer got up and brushed himself off. A young
woman ran over to see if he was all right. "Here, let me help you up! Are you
okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks," Joxer muttered, completely embarrassed.
"Joxer, come and join us in your song," the woman said.
Joxer stared up at the stairs, his pride now hurt. He hollered up to his wife, "
Fine, you want me to sing with them, fine! " He then turned back to the girl.
"Thanks, I think I will." Joxer walked over and began singing his song with the
others.
Gabrielle listened at the door, hoping that Joxer would come back up but he
didn't. She felt so unhappy. What had gone wrong? Gabrielle knew she was
short-tempered but that was uncalled for. Joxer was excited and she really
didn't blame him for that. The villagers liked him and didn't think he was a
dork, but why? What was going on here? For the first time since they had been
married, she and Joxer were not together and she had something important to tell
him. They were going to be parents. She had felt sick in town, so she had gone
to see a healer and was told she was going to have a baby. They had conceived on
that night in the Amazon village. She had planned a quiet romantic time alone to
tell him. Now she was here and he was downstairs. Gabrielle threw herself down
on the bed and wept bitterly.
A lone figure, wearing a hooded cloak so that he couldn't be seen, sat in a
shadowy corner of the inn, watching Joxer and the other people having fun as
Joxer began teaching them another verse of his song. "Joxer, by the time I'm
done, Gabrielle will hate the very mention of your name," Judd smiled as he paid
the innkeeper with a sack filled with dinars. "Make sure everyone gets their
share. I want Gabrielle out of his life by the end of this week," he whispered.
Judd looked at the innkeeper as he set down a mug of ale in front of him and
lifted the mug up. "Here, join me in a toast: to the happy couple. May their
lives be completely miserable by the end of the week!"
A couple of hours later, Joxer no longer felt like singing with the villagers
and refused all offers of ale. He felt downright miserable. What a fool I've
been, he thought to himself sadly. He knew that the fight with Gabrielle was his
fault because he had taken his joke too far. He decided to go upstairs to try
and apologize for what he had done. "Excuse me folks, but I'm getting tired," he
said to the group.
"You can't leave! We're having fun!" one of the women protested and several
voices rose in agreement.
"I'm sorry, but I'm tired. Thank you," Joxer repeated politely and turned around
to walk up the stairs. "I just hope she unlocked the door," he muttered to
himself.
In the corner of the tavern, Judd watched him leave and signaled one of the
barmaids over. "Follow him and make sure they are kept apart," he ordered.
The girl smiled. "I'll do my very best."
He grabbed her by the arm roughly. "Make sure you do, wench! I'm paying you and
the rest of these idiots very well for this job, so don't screw up, or I'll make
sure that you regret you were ever born," his voice lowered to a raspy whisper.
The girl pulled away from him, unafraid of his threatening tone. "I always do my
best so don't you worry, old man." She walked away from the recently freed
warlord and watched Joxer carefully to see what would happen and to plan how and
when to strike.
Joxer stopped at the door of their room and knocked on it. Getting no answer, he
called out softly, "Gabrielle, I know that you're mad at me and I really don't
blame you. I acted like a fool. This was our night to be together and I ruined
it by being my own stupid self. I don't blame you if you never speak to me
again. Gabrielle, I love you." Gabrielle listened to Joxer's words and she
wanted to run over and let him in but her pride would not let her. Joxer leaned
his forehead against the door, closed his eyes, and sighed. "Well, I'm going to
go sleep in the barn with Sugar. Goodnight, Gabrielle. See you in the morning -
that is, if you still want to see me." He walked away from the door and trudged
down the stairs with a heavy heart.
Gabrielle listened as Joxer's footsteps faded away then she sat up to think. She
felt as if Xena was talking to her. "Gabrielle, go to him. You love him so much
and you're letting your pride get in the way! Don't let it end like this! Talk
to him," her friend's husky voice echoed in her mind. Gabrielle got up, pulled
her boots on, walked down the stairs then headed for the stables.
