The garden was nothing like the extensive ones on Michael's Eden estate or the ones that ringed his office building at the Valhalla academy, but they were beautiful in their own right, for the tropical climate allowed a variety of flowers to grow. Roses were predominant, a multitude of colors and sizes. There were even quite a few of the type with the two-colored petals. He liked those the most, especially the red-splashed yellow ones, which even now seemed like small fires under the artificial glow of the patio lights. It was too bad that those particular varieties could not be found on Eden. Neither could they be transplanted there, as he'd found out the last time he had been to Earth, when he took back a few cuttings only to have them not take to the soil back home. He wondered if Uriel had had them planted in the garden because the singer knew his like for them. Barring sakura trees -- replaced here, he suspected, by plumeria trees with deep red blooms -- the garden's organization had a touch of Eden, slightly resembling the layout of flora found at Valhalla. A home away from home, of a sort, as if the lot had been taken from Eden and put here.
On the other hand, perhaps it wouldn't be as heartening to others as he thought it was. After all, it was also a reminder of how far they were away from home. As much as they loved Earth for its beauty, as many similarities it had with Eden, it simply was not home. He felt a pang of homesickness then, as had never happened since he'd arrived, and wondered for a moment if he should give in to Raphael's entreaties to return. Coming had not helped him come up with any solutions to his problems, as he would have liked, anyway. Really, he only stayed because Uriel had managed to persuade him to. Then there was the fact that he wanted to see Kagetsuya and Chihaya again, not through Eden-Earth contact, but personally. He respected the edict of banishment against them, but by God, he missed them. And since he was most likely breaking a few rules, himself, what was one more? Besides, as Uriel had pointed out, the two had not been classified as lucifers.
Speaking of which, he worried about Uriel. They were friends, true, going back to their academy days. But the singer had been enthusiastic about his coming to Earth, unofficial and probably prohibited as it was, and eager to get Kagetsuya and Chihaya along with them. Originally, Michael had planned to go along with Uriel to Earth, then leave as soon as they arrived, but somehow along the way, Uriel had managed to convince him to stay and that it was truly all right. Michael doubted that latter part, but went along, anyway; the singer could be incredibly stubborn when he wanted. However, he worried about what would happen if it was found that Uriel had been a part of Michael's disappearance from Eden. Or even that he had knowledge of the archangel's whereabouts and had not informed anyone. They both knew that Michael could not leave so easily, even if it was an authorized absence -- which he didn't want, considering, well, that people would know -- and, as it was officially a missing persons case, the Miracle Voice's silence could be punished. Uriel had, of course, laughed and said no one would ever know, a rather conspiratorial glint in his eyes.
Sometimes, Michael wondered about him.
A knock at his door. "Michael?"
He didn't mean to freeze at the voice. Though, after their last argument ending rather badly, he hadn't expected to hear it, either. He forced himself to relax, then called out that the door was open. Against his better judgment, mind bringing up that last argument again. Of course, better judgment had also told him to drop the issues between them -- again -- that day Raphael had discovered his communications with Chihaya, but he found he rarely ever listened to it.
Still, he turned and greeted the archangel with an, "It's been so quiet, I thought you'd gone with them, Raphael."
"Don't think I would have the energy to keep up today."
Uriel, he had found out when the his colleague came into the hotel room that afternoon with Raphael in tow, had gotten word that the house he had been all but babbling about was ready. Michael, made curious by the Miracle Voice's choice of semi-constant topic, wanted to go immediately. No one had dissented, Uriel also wanting to go and their three companions agreeing to the change in plans because they did not know about the house. So they did, Raphael and Uriel taking the latter's car while he, Kagetsuya, and Chihaya rode with an acquaintance -- a sister of the contact he had about the house, Uriel explained -- who came to help with the transportation.
No sooner did they arrive at the spacious four-bedroom house did Uriel whisk away Kagetsuya and Chihaya at the dark angel's request. Michael had gone ahead to the second floor and chose a bedroom to claim as his own during his stay on Earth. When his son had knocked, asking if he would like to join them, he gave polite refusal, wanting to be alone with his thoughts for a while. Oddly, Uriel had not come up to persuade him into coming along.
It had not crossed Michael's mind that his partner might also decide to stay.
A smile came easily to his lips, though it may have just been something out of habit. "No, I suppose there isn't anyone who can put up with the combined enthusiasm of Uriel and Chihaya, hm? And for a few hours straight, at that. I feel a little sorry for Kagetsuya. They're not likely to be back for a couple more hours yet. But then again, perhaps he's used to the excitement."
"Michael."
