Wow! ::wipes tears from eyes:: what wonderful reviews! Thank you so much to all of you for your time and very thoughtful responses!
To my magnificent reviewers:
Mirkwoodmaiden: Wow! That review was so wonderful; it almost made me cry J It means so much to get such wonderful compliments from someone who knows what they're talking about! you've been so wonderful every chapter, and given me so much inspiration! My life essentially revolves around music… I play 4 different instruments and sing, and I've always found that the best way to express myself is through song and music (for example, when I get really upset, I'll take something out and play something depressing and angry for a while. This ironically makes me feel so much better…) Even when I'm writing, I'll hum a tune or listen to something, in order for me to feel the drama. I just thought that "Ashokan Farewell" really brought out the essence of Haldir's plight, so I added it in. As for short chapters, well, I really try to make them long, but I want to update as much as possible, and with 6 instrument classes, work (I work in a theater and we're preparing for opening night…::dies of nervousness::) and marching band, I really don't have too much time on my hands… especially since school starts up soon ::grimaces:: but I will try to lengthen them a bit when everything settles down…. Wow, that was a long response…. Oh yes, as a side note: you wouldn't be interested in being a beta reader, would you? ::pleads::
Jadegoddess: ::evil grin:: not telling…. Thanks for the review!
HalandLeg4ver- There was a lot of passion going into that chapter, and I hope everything works out too! Thanks very much for the review and I hope this chapter is just as passion filled…
Lady Of Legolas- Yep, Lythian has feelings, and I agree, it would be nice for him to have someone in his life…I guess if Lythian doesn't want him, I'll volunteer!
Kawaii Elf Girl/Gloriollass: LOL, I guess your review gets the award for most amusing! I'm glad you liked the chapter, and I hope your little plan for Lythian and Haldir works out… ::eats cookie:: Yummy! ::hands cookie to Haldir who looks VERY confused:: ::grin:: thanks for your review (in accordance to the prophecy) By the way, what is the prophecy?
By the way, I STILL need a beta, because I'm so sloppy and would love to have my work read and corrected before I post! If anyone's interested, please leave a note in your review or e-mail me!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything from Lord of the Rings or anything having to do with it. I guess I do own Sendenial, Lythian, and Luinelothiel, so please ask for permission if you want to use them (I wouldn't think that you would, but, my legal advisor (my cat, Spinzola) advised me to put this up. Then again, he also advised me to let him eat the leftover Chinese food in the fridge….)
Now, without further distractions:
Halo of Tears
Chapter 9
Haldir refused to move, if I don't turn around, she'll just leave, she'll go away, he though franticly. She'll just melt away into thin air, like everything else I ever loved…
LOVED!?
What in the world? He didn't love Lythian… did he? No, the idea was preposterous, absolutely… yet…
NO!
Haldir shook his head vehemently, getting more and more confused by the moment. Confused, yet dreading the answers that he might find. Lythian spoke, interrupting Haldir's soul searching,
"Haldir…" As soon as the first word had left her lips, the she-elf closed them again, letting it hang uncomfortably in the air between them. Reluctantly, the girl stepped forward, one step at a time, as though waiting for the floor to give out beneath her.
"Where…Where did you learn that song?" Haldir asked, not turning around, almost too quiet to be heard.
"I…I don't know." Lythian replied truthfully, suddenly wondering the same thing herself. While the song was one of Lorien, it had not be sung in many years, for it had been written by a warrior of the Last Alliance, a mourning song for a lover before he left to fight. Since then, the Great War was not a topic of much conversation, nor was the song. Haldir had sung it only once before, when he himself had walked into battle, wondering…..
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Haldir stood straight and tall while he surveyed his troops, many of them older then himself, all of them wary and grim. Though inside he was both cringing and eager for a fight at the same time, he kept his appearance blank and emotionless. Although few elves had encounters with the dark lord or his minions, they had passed through many a pillaged village on their way south and heard stories from their kindred.
The young captain was glad that he had worn arm guards the entire trip, for his arms were both now slashed unrecognizable, covered with scars and cuts that often opened and bled whenever he shot a bow or swung a sword. No matter... it would soon be done. One way or another.
