Title: Born to Be My Baby
Author: ¤Sha¤GojyoxCho¤Hakkai¤
Date: Began March, 2003
Chapter: 8/?
Rating: R for later chapters; PG - 13 for now.
Category: Romance, Angst, Language, Blood and the like
Main Pairing: Gojyo x Hakkai
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki. All characters, names, etc. are copyrighted to Minekura Kazuya.
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi (for you people who don't speak Japanese, that's male/male relationships.... isn't it cute? *smiles*)
*We're still in the flashback. (God, how long WILL the flashback last!?)*
~For you people out there who care, do not worry, for the "break up" will not last long.~
Please review.
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Part Eighth (8/?)
Hakkai's lips trembled as he murmured to himself, "Gojyo.... Gojyo, wait. No, it isn't like that." He turned on his heel but found that Gojyo was nowhere in sight and the feeling of lonliness set over him, spreading throughout his entire body like a virus and he felt cold and dizzy. His shopping bag was still in hand and he raced to the hotel, passing so many stands, having so many people stare after him in his frantic state to find out the truth, but he did not care. If the price of Gojyo's love was humiliation, then without a doubt, Hakkai wanted it. He would take anything that Gojyo would give him, no matter if it was involuntarily bad or the good that he loved to recieve and give back to that man.
When he noticed that, in his current state of sprinting insanely, he did not pass Gojyo on the way to the hotel and, taking in the obvious fact that running as fact as you can was faster than walking, Hakkai realized that Gojyo had run back to the inn as well. If he were walking back, Hakkai would have seen him by now.
The brunette flung open the door and found Sanzo still at the breakfast table and, never minding the fact that the fruits may be bruised, Hakkai ran past the table, dropping the shopping bag onto the wooden piece with several thunks of the containment inside the bantam parcel.
Even though Sanzo averted his glance from the article in the old newspaper, he did not say anything to the healer that then climbed the single flight of stairs, for it seemed that he was, indeed, extremely upset and, seeing as barely anybody had ever seen him anything but happy, he kept quiet. Hakkai flung open the door to his and Gojyo's apartment room and he disappeared from Sanzo's sight.
Gojyo wasn't there.
Hakkai felt himself become even more dizzy, his vision becoming something of a two - year - old holding a video camera and he was sure that he would fall over so he went over to his bed and let himself tumble over the neatly made covers. He placed his monocle onto the tiny night - stand between his and Gojyo's beds and placed the palm of his hand over his forehead and hid his eyes as he could not prevent the shimmering tears that slid down his cheeks....
He bit his bottom lip and inhaled a broke gasp and when he realized that he had almost reached the point of sobbing, he covered his mouth with his other hand and then both, so no one would hear. What if they did? What if they asked him why he was crying almost uncontrolably? What would he tell them? But his mind suddenly went blank when there came a voice from the corner of the room and it murmured,
"God dammit, are you crying?" The tone was choked and Hakkai knew that it was him, crying just as he, in the corner of the room, behind the door. "Don't cry, Hakkai." Gojyo hushed and then stiffled a sob behind both of his hands. "You shouldn't cry, if this is what you want!" And he raced out of the room, hiding his face by purposely turning it to the side at an angle to avoid making eye contact with the other man and Hakkai was horrified. He suddenly didn't care what other people thought and, all over again, the world did not mean a thing. After Gojyo had gone, he slowly got up off of the bed and closed the door softly but did not take his hands away from the door - handle. Instead, he slid down onto his knees and pounded on the door with each sob that came, crying Gojyo's name and demanding why and that he was being misunderstood.
Even though his crying had died slightly, tears continued to come later as Hakkai took out a sheet of paper and a pen, using the night - stand to bare down on as he wrote a letter, begging and pleading for Gojyo's forgiveness and he said all that he could fit on the sheet:
"Gojyo,
My beloved Gojyo, please forgive me for whatever I have done. I know that I may act in such a way as strange but you cannot demand that I forget her and I know that you have not, but please understand, please remember, back when I told you never to let someone tell you that you cannot love more than one person. It's so true, because I love you. I love you with all that I can and I hope that I do for however long we can stay the way that we were.
Even though we have not been together for very long, I feel that every kiss that we share and every time we touch, it is so familiar, like we have done it before, long, long ago, but I cannot explain. That is why I am so devastated that we had such a huge misunderstanding. Please don't take things the wrong way.
I know that my love for you is true. If I could reach the sky, I swear that I would take all of the stars from it and give them to you. I would walk around the world just for you. And I'm waiting just for you.
I'm waiting just for you.
I love you, Gojyo. And I swear that I always will....
Love, always, and forever,
-Hakkai"
The letter was folded over once and placed underneath Gojyo's pillow in hopes that he would find it and read it and think of it while he slept. Hakkai wiped a tear from his eye and went back over to his bed and sat down and then lay on his side to sleep, even though it was very, very early in the evening, around seven thirty to be exact. The brunette put his fingers to his lips and suddenly found that Gojyo's lips to his was not as alien as he had imagined; in fact, the alien part was when they were not there. The brunette smiled to himself and hid his face in one of the pillows, Gojyo's name resounding countless times in his head and countless tears on the pillow shead.
Gojyo, in the mean time, had been doing the exact same thing: He was writing his letter to his lover, begging for understanding in that he had made a horrifying mistake. The scarlet - eyed man still had tears come down his cheeks at times, but he continued on, even though he had to push the paper away sometimes to prevent the tears from falling over it.
"Hakkai,
Hakkai, let me start this note with reminding you of the fact that I love you so much, words aren't enough to say. And I swear that I could keep your lips on mine forever.
I know that I made a harsh judgement and I may have criticized you and I am not demanding that you have to forget about her, after all, it was about to rain and I know how down you get when it gets all gloomy like that. But remember, that you can love more than one person. I hope that I am that other person. I hope that I always will be.
And I hope that this letter found its way down to your heart, even though you stated it was small. Well, however small it is, I hope that I can hold a piece of it with me, even if it is the tiniest bit.
