A/N: Whew. I JUST got into this whole Evangelion thing and already I
am a huge AxS fan!!! But hey. If there are errors in this story pertaining
to the whole Eva thing, it is because I am so poorly educated in that case.
I'm trying to learn AS MUCH AS I CAN about NERV, Seele, the Evas,
the Angels, The Magi, Lillith, Adam, the Dead Sea Scrolls, yada, yada,
yada. If ANYONE knows where I can get a good, chock-full-of-good-info site
or book about Evangelion, TELL ME!!!! YOU MUST!!!! Pah.
Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any part
of it. Unless you wanna make me a pilot.
Denial
"I love you," He said, nuzzling into the folds of her skin. "I love
you..."
She arched her neck and closed her eyes. If only he'd told her sooner.
If only he'd told her when she needed to hear those words, wanted to, desperately
needed to hear them feeding off her heart...
She moaned. She'd never felt like this before. Sensual, and sweet,
and full of hotness. Someone had enveloped her in a sweet perfumed haven
of joy, she thought to herself as he trailed kisses down her ribs, making
her shudder, making her cry out his name...
"You like my lederhosen, yah?"
She opened her eyes with a jolt. She looked around her--no Shinji,
no tenderness, no one trailing kisses of desire down her body. She groaned
and buried her tear-stained face in the pillow. Damn those stupid dreams.
Damn Shinji. Damn her mother!
Damn yourself, she thought.
She turned towards the stupid radio echoing Dutch (or is it Deutsch,
she thought) phrases into her ear. She could've sworn she'd left it to
some other station, not this foreign language crap...she got up, scratched
her stomach, her head, her neck, and yawned. Every night those dreams penetrated
into what she really wanted.
But she never, ever, let it show...
She stumbled into the bathroom and ripped the cap off her toothpaste.
Aimlessly, she squirted about a pound of the green minty stuff on her toothbrush
and shoved the thing in her mouth, moving mechanically, as if someone were
controlling her. She spit and gargled with who-knows-what's-in-it tap water
and ran a comb through her hair, then walked with bare feet into the kitchen.
She was still in that damned piece of fabric the store called a nightgown,
but hey. Too tired.
"Ne, baaaaka," She yawned, sitting down at the kitchen table,
shoving aside 6 empty cans of beer. "What's for breakfast?"
Only silence greeted her demanding request. This was strange. Usually
this was answered with a "Nothin'" or a "Fish and rice" or "Mochi" or "Ummm"
or "Go fix it yourself". Never silence.
She looked up. The kitchen light was on and the damned penguin was
drinking a can of beer and eating rice. She scowled.
"Hey you tuxedo thing, where'd you get the rice?" She called. "Where's
Shinji?"
Pen-Pen looked up at her and "wak"ed. He jumped off the counter and
ran into his own little fridge. She glowered.
"No one is any help around this place," She decided, and got up and
ventured into the hallway again. "Hmmm. Wonder where the two are..."
She peeked into Misato's room. Ew. Naked Misato and someone
else lying next to her...hey. Who was that? Mr. Kaji? A look of bewilderment
passed over her face. Ugh.....what had they been doing? She didn't want
to know.
She tiptoed next to Shinji's room. Opening the door a crack, she could
see he was still sleeping. NOT RIGHT, she thought, raising her eyebrows.
That guy was always up early, and if not that, always before her, anyway.
Trying to keep a low down, she opened the door and walked in slyly.
She had never been in his room. It smelled of LCL and detergent, and
well, him. She always thought rooms smelled something different.
Misato's room smelled like detergent and beer. And her room smelled like
very faint LCL, and perfume, and detergent. His room smelled like him.
She couldn't describe that smell but it always seemed to either welcome
her or drive her away.
She walked towards the sleeping body on the bed and when she got to
the side of her bed, she strongly debated whether she should get in or
not. I mean, if I do...she thought, her eyebrows screwing up. It
would seem I wanted him. But if I just stand here it would seem
I wanted to watch to see if he wasn't dead or something...