Raphael rarely used his 'business' tone with his superior, and managed to surprise Michael every time. Now was no exception, the smile fading just a bit from Michael's lips, his eyes widening slightly before he got hold of himself and shook the reaction away. They both knew that when it came to serious matters, the dark-eyed archangel was never one to waste time, and what hung between them in the silence that followed was definitely not something to take lightly.
"I'm not going," Michael murmured, wondering if he was imagining the faint, resigned tone that contradicted the stubbornness of the statement.
The other angel appeared not to hear it. "That's not why I'm here and you know it, Michael-sama."
Ah, so it was to the point where they were going back to honorifics. If Raphael had been serious before when trying to talk with him, he was unable to describe the situation now. It hurt a little, that they were reverting to the protocol they made a habit of discarding around each other. But his companion was right. He had known why the archangel had come and had tried to stop the attempt before it began, though it was clear how successful he was at that.
"I'm resigning."
He managed to stun even himself and suspected his expression would have matched the surprised one on Raphael's face exactly had he not strained to keep himself in check. The thought had managed to bypass his consciousness. However, he managed to pick up the truth in his own words. He had thought about it once or twice, even before everything happened, though he had always dismissed the idea in the past. While he might not necessarily be serious about it this time either, there was still that faint thought that remained.
"Michael-sama--"
He cut his companion off with a swift gesture, turning around to look out the window again and attempting to focus on picking out the plants in the darkness; anger rose then, not at Raphael, not at the current situation, but at things older, that he had always pushed away before. "I'm tired, Raphael. Of being 'Michael-sama.' Of having to deal with the hierarchy and the random, annoying bureaucrat who comes up to the station thinking he's oh-so-clever, linking this problem and that issue with Valhalla, using convoluted reasoning no one can hope to understand, and expecting us to drop our operations in favor of them. And our operations themselves, especially this big one, this judgment of the Earthians-- I'm sick of the training, the testing, the rivalry that continues despite our best efforts, the reports that all boil down to the same things every single time."
He closed his eyes. "I'm sick of seeing the academy. Do you realize how much it hasn't changed? It's so easy to remember what I would rather not, so hard to forget what I want. Somehow, I manage to start hating myself again, because I can't let the memories go and because of those memories themselves, then hating myself more for that fact."
Raphael had approached while he spoke, but he did not notice until he felt his second's hand on his shoulder. He promptly shrugged the contact away, knowing he wouldn't be able to continue if he did not do so.
"I'm tired of hurting, Raphael." At his sides, his hands curled into fists. "You know, when Kagetsuya first entered, I couldn't bear to look at him. He reminded me so much of -- of her. So tall and proud and absolutely beautiful, with that same flare in his eyes that she used to have, that could be frigid or searing and still you would be lost in it. Then after he... left... I would look at the sakura and sometimes wonder why he was not there, contemplating them, studying, socializing, or even fighting with Chihaya. The same way I used to wonder why it was him I always saw and not--"
So many years and he still could not bring himself to think of -- here, his mind balked at the name -- her so easily. But memories died hard and that was an exceptional case. (1)
"And..." He turned, finally, and looked into the storm dark eyes of his companion. "And there's always you. You, Raphael, the only one who can hurt me by mere presence alone and the only one I cannot live without. And the worst thing is that I want to hate you, for everything you make me feel, even the happiness, and I can't. Not because you haven't done anything to merit it, but because if I did, then I would be lost. But... but... oh, God..."
His breathing was harsh, as if he had run long and hard. Raphael said nothing, merely held his gaze, expressionless. Michael felt that useless desire he had mentioned, to hate the other angel and be done with it; it was a hate that refused to come into being. He pushed it away at once, hating himself instead. And when Raphael came nearer, closing up the space that existed between them, he did not move. Not even when the archangel's arms rose to enfold him.
With nothing further to fuel it, the anger passed, leaving him reeling in its wake. He ignored the voice inside that told him to move away, defying it instead as he leaned into the dark-eyed angel's embrace. His own arms wrapped around Raphael's body, hands fisting into the other's shirt, and they remained that way for a long while, until his breathing became less erratic and his heartbeat slowed to match his companion's.
"May I kiss you, Raphael?" he whispered into the silence.
He felt the other's body stiffen and pulled away. He had not meant to say anything out loud, but it had happened before he could stop it. Well, a part of his mind told him, Raphael's reaction was the sort that he should have expected anyway. Nothing had changed and it was useless to hope for otherwise.
"Oh, Michael." He looked up at the amusement in the other angel's voice and found Raphael to be smiling. "After the times you stole kisses from me, only now you think to ask?"
The angel pulled Michael close again and, without preamble, kissed him. The blonde did not react at first, startled by his second-in-command's actions to do anything. But he pulled his wits together in record time and kissed back. The fervor with which he did made his partner gasp, and he took the opportunity to push his tongue beyond the archangel's lips, deepening the kiss. Raphael's arms tightened around him, holding him as if he would never let go again.
