Michael was already in the office when Raphael got there, humming a soft, nameless tune and typing away at his computer. When his second-in-command entered, he looked up with a grin.
"Morning!" he greeted the dark-eyed angel cheerfully.
"Good morning, Michael-sama," was the quiet reply, accompanied by a faint smile.
He seemed distracted, the greeting more of just an automatic reply than anything else. Michael watched as he took his seat, noticing preoccupation in his movements and wondering at it.
"The results of yesterday's testing came in this morning. The students are very promising."
"Aa." The archangel wouldn't meet his gaze.
Michael began to comment further on Valhalla's students but thought the better of it and fell silent. He suspected he'd get another curt, faraway answer, anyway.
'...Avoiding me?' he wondered, still watching as Raphael began to pull up the test scores he'd just commented on. 'Well, at least he's not ignoring me.'
He had so many questions for the other archangel. He'd spent the days after Gabrielle's visit wondering at what exactly was going on with his dark-eyed partner. The dog rose was the foremost thing on his mind. In fact, he had the flower with him, secreted in one of the drawers of his desk. He was itching to bring it out and ask about it.
'Pleasure and pain. "I love you." "Please believe me..." '
He didn't know what to think. His mind kept going back to the day he'd kissed the other angel, the day things began to go into their downward spiral. Raphael had pushed him away then, saying it wasn't right. But his eyes... He'd seen pain in those dusk-dark orbs that day, longing.
He thought back to Gabrielle's visit. Even now, he still felt disbelief that their marriage had been arranged, that feelings between them were nothing more than familial.
"You have that same love struck look I've seen Raphael sporting lately."
She'd said that so easily, so offhandedly. Like a sister gossiping on her brother's life. It made what she'd said about her relationship to her husband seem just a bit more believable. Yet... It was still hard for him to swallow it down.
"And for God's sake, find out who she is and tell her you love her."
'Oh, Gabrielle... Would you still have said that if you knew? Would you have given me that advice?' He closed his eyes and clasped a hand over his heart. 'I love him, Gabrielle, I love your husband. I love Raphael. So much that it hurts...'
It went against the laws of Eden, against everything he'd been taught to uphold in his life. But even if he could hide the truth from others, he couldn't do the same from himself. It was wrong for him to be with another man, the laws stated. No one knew how long that had been in effect; no one even knew who exactly had passed it. True, that piece of information existed, but when did anyone ever think or care to look it up? Although, the reasons for the law were valid, never mind the fact that it still did nothing and the angelic birth rate was what it had always been.
'Must you have made it so difficult...?' he asked no one in particular. 'Maybe you never knew what it's like...'
"Michael? Michael!"
He opened his eyes and inhaled sharply, gaze met by a pair of dusk-sky eyes that were too close for comfort. "Ah-- I-- I'm fine," he stammered. "Just-- thinking, that's all."
"I thought you might have fainted again." He stood to go back to his desk, but Michael grabbed his arm and stopped him. "Hm? What is it?"
After taking a deep breath, he said quietly, "I-- Um... I want to ask you something, Raphael."
The other angel gave a small nod in reply and waited. Heart pounding, he opened the drawer he'd put the dog rose in and took the flower out. Still, the tall archangel said nothing, even when it was placed in his hand. But he turned his gaze away, so his bangs hid his dark eyes.
"Please," Michael said, voice barely a whisper, the familiar ache in his heart surfacing once more. "Explain this."
There was a long silence before his companion answered. "Is there anything to explain?" he answered, with a shrug, voice neutral. "Gabrielle put it in along with the rest of the flowers. I know what you must interpret the flower's meaning to be. She doesn't. Don't take it to heart."
He still refused to meet the blonde's gaze. This time, he calmly extracted himself from his partner's grip and went back to his desk. Michael stared at the space he'd occupied just the moment before.
"Even if there was meant to be a message, you know I still wouldn't do that. It's against our laws. Not everyone may know the language, but we're not the only ones. I wouldn't allow you to take such a risk, let alone take it myself."
"Against the law," he repeated, attempting to quell the pain within him. "You said that before."
As if in a dream, the golden-haired archangel stood and walked to his second-in-command, hearing the response of "So did you, once." as if from far away. Alarm flashed in Raphael's eyes, but he did nothing, even when Michael cupped his cheek in his hand.
"I love you, Raphael," he whispered. "Far too much to care about the law anymore."
He caressed the other's lips with his thumb before allowing his own lips to do the same. He implored the angel with this kiss, searching for a sign that his feelings were reciprocated; he felt a sliver of response before Raphael pushed him away. Just like before.
"Michael," he began, expression neutral but for the pain that was clearly shown in his dusk-dark eyes.