One of the villagers watched Gabrielle exit the tavern with a frown on her face.
"I don't feel right about this," she said uneasily to the man standing next to
her at the bar. "He seems like such a nice young fellow."
The man rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on! He's nothing but a bumbling idiot. You've
heard all the tales about him traveling with Xena and Gabrielle - getting them
into trouble without even trying! He can't even walk two steps without tripping
over his feet. I still can't believe that she-" he pointed a finger at
Gabrielle's retreating figure - "actually married him! And that stupid theme
song of his... Gods, that'll stick in my head for weeks! Believe me, he deserves
whatever's coming to him - but it's been worth it," he patted his money pouch
and grinned toothily.
"You may think so, but I don't," she replied coldly. She tossed the pouch she
had been given onto the bar. "Take it. I don't want it," she said to the
bartender and walked out the door.
"Do you want me to stop her?" the innkeeper asked Judd as he served him another
ale.
The warlord raised the mug to his lips and took a long drink, wiping the foam
away from his lips with the back of his hand before replying. "No. Let her go -
for now." The dark eyes glittered. "I'll deal with her later."
Dyana followed Joxer out to the stables as she had been ordered to from a short
distance away so he wouldn't see her. She watched him as he patted the white
horse's velvet muzzle. He smiled sadly as Sugar whickered softly and looked at
him with mournful eyes. "Hey there, Sugar. I guess I'll be sleeping in here
tonight. Hope you don't mind the company." The horse whinnied in reply and
pushed his shoulder with her nose. "Thanks." He walked over to the saddlebag
hanging in the stall and looked inside for a few moments, eventually pulling out
a big red apple. "Here you go," he offered Sugar the treat.
Dyana watched him and rolled her eyes. What in Tartarus did that woman see in
him? Yu... Wait a minute... She took a closer look at the lanky man feeding the
horse an apple and talking to it softly. He IS cute, in a goofy kind of way...
Oh well, let's get this over with, she thought to herself as she inserted her
foot inside a crack in the floor. "Oh, help! Please help me, kind sir!"
Joxer looked over at the girl and walked over to help her. "Sure. What's the
problem?"
Dyana smiled widely at him. "Oh silly me just got my foot caught in this stupid
old crack that I didn't see and I can't seem to get out by myself. Would you be
a dear and help me?"
"Of course. Just hold still. Gee, it looks like your foot's really stuck inside
there," Joxer nodded and bent down to help her. From the corner of her eye,
Dyana saw Gabrielle coming. She suddenly pushed Joxer back, knocking him into
the hay and leaped on top of him before he could recover. When Gabrielle finally
came into the stables she saw Joxer and a strange girl kissing - at least that
was what it looked like to her.
"Joxer, how could you do this?! You said you love me and I find you here making
out with this... this... AUGH! I'm going back to Xena! I never want to see you
again! Never!" Gabrielle ran from the stables in tears.
Joxer finally managed to get Dyana off him. "What in Tartarus were you doing?"
he breathed.
Dyana smirked. "It's called kissing dork, and you're not half bad." She licked
her lips suggestively. "Let's do it again."
She reached up to pull him down again, but Joxer pushed her away from him and
rose to his feet. "You tricked me! Why? What did I do to you?"
Dyana looked up at him, still smirking. "Listen, doll-face. It's just business,
you know. Some guy asked me to do it, so I did. He paid me well." The smirk
widened. "Very well."
Joxer grabbed her by the arm and pulled her up to face him. He grabbed her by
the shoulders. "Tell me who paid you off to try and break up our marriage," he
growled.
Dyana tried to pull away but Joxer's grip was too tight. "Let go! You're hurting
me."
"Tell me now!" Joxer demanded, eyebrows rising and his face turned deathly pale
when he realized something else. "He paid the people off in the tavern too,
didn't he? Didn't he? Tell the truth!" his voice rose to a hoarse, angry shout.
Dyana began shivering at the look on Joxer's face and nodded in confirmation.
