A/N: Okay! I lied! We're back in action! DENIAL IS NO LONGER A ONE-SHOT....LADYXKODOMO INC. has become benevolent and therefore put up the 2nd chapter!!! This is less WAFFy than the first but the next chapter will be slightly more sappish. I actually wrote this a long time ago but never put it up coz I didn't think it was good 'nuff. But....thanks to my pre-reader....devil-angel-asuka......SHE CONVINCED ME IT WAS GOOD ENOUGH!!!! So, to everyone who hated me coz Denial was a one-shot...prepare to be amazed. God, I think I overdosed the WAFF so much on the first one that if there was any more WAFF in here you'd all puke, doncha think? Aha....well...anyways.....read on.
Disclaimer: I own not the works of Gainax, which means I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion/Shin Seiki Evangelion. Sucks to be me.
Denial
Chaptre Deux
After that the rest of the day they both avoided each other, Asuka
keeping to one side and Shinji the other and Misato was in the middle wondering
how hormonal the two had actually gotten.
Asuka thought back to her dream and thought about it. It was just wishful
thinking; she thought. Why would Shinji want to love me? I treat him like
ass. I don't deserve his love. I would be surprised if he actually admitted
that to me. Maybe I hadn't really felt his lips in my hair and his arms around
me, she thought, quite scornfully. Maybe it was all that toothpaste poisoning.
She knew she had used too much...
Shinji kept stealing glances at Asuka and furrowing his brow wondering if
he'd ever get a chance like last night again. He loved last night. It seemed
years ago he had held a beautiful sleeping princess in his arms and kissed
her hair and felt their hearts beating together in unison. It felt so long
ago and yet it had only been hours. But when you realize you love someone,
that moment seems so close....and too far away to reach again...
Both of them sighed at the same exact time and stuck their elbows in the
sauce. Misato raised an eyebrow and wondered if they were mentally challenged.
They were sitting on opposite ends of the table and she could tell they were
trying to keep their eyes off each other but it wasn't working: She saw Asuka's
blue orbs traveling from her plate, slooowllly up to Shinji, then back down
again if she saw the slightest movement in his face. She turned the other
way and watched Shinji's eyes roll up as much as they could with his head
bent, trying to get a good, long look at Asuka. But it never lasted more
than a second.
"So, you two," She inquired as chipper as she could, which was as chipper
as a rat being devoured by a vulture, "Did you think last night was too hot?"
At this, Shinji dropped his fork and paled. Asuka shot up and glared at Misato.
Misato gulped. She had meant, "I fixed the heaters", but it came out, "Did
you guys have a good sleep?!?" Hint hint?
Asuka picked up her butter knife and clutched it in her hand. She scowled
and thrust it inches from Misato's face.
"Look, it wasn't what you thought it was. It wasn't as if I wanted to be
in Shinji's bed. I must've sleep-walked or something! I don't know how I
got into his bed but I never want to do it again!! If I sleep in the same
bed as him, some of his bakaness might rub off on me! So stop jumping
to insane conclusions!!" She screamed, pointing the knife like a dagger into
her roomate's face. "I don't want to hear anything on this damn subject again!!"
Shinji sighed. "Asuka, calm down."
Asuka turned to him, her fiery hair glowing redder than ever before. "Shut
up, baka. I don't want to wake up and see your face next to mine ever
again," She growled, and then stomped out of the kitchen.
Shinji got up and called after her. "Asuka."
He heard the door slam and then her bedsprings creaking and then some loud
curse in German.
Sighing again, he sat down and buried his face in his hands. "Dammit, Misato.."
He peered at her angrily through his fingers.
She pretended to look astonished. "What? I didn't mean it that way.
I swear--"
But he got up from his chair anyway, threw his napkin down on the table, and
walked into the hallway. Misato sighed.
"Teenagers..."
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Asuka lay on her bed and stared at the ceiling, tears gathering
at the corners of her captivating blue eyes. She blinked, trying to get rid
of them, but that only sent two down her face, tickling her cheeks, as if
to say, "How do you like it now?"
She hated it. She hated every moment like this; yelling to Shinji, probably
pissing him off. Sometimes she didn't get why she had to be so friggin mean.
But she couldn't help it. If she tried not calling him baka, if she
tried to refrain from bossing him around, if she tried to contain herself
from yelling at him for every possible thing, what would she be in this household?
A nothing. She was the Shinji-minder. Misato was the drunkette. Pen-Pen was
the thing. Shinji was the nothing.
But, she thought to herself as she flipped around on her stomach, but was
he?
No, she decided, he was not. He was most certainly nothing. Not to her, anyway.
To her he was her guardian angel. To her, he was the highlight of her day.
To her...he was the present under the Christmas tree. The one she had always
wanted but never got. The one she would probably never get if she
kept on acting like this. She wondered about last night--she truly didn't
remember a thing about what she had done and didn't know how she ended up
in Shinji's bed, close enough to smell him, close enough to kiss him. Her
heart ached for his love, for any kind of love at all. Her mother never loved
her. She never had a father. No one loved her.
A few more tears trickled down her face and she wondered how it felt
to be loved...
---------------------------
In the hallway, Shinji retardedly walked on the white linoleum
floor, wondering what Asuka was doing. He stopped at her door and tried to
see inside, but it was locked. He looked under it, but all he saw were a
few clothes. He pressed his ear up against the door and heard nothing.
But he wouldn't give up.
After all, part of loving someone is caring about them. Desperately, Shinji
moved and squeezed his ear in the crack of the door. First, he heard muffled
sighs, then Asuka's voice, quiet and weak, like a drizzle of baby shower
pitting on the sidewalk--
"I wonder how it feels to be loved?"
This took him by surprise. He dislodged his ear from the side of the door
and slumped against the wall, thinking. What did she mean by that? She was
loved. By him. She was loved by him more than anything. He would give up
his life for her if she was in danger, do what she wanted if it made her
happy, put up with her annoyance, do anything not to make her cry--and here
she was, wondering to herself what it was like to be loved.
He imagined her usually glowing skin losing is luxury, her shining blue eyes
slowly discoloring, her fiery red hair turning a dull orange. Love was dangerous
but denial was worse. Last night there was no denial until the end. No words
were needed then to express "I love you", he thought to himself. But what
about now? Denial would only make Asuka ache, he decided.
But if I tell her people love her, she would demand to know who, he thought
in disgust. And then I'd have to lie. But she's like a lie detector, she'll
know when it's not true, and then I've got to confess...
He pounded his fist on the door forgetting the aching beauty was pondering
inside.
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Misato sat at the dinner table alone, wondering what in the hell
was going on with those two. Before all that had happened, nothing
was really wrong. Shinji was baka, Asuka was always PMSing, and she....she
was just there telling them what to do. She intended to be Shinji's mother
again--to nurture and care and protect him. But what had she owned up to?
She messed things up. Misato sighed.
I'm the dense one, she thought angrily.
She wondered whether she should go into the hall and see what Shinji was
doing. No. Then that would seem I was nosy, Misato thought again.
X that. But it would also seem I was worried about him. Hmmm...
Maybe I could just see how Asuka was doing. Oh, nevermind. Asuka never
cooperates. She'll just yell at me again and that would get us nowhere....
A bang from the hallway startled her out of her thoughts.
What the hell....? What is that kid doing now?!?!
Grumbling, she ate some more and forgot about the mentally challenged in
her home.
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End Note: *smiles* Ended on quite a low note, didn' t it? Well, I didn't
want you to wet your pants. What? You already have? Oh my....