AN: I just love these…you probably hate 'em, but you're not me! Wheee! Lor' I need to find something else to do…nah. I'd rather spend my time here. It's the beginning of a long weekend!! Wooo! Thank god for Thanksgiving!! Yes, for all you Americans reading this, Canadians celebrate their Thanksgiving in October…the second Monday of October for that matter. This Monday…yes…Monday, October 13th…let's see if I can get this chapter up tonight…that'd be nice…very nice…although, in order to do that, I must cease this ceaseless rambling. Instead, I shall give out shout-outs, and cookies to all those who reviewed. My school had a fifty-cent bake sale today, so anyway. You get cookies! Or brownies if you prefer…
Risty- Yes, you keep on thinking that…*pats head* Remy was embarrassed…I just can't get enough of torturing him…It's so much fun for some reason…or another…Logan and Mystique? Hmmm…suggestion taken, and filed for future use. Mags and Mystique are gonna need to FIND Xavier, Logan, and company before you can expect any fluff…^_^
Millenium mutant- Ahhh…a theatre to oneself…*sighs happily at the thought* I could do all the annoying stuff I do when I'm at home watching a movie! And make shadow puppets! Yeah, I know you're way past DoR in the US…WBKids and/or Cartoon Network are being annoying and not giving the Canadian station (SINGULAR not plural…) the episodes or something…or maybe we should all be blaming YTV for it's incredible slowness in showing the episodes…
D-Ark- Yes…us Canadians have much to fear from Buckethead…WITHOUT HIS BUCKET!! Rahne has several secret weapons she can unleash on poor Sam…who seems to be on the receiving end of mucho punishment from me…^_^
Panther- Expect a RABID appearance in this chapter, if I can work it…the waiter was fun to write for some reason…haven't a clue why, but he was fun!
jasseie- hello again, it was a Swiss Chalet, not an IHoP, although I've heard those are nice places…why was Swiss Chalet serving pancakes for dinner? Cause I'm the author and held this particular Swiss Chalet at gunpoint until they added pancakes to their menu…^_^ The sheep thing is very true, and it's so much fun!! Although it can get annoying, esp. when there's a crash or something and everyone on the highway slows down to take a look…Tabs is fun to write, you can make her do anything, and blame it on her character being so unpredictable. Personally, I think the jelly filled powdered sugar ones are the best, they make the biggest mess…I had some Timbits today…they were nummy… Rahne dragged Sam into the women's washroom, that's why he was so embarrassed…Toad picks pockets in Strategy X, and then the jocks come and Scott gets to rescue the damsel in distress and blah… Canada is very big…
psychobunny410- Yes, I do remember, but I'm wondering whether to put any more songs in this particular fic…if the opportunity should arise, expect an e-mail.
Freakish Fangirl- you changed your name! I don't know whether I like your new one, or your old one better…requires ponderment…and thanks for the definition of tire. Perhaps Jamie will pick some up before they leave Quebec…
DuctapDaredevil- You came to this great giant country of ours? *so happy*
animeluvr1- I've never watched Teen Titans…no, that's wrong…I watched it once…and thought it was very…amusing…and yes! You and D-Ark are both rubbing off on me!! Him and his fluffy songfics and you with Tabby! Ah well, I consider it a good thing on both counts…don't you? Great minds plagiarize each other after all. *insert idiotic grin smiley here* An idea? Involving X23 and Canada? I should put X23 in this fic somewhere…hmmm…*ponders*
1 4/\/\ PH33R1/\|G TH1/\|3 /\/\4|) $K1LLz ^_^ Life I need…
Two dollar coins are fun, and I read somewhere that there should be an eighteen cent coin introduced to the US…so twoonies suddenly don't look so bad…Yes, there is poutine, and it actually IS gravy and cheese. Kurt just couldn't see the cheese, hence it was described as lumpy gravy. Ja. And it actually tastes quite good…
Personage- Heh, plugging, is, as always, allowed in reviews to mein fics, as I tend to do a large amount of it myself. ^_^ Insanity is always useful…just let it fly. Your grandparents are French-Canadian? My grandparents on my dad's side are Scottish…and they live in Toronto…
meeemeeee- You're absolutely right! And know what? We're talkin' about CBC in Social, while discussing *gasp* Canadian Identity! I should add 'em in…meh. They'll be in this chapter.
Ja…shout-outs completed…here's the promised cookies…a little squashed, but they were in mein backpack for most the day. Deal.
DISCLAIMER: My fortune cookie says the world is always ready to receive talent with open arms…a scary thought if it's my talent they're talkin' 'bout…must be pretty tapped…
"Wake up!" Twelve Jamies chorused all at once. Sam turned his head, and saw fifteen others bouncing off the walls, and multiplying very rapidly.
"This is gonna be a looong day…" Sam watched as three Jamies fell out of a window.
Sam made sure Jamie was semi-calm, and put him in Hank's van. 'Let them deal with 'im…Ah've had him for almost this entire trip! Enough's nuff!' Sam climbed into a separate van, his conscious clear, and fell asleep.
"Are we there yet? I wanna stop! Oooh! Look! Ice cream! Let's stop! C'mon!! Awww! You guys are always treating me like a little kid!" Jamie alternated between being all happy and over cheerful to being a whiny midget. Ray groaned.
"If it'll shut him up, get him the goddamn ice cream!!" He scratched the stings on his arm. Tabitha slapped his hand away.
"They're already infected dumb ass! Keep scratchin' and they'll get all pus-y."
"Pus-y isn't a word!" Roberto pointed out.
"It is so!" Tabitha countered.
"Since when?"