I love you and I want to be with you. Let's end this little "break up" thing two seconds after it started, huh?
I love you, Hakkai.
To the end of the universe and back,
-Gojyo"
That was written at one of the dining room tables in the small inn downstairs, somewhere where he would not be bothered by anyone else - perfect. Gojyo smiled to himself anf read the letter over just to make sure everything sounded like he wanted it to and he folded the letter and placed it in his pocket. He needed something to get him out of his depressed state and he concluded that getting a little something to drink wouldn't hurt....
Morning arrived non - too - gently as Sanzo knocked harshly over Hakkai and Gojyo's room to get the men in it to wake up. Hakkai answered with a polite "good morning" and told Sanzo he would be ready to leave for the next town in a few minutes; but when he turned over in his bed, which he had fallen asleep in after writing the letter, he felt that he would be ready to leave in a few hours: Gojyo was not in the bed across from his. Not even the covers were irregular. Everything was as he had left it last night. Nothing had changed and Hakkai feared that Gojyo may have spent the night somewhere else... With a woman? It seemed as if he would want to sleep with a woman after something like that had gone on but that was only because... Gojyo had stated that he had never been in love before and had it returned, right? He might have slept with a woman, but Hakkai could not be sure. Is that what a womanizer does after he "breaks up" with with the very first person he had a romantic relationship with?
Hakkai got dressed from yesterday's clothing into a loose light green shirt and a pair of jeans and he exitted the room to come downstairs, finding Sanzo at the breakfast table with coffee cup in one hand and newspaper in the other, as usual, and Goku sitting next to him, probably finishing off the third course to breakfast. "Sanzo?" Hakkai asked. The monk shot his glance to the brunette. "Have you seen Gojyo? He was not in his bed when I woke up."
"Nope," the blonde replied. "Haven't seen him."
Hakkai was thunderstruck all of a sudden. Was this the way that he wanted it to be? Did Gojyo want it this way? Surely, he didn't. But would he just run off somewhere and not tell anyone where he was going? Not even his fellow companions? Hakkai lowered his head and forced the falsest smile to grace his lips, "I see."
"We should find him before we leave, right?" Goku mumbled through a mouth full of food. "I mean, he wouldn't wanna stay here, would he?"
"I really don't know what that man wants," Hakkai said. And with that, he went back upstairs; once he was gone from sight, and suposedly, hearing distance, Sanzo informed the younger one,
"Shit, that didn't look good."
"What?"
"I mean, have you ever seen him so down?"
"Uh - uh."
"Maybe him and Gojyo got in a fight."
Goku nodded somewhat and continued on into his meal and Sanzo turned the page to the old newspaper and sipped his coffee. A most disturbing article caught his eye and it read: "DEADLY". It was an old article about a sickness that was, obviously, still found today, but in the article, it told of a terrible disease sweeping through the land and wiping out anyone who seemed to come within any contact of the infected person. 'So, that's it,' Sanzo thought. 'Hakkai and Gojyo are playing the game of love. But I think Gojyo may have rolled higher than Hakkai.... Ha. It may not sound like me but I hope their game ends in a tie.'
Sometime around three in the morning, when Sanzo found that he had just fallen alseep for the fourth time, seeing as he kept waking up because it was so damned hot, the continuous grounding of gravel and dirt began and continued on for a good five minutes before Sanzo finally got up out of his bed and looked out the window, feeling a sudden breeze flow over his skin - tight body suit [1].
There as no one out there once the monk's glance was thrown out the window and the irritating grinding sound had stopped right when his hands landed on the windowsil. 'Maybe Hakkai found him?' Sanzo thought. Feeling that he would be able to continue the journey, even without them, Sanzo went back over to his bed and lay down upon the heated sheets that had collected his sweat. 'Damn, why the hell is it so damned hot?'
"Sanzo?" Hakkai querried hours later as they were putting their few bags into the back of Jiipu.
"Huh?"
"Do you think...," the brunette began almost nervously. "Do you think Gojyo could sit in the passenger's seat?" He paused but added hastely, "Just for today?"
Sanzo rose one eyebrow at the healer and asked, "Why?"
A nervous nausia spread throughout Hakkai's stomach in fear that the monk would object and he explained quickly, "I did find him early, early this morning and it appeared that he was drunk."
"Can I ask why?"
"I'm afraid you cannot," Hakkai stated solemnly. "I let him to sleep on the couch in the open room downstairs with the inn owner's permission. It does seem that he has a terrible hangover and just incase something were to happen to him, I would like to be able to tend to him. For instance, if he were to vomit over the side of the jeep or in it, then I would want to help him." A smile spread over Hakkai's face, "Besides, I know that Goku would not be very good at it if it were to happed."
"What makes you think you'll know what to do?"
"I've dealt with children before. Either I did not tell you or you have forgotten but I used to be a school teacher."
Sanzo had put a cigarette to his lips but paused his lighter half way to the cancer stick when he heard that. "Fine then." Hakkai's face lit up somewhat and he asked,
"Really, Sanzo?"
"Hey, at least it'll keep him and that damned monkey from bickering all day."
"Thank you so much, Sanzo!" Hakkai clasped his hands together and smiled once more before making sure that they had packed everything that they needed in order to get to the next town and patting the spare tire decorated with the cover - case of a ying - yang and concluding, "I think we are ready to go, then!"
It had been about an hour since they had left the hotel. Everything seemed so off: Goku had not complained about his "empty" stomach for the entire time since they had left the last town and Sanzo had not said one word about being set in the back of Jiipu. Gojyo was over in the passenger's seat, asleep and sweating bullets from his hangover.