With a look of pained love and tear stains, she kneeled next to the
empty spot next to him. She admired the way his legs were sprawled at the
end of the bed; loved the way his black hair was all messed up and hardcore
looking but when he combed it he looked like a dork. She rested her chin
on the edge of the bed and closed her eyes and imagined she was lying next
to him, as close as she possibly could, her arms wrapped around him, taking
in his scent...
-------------------------------------------
A few hours later he woke up. The sun was starting to irritate
his eyes. The orange and red and yellow was seeping in through his eyelids
and out of frustration he opened his eyes. It felt warm. And nice. That
was strange...it was fall and the heaters currently weren't working. Did
Misato get them fixed? He thought. Then he smelled something different.
Girl.
He stiffened up and debated whether he should turn around. He looked
down and saw another pair of legs crisscrossing over his. Panicking, he
thought: Last night, I had 2 legs, and now I have 4?!? He was starting
to feel uncomfortable in this spot. He was sweating and hot. But whatever
was behind him felt welcoming and beautiful, sweet and deceiving, and he_wanted_to
see what it was. So, bracing himself, he turned around and came face to
face with the woman he had dreamed about so many times but refused to believe
it was actually true.
His eyes softened. Somehow, in the few hours she had crept into his
room, she had come from the side of the bed to on the bed, and next
to him. Her legs slightly intertwined with his. Some of her red hair overlapped
the side of his body and one of her arms was clutching onto his neck, as
if he were a security blanket or something. A different feeling washed
over him but he couldn't place it. What was it...? He watched with tenderness
her chest rising and falling with every breath she took and her slightly
open mouth. He had an urge to connect with it. But...
As gently as he could he turned around so he was face to face with
the real angel. The arm under his neck twitched and he slowly pulled
it out under him and tucked it by her side. She sighed in her sleep and
snuggled closer to him. He closed his eyes. Part of him refused to believe
he loved her, and part of him urged her to hold her in his arms and kiss
her. He was fighting against the latter but starting to give in to the
first. He loved her...? He loved her. It all made sense now. He had never....loved
someone like this before. He hated how she called him baka and shoved
him around like a servant. He hated the way she told him what to do and
how to do it. But he loved her.
Deciding this was getting too complicated, he let go of his thoughts
and let his instinct take over. He felt his arms wrap around the sleeping
beauty, felt himself bury his head into the silkiness of her hair, felt
himself pulling the blanket over them...it was all too much, maybe. He
felt like crying.
[The author thinks this is the most romantic thing she's ever written
and wants to cry too, because she feels lonely and wishes she had a Shinji
to hold onto...]
The tenderness washed over them with a mixture of fatigue and they
drifted off into sleep....
----------------------------------
"Aw, Kaji, look at that."
"I'm looking, Misato."
"Don't they look cute together?"
"Beautiful."
"Let's leave them be and see what they do when they wake up."
"Yes, let's..."
----------------------------------
Now the noon sun had drifted out of the clouds and was
washing its glow over the two in love, intertwined but not doing what you'd
normally think they were doing.
Slowly, they opened their eyes. And looked at each other. And then
Asuka noticed where she was, and Shinji noticed what position his instinct
had put himself into, and even though they loved each other, they didn't
want to show it, and they pulled apart.
"What are you doing in my room!?!?"
"What d'you think you were doing, with your arms around me, your pervert!!"
"Who're you to speak, you were the one whose hand was holding my neck..."
They stared at each other for awhile, both knowing that was what they
really wanted but it would never work, maybe. Asuka stomped out of the
room.
"Misato, Shinji got horny and dragged me into his room!"
"I did no such thing!"
Misato giggled and looked at the two. "That wasn't the way it looked
when I saw you two last night."
Asuka nearly keeled over. "Ew!!! You mean he raped me?!?"
Kaji twisted up his eyebrows. "No, but it seemed you two were very
in l-"
And he said the L word and the two screamed and started their protests.
But they both knew they loved each other. It was just that damn word called
denial. It was pretty powerful stuff.
---------------------------
End Note: Bwahahahha, done, one-shot, luvly.