"Rest," Haldir said, his voice betraying none of the feelings that had been eating at him for the past several years, "For we reach Mordor tomorrow and I fear that there will be little rest there, save one of finality." A few of his comrades grimaced at Haldir's grim words, but most just nodded and began to make camp. Haldir set up his bedroll and did his share of the camp chores before wandering off out of earshot and eyesight of the military group with him. No one in the camp seemed to notice him leave, as they were accustomed to the elf leaving the camp without explanation.
Haldir sat against a nearby tree, relaxing his body as the sounds of camp disappeared from his conscious. He quickly pulled off his arms guards and looked at the mess of lines running down each wrist before leaning back and closing his eyes in trepidation. In the last two years he had closed himself off completely from everyone; his family, his friends, his life. He lived for his work, taking every patrol and duty that he could, often covering the entire forest patrol in one night that was usually done by ten or fifteen elves. At first, the lady approached him, subtlety offering him guidance or even comfort, but he had silently refused both, spending as little time as possible with anyone else, and going out of his way to avoid contact with his monarchs. Slowly it had begun to get easier, easier to ignore everything around him, easier to go numb, to block out the pain, and to release it through blood… And now he had a chance, to end it and be accepted into the Halls of Mandos... he could let himself be taken down, and take some Orcs with him…
A commotion and someone calling his name brought Haldir back to reality. Hastily, he slipped his arms guards back on and stood up, just as one of his sentries burst through the trees. The sentry saluted smartly and then spoke his piece.
"Sir, our kindred from Mirkwood approaches us. We believe they wish to make camp close to our own for a joint protection. Their prince rides with them."
At this piece of news, Haldir started and then began a fierce sprint back to camp, leaving the sentry to follow in his wake.
When he arrived back at his camp, out of breath and hurting from his speed, Haldir found that the subject that he was so eager to see was almost literally looking him in the face.
Prince Thranduil of Mirkwood stood next to a pure white stallion, looking up, startled, when Haldir made a headlong dash into camp. When he saw who the leader of the Lorien group was, his eyes lit up in recognition and then darkened slightly when he remember exactly what had happened when they had first met. Haldir came right up and stopped short directly in front of the prince, bowing slightly.
"Mae govannen*," He said politely to the other elf. "It seems that fate has brought us together once again, cousin of Mirkwood." The prince smiled and put his hand on Haldir's shoulder briefly before replying,
"Indeed, in a time of such discord, we unite, and old acquaintances become new friends. I came ahead of my party to request that we might camp near here as to double protect ourselves from those who might wish us harm." Haldir was quick to agree; the more soldier, the more sentries and the more rest everyone was allowed.
"You are welcome here, as the stronger we amalgamate, the stronger we are." Haldir said, gritting his teeth at the almost sickly sweet speech that he was exchanging with the prince. Thranduil turned around and signaled to an aid that had obviously ridden with him. The aid quickly wheeled his horse around and tore out of the camp at a top speed. Thranduil was about to remount and follow at a more leisurely pace with another aid when Haldir hesitated and then reached out his hand.
"Wait," he said, uncertainty heavy in his tone. Thranduil turned around and looked at him expectantly, as did his aid. Many of the Lorien elves also stopped what they were doing to listen to the conversation. Haldir stopped, wondering if he dared ask the question that weighed his mind down so. He looked up and stared into Thranduil's vivid blue eyes for a moment, a bit of pleading in his own, but he was too proud to put words to his inquiry. Thranduil only needed take a brief look into the March Warden's eyes before responding.
"My wife is not with us. It would be…inappropriate for the future queen of Mirkwood to risk her life at war." Haldir inwardly raged at the tone the prince used when he spoke of Luinelothiel, as though she was some fragile doll that was kept on a shelf and might break if she was handled too hard. He ignored the fact that, had Luinelothiel still been with him, he would have tried to make her stay in Lorien, and most likely have failed.
"Song…Luinelothiel was a guardian of Lorien. Her fighting skills matched my own." Haldir said firmly, his tone holding subtle defiance. Thranduil gave him an appraising look before replying, and Haldir could hear the strain and tension in his voice.