It was then that Hakkai wondered why everything always had a drawback. Why did everything always seem to be too good to be true? There was always a catch and, chances were that most of the time, it was not going to be a very good one. He wondered if this was the way that Gojyo wanted it to be: the same as it had been before, when all that Gojyo did was pine for Hakkai and all Hakkai did was pine for Gojyo. But why? When he knew that what both of them really wanted was each other, which was an option, why would longing for a person you can have be so appealing? The brunette's thoughts crashed: Maybe this was fate's way of saying that he was never destined to be in love? Was that it? When Hakkai fell in love, would it always end up in tragety?
A pain shot through his stomach and he cringed, taking one hand off of the steering wheel to clutch his stomach and cough, feeling a pressuring pain edge its way up his throat until he gagged and he stopped the jeep, steering to the right for a quicker hault and causing the wheels to kick up even more dust and dirt.
"Hakkai?" Goku inquired nervously and leant over the seat, standing up. "What's wrong!?"
"I... I feel it," was all Hakkai spoke.
"You feel what?" Sanzo asked.
"I feel his pain." And with that Gojyo shot up suddenly, jolting forward and then doubling over, holding onto his stomach like his life depended on it and he threw half of his body over the edge of the jeep and vomitted.
"Gojyo!" came Goku's exclimation.
"Oh, Gojyo," Hakkai breathed and a worried expression came over his face and he ignored the pain in his own abdomen to lean to the side and place both of his hands on both of Gojyo's shoulders. "Gojyo?"
"Nh?" Gojyo gagged and looked to Hakkai and his expression softened but it was ephemral as he spewed again over the side of the jeep. He felt Hakkai's hands at his neck and they gathered his hair and pulled every strand from the half - breed's face, moving his hair out of his way. If Gojyo could thank him, then he would have but he was still paying for the foolishness that he had taken part in the previous night and he felt sorry for having taken everything the wrong way when he and Hakkai had had that misunderstanding.
A final spit was layed in the disgusting pool gathered on the ground next to the vehicle and Gojyo sighed in relief that the putrid event was finally over.
"Are you alright, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked and he recieved a shaky nod from the other man. Gojyo sat back into the jeep completely and brought a trembling up to wipe the sweat from the back of his neck. "Goku? Could you get me a water bottle and wash - cloth from the bag?"
Goku rumaged through the bag until he found the cloth and he handed it to Hakkai over his shoulder and then the water bottle.
'Here we go,' Sanzo thought. 'Just watch. It's too obvious.'
Hakkai opened the water bottle and placed the cloth where the cap was, pouring some of the cool liquid over it and then taking it in one and hand reaching up to wipe Gojyo's forehead clean from the perspiration that had gathered in tiny beads over his skin. Gojyo watched Hakkai's eyes, which never broke the contact between them - emeralds and rubies, like jewels, like forbidden birth - stones.
They both forgot about their apology letters. They both forgot about the other two sitting in the back seat. They both forgot about the misunderstaning that had occured between both of them and Hakkai threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around Gojyo, hugging him close as the red - haired man tucked his head underneath Hakkai's chin and whispered, "It's alright, baby.... I just misunderstood you.... I'm sorry."
Should I? Could I?
Have said the wrong things right a thousand times
If I could just rewind, see it in my mind
If I could turn back time, you'd still be mine
You cried, I died
I should have shut my mouth, things headed south
As the words slipped off my tongue, they sounded dumb
If this old heart could talk, I'd say you're the one
I'm wasting time when I think about it
I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Could I? Should I?
Apologize for sleeping on the couch that night
Staying out too late with all my friends
You found me passed out in the yard again
You cried, I tried
To stretch the truth, but didn't lie
It's not so bad when you think about it
I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good
It's you and I
Just think about it....
I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
I'm hanging outside your door
I've been here before
Misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good
"MISUNDERSTOOD"
-Bon Jovi
Due to the hold - up in the travel then (it took Gojyo about 30 minutes to get all of the alcohol out of his system), the town was far from sight and it was already well past dark. They decided to pitch camp and sleep in the tent tonight.
"We really need a fire. It gets extremely cold when it gets dark outside," Hakkai explained. He looked in every direction from their present location, but there was no forest in sight (of course not, because they are in mid - west China). He sighed and turned to the other members of the travelling group and spoke, "Erm.... There's no fire wood. We really don't have anything to keep a fire going."
"But we'll freeze to death if we don't get a fire going in a few hours!" Goku exclaimed.
"I know, I know, but we don't have anything for the fire."
"Hey, I know!" Gojyo scoffed. "Let's burn the clothes!"
"What clothes?" Hakkai's face became red.
"Don't we have the extra clothes in the bag?"
"Oh my goodness!" Hakkai exclaimed. "That bag is at the hotel! I grabbed the one with our personal items! I must have thought I packed it earlier!" Hakkai brought a fist over his forehead and pounded himself lightly and still, with the same false smile, "I'm so sorry!"
"Ah," Gojyo sighed. "All that really means is we gotta wash 'em every few days."
Goku looked to the half - breed and joked, "Yeah, if you wash 'em in front of Hakkai I bet you wouldn't care about taking off your clothes!"
Gojyo rushed at the boy and landed one boot to his stomach, resulting in a stranged scream of something like, "Uwah! Help!"
Hakkai's face became even redder, as if it were not even possible, but he quickly turned his attention to the sky when he felt a drop of water hit his head. 'Oh, my,' he thought. 'Why now, of all times?' [2]
"Um, everyone!" Hakkai shouted to get his companions' attention. "It's - -" And it was then that the rain came pouring down, stopping the brunette in mid - sentence.
"Get the tent up!" Gojyo commanded as he and the others hurried with the tented tarp to get it up as quickly as possible. "Damn it!"
Well, they were all abosolutely drenched by the time the tent was suitable to stay in and Hakkai was sneezing and sniffling some as Gojyo set up the sleeping bags for the both of them on one side of the very large, large tent and Sanzo and Goku rolled out theirs. "Hakkai?" came Gojyo's concerned inquiry.
"Hn?"
"You look so pale!" Gojyo remarked and stood up in a hurry, placing both of his hands on Hakkai's shoulders. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Hakkai beamed.
