Title: Born to Be My Baby
Author: ¤Sha¤GojyoxCho¤Hakkai¤
Date: Began March, 2003
Chapter: 7/?
Rating: R for later chapters; PG - 13 for now.
Category: Romance, Angst, Language, Blood and the like
Main Pairing: Gojyo x Hakkai
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki. All characters, names, etc. are copyrighted to Minekura Kazuya.
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi (for you people who don't speak Japanese, that's male/male relationships.... isn't it cute? *smiles*)
HEAR ME OUT: AH! I bought the first DVD of Gensomaden Saiyuki the day after it came out in stores and I was all excited and junk so I bring it home and start to watch it the next day ('cause, you know, I have school) and there was the little language option.... They made the Saiyuki anime english. They translated it into english and the english voice actors suck! Big time and all my friends agree with me! And they all sound like the same guy! My God! They also made Hakkai MEAN! They made him so mean! In the Japanese version, he is so sweet to everyone (especially Gojyo) but then in the English version, they made him rude and mean! And the english Hakkai can't even say Hakuryu right! GOD! But, if you buy the special package, you get a Saiyuki T - shirt and a fold - out poster! None of the anime is different from the Japanese version, from what I have noticed so far, video - wise I mean. I have not gotten a chance to watch episodes #4 and #5 yet, since my brother and I have been engrossed in Rayman 3 and our PS2 is our only DVD player. There are 5 episodes on the DVD for you people who care.
Oh, and if you have not already concluded, we are still in the middle of the oh, too long, way too long, flashback. Yeah, I forgot to put that in the notes in the other chapters but oh, well. Hopefully, you guys think you're smart. *conks self on head repeatedly*
Whoo hoo, alright, review, please. This is my first Saiyuki fic and I wanna see what it's like to have more than one reviewer. Ha ha.
_______________
Part Seventh (7/?)
They both met at the lips.
Hakkai's eyes slid shut and he seemed to be surrounded by Gojyo's presence from all sides as he felt Gojyo's lips open slowly. The brunette's hand cupped Gojyo's cheek suddenly when he felt the half - breed's tongue slip through his lips and beg for entrance to the other youkai. Hakkai's eyes became warm, but not with tears, he could not explain. He gave himself up; he opened his lips ever so slowly as Gojyo pressed his tongue inside and his grip around the green - eyed man's waist tightened, probably from surprise of acceptance. Gojyo transferred his message clearly as he gently coaxed Hakkai's tongue to engage in the erotic dance with his and the red - haired man slowly pushed the other man over onto the bed, strattling one of his thighs and one of his hands travelling up to the brunette's forehead and brushing back all of the hair that fell into the older man's face.
But it was at the point that Gojyo's other hand travelled up the inside of Hakkai's shirt that the human - turned - youkai broke the passionate kiss and pulled away. The scarlet - eyed being stared at him in amazement, a look of love and want glimmering in his eyes; something that Hakkai hadn't seen before but it was not completely unappealing.
"I... I'm sorry, Hakkai," Gojyo's words fell mechanically from his moist lips hastely as he reached up with one hand to stroke Hakkai's cheek gently, reassuringly, expecting him to slap it away, but he accepted the caress and leaned into it, taking comfort in it.
Hakkai had pulled away from the other man so far that he was sitting upright against the wall, seeing as the edge of the bed was up against the barrier and Gojyo was leaning over him, not minding that his ass was in the air and that he was feeling uncomfotable himself.
But the younger youkai needed something to cheer his lover up with so he reached out with one hand and wiped a small trail of saliva from the brunette's bottom lip and held his hand out in from him. "Well, would you look at that," Gojyo scoffed. "Looks like my spit, huh?"
Hakkai laughed lightly and brought Gojyo's hand to his cheek once more, placing both hands over his and gazing up at him, possessing the same look that he did before they shared the loving kiss that they had just moments ago and he hoped for all the world that they could do it again. And Gojyo read the brunette's mind and leant down slowly and tilted his head to the side, Hakkai doing the same and they shared another passionate kiss, Hakkai falling over onto the bed once more, and on purpose, and Gojyo leaning over even more. Hakkai's hands were fastened to the back of Gojyo's head, holding him there and Gojyo's hands were both placed tightly over Hakkai's shoulders.
And the rain continued to pound outside, finally reaching into the room through the open window, but neither of the men inside of the room cared as their tongues twisted in loving movements and their heads moved in all angles, Gojyo even giving a wanting groan deep from within his throat.
