Well, I hope you enjoyed the last chapter, and here comes chapter four of this fic that you and me know as:
Half-a-Penny!
Warning: SLASH implied. I don't know why the hey did I do it, but don't worry, I won't do it again, I swear that if I do it again, you can toss me to the tentacle pit with a lot of noisy thingies.
ELEVATOR: Ding-dong!
The elevator doors open. Gordon and Adrian step outside, not knowing why they're doing it. There's A-E-L-S #3 sunbathing (well, lampbathing actually) and D-S-S #2, who is waiting impatiently for A-E-L-S #3 to finish.
D-S-S #2: (To A-E-L-S #3, impatiently) I told you, it's my turn, so get out of there already!
A-E-L-S #3: (Irritated) I told you before, it's the resonance cascade, I can't move from where I currently am now!
D-S-S #2: (Fearful and shouting) RE-RE-RESONANCE CAS-CAS-CASCADE?
GORDON: (Dumbly) Yeah, I created it.
D-S-S #2: (Turns around and sees GORDON [who still is holding hands with ADRIAN {go figure why}] and points him with his finger angrily) You... you... you bastard!
GORDON: (Looks puzzled at D-S-S #2)
D-S-S #2: (Still is angry) It was MY turn, and you had to ruin it! Well, I'll ruin you! (Pulls out an Egon and he suddenly wears a Ghostbuster outfit and GORDON turns into a Pac-Man ghost)
The GHOSTBUSTER-SCIENTIST starts shooting rays at the GORDON-GHOST. None of them hit GORDON-GHOST, eventhough he was standing perfectly still. D-S-S #2's gun runs out of ammo.D-S-S #2: (Still on his Ghostbuster outfit) Gr... I hate it when it happens. (Everything goes back to normal, if anything was normal here.) O.K. Freeman, I think that-
GORDON: (Interrupting, looking serious) Wait.
D-S-S #2: What is it, Gordon?
GORDON: How come everyone knows my name and surname eventough today's my first day at job?
ADRIAN: (In a distorted radio-like voice) Hey dude, like that was a really deep question. (Everyone looks at him strangely) (Still in that HL-marine voice we all hate to love, or love to hate) Oh, I'm going through puberty...
A-E-L-S #3: (Nailed to his lampbathing spot) How old are you?
ADRIAN: (HL-marine voice) 26.
GORDON: Gee, that's pathetic, I'm only 23 and I already have a beard...
ADRIAN: (Normal voice) Yeah, I love your beard... (Starts touching GORDON's beard dreamily)
D-S-S #2: Well Gordon, the answer is quite simple really, the HEV suit you're wearing automatically tells us your name.
GORDON: (Distracted, looking at ADRIAN who is still stroking his beard)Oh, that's cool.
D-S-S #2: (Doing his best to look the other way) Well, I suppose I should open the retinal scanner... (Goes slowly at first, but HEADCRAB #2 screams at him threateningly, so he goes faster and opens the scanner.) (Hurries back, looking elswhere but not at GORDON and ADRIAN.) Well, it's open...
GORDON: (Facing D-S-S #2 and releasing ADRIAN) What's open?
D-S-S #2: The door...
GORDON: Oh, goodie... (runs to the door) c'mere sweety! (ADRIAN follows) (GORDON is about to cross the room when a laser beam cuts him in hal.f)
ADRIAN: (VERY dramtically, in MARINE-RADIO voice) NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED—(GORDON appears besides him.) It's a miracle! (Hugs GORDON)
GORDON: It's okay, I quicksaved. (ADRIAN releases GORDON and makes him a millitary sign meaning "Be careful or this beam eats us") GORDON nods. They get throught the beam room and into a room with a headcrab.
GORDON: Look, one of those headcraps!
ADRIAN: (Confused, in his RADIO voice) What did you call these thing?
GORDON: (Very clearly) Headcraps.
ADRIAN: Why? It looks like a crab to me, not a--(The headcrab jumps to ADRIAN's head and...)
GORDON: (Choking with laughter) You see, that's why.
ADRIAN: (Looks at the headcrab angrily and shoots a round of bullets at it with his Mp5) Take this! (The headcrab dies) (Cleans himself) (At GORDON) Stop laughing, you $h** for brains!
GORDON: (Chortling in a childish way) Ah! He swore! He swore!
ADRIAN: (Bops him with the hilt of his Mp5) Shut up and let's find the soda generating machine!
GORDON: (Stops being so childish) Oh, you're right, let's go.