"You're ill," Gojyo concluded and folded one flap of the open sleeping bag over and pointed one finger to it. "Get in."
"But, Gojyo - -!"
"Ah! No!" Gojyo smiled and laughed as he repeated, "Get in! You're sick, hun!"
"No, I'm fine, Gojyo! Look, I should at least - -!"
Gojyo swept the healer up in his arms and lay him down in the sleeping bag, covering him with the top layer and zipping up the sides. And then came the muffled complaint, "Gojo, I cam't movve."
"I know."
"Gojyo!"
"Nah! Hakkai! You look like sushi wrapped too tight!" Goku joked and laughed some before finally settling down to sleep, seeing as the only thing left was to get into his sleeping - clothes, but Hakkai had left those at the hotel, so what else was there to do?
Hakkai sighed and looked over to his side, where Gojyo had sat and had taken off his boots and placed them near a corner of the zipped up tent. "Gojyo?" The brunette was able to move his face away from the blanket far enough to speak normally.
"Yes?"
Sanzo's light snoring: he and Goku had fallen asleep. Good. "Your... your sleeping bag is drenched!"
"Ah, I know. I'll be fine."
"You expect me to listen to you when you did not listen to me!?" Hakkai laughed lightly.
Gojyo's expression softened and he looked down to the one that he loved so dear, all nestled up in the tiny space and it was at this point that he rose his slender fingers to the zipper of the sleeping bag and pulled down, folding the top over to gaze down to Hakkai. [3] The brunette smiled. He knew he did not have to speak what he wanted Gojyo to do. Their eyes easily transferred the message: the invitation and the response. When Gojyo's arm had folded the top portion of the sleeping bag over, he kept his hand there, his arm nearly pinning Hakkai to the ground just, by any unlikely chance, he wanted to move.
'Should I really be doing this with Sanzo and Goku just a few feet away from us?' Gojyo thought. 'Aw, to hell with the world.' He smiled and took one hand and placed it to Hakkai's cheek, stroking the peach - soft skin with his thumb and watching the healer lean into his caress as he did always. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning against Gojyo's hand. Expect the unexpected. Hah, there was no unexpected here. The unexpected was that one of them would not want to sleep next to the other for some reason. That was not going to happen tonight, even with the monk and the monkey on the other side of the tent.
Hakkai opened his eyes, and, surprisingly, they were filled with the crystal - clear liquid that rarely ever graced his beautiful iris. His flawless lips were parted slightly to allow easy breathing, but not any heavier or faster than what it usually would be. His shoulders we set back against the soft inside surface of the sleeping bag and one hand was over his stomach. He was relaxed. He was not tense. He was comfrotable with this position; this was something that Gojyo found an exasperatingly relieving feeling in. Finally, he knew that, even with the rain pounding outside, Hakkai was alright with what they were doing and what they were about to do.
"I love you," Hakkai whispered in the dead dark of night as the rain continued its dance upon the outside of the tent. "Gojyo...."
The brunette then noticed goosebumps settle over Gojyo's flesh (he wore a sleevless shirt and jacket) and rose both hands up to Gojyo's shoulders and as Gojyo spoke, "I love you, too, Hakkai," Hakkai rubbed his hands over Gojyo's shoulders softly to get more heat into him.
The brunette moved over as best he could and gave Gojyo what little space there was to take. And as Gojyo got in, he reached behind him and zipped himself in all the way, pushing the top of the bag down to just below their underarms and leaving not a bit of space between them, letting everything from their collar bones down to their bare feet to be pushed together. It was that that caught Gojyo's attention and he moved his leg forward and linked his foot around Hakkai's ankle, resulting in a slightly surprised look from the brunette. Trying his best to not give in the to sensational comfort that Gojyo was providing by rubbing his leg against his sweetheart's, Hakkai reached forward with both hands and placed them both on Gojyo's face, on either of his cheeks. He was holding his head there. Gojyo realized it and smiled before placing his arms around the waste of the other man, which was quite slim for a male, and pulled Hakkai to him so close that their breaths could be felt on each other's faces.
They both smiled and pressed their lips to each other's.
*End chapter #8*
Author Notes:
[1] I had to put this little note here because I wanted to point out that Sanzo should sleep in the kuro - leather (black leather) body suit because what else is he going to sleep in!? Of course, I have no idea of if it covers his entire body (very, very, very SEXY body). Oh, well, it's better than the idea that my friend had that he should sleep in the nude. For some reason, I just can't see him getting into his "P.J.'s" and that turns out to be his "birthday suit". And she also had to wonder, "Damn, it must be unbearable when he gets hard!" Ahahah!
[2] I'm sorry that I make it rain a lot. Even though I love it when it rains for some reason, I know that the Sanzo - ikkou does not. I think I'm too mean. (Kira - san said so and then she kicked me for being so mean. I still have the bruise.) Anyway, I kind of had to make it rain because I was listening to "Rainy Days Never Stays" by The Brilliant Green, which is a very, very good Japanese band! Unfortunately, B - chan has gotten tired of me and my friends calling in to request it on Nippon Music Champ and has said that we have to give it a long break. *sobs*
[3] Oh! Oh! Re - read that whole part when Gojyo and Hakkai have their adorable shounen - ai bit and pop in "Kagaro" by Cha Cha Maru and Gackto. It's got the best melody for this setting! (Cha Cha Maru and Gackto are extremely talented and super sexay Japanese musicians.)
Well, at least one person likes my story *looks to reviews. All 5 are from the same person* Ha ha! Well, cliffhanger here. Don't worry, the next chapter will be up soon, hopefully. I have a school field trip to the mall tomorrow all day so that means no homework! Booya!
Look forward to chapter #9!
(Oh, and if you do not want to type out ShaGojyoxChoHakkaiYaoiLvr like my fanfiction.net name, use my other name: Tokitoh.)
Ja ne!
Author: ¤Sha¤GojyoxCho¤Hakkai¤
Date: Began March, 2003
Chapter: 8/?