They both had long since figured out that taking in deep breathes through their noses could grant them an eternity trapped within the kiss that they shared. That was what they wanted. Hakkai suddenly found himself wondering what it would be like if they were not on the journey to the west; what it would be like to spend his entire life with Gojyo. And he did wonder, 'What would it be like to live with him?' His mind raced about the options that Gojyo and he could do. What would it be like to live with him, love him, touch him, sleep with him, be alone with him for an eternity? These thoughts carved guilt into Hakkai's heart as he felt the hotness return to his face as tears built up far behind closed lids and he forced them to stay back. He felt that Gojyo was feeling the same as he. He wished he could read Gojyo's mind sometimes. Sometimes, he wanted to know exactly what he was thinking. He could have a whole different perspective of the world just from Gojyo. The brunette felt that his love still had things that he had not told him but then again, there were things that Hakkai had not told to Gojyo yet. But he still got to wonder. He inhaled again as his mind continued to race; inhaled through his nose, of course. He would give almost anything to keep that kiss going and if that meant no oxygen for five minutes, he would do it. Of course, he could gasp for air suddenly when Gojyo opened his mouth to let more of his tongue slip into Hakkai's mouth, but he wanted to savour every part of the moment that he could. How he loved the feeling of Gojyo's lips against his own, Gojyo's tongue running over the roof of his mouth as Hakkai wrapped his arms around Gojyo's neck. Hakkai felt his head swoon back as Gojyo ran his tongue along Hakkai's teeth and when it touched Hakkai's skin just around his mouth, Gojyo could feel the warmth, the sweat gathered upon the green - eyed man's flesh. He shivered. God, this had to be the most intense feeling he had ever experienced. Hakkai thought so, too, but part of him still ached for Kanan. He still loved her so much. He still remembered her beautiful face and lovely voice. He could still remember holding her and making sweet love to her and part of him wished for knowledge on her feelings. Suddenly, Hakkai felt frightened and furious for losing her and he pulled Gojyo to him completely, delving his tongue into Gojyo's mouth sensually and waiting for a reaction from the immensely shocked half - breed. Dear God, Gojyo was such a drug. How could anybody ever, ever resist him!? And Hakkai thought that anybody that had ever slept with Gojyo might have thought so, too. Gojyo was so... adictive; but in a good way, of course. It was not just his kiss or his looks or his attitude. It was all of those things. He could make any woman melt in her shoes right on the spot. But Hakkai was no woman. 'He could make me do anything,' Hakkai thought. 'All he would have to do is look at me.'
Gojyo pushed themselves apart reluctantly, slowly.
"G - Gojyo?"
"Hakkai, oh my God...," Gojyo whispered, astonished.
"What is it?"
"I got such a rush when you put your tongue in my mouth like that! Dear God!" Gojyo gasped.
"O - oh...."
"Hakkai, there is one thing that I want to do. It is not what you think it is but please allow me to do it."
"What is it?"
"Give me your hand. I will not hurt you."
"I know."
Hakkai reached up and placed one hand in Gojyo's and the red - haired man kept his gaze locked on the brunette beneath him as he slowly took one fingertip into his mouth, placing his tongue at the nail and lapping at it before taking Hakkai's entire finger in his mouth. The brunette's eyes widened, but he let Gojyo continue on like he had requested. Hakkai's other hand was kept over his mouth, part in shock, and part to hide some of the fact that... he quite enjoyed it. Gojyo took another one of Hakkai's fingers into his mouth and twirled his tongue around them before taking one more finger into his inferno of a mouth and Hakkai's head swooned backward once more and he tried his hardest to stifle a moan but it eagerly escaped his lips and he groaned Gojyo's name. Gojyo was, indeed, surprised by this but he kept sucking on Hakkai's fingers until Hakkai had his mouth open, looking as if another moan would escape and his eyebrows were arched, his eyes closed. Good God, he looked immortal. Of course, Hakkai knew what it meant when Gojyo sucked on his fingers like that. He knew that he wanted to.... But Hakkai was not ready to take his relationship to that kind of a level with Gojyo. Not yet. Gojyo removed Hakkai's fingers from his mouth and then blew cold air over them lightly. 'Oh, my God!' Hakkai thought. 'He isn't!' Gojyo kissed the two fingers on each knuckle before he looked to Hakkai, who was now breathing harder than before, raptured in the moment, caught in the passion that dangled in the air between him and the other man. Hakkai groaned as Gojyo repeated the procedue on two more of his fingers before he finally came to his thumb.
"Oh, Gojyo!" Hakkai gasped, entirely breathless.
But all Gojyo did was lay one long, wet, sensual lick to Hakkai's thumb before he lowered the brunette's hand and looking into Hakkai's emerald eyes.
"How was that?" Gojyo asked with a smile.
"Oh, I loved it," Hakkai replied, recieving a slightly surprised look from the other.
It was still unbelievable - how much they loved each other. They discovered it right then and there. Hakkai remembered when he realized that he had fallen head over heels in love with Gojyo and once the thought crossed his mind for the first time, he was crushed, because Gojyo was such a player. It seemed that if one person was homosexual, there was a slim chance that the object of their affection would not feel the same. But to know that Gojyo actually loved him back! Oh, the relief, the absolute relief! They loved each other. The thought that they were gay did no even cross their minds.
It was after a few more passionate kisses that Gojyo finally felt his eyes become heavy with sleep and his lips slowly drifted shut, but not before mumbling, "Hakkai, I love you...."
"Gojyo, I love you, too." Hakkai smiled sleepily but decided to stay awake. He watched Gojyo while he was asleep and examined every one of his facial features, seeking to find the thing that made him so damn gorgeous. His eyes were shut lightly, the lids meeting and joining his eyelashes, long, ebony, and obviously soft, since Hakkai giggled whenever they brushed his skin. His lips were parted for easier breathing during slumber and Hakkai noticed that they were slightly swollen, probably because of all of the kisses that they had shared just minutes ago and Hakkai would bet anything that his lips were swollen, too. His smiled and put one finger to Gojyo's bottom lip. Gojyo smiled in his sleep from Hakkai's touch. His head moved slightly and that caused a few scarlet tresses of his hair to tumble freely into his face.