It was Michael who pulled away first, though he was reluctant to do so. "Raphael...? What... what was..."
The archangel shrugged a shoulder and feigned a deferential manner. "You asked me a question, Michael-sama. I am, of course, obligated to answer."
He wasn't sure how to react to that, so he just stood there and stared. This brought back the memory of that night a few weeks before, when Raphael had come to his rooms and they almost-- He shook off the thought. Just like that time, the situation was utterly confusing. Raphael was confusing. To refuse everything, then do something like this. Michael didn't know what to think anymore.
Then again, a corner of his mind whispered, the other angel was likely to be just as bewildered at his actions. Wasn't all this what he wanted? Then why did he refuse?
"Michael..."
Storm-colored eyes unreadable, the archangel took a step towards him. He was almost unconscious of the step he took back. He was surprised, for the most part, and part of him attempted to find a reason for his own action. So he did not realize that he had backed up, one step for each of his companion's, until his legs hit the bed. This threw him off balance and he sat down on the mattress abruptly.
"Why?" he murmured, though he wasn't sure whether he was addressing his partner or himself.
Raphael closed what little space remained between them and leaned down so their faces were inches apart, arms on either side of the blonde. Michael gave a sharp intake of breath at his closeness, voice frozen so he could say nothing further. His hands rose to push Raphael away, but they disobeyed him and instead gripped at his shirt. It was a dizzying experience, having the other angel so close, gray-black eyes boring into his.
"I've been thinking a lot, ever since that day in the office." Raphael shifted his weight to one hand and raised the other to cup the blonde's cheek. "And I've decided."
"D... Decided?"
"Aa." He pressed his lips against his superior's in a chaste kiss. "I don't care about tomorrow."
It was a statement only the other angel seemed to understand. Michael wanted to say something, to ask what that was about. However, all he seemed able to concentrate on were the feather-light almost-kisses Raphael was teasing along his jaw, down his cheek, at the corners of his lips. Or on pulling the archangel closer so he could turn those almost-kisses into real ones. Or on the fact that the temperature in the room had risen noticeably and was continuing to do so.
After a few moments -- or perhaps an eternity -- Raphael pulled away a little. They stared at each other for a long while, each of them catching his breath. Michael reached up and ghosted his fingers down the other's cheek, to his neck, then further down, along the expanse of skin the half-unbuttoned shirt revealed.
"I want you, Raphael," he murmured, absurdly afraid that someone else would hear his confession if it was any louder. "But... I..." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then opened them again. "Oh, God, how I could ruin us both..."
Raphael gave a soft smile, the expression almost offsetting the sadness in his dark eyes. He said nothing for a while, stopping Michael's wandering hand and bringing it to his lips.
"Only you," he declared in a whisper, breath ticking Michael's skin. "Only if it's you."
"...It's a sin..." But the last traces of resistance were fading.
"We..." A similar battle of emotion was being waged within the other archangel, before all trace of it banished with one swift decision. "Even if it's this one time, let us have it. And whatever happens after this, whatever happens tomorrow, let us not have any regrets."
"Raphael--"
"I love you."
Michael had never entertained the thought of hearing those words from Raphael. Not even during the past few weeks. He had not dared. And despite the fact that he was not likely to forget that exact moment, he was still having trouble believing his ears.
"I love you," the other angel repeated, as if reading his mind, or perhaps because he, too, could not believe that he had said it that first time. "Far more than I care for the law."
Raphael kissed him then, long and sweet and chaste. All of his emotion could not be conveyed by it, but it was enough. More than enough, even. Caught up in that sensation, caught up in returning the kiss with as much fervor, Michael did not notice when his partner's hand released his and slid down his body in one long caress to the hem of his pants.
He did notice, however, when fingers brushed against the growing hardness between his legs, still constrained by his clothes. Blue eyes he did not know he had closed in the first place flew open to meet gray ones, which were darkened now that they seemed almost black.
With a smile, very much liking the gasp the blonde had made just then, Raphael murmured, "I don't care about tomorrow."
Neither did Michael. He only cared that tomorrow would come.
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Note: 1) Mmm... Yes... Longer chapter than is usual for this fic. Had to fit in a bunch of things. And, well, it was only what could be expected from angels this flighty. ^^;
2) Obviously, they're already at the house at the beginning of this chapter. And, as mentioned, Uriel's out with Kagetsuya and Chihaya. Sorry about skipping the interval. During a rewrite, I got sick of that part and took it out entirely.
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1: The Michael-sama!Muse is angsting and refusing to let me mention her name, even in the footnotes. Sakura used to call her 'Lu,' and that's all I'm gonna say about it before he refuses to speak to me and leave the fic hanging forever.