Rating: R for later chapters; PG - 13 for now.
Category: Romance, Angst, Language, Blood and the like
Main Pairing: Gojyo x Hakkai
Disclaimer: I do not own Gensomaden Saiyuki. All characters, names, etc. are copyrighted to Minekura Kazuya.
Warning: Shounen ai/yaoi (for you people who don't speak Japanese, that's male/male relationships.... isn't it cute? *smiles*)
*We're still in the flashback. (God, how long WILL the flashback last!?)*
~For you people out there who care, do not worry, for the "break up" will not last long.~
Please review.
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Part Eighth (8/?)
Hakkai's lips trembled as he murmured to himself, "Gojyo.... Gojyo, wait. No, it isn't like that." He turned on his heel but found that Gojyo was nowhere in sight and the feeling of lonliness set over him, spreading throughout his entire body like a virus and he felt cold and dizzy. His shopping bag was still in hand and he raced to the hotel, passing so many stands, having so many people stare after him in his frantic state to find out the truth, but he did not care. If the price of Gojyo's love was humiliation, then without a doubt, Hakkai wanted it. He would take anything that Gojyo would give him, no matter if it was involuntarily bad or the good that he loved to recieve and give back to that man.
When he noticed that, in his current state of sprinting insanely, he did not pass Gojyo on the way to the hotel and, taking in the obvious fact that running as fact as you can was faster than walking, Hakkai realized that Gojyo had run back to the inn as well. If he were walking back, Hakkai would have seen him by now.
The brunette flung open the door and found Sanzo still at the breakfast table and, never minding the fact that the fruits may be bruised, Hakkai ran past the table, dropping the shopping bag onto the wooden piece with several thunks of the containment inside the bantam parcel.
Even though Sanzo averted his glance from the article in the old newspaper, he did not say anything to the healer that then climbed the single flight of stairs, for it seemed that he was, indeed, extremely upset and, seeing as barely anybody had ever seen him anything but happy, he kept quiet. Hakkai flung open the door to his and Gojyo's apartment room and he disappeared from Sanzo's sight.
Gojyo wasn't there.
Hakkai felt himself become even more dizzy, his vision becoming something of a two - year - old holding a video camera and he was sure that he would fall over so he went over to his bed and let himself tumble over the neatly made covers. He placed his monocle onto the tiny night - stand between his and Gojyo's beds and placed the palm of his hand over his forehead and hid his eyes as he could not prevent the shimmering tears that slid down his cheeks....
He bit his bottom lip and inhaled a broke gasp and when he realized that he had almost reached the point of sobbing, he covered his mouth with his other hand and then both, so no one would hear. What if they did? What if they asked him why he was crying almost uncontrolably? What would he tell them? But his mind suddenly went blank when there came a voice from the corner of the room and it murmured,
"God dammit, are you crying?" The tone was choked and Hakkai knew that it was him, crying just as he, in the corner of the room, behind the door. "Don't cry, Hakkai." Gojyo hushed and then stiffled a sob behind both of his hands. "You shouldn't cry, if this is what you want!" And he raced out of the room, hiding his face by purposely turning it to the side at an angle to avoid making eye contact with the other man and Hakkai was horrified. He suddenly didn't care what other people thought and, all over again, the world did not mean a thing. After Gojyo had gone, he slowly got up off of the bed and closed the door softly but did not take his hands away from the door - handle. Instead, he slid down onto his knees and pounded on the door with each sob that came, crying Gojyo's name and demanding why and that he was being misunderstood.
Even though his crying had died slightly, tears continued to come later as Hakkai took out a sheet of paper and a pen, using the night - stand to bare down on as he wrote a letter, begging and pleading for Gojyo's forgiveness and he said all that he could fit on the sheet:
"Gojyo,
My beloved Gojyo, please forgive me for whatever I have done. I know that I may act in such a way as strange but you cannot demand that I forget her and I know that you have not, but please understand, please remember, back when I told you never to let someone tell you that you cannot love more than one person. It's so true, because I love you. I love you with all that I can and I hope that I do for however long we can stay the way that we were.
Even though we have not been together for very long, I feel that every kiss that we share and every time we touch, it is so familiar, like we have done it before, long, long ago, but I cannot explain. That is why I am so devastated that we had such a huge misunderstanding. Please don't take things the wrong way.
I know that my love for you is true. If I could reach the sky, I swear that I would take all of the stars from it and give them to you. I would walk around the world just for you. And I'm waiting just for you.
I'm waiting just for you.
I love you, Gojyo. And I swear that I always will....
Love, always, and forever,
-Hakkai"
The letter was folded over once and placed underneath Gojyo's pillow in hopes that he would find it and read it and think of it while he slept. Hakkai wiped a tear from his eye and went back over to his bed and sat down and then lay on his side to sleep, even though it was very, very early in the evening, around seven thirty to be exact. The brunette put his fingers to his lips and suddenly found that Gojyo's lips to his was not as alien as he had imagined; in fact, the alien part was when they were not there. The brunette smiled to himself and hid his face in one of the pillows, Gojyo's name resounding countless times in his head and countless tears on the pillow shead.
Gojyo, in the mean time, had been doing the exact same thing: He was writing his letter to his lover, begging for understanding in that he had made a horrifying mistake. The scarlet - eyed man still had tears come down his cheeks at times, but he continued on, even though he had to push the paper away sometimes to prevent the tears from falling over it.
"Hakkai,
Hakkai, let me start this note with reminding you of the fact that I love you so much, words aren't enough to say. And I swear that I could keep your lips on mine forever.
I know that I made a harsh judgement and I may have criticized you and I am not demanding that you have to forget about her, after all, it was about to rain and I know how down you get when it gets all gloomy like that. But remember, that you can love more than one person. I hope that I am that other person. I hope that I always will be.
And I hope that this letter found its way down to your heart, even though you stated it was small. Well, however small it is, I hope that I can hold a piece of it with me, even if it is the tiniest bit.