All Hakkai did was stay awake... and watched his lover breath.
The one thing that made Gojyo gorgeous? One thing? There wasn't one. It was everything.
What's the world coming to?
Where are we all running to?
Now all our dreams are coming true
We can't let them break us
Two hearts that beat as one
And let the clouds cover the sun
If I'm rambling, I'm guilty Of wearing my heart on my sleeve
When it hurts
When it burns
The feeling inside me
Is feeling like I do
Take a breath
Let it out
Just close your eyes
Don't hold me inside you
Baby, you look down tonight
There's something wrong and that ain't right
I hear you talking in your sleep
I wanna dive in your dreams
And wrap my loving arms around you
Save you when the waves press down on you
When you're lost and you're scared
I'll be the air
When it hurts
When it burns
The feeling inside me
Is feeling like I do
Take a breath
Let it out
Just close your eyes
Don't hold me inside you
Breathe
When you give and you take
And it feels like something breaks
It's a warm feeling
When it hurts
When you doubt
When it burns
Let it out
When you give
When you love
When you live
When you touch
If all that we've got is each other
Then all that we've got is a lot
When it hurts
When it burns
The feeling inside me
Is feeling like I do
Take a breath
Let it out
Just close your eyes
Don't hold me inside you
Breathe
Just breathe
Breathe
Just breathe
"BREATHE"
-Bon Jovi
~Day 3 Travel: Feeling~
It was mid - morning at the breakfast table when Sanzo asked, "So, who's doing the food shopping? Hakkai?" Gojyo, Sanzo, and Goku all looked to Hakkai. "We need to get going real quick, so I guess you're going."
"Yes, alright, then," Hakkai stood and took the shopping list from Sanzo before Goku exclaimed, "Hakkai! I wanna go, too!"
"Okay, okay. Let's go, then."
When both Hakkai and Goku were out the door, Sanzo folded his glasses with a clicking noise and lay them on the table, his newspaper followed and was placed on the table as well. "So," Sanzo began,"have fun?"
"Wha'd'ya mean?" Gojyo asked, confused, but then it hit him like a hurricane but he pretended not to notice.
"You have fun last night?" Sanzo smirked. He seemed to be enjoying the scenario immensly.
"I really don't know what you mean," Gojyo shook his head in mock - confusion.
"Oh, cut the shit, Gojyo. Did you have sex with him or not!?"
"Since when is my personal life your business!?"
"Since now, when I have to think about adding aspirin to the list to get through the night with you two in the room next to mine! Don't think I didn't hear you!"
"Holy SHIT!" Gojyo's hands clasped over his mouth, his breathing hurried abruptly.
"Ha! I knew it!" Sanzo declared. "You and Hakkai! Together! Who would have thought?" Sanzo exclaimed in mock - interest as he shrugged and let out a rather dark snicker.
Gojyo gave him "the finger" before he left to his room.
"Tch," Sanzo smirked and returned to yesterday's paper. "I knew it."
Gojyo arrived in his room in anger, stomping over the floor with no fear of what the people rooming on the first floor beneath him would say. (Pound the old termite - infested broom - handle on the ceiling?) Right now, "other people" was the last thing on Gojyo's mind as he lay down on his own bed in front of the open window. The half - breed could not help himself as he grabbed one of the pillows and buried his face in it, screaming a very, very BAD curse at Sanzo. Something with the "f" word. Aheheh.
Well, that seemed like all that Gojyo really had to do to get his little fit of anger out and he retrieved a small book with a dull azure cover. It seemed like a complete attitude change, but the half - breed seized up a small pencil from a pocket in his pair of pants that were currently at the end of the bed (he was wearing loose jogging pants) and opened the book to a new page.
"Oh, those look really good!"
"Alright, then."
"And these?" "I don't see why not."
"Oh! What about that?"
"Now, Goku, let's not go overboard. Remember that Sanzo will throw a fit and ring your neck if we spend too much."
"How come he never hits you, Hakkai?"
"Well, I guess it's because I never really insult anyone the way that you and Gojyo fight with each other." The thought of being hit with Sanzo's fan crossed Hakkai's mind and he twitched when he remembered the unique sound it made when it came in contact with someone's cranium.
"Nah, Hakkai?"
"Yes?" "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Promise you won't get mad or anything 'cause Gojyo gets real upset."
"I promise." Hakkai had a feeling he already had a guess as to what the question was and his grip on one of the shopping bags tightened as he remembered what Sanzo had talked to him about - the conversation where he had stated that he was heterosexual three times... and he had lied, too.
"Okay, then. Tell the truth. Do you really, really like Gojyo?"
"I knew it," Hakkai murmured.
"What?"
"Nothing," Hakkai waved it off nervously. "Well, he is a very good companion. We are very good friends, so, yes, I like him." Hakkai smiled.
"No, I mean like, you really like him like you wanna kiss him and stuff like that."
"K - kiss him?" Hakkai stammered. "U - um...."
"Does that mean you do?"
"No!"
"Ah! Sanzo was right!"
"Sanzo talked to you about this!?" Hakkai blushed immensely at the thought of his and Goku's conversation being overheard. There were a few other pedestrians passing them by and then the other thought occured to him: His and Gojyo's relationship had been a topic of conversation!