"J-J-Judd. His name is Judd. Please let go of me," she pleaded in a tiny voice.
Joxer's eyes blazed with fury as he pushed her away from him in disgust. "Damn
him! Damn him! Tell me where he is," he snarled, whirling around to face her.
Dyana was frightened of this so-called dork. "He's in the tavern..."
Joxer walked from the stables and headed for the tavern. He stormed inside, the
double doors slamming against the wall with a loud crack from the force of him
pushing them open. "FATHER, DAMN YOU TO TARTARUS! WHERE ARE YOU? SHOW YOURSELF,
YOU SON OF A BACCHAE!" he bellowed. Nobody in the tavern said a word as they
watched him searching for his father with wild eyes.
"Well, well, well. My youngest son does have a backbone after all," a deep voice
rasped.
Joxer turned in the direction of the voice to see a tall man dressed all in
black sitting at a corner table and his eyes narrowed. People cleared a path as
he headed for the man and stood before him, his fists clenched together. "Get up
and fight me - Father..." he growled.
Judd stayed where he was, staring up at him with a look of disbelief on his
face. "Are you insane, boy? I'll beat you to a pulp!" He laughed, the harsh
sound echoing eerily in the silent tavern.
Joxer stared back. "I said get up! I'll teach you to meddle in my life."
Judd chuckled evilly and stood up, staring directly into Joxer's eyes. "You'll
teach me?" He poked Joxer in the stomach with a finger, pushing him back a
little. "Okay... boy... Teach me."
Joxer swung his fist at his father who caught it easily and squeezed hard,
making him cry out. "Boy, you always make that mistake."
"Not this time - Father," Joxer sneered as his free fist plunged into Judd's
stomach.
Judd doubled over and wheezed, "How... did... you... do... that..."
Joxer pulled Judd upright until he was staring into his youngest son's face.
"I've been watching Xena. I may not be a fighter, but you took away my life, my
angel, my Gabrielle, and I swear you'll pay for that!"
Judd saw the change in Joxer's eyes and for the first time in his life, he was
scared at what he saw in them. "Come on, boy! It was a joke! I meant no harm..."
he blustered.
"Right, just like you meant no harm to Jillian! NO MORE LIES! NO MORE!" Joxer
continued holding Judd by his shirt collar, his face inches away from his
father's. "I'm going to take you to Gabrielle and I want you to tell her
everything you've done, then I want you to leave and if I ever see you again,
I'll kill you with my bare hands! Do I make myself clear... Father?" his lips
turned up in revulsion at the last word.
Judd nodded, wide-eyed. Joxer looked at everyone else in the tavern. They all
were standing with their backs up against the wall, scared to death of the
so-called "dork" that supposedly couldn't fight his way out of a paper bag. He
snarled wordlessly at them and then stormed out the doors dragging his father
with him so he could look for Gabrielle. After a while, he found her sitting
alone on a bench with her head in her hands. "Gabrielle, honey..." he said
gently.
"Joxer, go away!" Gabrielle's shout was muffled beneath her hands.
Joxer shook his head stubbornly. "No! Not until you hear me out. Father, tell
her what you did - or what you tried to do."
Alarmed by the angry tone in her husband's voice, Gabrielle looked up and saw
Joxer gripping a tall, older man by his shirt collar. "You! You're behind this?"
"Yeah, I'm behind this. I wanted to break you two up. I don't want Joxer to be
happy," Judd said haughtily.
Gabrielle stared at Judd, astonished. "But why? He's your son! Why would you
want his life to be miserable?"
Judd laughed harshly. "Because he's a worthless dork, that's why!"
Gabrielle rose to her feet, furious. "Don't you ever call the man I love..." she
began to threaten Judd when Joxer suddenly bent his father's left arm back,
making him cry out in pain. Gabrielle's eyes grew wide at the fury she saw in
her normally sweet-natured husband's face.