I love you and I want to be with you. Let's end this little "break up" thing two seconds after it started, huh?
I love you, Hakkai.
To the end of the universe and back,
-Gojyo"
That was written at one of the dining room tables in the small inn downstairs, somewhere where he would not be bothered by anyone else - perfect. Gojyo smiled to himself anf read the letter over just to make sure everything sounded like he wanted it to and he folded the letter and placed it in his pocket. He needed something to get him out of his depressed state and he concluded that getting a little something to drink wouldn't hurt....
Morning arrived non - too - gently as Sanzo knocked harshly over Hakkai and Gojyo's room to get the men in it to wake up. Hakkai answered with a polite "good morning" and told Sanzo he would be ready to leave for the next town in a few minutes; but when he turned over in his bed, which he had fallen asleep in after writing the letter, he felt that he would be ready to leave in a few hours: Gojyo was not in the bed across from his. Not even the covers were irregular. Everything was as he had left it last night. Nothing had changed and Hakkai feared that Gojyo may have spent the night somewhere else... With a woman? It seemed as if he would want to sleep with a woman after something like that had gone on but that was only because... Gojyo had stated that he had never been in love before and had it returned, right? He might have slept with a woman, but Hakkai could not be sure. Is that what a womanizer does after he "breaks up" with with the very first person he had a romantic relationship with?
Hakkai got dressed from yesterday's clothing into a loose light green shirt and a pair of jeans and he exitted the room to come downstairs, finding Sanzo at the breakfast table with coffee cup in one hand and newspaper in the other, as usual, and Goku sitting next to him, probably finishing off the third course to breakfast. "Sanzo?" Hakkai asked. The monk shot his glance to the brunette. "Have you seen Gojyo? He was not in his bed when I woke up."
"Nope," the blonde replied. "Haven't seen him."
Hakkai was thunderstruck all of a sudden. Was this the way that he wanted it to be? Did Gojyo want it this way? Surely, he didn't. But would he just run off somewhere and not tell anyone where he was going? Not even his fellow companions? Hakkai lowered his head and forced the falsest smile to grace his lips, "I see."
"We should find him before we leave, right?" Goku mumbled through a mouth full of food. "I mean, he wouldn't wanna stay here, would he?"
"I really don't know what that man wants," Hakkai said. And with that, he went back upstairs; once he was gone from sight, and suposedly, hearing distance, Sanzo informed the younger one,
"Shit, that didn't look good."
"What?"
"I mean, have you ever seen him so down?"
"Uh - uh."
"Maybe him and Gojyo got in a fight."
Goku nodded somewhat and continued on into his meal and Sanzo turned the page to the old newspaper and sipped his coffee. A most disturbing article caught his eye and it read: "DEADLY". It was an old article about a sickness that was, obviously, still found today, but in the article, it told of a terrible disease sweeping through the land and wiping out anyone who seemed to come within any contact of the infected person. 'So, that's it,' Sanzo thought. 'Hakkai and Gojyo are playing the game of love. But I think Gojyo may have rolled higher than Hakkai.... Ha. It may not sound like me but I hope their game ends in a tie.'
Sometime around three in the morning, when Sanzo found that he had just fallen alseep for the fourth time, seeing as he kept waking up because it was so damned hot, the continuous grounding of gravel and dirt began and continued on for a good five minutes before Sanzo finally got up out of his bed and looked out the window, feeling a sudden breeze flow over his skin - tight body suit [1].
There as no one out there once the monk's glance was thrown out the window and the irritating grinding sound had stopped right when his hands landed on the windowsil. 'Maybe Hakkai found him?' Sanzo thought. Feeling that he would be able to continue the journey, even without them, Sanzo went back over to his bed and lay down upon the heated sheets that had collected his sweat. 'Damn, why the hell is it so damned hot?'
"Sanzo?" Hakkai querried hours later as they were putting their few bags into the back of Jiipu.
"Huh?"
"Do you think...," the brunette began almost nervously. "Do you think Gojyo could sit in the passenger's seat?" He paused but added hastely, "Just for today?"
Sanzo rose one eyebrow at the healer and asked, "Why?"
A nervous nausia spread throughout Hakkai's stomach in fear that the monk would object and he explained quickly, "I did find him early, early this morning and it appeared that he was drunk."
"Can I ask why?"
"I'm afraid you cannot," Hakkai stated solemnly. "I let him to sleep on the couch in the open room downstairs with the inn owner's permission. It does seem that he has a terrible hangover and just incase something were to happen to him, I would like to be able to tend to him. For instance, if he were to vomit over the side of the jeep or in it, then I would want to help him." A smile spread over Hakkai's face, "Besides, I know that Goku would not be very good at it if it were to happed."
"What makes you think you'll know what to do?"
"I've dealt with children before. Either I did not tell you or you have forgotten but I used to be a school teacher."
Sanzo had put a cigarette to his lips but paused his lighter half way to the cancer stick when he heard that. "Fine then." Hakkai's face lit up somewhat and he asked,
"Really, Sanzo?"
"Hey, at least it'll keep him and that damned monkey from bickering all day."
"Thank you so much, Sanzo!" Hakkai clasped his hands together and smiled once more before making sure that they had packed everything that they needed in order to get to the next town and patting the spare tire decorated with the cover - case of a ying - yang and concluding, "I think we are ready to go, then!"
It had been about an hour since they had left the hotel. Everything seemed so off: Goku had not complained about his "empty" stomach for the entire time since they had left the last town and Sanzo had not said one word about being set in the back of Jiipu. Gojyo was over in the passenger's seat, asleep and sweating bullets from his hangover.
It was then that Hakkai wondered why everything always had a drawback. Why did everything always seem to be too good to be true? There was always a catch and, chances were that most of the time, it was not going to be a very good one. He wondered if this was the way that Gojyo wanted it to be: the same as it had been before, when all that Gojyo did was pine for Hakkai and all Hakkai did was pine for Gojyo. But why? When he knew that what both of them really wanted was each other, which was an option, why would longing for a person you can have be so appealing? The brunette's thoughts crashed: Maybe this was fate's way of saying that he was never destined to be in love? Was that it? When Hakkai fell in love, would it always end up in tragety?