"I have heard of the guardians of Lorien, and that they are fierce and unmatched in any fighting skill. However, Luinelothiel was assigned to stay in Mirkwood and protect the stronghold while I and my father lead the troops of the alliance." Thranduil mounted his horse in one quick graceful movement and turn around to face Haldir one last time, a certain smugness now in his voice that made the Lorien guardian want to strangle him.
"I assure you, she is quite content with the arrangements." With that final sentence, the prince of Mirkwood and his aid rode out of the Lorien camp, leaving Haldir dumbstruck, his inside writhing in pain…
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Haldir shook his head to clear his eyes, a bad idea because of the lump on the back of his head that Lythian had recently added to his features. Groaning in pain at the fierce migraine that attacked him, the elf closed his eyes and let himself fall back on the bed. Though the memory had cleared away, his inside writhed with the same pain, and he could feel his wrists throb as they had in the memory, making everything all too realistic.
"Haldir?" Lythian asked cautiously, no remnant of her usual bouncy, too cheerful self. Haldir opened one eye and look up, finding that she had made her way to the side of the bed and was looking at him, very concerned.
"If you go away now," Haldir said slowly, carefully not slurring his words "I will consider not court-martialing you. His head felt light and he was extremely dizzy, he direly wished that she would just go away.
"Court Martial?" Lythian looked confused at the very thought. "What does that have to do with anything? Besides, this is my house!"
"Attacking an officer without reason and prying into matters that don't concern you. You could easily be dishonorably discharged from guardianship or even banished from Lorien with a charge like that." Haldir said, not bothering to open his eyes. Whether or not he actually planned to actually carry out any of his threats was not his concern at the moment. He simply hoped that the threats would be taken seriously and Lythian would leave. The she-elf simply looked nonplussed.
"Attacking an officer without… Haldir, if you think I attacked you without reason I hate to be in a situation where I would have reason! You, you were…" Lythian cut off, reigning in her temper before it ran away without her. "Haldir," she continued her voice soft and calm. She fought to keep it from trembling. "Please, let me help you, as a friend!" Impulsively, the she-elf brought her hand up and gently touched the older elf's cheek, softly running her fingers down it.
For a moment, it was all Haldir wanted to do to lean into that touch. To take this girl's hand and let her comfort him, let himself believe that she was simply a younger Luinelothiel. They looked alike enough, and if he closed his eyes, there would be no difference. Even on her own, Lythian might be a fine lover, a second chance. Did he dare?
Lythian didn't remove her warm hand from his cold cheek, and it was like fire, burning away layers and barriers that he had put up around himself to keep emotions and people out, bringing the old Haldir back, as though his soul had been frozen for centuries Slowly he reached his hand out to her…
And pushed her away.
Before he could stop himself, the icy being that Haldir had become took control again.
"Help me?" He spat, forcing himself to sit up and glare at her. "How can you help me, you know nothing, nothing about me, nothing that I've been through!" Lythian looked taken aback.
"I know, about…your past, Luinelothiel, I understand what…" Hearing the name of his lover from Lythian's lips only spurred Haldir on. He sharply cut her off.
"How dare you say that name? And you don't understand anything, you don't understand the pain, and you never will, so don't tell me that you understand! You are a stupid, naive little girl who likes to play soldier! Leave me alone, and stop meddling in things that you do not understand. I do NOT want to see your face again, or I may go through with my threats and court martial you!" Haldir glared at the girl for a moment in pure hatred, enough so that even Lythian's soul trembled, and tears began to spill down her cheeks. Without saying another word she ran, half falling, half climbing down her tree house, tears blinding her. Why his words hurt so much, she couldn't begin to fathom, but all she knew is that they had torn at her soul….
~*~*~*~*~
Aragorn woke up from his nap and looked up, judging by the sky that is was around dusk. Lythian would probably come to collect them soon. Speaking of them, Aragorn looked around to the place where Legolas had been sleeping. He started slightly when he found the elf gone, and quickly went to seek him out.
The man didn't have to go far… only a few steps from camp; the elf was pacing back and forth, a troubled expression on his face. He didn't seem to even notice Aragorn until the man spoke.