"Father, did I ever tell you how much I hate being called a dork?" Joxer
muttered in Judd's ear.
"You're hurting me..." Judd gritted through clenched teeth, crying out once more
when Joxer bent his arm back again.
Joxer let go of him and pushed him away, making the older man stumble forward a
few steps. "Now get out and remember what I said!"
Judd gazed into the eyes of his youngest son with what Joxer could have sworn
was the faintest look of respect in his eyes, nodded, and was gone.
Gabrielle gazed at Joxer as he turned around to face her, the anger in his face
gone. She saw that he was shaking and she waited until he calmed down before she
spoke. "Thank you, Joxer," she said huskily.
Joxer looked at her with tears in his eyes. "You're welcome Gabrielle, and
please forgive me for being such a jerk. I was trying to joke with you, but it
backfired and I went too far. I'm sorry. I never meant to..." He sighed and hung
his head, wiping his face with the back of his hand.
Gabrielle stared at him for a moment before reaching out with her finger and
lifting up his chin for him to look at her. "No, Joxer. You weren't being a
jerk. I was because I didn't realize that you were joking in the first place and
I let my pride get in the way. Gods, I never should have thrown that boot at
you. You really could've been hurt badly when you fell down those stairs - or
worse. Please forgive me."
Joxer smiled at her and said with a lopsided grin, "I forgive you." He raised
his eyebrows and cleared his throat. "You know, I have to get used to you saying
you're sorry to me."
Gabrielle laughed softly. "Yeah, it is something different, huh?" She laughed
again as Joxer nodded in agreement. Her laughter faded and she bit her bottom
lip before speaking again. "I never thought I'd ever see you get so angry,
Joxer. I hope it's a long time before I see it again. You scared me a little,"
she admitted quietly.
Joxer looked down into her eyes, all trace of amusement gone from his face.
"Yes. I'm sorry if I scared you but Gabrielle, the thought of losing you was
more than I could bear," he kissed her softly on the lips and pulled her close
to him. "Actually, I scared me," he whispered, running his fingers through her
hair.
Gabrielle nodded and looked up at him. "You stood up to your father. You did it
for me. For our child," Gabrielle murmured, cupping his cheek with her hand.
Joxer nodded and gazed down into her eyes. "Yes. I did it for you and for our
child." Gabrielle smiled and returned his kiss. Joxer suddenly pulled away, his
eyes wide. "Wait a minute! Did you say our child?"
"Uh mmm," Gabrielle's eyes began twinkling as she brushed a lock of hair away
from his eyes.
"We're going to have a child?" A huge, goofy grin spread across Joxer's face.
"Yep."
"A baby? A little Joxer or Gabrielle?" Joxer was practically babbling at this
point.
"Uh huh."
"I'm going to be a father?"
Gabrielle's smile grew wide and she nodded in confirmation. "You sure are,
Pookie. WHOA!" She suddenly found herself being pulled down to the ground as
Joxer fainted and landed on top of him. She looked at her husband as he lay
there with his goofy but sweet smile on his face. Her eyes shifted downward as
she patted her still rock-hard stomach affectionately and smiled. "Well sweetie,
that's your father, Joxer The Mighty. He's not called the Master of Mayhem for
nothing because sometimes he does some really crazy things and people don't see
the real person underneath. He always comes through in the end, though - and I
love him for it." She sighed happily as she put her arms around his still form,
leaned over to kiss him again and waited for him to wake up.
The End
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
Xena: Warrior Princess, Xena, Gabrielle, Joxer, Jett, and all other characters
who have appeared in the series, together with the names, titles and backstory
are the sole copyright property of MCA/Universal and Renaissance Pictures. No
infringement of copyrights or trademarks is intended in the writing of this fan
fiction. The characters of Judd and Dyana were created by the author for use in
this fiction. This story is copyright © 2002 by Susan Owens and is her sole
property along with the story idea. This story cannot be sold or used for profit
in any way. Copies of this story may be made for private use only and must
include all disclaimers and copyright notices.