"No," the blonde interrupted. "Don't say anything." A step back, then another. "Just-- don't say anything."
'I told him, Gabrielle... I told him. It changes nothing...'
He fled the room before anything else could be said. He fled from the hurt Raphael's presence brought.
He couldn't escape the pain in his heart.
Michael didn't return to the office that day. Shortly after he left, Raphael took his own leave to his rooms, instructing all of his messages to be redirected there. Just as the other angel had done before, he ordered a guard not to let anyone through unless it was for important business. Not only did he not want to be bothered; he didn't do any work. Even if he wanted to, he knew he wouldn't have been focused enough to get anything done.
He had to think. He spent the rest of the day doing so. His mind was running in confusing circles. Michael -- loved him? Of course he did. He knew that. He'd known ever since -- ever since when, exactly? That first kiss? No-- he'd known before that. He'd known, but he'd never acknowledged it.
But what about him?
He kept on picturing Michael in his mind. Those crystal blue eyes, so heartbroken, so hurt. Remembering that sent lancets of pain through his heart.
"I love you, Raphael. Too much to care about the law anymore."
'God... I think-- I think I may love you, too, Michael... But you know we can't afford that...'
Briefly, his mind went to Kagetsuya and Chihaya. They were banished for the same thing his superior -- and himself, for that matter -- was in danger of. They'd gone to Earth, given up everything... Kagetsuya had even given up his status as Prince of Eden.ยน All for love.
What had they felt when they'd made the decision to go to Earth? What had they thought as they were sent into exile? To give up their life on Eden with the laws that kept them separated for banishment... It was no light decision. They had courage, those two angels.
He turned away from his window, the sun having set and the skies having long faded into the darkness of night. He remembered Chihaya, Michael's black-winged, black-haired adopted son, his ever-present smile and his bright, amethyst-colored eyes. He remembered reading the dark angel's letters along with Michael, the idle amusement at the little quirks of Earthian life that he'd always described. Chihaya had been such a naive child, adamant in his belief that all Earthians were good.
Kagetsuya could not have been his opposite. Mature, stoic, with teal-ocean eyes that brooked no nonsense. Eyes that softened only when his gaze was directed at his black-winged partner. Before, when they had been nothing more than partners in an investigative team, he had always defended Chihaya, always claimed responsibility for the actions of his partner, even if meant being reprimanded along with the dark angel.
During their years in Valhalla, relations between them had been strenuous. They had argued a lot, mostly about their views on the Earthians. And yet, there was an unshakable bond between them, one that did not weaken even when they had been separated. Feelings that blossomed into love and led to their exile on Earth.
"I don't care about tomorrow."
Funny how appropriate it was to recall that now. He could still remember those eyes, so determined, so stubborn, so confident and sure. There was no more trace of green left in them, swallowed up by the bright, deep blue. And as it had in that very moment, the image brought to mind Michael, those azure eyes so difficult to look into, with the exact same look the archangel always took on when he refused to budge in his decisions. The same look Michael had given him mere hours before.
"There is only him." And then again, but more vehemently this time, "I don't care about tomorrow."
A smile tugged at his lips, but there was very little humor in it. There was another face he could recall because of that memory. The source of the green in those eyes, and the strength. The force of character, too, and pride, and a million other things he had hated for so long and loved when it was already too late. Though he could still never admit to that latter part.
'Ah, you are truly worthy of your parents.' Then, with a touch of wistfulness that he chose to ignore, 'She would have so loved to see you...'
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, making a decision he'd hoped he'd never have to think about. Feeling like his insides were doing back flips, he left his rooms. He was barely aware of nodding to the guard stationed at his door and informing him he could leave as he walked down the halls.
'What would I do... when the time comes to make my choice...'
"When" and not "if." He didn't bother to correct himself, nor did he want to. He'd already chosen what to do.
'Kagetsuya, Chihaya... I know, now -- what you had to go through...'
The door to Michael's apartments were unlocked and he let himself in. The blonde wasn't in the office, but he had expected that. The bedroom door was shut, but also unlocked. He opened it without preamble, stepped inside, and closed and locked it.
The archangel was sitting on his bed, legs folded beneath him. Locks of golden hair had fallen over one crystal-blue eye, but the remaining visible one was widened in surprise. A book sat forgotten in his lap, where it must have fallen when the tall angel entered.
"Raphael? Is something wrong?"
He strode to the bed, closing the distance between them in a matter of seconds, and took the angel in his arms. Michael stared at him as he did so, frozen, blue eyes unreadable.
"You tell me if this is wrong," he whispered.
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1: Umm... This is right, isn't it? Er... I wasn't too clear on his status/position thingy. ::extremely dense::