The Essential Guide to Star Wars Sue
Original concept by Feana Puddlefoot
Star Wars Guide by Imaginary Friend
From being able to use all aspects of the force to being able to fly, the Star Wars Sue is the recipitent of many powers, they may be expected, they may be ridiculous, they may be...sue-ish.
Grey Force Powers
What is it? The Ability to control both the Dark Side and the Light
Side of the Force.
Who has it? Jedi Sue, Orphan Sue, rather surpisingly considering she
is from another world, Cyber Sue and once in a while Sith Sue.
Why is it so annoying? Do I even have to explain? Dark Side, Light
Side are the only sides that Georgie Lucas recognises. But of course, Sue
defies the laws of canon and comes up with wonderful Sue Powers!
Fantastico Force
What is it? It is completely imaginary force tricks, take any elements,
natural disaster or mysterious sounding words. Force Fire! Force Tsunami!
Force Shadow! Force Metamorphosis! I could go on...
Who has it? Anyone and everyone, I'm sure if you look around any public
area (Supermarket, Shopping Mall etc) You'll see tons of people blasting
each other with their Force Blizzards and Force Claws!
Why is it so annoying? You seriously want to know why it is more annoying
than Grey Force Powers? More annoying than say...the way the Second Death
Star looks like it has been blasted (I know, I'm sad). If there were all
these powers in the canon universe, that battle between Yoda and Dooku
would of been a whole lot more exciting, true Obi-Wan and Anakin would
be burnt, frozen and drowned but nonetheless it would make one hell of
a battle.
Mind-altering toxins
What is it? The Sue produces high amounts of a toxin that makes canon
characters instantly act out-of-character. The original evolutionary advantage
of this toxin was to make the many predators that hunt for the Sue (Not
for food, just to kill her) tender and caring, so the Sue can then escape.
The toxin makes Obi-Wan an older brother/father/lover/super-hot inordinately
young lover. Dooku a caring father and Lando a caring, understanding man
who isn't interested in money, money, food and money.
Who has it? All Sues are naturally equipped with this fearsome weapon
and they use it whenever possible, so beware, for the Sue has arrived!
Why is it so annoying?...
Accelerated Learning
What is it? The ability to learn the ways of a lightsaber and the force
withing a matter of days, for an extra five pounds it comes with an age-accelerating
pack which turns your average teenage Sue, into a Sue that is old enough
for smut.
Who has it? Cyber Sue and Orphan Sue, occasionly Pilot Sue will sport
this power which is the latest fashion in the Sue World.
Why is it so annoying? Because we (Or at least I) marvel at and envy
this ability, and wish to have it for our own, think about it, school would
be easy!
Flight
What is it? For all those who are in dire need of a dictionary and
I mean dire, urgent, extremel, cannot-be-delayed important need of a
dictionary then flight means flying.
Who has it? Sith Sue and Orphan Sue, Orphan Sue will of survived somehow
using it (I don't know! Flying through windows and stealing bread!) and
Sith Sue will find it out while experimenting with the force (Yes, this
also fits into Fantastico Force, silly Sue, I may have to use Force Blizzard
on her)
Why is it so annoying? Because we aren't birds. We aren't flying dolphins
and we aren't dragons. Flight represents everything ridiculous (A flying
pig is a ridiculous concept) and that is what this power is, ridiculous.
Next time, we will be trying to fathom the characters who fall in love with Sue, how poor they are and possible ways of curing them. But until then, make sure not to click on a link to a Sue Fic, unless you are properly equipped with a garlic, a wooden stake and an octopus.
Yours...
Imaginary Friend.
Many thanks to...
Feana Puddlefoot for the original concept.
Hayley, my beta reader.
Anyone who has reviewed.
Anyone who is going to review.