A pain shot through his stomach and he cringed, taking one hand off of the steering wheel to clutch his stomach and cough, feeling a pressuring pain edge its way up his throat until he gagged and he stopped the jeep, steering to the right for a quicker hault and causing the wheels to kick up even more dust and dirt.
"Hakkai?" Goku inquired nervously and leant over the seat, standing up. "What's wrong!?"
"I... I feel it," was all Hakkai spoke.
"You feel what?" Sanzo asked.
"I feel his pain." And with that Gojyo shot up suddenly, jolting forward and then doubling over, holding onto his stomach like his life depended on it and he threw half of his body over the edge of the jeep and vomitted.
"Gojyo!" came Goku's exclimation.
"Oh, Gojyo," Hakkai breathed and a worried expression came over his face and he ignored the pain in his own abdomen to lean to the side and place both of his hands on both of Gojyo's shoulders. "Gojyo?"
"Nh?" Gojyo gagged and looked to Hakkai and his expression softened but it was ephemral as he spewed again over the side of the jeep. He felt Hakkai's hands at his neck and they gathered his hair and pulled every strand from the half - breed's face, moving his hair out of his way. If Gojyo could thank him, then he would have but he was still paying for the foolishness that he had taken part in the previous night and he felt sorry for having taken everything the wrong way when he and Hakkai had had that misunderstanding.
A final spit was layed in the disgusting pool gathered on the ground next to the vehicle and Gojyo sighed in relief that the putrid event was finally over.
"Are you alright, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked and he recieved a shaky nod from the other man. Gojyo sat back into the jeep completely and brought a trembling up to wipe the sweat from the back of his neck. "Goku? Could you get me a water bottle and wash - cloth from the bag?"
Goku rumaged through the bag until he found the cloth and he handed it to Hakkai over his shoulder and then the water bottle.
'Here we go,' Sanzo thought. 'Just watch. It's too obvious.'
Hakkai opened the water bottle and placed the cloth where the cap was, pouring some of the cool liquid over it and then taking it in one and hand reaching up to wipe Gojyo's forehead clean from the perspiration that had gathered in tiny beads over his skin. Gojyo watched Hakkai's eyes, which never broke the contact between them - emeralds and rubies, like jewels, like forbidden birth - stones.
They both forgot about their apology letters. They both forgot about the other two sitting in the back seat. They both forgot about the misunderstaning that had occured between both of them and Hakkai threw himself forward and wrapped his arms around Gojyo, hugging him close as the red - haired man tucked his head underneath Hakkai's chin and whispered, "It's alright, baby.... I just misunderstood you.... I'm sorry."
Should I? Could I?
Have said the wrong things right a thousand times
If I could just rewind, see it in my mind
If I could turn back time, you'd still be mine
You cried, I died
I should have shut my mouth, things headed south
As the words slipped off my tongue, they sounded dumb
If this old heart could talk, I'd say you're the one
I'm wasting time when I think about it
I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Could I? Should I?
Apologize for sleeping on the couch that night
Staying out too late with all my friends
You found me passed out in the yard again
You cried, I tried
To stretch the truth, but didn't lie
It's not so bad when you think about it
I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good
It's you and I
Just think about it....
I should have drove all night
I would have run all the lights
I was misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
I'm hanging outside your door
I've been here before
Misunderstood
I stumbled like my words, did the best I could
Damn, misunderstood
Intentions good
"MISUNDERSTOOD"
-Bon Jovi
Due to the hold - up in the travel then (it took Gojyo about 30 minutes to get all of the alcohol out of his system), the town was far from sight and it was already well past dark. They decided to pitch camp and sleep in the tent tonight.
"We really need a fire. It gets extremely cold when it gets dark outside," Hakkai explained. He looked in every direction from their present location, but there was no forest in sight (of course not, because they are in mid - west China). He sighed and turned to the other members of the travelling group and spoke, "Erm.... There's no fire wood. We really don't have anything to keep a fire going."
"But we'll freeze to death if we don't get a fire going in a few hours!" Goku exclaimed.
"I know, I know, but we don't have anything for the fire."
"Hey, I know!" Gojyo scoffed. "Let's burn the clothes!"
"What clothes?" Hakkai's face became red.
"Don't we have the extra clothes in the bag?"
"Oh my goodness!" Hakkai exclaimed. "That bag is at the hotel! I grabbed the one with our personal items! I must have thought I packed it earlier!" Hakkai brought a fist over his forehead and pounded himself lightly and still, with the same false smile, "I'm so sorry!"
"Ah," Gojyo sighed. "All that really means is we gotta wash 'em every few days."
Goku looked to the half - breed and joked, "Yeah, if you wash 'em in front of Hakkai I bet you wouldn't care about taking off your clothes!"
Gojyo rushed at the boy and landed one boot to his stomach, resulting in a stranged scream of something like, "Uwah! Help!"
Hakkai's face became even redder, as if it were not even possible, but he quickly turned his attention to the sky when he felt a drop of water hit his head. 'Oh, my,' he thought. 'Why now, of all times?' [2]
"Um, everyone!" Hakkai shouted to get his companions' attention. "It's - -" And it was then that the rain came pouring down, stopping the brunette in mid - sentence.
"Get the tent up!" Gojyo commanded as he and the others hurried with the tented tarp to get it up as quickly as possible. "Damn it!"
Well, they were all abosolutely drenched by the time the tent was suitable to stay in and Hakkai was sneezing and sniffling some as Gojyo set up the sleeping bags for the both of them on one side of the very large, large tent and Sanzo and Goku rolled out theirs. "Hakkai?" came Gojyo's concerned inquiry.
"Hn?"