"Look, Goku, just remember," Hakkai began, "not to talk to anybody else about Gojyo and I; not even Sanzo."
"Okay."
Hakkai sought to change the topic and he looked to the sky and noticed that the thick grey clouds had not separated to let the sun shine through for days now. He said, "My, my, the rain really just does not stop around here, does it?"
Both of them walked over to a small stand set up in front of a convenience store that bore all different kinds of fruit and such. "Do we really need anything here?" Hakkai asked, one finger to his chin.
"Uh... bananas!"
The brunette chuckled, the bananas were bought and he handed them to the eager little teenager.
Suddenly, Hakkai felt a chill set over him and he shivered slightly, even though that was the least that he felt he could do in public. He felt as if he could collapse but something separate from him stopped him. His throat went dry and he blinked several times but nothing could stop this feeling of dizziness. His breath seemed caught in his throat.
"Hakkai?"
He shook himself out of it, "Uh.... Yes, Goku?"
"It really does look like it's gonna pour so I'm gonna go back to the hotel and wait with Sanzo so I don't get wet."
"Alright, then," Hakkai beamed. "I'll finish the food shopping quickly and hurry back. Tell Sanzo that we can leave tomorrow morning."
"Okay!"
The younger of the group was gone around the corner and Hakkai could feel a pressure build up in his chest, telling him to turn around, beckoning him to switch perspectives. Slowly, one foot was placed in front of the other and the brunette looked over his shoulder to find... well, who else could it be?
"Hey," the half - breed greeted. "It's gonna storm so I came out here to get you. You almost finished?"
"Oh...." Hakkai paused. The sudden memory of what had happened the previous night came flooding back to him and he could have sworn that he felt Gojyo's hot lips on his fingertips at that very moment. But the red - haired man broke through, inquiring the other youkai's name and all Hakkai said was, "I'm not quite finished yet." But Gojyo saw the look in the other man's eyes and he could tell that, even though the rain had not fallen yet, he was thinking about her again. Gojyo could not blame him. After all, when you go through that much for one person and it seems all in vain, how could anyone forget?
Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
Time seemed to stand still as Gojyo advanced toward Hakkai and threw his arms out and wrapped the other man in a tender embrace, his head on Hakkai's shoulder. The brunette's shopping bag with the various fruits in it was slid to the juncture between his upper arm and lower arm and he put his arms over Gojyo's shoulder blades, listening to him speak in whispers, "It's okay, baby. It's alright. Don't be ashamed of what you are or what you were." Hakkai smiled. "I know you truly did love her, no matter what anybody says."
"Gojyo," Hakkai's tone mutated suddenly. "If I loved her so much, why was I not able to save her? Why didn't I feel anything in her time of need?"
"Are you saying that your love wasn't true?"
"No! I love her with all of my heart but why wasn't I able to save her!?" But as soon as those words were uttered from Hakkai's flawless lips, Gojyo's mouth covered his in a chaste kiss that ended with Gojyo's rough tone,
"I think only you know the answer."
The other man was left speechless and he stared to the gambler in confusion, almost diebelief as Gojyo continued,
"So.... Am I just a replacement?"
"A what!?"
"A replacement. You miss her so much. Am I your way of venting?"
"Venting!? Of course not, Gojyo! I love you!"
"Look, Hakkai, it sounded a lot like that. And you know what?"
Hakkai's tone was choked, "W - what?"
Gojyo pressed two fingers to Hakkai's lips and with his other hand, he placed one finger over each of Hakkai's eyes and he murmured, "I feel things in your kiss."
And with that, Gojyo backed away and stood before the other man, almost demanding that he be inspected for flaws but Hakkai found none and Gojyo knew that he did not. Slow motion. Oh, slow motion. Slow motion as Gojyo walked beside Hakkai... and passed him. He passed him without even a good - bye and he walked briskly down the street to the hotel.
Hakkai fell to his knees. Had Gojyo left him? No! No, that was not it! That was not an abandoned relationship! All of the kisses they shared, had they conveyed a message that Hakkai had never recieved? Did they truly love each other? Of course they did! If Hakkai did not love Gojyo, then why did he always look at him the way that he did, his gaze full of appreciation and longing? If Hakkai did not love Gojyo, why did he fall asleep tucked in the half - breed's arms, and dream of only him at night? And Gojyo! If Gojyo did not love Hakkai, then why did he always lay him down in bed and kiss him with all the passion that he did? If Gojyo did not love Hakkai, then why did he always throw glances at him when something about love or sex or beauty was uttered? Why did he room with him? Why did he sit with him?
And why did they both feel extremely sick, as if they were going to vomit...
... when they broke up?
*End chapter #7*
Author Notes:
*Is currently banging self on the head with a frying pan* I (bang) am such (bang) a BITCH! (bang, bang, bang) I can't believe I just wrote that! My mind has been corrupted by the stories of my fellow seventh grade classmates and their tales of love and breaking it. Gah! *resumes hitting self*
Chibodee: *gets a card handed to him* What? *read off of card* Oh, okay. Uh.... I guess all that I really have to say is that you can look forward to chapter #8. The break up won't last long. And... please review. *throws card* Alrighty then! See you in chapter #8! Hey... what do I have to do with this fanfic?
Umi: I don't have anything to do with it either but do you really have to ask when the writter is hitting herself with an iron cooking pan?