"Now who's the one pacing?" he asked jokingly. Legolas looked up, obviously very distracted.
"I have been thinking," the elf said simply before continuing his pacing and ignoring his friend. Aragorn quickly realized by the troubled expression and the abrupt reply that something was direly wrong with Legolas.
"What is wrong, my friend?" he asked, much more serious.
"Nothing," Legolas mumbled distraughtly. Aragorn did not like that answer.
"Legolas, we already have one elf avoiding us. Please do not make it two!" Legolas looked up, and sighed, before beginning a tirade.
"I always thought my family was… perfect. We had everything, and we were happy. Except for mother, she was always depressed, but I… I guess I ignored it until the day she didn't come home from Lorien. I never suspected anything… I should have, I was trained to see things that other miss. Mother never ever smiled, and when she looked at me, it was only with grief and regret! There was a poison in out family, in the bond between us, and I never knew! No, that's not it. I, somehow the whole time I knew it, in my heart, but I chose not to acknowledge it, and now look where it had led!" The elf had made the entire statement in one breath, and had to take several moments to breath.
"Legolas, you cannot possibly blame yourself for not acting. It seems that everyone kept it a secret. And we cannot yet know the whole story. Perhaps something else will be revealed that would have made it impossible for you to understand." Aragorn was chagrined as his friend for even considering putting blame on himself.
Legolas shook his head, and was going to say more when another elf came towards them at a dash. He seemed to be about Haldir's age, and wore the uniform of the guardian, with the emblem that signified him as captain on it. When he got to the pair, he spoke quickly and quietly, with a sense of urgency that was seldom heard in the tones of elves.
"I am Sendenial, a squad captain. I know that you two had recently been associated a great deal with Lythian, so I feel you might know something of this matter. I was conversing with the lady only a few moments ago when Lythian came in, obviously very upset. She told the Lady that she wished to resign as captain and leave Lorien."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
For several moments Aragorn and Legolas just stood there shell-shocked and confused. Then they both turned and began to run in opposite directions. Aragorn went towards Sendenial, Legolas towards Lythian's house.
"Where are you going?" Aragorn asked, gesturing to Sendenial to take him to Lythian.
"Haldir" Legolas replied simply before sprinting off at a startling speed. Aragorn shook his head and followed the Lorien elf off in the opposite direction.
~*~*~*~
Legolas ran as fast as he could, quickly reaching Lythian's house. He knew that Haldir must have had something to do with Lythian sudden behavior, and he was going to find out what.
Tearing into the bedroom, Legolas found Haldir sitting on the bed, staring at nothing.
"What did you do to Lythian?" Legolas accused angrily, looking at the older elf suspiciously.
"I told her to leave me alone," Haldir replied flatly, regarding Legolas coolly.
"You hurt her!" Legolas pressed, feeling suddenly protective of the she-elf. She had been so eager to help, and had had such a sunny personality; the idea of her upset bothered the prince. She had done nothing but be helpful, and she was so friendly to everyone, including the rest of the fellowship.
"I told her to leave me alone." Haldir continued, his voice too emotionless to be real.
"You!" Legolas was disgusted. "You are not Haldir anymore! You are some monster who has taken his body! You wallow in your own grief, completely oblivious to the fact that you're hurting others around you! We've been patient, and we've supported you, because you are my friend, and friends help each other! But now, now you're ruining the life of someone who cares for you, and doing it purposely! We'll stop Haldir, I promise. We won't help you, because you are obviously not interested in caring about your life or ours anymore! Because you like the pain that flows around you and everything you touch! Go ahead, hurt yourself, or, even better," Legolas reached into his tunic and pulled out an ornate dagger, a present from the March Warden several years ago at Legolas's crowning as warrior prince of Mirkwood. The elven prince un-sheathed the weapon and tossed it onto the bed right in front of Haldir, its edge gleaming in the last lights of sunset. His voice cracked, anger making him all but incoherent, "why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
*Mae Govannen – Well met
Well, that's it for now ::evil grin::
I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit abrupt, but I wanted to have a bit of action and a little more angst.
I'll try to update soon, but it may be awhile, because I'm really busy lately.
Wind to thy wings,
Lady-Daine