"You look so pale!" Gojyo remarked and stood up in a hurry, placing both of his hands on Hakkai's shoulders. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Hakkai beamed.
"You're ill," Gojyo concluded and folded one flap of the open sleeping bag over and pointed one finger to it. "Get in."
"But, Gojyo - -!"
"Ah! No!" Gojyo smiled and laughed as he repeated, "Get in! You're sick, hun!"
"No, I'm fine, Gojyo! Look, I should at least - -!"
Gojyo swept the healer up in his arms and lay him down in the sleeping bag, covering him with the top layer and zipping up the sides. And then came the muffled complaint, "Gojo, I cam't movve."
"I know."
"Gojyo!"
"Nah! Hakkai! You look like sushi wrapped too tight!" Goku joked and laughed some before finally settling down to sleep, seeing as the only thing left was to get into his sleeping - clothes, but Hakkai had left those at the hotel, so what else was there to do?
Hakkai sighed and looked over to his side, where Gojyo had sat and had taken off his boots and placed them near a corner of the zipped up tent. "Gojyo?" The brunette was able to move his face away from the blanket far enough to speak normally.
"Yes?"
Sanzo's light snoring: he and Goku had fallen asleep. Good. "Your... your sleeping bag is drenched!"
"Ah, I know. I'll be fine."
"You expect me to listen to you when you did not listen to me!?" Hakkai laughed lightly.
Gojyo's expression softened and he looked down to the one that he loved so dear, all nestled up in the tiny space and it was at this point that he rose his slender fingers to the zipper of the sleeping bag and pulled down, folding the top over to gaze down to Hakkai. [3] The brunette smiled. He knew he did not have to speak what he wanted Gojyo to do. Their eyes easily transferred the message: the invitation and the response. When Gojyo's arm had folded the top portion of the sleeping bag over, he kept his hand there, his arm nearly pinning Hakkai to the ground just, by any unlikely chance, he wanted to move.
'Should I really be doing this with Sanzo and Goku just a few feet away from us?' Gojyo thought. 'Aw, to hell with the world.' He smiled and took one hand and placed it to Hakkai's cheek, stroking the peach - soft skin with his thumb and watching the healer lean into his caress as he did always. He sighed and closed his eyes, leaning against Gojyo's hand. Expect the unexpected. Hah, there was no unexpected here. The unexpected was that one of them would not want to sleep next to the other for some reason. That was not going to happen tonight, even with the monk and the monkey on the other side of the tent.
Hakkai opened his eyes, and, surprisingly, they were filled with the crystal - clear liquid that rarely ever graced his beautiful iris. His flawless lips were parted slightly to allow easy breathing, but not any heavier or faster than what it usually would be. His shoulders we set back against the soft inside surface of the sleeping bag and one hand was over his stomach. He was relaxed. He was not tense. He was comfrotable with this position; this was something that Gojyo found an exasperatingly relieving feeling in. Finally, he knew that, even with the rain pounding outside, Hakkai was alright with what they were doing and what they were about to do.
"I love you," Hakkai whispered in the dead dark of night as the rain continued its dance upon the outside of the tent. "Gojyo...."
The brunette then noticed goosebumps settle over Gojyo's flesh (he wore a sleevless shirt and jacket) and rose both hands up to Gojyo's shoulders and as Gojyo spoke, "I love you, too, Hakkai," Hakkai rubbed his hands over Gojyo's shoulders softly to get more heat into him.
The brunette moved over as best he could and gave Gojyo what little space there was to take. And as Gojyo got in, he reached behind him and zipped himself in all the way, pushing the top of the bag down to just below their underarms and leaving not a bit of space between them, letting everything from their collar bones down to their bare feet to be pushed together. It was that that caught Gojyo's attention and he moved his leg forward and linked his foot around Hakkai's ankle, resulting in a slightly surprised look from the brunette. Trying his best to not give in the to sensational comfort that Gojyo was providing by rubbing his leg against his sweetheart's, Hakkai reached forward with both hands and placed them both on Gojyo's face, on either of his cheeks. He was holding his head there. Gojyo realized it and smiled before placing his arms around the waste of the other man, which was quite slim for a male, and pulled Hakkai to him so close that their breaths could be felt on each other's faces.
They both smiled and pressed their lips to each other's.
*End chapter #8*
Author Notes:
[1] I had to put this little note here because I wanted to point out that Sanzo should sleep in the kuro - leather (black leather) body suit because what else is he going to sleep in!? Of course, I have no idea of if it covers his entire body (very, very, very SEXY body). Oh, well, it's better than the idea that my friend had that he should sleep in the nude. For some reason, I just can't see him getting into his "P.J.'s" and that turns out to be his "birthday suit". And she also had to wonder, "Damn, it must be unbearable when he gets hard!" Ahahah!
[2] I'm sorry that I make it rain a lot. Even though I love it when it rains for some reason, I know that the Sanzo - ikkou does not. I think I'm too mean. (Kira - san said so and then she kicked me for being so mean. I still have the bruise.) Anyway, I kind of had to make it rain because I was listening to "Rainy Days Never Stays" by The Brilliant Green, which is a very, very good Japanese band! Unfortunately, B - chan has gotten tired of me and my friends calling in to request it on Nippon Music Champ and has said that we have to give it a long break. *sobs*
[3] Oh! Oh! Re - read that whole part when Gojyo and Hakkai have their adorable shounen - ai bit and pop in "Kagaro" by Cha Cha Maru and Gackto. It's got the best melody for this setting! (Cha Cha Maru and Gackto are extremely talented and super sexay Japanese musicians.)
Well, at least one person likes my story *looks to reviews. All 5 are from the same person* Ha ha! Well, cliffhanger here. Don't worry, the next chapter will be up soon, hopefully. I have a school field trip to the mall tomorrow all day so that means no homework! Booya!
Look forward to chapter #9!
(Oh, and if you do not want to type out ShaGojyoxChoHakkaiYaoiLvr like my fanfiction.net name, use my other name: Tokitoh.)
Ja ne!