Ja!
Author: ¤Sha¤GojyoxCho¤Hakkai¤
Date: Began March, 2003
Chapter: 7/?
Rating: R for later chapters; PG - 13 for now.
Category: Romance, Angst, Language, Blood and the like
Main Pairing: Gojyo x Hakkai
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki. All characters, names, etc. are copyrighted to Minekura Kazuya.
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi (for you people who don't speak Japanese, that's male/male relationships.... isn't it cute? *smiles*)
HEAR ME OUT: AH! I bought the first DVD of Gensomaden Saiyuki the day after it came out in stores and I was all excited and junk so I bring it home and start to watch it the next day ('cause, you know, I have school) and there was the little language option.... They made the Saiyuki anime english. They translated it into english and the english voice actors suck! Big time and all my friends agree with me! And they all sound like the same guy! My God! They also made Hakkai MEAN! They made him so mean! In the Japanese version, he is so sweet to everyone (especially Gojyo) but then in the English version, they made him rude and mean! And the english Hakkai can't even say Hakuryu right! GOD! But, if you buy the special package, you get a Saiyuki T - shirt and a fold - out poster! None of the anime is different from the Japanese version, from what I have noticed so far, video - wise I mean. I have not gotten a chance to watch episodes #4 and #5 yet, since my brother and I have been engrossed in Rayman 3 and our PS2 is our only DVD player. There are 5 episodes on the DVD for you people who care.
Oh, and if you have not already concluded, we are still in the middle of the oh, too long, way too long, flashback. Yeah, I forgot to put that in the notes in the other chapters but oh, well. Hopefully, you guys think you're smart. *conks self on head repeatedly*
Whoo hoo, alright, review, please. This is my first Saiyuki fic and I wanna see what it's like to have more than one reviewer. Ha ha.
_______________
Part Seventh (7/?)
They both met at the lips.
Hakkai's eyes slid shut and he seemed to be surrounded by Gojyo's presence from all sides as he felt Gojyo's lips open slowly. The brunette's hand cupped Gojyo's cheek suddenly when he felt the half - breed's tongue slip through his lips and beg for entrance to the other youkai. Hakkai's eyes became warm, but not with tears, he could not explain. He gave himself up; he opened his lips ever so slowly as Gojyo pressed his tongue inside and his grip around the green - eyed man's waist tightened, probably from surprise of acceptance. Gojyo transferred his message clearly as he gently coaxed Hakkai's tongue to engage in the erotic dance with his and the red - haired man slowly pushed the other man over onto the bed, strattling one of his thighs and one of his hands travelling up to the brunette's forehead and brushing back all of the hair that fell into the older man's face.
But it was at the point that Gojyo's other hand travelled up the inside of Hakkai's shirt that the human - turned - youkai broke the passionate kiss and pulled away. The scarlet - eyed being stared at him in amazement, a look of love and want glimmering in his eyes; something that Hakkai hadn't seen before but it was not completely unappealing.
"I... I'm sorry, Hakkai," Gojyo's words fell mechanically from his moist lips hastely as he reached up with one hand to stroke Hakkai's cheek gently, reassuringly, expecting him to slap it away, but he accepted the caress and leaned into it, taking comfort in it.
Hakkai had pulled away from the other man so far that he was sitting upright against the wall, seeing as the edge of the bed was up against the barrier and Gojyo was leaning over him, not minding that his ass was in the air and that he was feeling uncomfotable himself.
But the younger youkai needed something to cheer his lover up with so he reached out with one hand and wiped a small trail of saliva from the brunette's bottom lip and held his hand out in from him. "Well, would you look at that," Gojyo scoffed. "Looks like my spit, huh?"
Hakkai laughed lightly and brought Gojyo's hand to his cheek once more, placing both hands over his and gazing up at him, possessing the same look that he did before they shared the loving kiss that they had just moments ago and he hoped for all the world that they could do it again. And Gojyo read the brunette's mind and leant down slowly and tilted his head to the side, Hakkai doing the same and they shared another passionate kiss, Hakkai falling over onto the bed once more, and on purpose, and Gojyo leaning over even more. Hakkai's hands were fastened to the back of Gojyo's head, holding him there and Gojyo's hands were both placed tightly over Hakkai's shoulders.
And the rain continued to pound outside, finally reaching into the room through the open window, but neither of the men inside of the room cared as their tongues twisted in loving movements and their heads moved in all angles, Gojyo even giving a wanting groan deep from within his throat.