(They open the door to the next room, which has a pair of laser beams slowly wreaking havoc around. At the end there's an elevator.)
GORDON: (Looking at a foldable paper) According to this, the pop soda generator is up the elevator.
ADRIAN: (Turning to see the paper) (Examines it) (Points at something) What does it say here, at the bottom?
GORDON: Here? (ADRIAN nods) It says… lemme see… "Done by Uhs-Hints.com, more than an ordinary walkthrough."
ADRIAN: Well, I think we have to crouch under those deadly beams to avoid getting sliced in half.
GORDON: Just a second (Tries to fold up the walkthrough but fails and then comically struggles to get it right, and when he does, it's just a very big ball)
ADRIAN: Done?
GORDON: (In a tired voice)Yeah, done.
ADRIAN: (Pointing into the camera)Well, let's show this particles of dust that we can be cool!
GORDON: Yeah! All the way! And other cool things!
(They coolly proceed to coolly crouch under some cool laser beams and they coolly don't get hurt at all.)
(GORDON and ADRIAN stand up to face the elevator doors with a crowbar lying on the floor. GORDON picks it up, compares it with his own crowbar's size and then—)
GORDON: (sniffingly) Mine's bigger. (Tosses it through the elevator's glass.) (The elevator goes free-fall!!)
SCIENTISTS INSIDE THE ELEVATOR: (Screaming at the top of their lungs) THIS IS THE LARGEST QUANTINTY OF SCREEN TIME WE'LL EVER GET!!
(SPLAT!!)(A festival of fake blood, skull-looking golf balls and flying monkeys ensues)
GORDON: (Guiltily)Oops.
ADRIAN: Don't worry, they panicked bravely, now let's go find a soda!!
GORDON: (Lighting up) Yes, let's go!
(They open the door, go to the left, climb up the maintenance ladder and hear some gunshots.)
ADRIAN: Listen!
GORDON: (Mumbling) I wasn't being noisy…
(From above, and OOC)SECURITY GUARD #1: Take this, you [censored] zombie!
GORDON: He's in trouble!
ADRIAN: Let's help him?
GORDON: (Pauses and thinks) I was thinking more along the lines of waiting that they kill each other, guess his locker number and then steal his lunch money, but that sounds better.
(They quickly climb the ladder and heroically land on the platform [bumping their heads on their butts a few times during this procedure] and see SECURITY GUARD #1 kicking ZOMBIE #1's corpse. He's exhilarated.)
SECURITY GUARD #1: (Screaming and dancing) Who is da man! I'm da man! Who killed the zombie! I did! Woo!
GORDON: (Timidly) Em, mister… do you know about a pop soda generator?(The security guard ignores him and keeps with his victory dance) (Turning back, to ADRIAN) *SIGH* Guess we'll have to find out in our own.
ADRIAN: Yep.
(So they go through the magnetic doors, kill ZOMBIES #2 and #3, and, examining their twice-dead bodies discover something!)
ADRIAN: They were holding sodas!
BOTH OF THEM AND A FLY: *GASP!*
ADRIAN: Did I just hear a
fly gasp?
GORDON: Nah, you're just losing it, like I did when I first came here. Amazing that those nameless scientists and security guards don't…
ADRIAN: Oh, great.
GORDON: Should we follow the soda can track?
ADRIAN: Which soda can trail? (GORDON points at a soda can trail that wasn't there previously) Oh, that one, yeah, let's go.
(SO they followed the soda can trail that takes them to……
…
…
…
…
…
The amazing soda generator!)
BOTH OF THEM AND A PENGUIN: Yay! We did it!
GORDON: (To the PENGUIN) Hello Mr. Penguin!
PENGUIN: (With a Tropical accent) You be losing it, old chap.(The PENGUIN teleports out)
ADRIAN: (Enthusiastically) Let the pop soda orgy begin!
GORDON: Yeah, right.(Whacks a vending machine with his crowbar and a river of pop sodas come at their feet. ADRIAN drinks most of them and GORDON one or two, trying to look more moderated than ADRIAN)
A.N.: Well, that was long. This chapter is done, and again, sorry 'bout the SLASH, I usually don't write them (check my profile if you don't believe me) but this opportunity, somehow, was too tempting to pass it up. I'll update chapter 5 in the 2006 or sooner. Miss me, miss me a lot.
(If you couldn't tell, I was kidding. Duh. And don't use a hairdryer while driving! [assuming you drive at all. I can't. Yet. :)])