They both had long since figured out that taking in deep breathes through their noses could grant them an eternity trapped within the kiss that they shared. That was what they wanted. Hakkai suddenly found himself wondering what it would be like if they were not on the journey to the west; what it would be like to spend his entire life with Gojyo. And he did wonder, 'What would it be like to live with him?' His mind raced about the options that Gojyo and he could do. What would it be like to live with him, love him, touch him, sleep with him, be alone with him for an eternity? These thoughts carved guilt into Hakkai's heart as he felt the hotness return to his face as tears built up far behind closed lids and he forced them to stay back. He felt that Gojyo was feeling the same as he. He wished he could read Gojyo's mind sometimes. Sometimes, he wanted to know exactly what he was thinking. He could have a whole different perspective of the world just from Gojyo. The brunette felt that his love still had things that he had not told him but then again, there were things that Hakkai had not told to Gojyo yet. But he still got to wonder. He inhaled again as his mind continued to race; inhaled through his nose, of course. He would give almost anything to keep that kiss going and if that meant no oxygen for five minutes, he would do it. Of course, he could gasp for air suddenly when Gojyo opened his mouth to let more of his tongue slip into Hakkai's mouth, but he wanted to savour every part of the moment that he could. How he loved the feeling of Gojyo's lips against his own, Gojyo's tongue running over the roof of his mouth as Hakkai wrapped his arms around Gojyo's neck. Hakkai felt his head swoon back as Gojyo ran his tongue along Hakkai's teeth and when it touched Hakkai's skin just around his mouth, Gojyo could feel the warmth, the sweat gathered upon the green - eyed man's flesh. He shivered. God, this had to be the most intense feeling he had ever experienced. Hakkai thought so, too, but part of him still ached for Kanan. He still loved her so much. He still remembered her beautiful face and lovely voice. He could still remember holding her and making sweet love to her and part of him wished for knowledge on her feelings. Suddenly, Hakkai felt frightened and furious for losing her and he pulled Gojyo to him completely, delving his tongue into Gojyo's mouth sensually and waiting for a reaction from the immensely shocked half - breed. Dear God, Gojyo was such a drug. How could anybody ever, ever resist him!? And Hakkai thought that anybody that had ever slept with Gojyo might have thought so, too. Gojyo was so... adictive; but in a good way, of course. It was not just his kiss or his looks or his attitude. It was all of those things. He could make any woman melt in her shoes right on the spot. But Hakkai was no woman. 'He could make me do anything,' Hakkai thought. 'All he would have to do is look at me.'
Gojyo pushed themselves apart reluctantly, slowly.
"G - Gojyo?"
"Hakkai, oh my God...," Gojyo whispered, astonished.
"What is it?"
"I got such a rush when you put your tongue in my mouth like that! Dear God!" Gojyo gasped.
"O - oh...."
"Hakkai, there is one thing that I want to do. It is not what you think it is but please allow me to do it."
"What is it?"
"Give me your hand. I will not hurt you."
"I know."
Hakkai reached up and placed one hand in Gojyo's and the red - haired man kept his gaze locked on the brunette beneath him as he slowly took one fingertip into his mouth, placing his tongue at the nail and lapping at it before taking Hakkai's entire finger in his mouth. The brunette's eyes widened, but he let Gojyo continue on like he had requested. Hakkai's other hand was kept over his mouth, part in shock, and part to hide some of the fact that... he quite enjoyed it. Gojyo took another one of Hakkai's fingers into his mouth and twirled his tongue around them before taking one more finger into his inferno of a mouth and Hakkai's head swooned backward once more and he tried his hardest to stifle a moan but it eagerly escaped his lips and he groaned Gojyo's name. Gojyo was, indeed, surprised by this but he kept sucking on Hakkai's fingers until Hakkai had his mouth open, looking as if another moan would escape and his eyebrows were arched, his eyes closed. Good God, he looked immortal. Of course, Hakkai knew what it meant when Gojyo sucked on his fingers like that. He knew that he wanted to.... But Hakkai was not ready to take his relationship to that kind of a level with Gojyo. Not yet. Gojyo removed Hakkai's fingers from his mouth and then blew cold air over them lightly. 'Oh, my God!' Hakkai thought. 'He isn't!' Gojyo kissed the two fingers on each knuckle before he looked to Hakkai, who was now breathing harder than before, raptured in the moment, caught in the passion that dangled in the air between him and the other man. Hakkai groaned as Gojyo repeated the procedue on two more of his fingers before he finally came to his thumb.
"Oh, Gojyo!" Hakkai gasped, entirely breathless.
But all Gojyo did was lay one long, wet, sensual lick to Hakkai's thumb before he lowered the brunette's hand and looking into Hakkai's emerald eyes.
"How was that?" Gojyo asked with a smile.
"Oh, I loved it," Hakkai replied, recieving a slightly surprised look from the other.
It was still unbelievable - how much they loved each other. They discovered it right then and there. Hakkai remembered when he realized that he had fallen head over heels in love with Gojyo and once the thought crossed his mind for the first time, he was crushed, because Gojyo was such a player. It seemed that if one person was homosexual, there was a slim chance that the object of their affection would not feel the same. But to know that Gojyo actually loved him back! Oh, the relief, the absolute relief! They loved each other. The thought that they were gay did no even cross their minds.
It was after a few more passionate kisses that Gojyo finally felt his eyes become heavy with sleep and his lips slowly drifted shut, but not before mumbling, "Hakkai, I love you...."
"Gojyo, I love you, too." Hakkai smiled sleepily but decided to stay awake. He watched Gojyo while he was asleep and examined every one of his facial features, seeking to find the thing that made him so damn gorgeous. His eyes were shut lightly, the lids meeting and joining his eyelashes, long, ebony, and obviously soft, since Hakkai giggled whenever they brushed his skin. His lips were parted for easier breathing during slumber and Hakkai noticed that they were slightly swollen, probably because of all of the kisses that they had shared just minutes ago and Hakkai would bet anything that his lips were swollen, too. His smiled and put one finger to Gojyo's bottom lip. Gojyo smiled in his sleep from Hakkai's touch. His head moved slightly and that caused a few scarlet tresses of his hair to tumble freely into his face.
All Hakkai did was stay awake... and watched his lover breath.
The one thing that made Gojyo gorgeous? One thing? There wasn't one. It was everything.
What's the world coming to?
Where are we all running to?
Now all our dreams are coming true
We can't let them break us
Two hearts that beat as one
And let the clouds cover the sun
If I'm rambling, I'm guilty Of wearing my heart on my sleeve
When it hurts
When it burns
The feeling inside me
Is feeling like I do
Take a breath
Let it out
Just close your eyes
Don't hold me inside you
Baby, you look down tonight
There's something wrong and that ain't right
I hear you talking in your sleep
I wanna dive in your dreams
And wrap my loving arms around you
Save you when the waves press down on you
When you're lost and you're scared
I'll be the air
When it hurts
When it burns
The feeling inside me
Is feeling like I do
Take a breath
Let it out
Just close your eyes
Don't hold me inside you
Breathe
When you give and you take
And it feels like something breaks
It's a warm feeling
When it hurts
When you doubt
When it burns
Let it out
When you give
When you love
When you live
When you touch
If all that we've got is each other
Then all that we've got is a lot
When it hurts
When it burns
The feeling inside me
Is feeling like I do
Take a breath
Let it out
Just close your eyes
Don't hold me inside you
Breathe
Just breathe
Breathe
Just breathe
"BREATHE"
-Bon Jovi
~Day 3 Travel: Feeling~
It was mid - morning at the breakfast table when Sanzo asked, "So, who's doing the food shopping? Hakkai?" Gojyo, Sanzo, and Goku all looked to Hakkai. "We need to get going real quick, so I guess you're going."
"Yes, alright, then," Hakkai stood and took the shopping list from Sanzo before Goku exclaimed, "Hakkai! I wanna go, too!"
"Okay, okay. Let's go, then."
When both Hakkai and Goku were out the door, Sanzo folded his glasses with a clicking noise and lay them on the table, his newspaper followed and was placed on the table as well. "So," Sanzo began,"have fun?"
"Wha'd'ya mean?" Gojyo asked, confused, but then it hit him like a hurricane but he pretended not to notice.
"You have fun last night?" Sanzo smirked. He seemed to be enjoying the scenario immensly.
"I really don't know what you mean," Gojyo shook his head in mock - confusion.
"Oh, cut the shit, Gojyo. Did you have sex with him or not!?"
"Since when is my personal life your business!?"
"Since now, when I have to think about adding aspirin to the list to get through the night with you two in the room next to mine! Don't think I didn't hear you!"
"Holy SHIT!" Gojyo's hands clasped over his mouth, his breathing hurried abruptly.
"Ha! I knew it!" Sanzo declared. "You and Hakkai! Together! Who would have thought?" Sanzo exclaimed in mock - interest as he shrugged and let out a rather dark snicker.
Gojyo gave him "the finger" before he left to his room.
"Tch," Sanzo smirked and returned to yesterday's paper. "I knew it."
Gojyo arrived in his room in anger, stomping over the floor with no fear of what the people rooming on the first floor beneath him would say. (Pound the old termite - infested broom - handle on the ceiling?) Right now, "other people" was the last thing on Gojyo's mind as he lay down on his own bed in front of the open window. The half - breed could not help himself as he grabbed one of the pillows and buried his face in it, screaming a very, very BAD curse at Sanzo. Something with the "f" word. Aheheh.
Well, that seemed like all that Gojyo really had to do to get his little fit of anger out and he retrieved a small book with a dull azure cover. It seemed like a complete attitude change, but the half - breed seized up a small pencil from a pocket in his pair of pants that were currently at the end of the bed (he was wearing loose jogging pants) and opened the book to a new page.
"Oh, those look really good!"
"Alright, then."
"And these?" "I don't see why not."
"Oh! What about that?"
"Now, Goku, let's not go overboard. Remember that Sanzo will throw a fit and ring your neck if we spend too much."
"How come he never hits you, Hakkai?"
"Well, I guess it's because I never really insult anyone the way that you and Gojyo fight with each other." The thought of being hit with Sanzo's fan crossed Hakkai's mind and he twitched when he remembered the unique sound it made when it came in contact with someone's cranium.
"Nah, Hakkai?"
"Yes?" "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Promise you won't get mad or anything 'cause Gojyo gets real upset."
"I promise." Hakkai had a feeling he already had a guess as to what the question was and his grip on one of the shopping bags tightened as he remembered what Sanzo had talked to him about - the conversation where he had stated that he was heterosexual three times... and he had lied, too.
"Okay, then. Tell the truth. Do you really, really like Gojyo?"
"I knew it," Hakkai murmured.
"What?"
"Nothing," Hakkai waved it off nervously. "Well, he is a very good companion. We are very good friends, so, yes, I like him." Hakkai smiled.
"No, I mean like, you really like him like you wanna kiss him and stuff like that."
"K - kiss him?" Hakkai stammered. "U - um...."
"Does that mean you do?"
"No!"
"Ah! Sanzo was right!"
"Sanzo talked to you about this!?" Hakkai blushed immensely at the thought of his and Goku's conversation being overheard. There were a few other pedestrians passing them by and then the other thought occured to him: His and Gojyo's relationship had been a topic of conversation!
"Look, Goku, just remember," Hakkai began, "not to talk to anybody else about Gojyo and I; not even Sanzo."
"Okay."
Hakkai sought to change the topic and he looked to the sky and noticed that the thick grey clouds had not separated to let the sun shine through for days now. He said, "My, my, the rain really just does not stop around here, does it?"
Both of them walked over to a small stand set up in front of a convenience store that bore all different kinds of fruit and such. "Do we really need anything here?" Hakkai asked, one finger to his chin.
"Uh... bananas!"
The brunette chuckled, the bananas were bought and he handed them to the eager little teenager.
Suddenly, Hakkai felt a chill set over him and he shivered slightly, even though that was the least that he felt he could do in public. He felt as if he could collapse but something separate from him stopped him. His throat went dry and he blinked several times but nothing could stop this feeling of dizziness. His breath seemed caught in his throat.
"Hakkai?"
He shook himself out of it, "Uh.... Yes, Goku?"
"It really does look like it's gonna pour so I'm gonna go back to the hotel and wait with Sanzo so I don't get wet."
"Alright, then," Hakkai beamed. "I'll finish the food shopping quickly and hurry back. Tell Sanzo that we can leave tomorrow morning."
"Okay!"
The younger of the group was gone around the corner and Hakkai could feel a pressure build up in his chest, telling him to turn around, beckoning him to switch perspectives. Slowly, one foot was placed in front of the other and the brunette looked over his shoulder to find... well, who else could it be?
"Hey," the half - breed greeted. "It's gonna storm so I came out here to get you. You almost finished?"
"Oh...." Hakkai paused. The sudden memory of what had happened the previous night came flooding back to him and he could have sworn that he felt Gojyo's hot lips on his fingertips at that very moment. But the red - haired man broke through, inquiring the other youkai's name and all Hakkai said was, "I'm not quite finished yet." But Gojyo saw the look in the other man's eyes and he could tell that, even though the rain had not fallen yet, he was thinking about her again. Gojyo could not blame him. After all, when you go through that much for one person and it seems all in vain, how could anyone forget?
Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
Time seemed to stand still as Gojyo advanced toward Hakkai and threw his arms out and wrapped the other man in a tender embrace, his head on Hakkai's shoulder. The brunette's shopping bag with the various fruits in it was slid to the juncture between his upper arm and lower arm and he put his arms over Gojyo's shoulder blades, listening to him speak in whispers, "It's okay, baby. It's alright. Don't be ashamed of what you are or what you were." Hakkai smiled. "I know you truly did love her, no matter what anybody says."
"Gojyo," Hakkai's tone mutated suddenly. "If I loved her so much, why was I not able to save her? Why didn't I feel anything in her time of need?"
"Are you saying that your love wasn't true?"
"No! I love her with all of my heart but why wasn't I able to save her!?" But as soon as those words were uttered from Hakkai's flawless lips, Gojyo's mouth covered his in a chaste kiss that ended with Gojyo's rough tone,
"I think only you know the answer."
The other man was left speechless and he stared to the gambler in confusion, almost diebelief as Gojyo continued,
"So.... Am I just a replacement?"
"A what!?"
"A replacement. You miss her so much. Am I your way of venting?"
"Venting!? Of course not, Gojyo! I love you!"
"Look, Hakkai, it sounded a lot like that. And you know what?"
Hakkai's tone was choked, "W - what?"
Gojyo pressed two fingers to Hakkai's lips and with his other hand, he placed one finger over each of Hakkai's eyes and he murmured, "I feel things in your kiss."
And with that, Gojyo backed away and stood before the other man, almost demanding that he be inspected for flaws but Hakkai found none and Gojyo knew that he did not. Slow motion. Oh, slow motion. Slow motion as Gojyo walked beside Hakkai... and passed him. He passed him without even a good - bye and he walked briskly down the street to the hotel.
Hakkai fell to his knees. Had Gojyo left him? No! No, that was not it! That was not an abandoned relationship! All of the kisses they shared, had they conveyed a message that Hakkai had never recieved? Did they truly love each other? Of course they did! If Hakkai did not love Gojyo, then why did he always look at him the way that he did, his gaze full of appreciation and longing? If Hakkai did not love Gojyo, why did he fall asleep tucked in the half - breed's arms, and dream of only him at night? And Gojyo! If Gojyo did not love Hakkai, then why did he always lay him down in bed and kiss him with all the passion that he did? If Gojyo did not love Hakkai, then why did he always throw glances at him when something about love or sex or beauty was uttered? Why did he room with him? Why did he sit with him?
And why did they both feel extremely sick, as if they were going to vomit...
... when they broke up?
*End chapter #7*
Author Notes:
*Is currently banging self on the head with a frying pan* I (bang) am such (bang) a BITCH! (bang, bang, bang) I can't believe I just wrote that! My mind has been corrupted by the stories of my fellow seventh grade classmates and their tales of love and breaking it. Gah! *resumes hitting self*
Chibodee: *gets a card handed to him* What? *read off of card* Oh, okay. Uh.... I guess all that I really have to say is that you can look forward to chapter #8. The break up won't last long. And... please review. *throws card* Alrighty then! See you in chapter #8! Hey... what do I have to do with this fanfic?
Umi: I don't have anything to do with it either but do you really have to ask when the writter is hitting herself with an iron cooking pan?
Ja!