"Since this morning when I made it up!"
"That doesn't make it a word!"
"Shut up already!!" Pietro tried to run around the van to let off steam, but knocked his head on the roof, and fell unconscious.
"I think he died!" One of the now three Jamies said loudly.
"Pull over…please…for the sake of our sanity!" Kurt begged Hank, who turned into the nearest parking place.
"Where are we?" Amara asked, looking around at the unfamiliar landscape.
"Hull…Quebec…We'll be crossing the river to get to Ottawa, Canada's capital shortly." Hank massaged his temples with two giant forefingers. 'Why did I ever suggest this trip to the professor?' He wondered as Jamie rushed to get an ice cream.
"What is that?" Kitty asked looking at the thing Jamie held in his hands.
"They said it was tire." Jamie happily licked away at the sugared treat.
"It looks like…frozen syrup!" At the word 'syrup', Sam and Bobby both jumped behind Logan. Rahne just shook her head. Jamie was making a huge mess, and getting even more hyper by the minute. If that was even possible.
"Please, students, we're about to enter the parliament building of Canada. A little more respect if you will." Storm slipped away, muttering again about obtaining more C-4. Logan and Sabretooth looked at each other, and ran. Hank grabbed on to Remy and John before they could perform a similar feat.
"You two could use with a little education. C'mon!" Holding the pair by their collars, Hank dragged them up the steps. John whimpered, and Remy nodded.
"Glad we got outta that one." Logan growled. Sabretooth grunted in response.
"Wanna get a drink?"
"Sure."
"You two! Right there! Yes! YOU! STOP THIS MOMENT!!" Logan and Sabretooth froze in mid-step. "Perfect! Absolutely perfect!" A little man with a paunch came running up to them. "You two are exactly the people I need! Can you act? I t doesn't matter! Come with me!" The little man strode off. Logan and Sabretooth were left staring at is retreating back. "Well? Are you coming or not?" The two large and overly-hairy men followed.
The little man led them to a giant warehouse. Staring upwards, Sabretooth wasn't paying attention to where he was walking, and walked into the corrugated steel wall. Logan poked at the Sabretooth shaped dent.
"The door is over here eh? Move it! Hustle! On the double!" Logan followed. And was amazed to see an outdoors created inside the indoor warehouse.
"What the hell?" Sabretooth asked, after finding the door.
"Gentlemen, welcome to the set of the Red Green Show!"
"The what what show?" Logan asked, tearing his eyes of the scenery.
"Isn't it a little early for Christmas?" The little man sighed.
"Just follow me…know, you two don't need make-up, and you won't have any lines, so we'll take you directly to Red Green himself." Logan and Sabretooth were led to an area behind a number of cameras, all focused on a single man. He had a bushy grey beard, a little cap, and suspenders. One suspender was red, and the other was green. Then there were the mandatory flannel shirt and giant mud-boots.
"And remember, if you can't be handsome, be handy!" A music track played, and the man stepped over towards the little man.
"What's up Jeb?" Suspenders took a swig of water.
"I have found for you, two wild men!" Jeb proudly displayed Logan and Sabretooth.
"Ohhh…" Suspenders began to look Logan and Sabretooth down, and up, and walked around them.
"You got a problem, bub?" Logan released his claws.
"Holy shit they're mutants eh!" Suspenders jumped back.
"Doesn't that make 'em all the more suitable for the role?" Jeb looked at suspenders with puppy-dog eyes. Or at least, the best puppy-dog eyes a slightly balding, short and paunchy man could give to another man.
"Well, yeah, I guess that would make 'em all the better. At least we don't need to give 'em any make-up. What is it you two can do anyway?" Suspender's voice was low, and sorta scratchy.
"Slice an' dice ya inta three hundred pieces if yeh don't tell me what it is yeh want with us." Logan growled. Sabretooth grunted in agreement.
"Well, we want yeh to come into a scene with me, and I get to cover you with duct tape."
"Duct tape?" Logan's face went from rock hard anger to complete confusion.
"So you two are mutants?" Suspenders asked, as Logan and Sabretooth walked into camera view.
"Last time I checked…"
"Well folks, you know the difference between Canadians and Americans when it comes to dealing with mutants. The Americans are gonna get all riled up, make a huge issue out of it, and us Canadians, well, we just don't give a damn. Now, you two want to help me in a little project of mine?" The prompter nodded his head vigorously.
"Maybe…" Sabretooth growled.
"That's good enough, now, you stand over there, and you over there, and this…"
Sabretooth pulled duct tape from his hair. Logan and him kept walking away from the now sliced and diced studio.
"I will never EVER use duct tape in my life again…" He growled. There were bits and pieces stuck in his hair.
John yawned. The tour guide was going on about how important this wall molding was and what that carving meant. He noticed that the group was getting smaller every time they started walking again. When the last group left, consisting of Amara, Jamie, and Kitty, he joined them, leaving Piotr, Fred, Beast, Jean, Scott, and the Professor to enjoy the tour. John followed Kitty, and as the four turned the corner, they were greeted by a swarming mass of people.
"What in the name of holy hell is goin' on here?" Jamie asked. Kitty gave him a stern look.
"Just grab on everybody, I'll get us through." Kitty grabbed Jamie and Amara's arms, while John grabbed her shoulder and smiled in what he hoped was a winning way. Kitty gave him a look, and began to walk through the crowd. Literally. Eventually, the four mutants reached a relatively small clearing, and stopped for a short rest. A pair of double doors opening immediately hit them. Jamie quickly filled the small space with clones.
"'Ey! What is eah ah blocking the door?" Kitty looked up, and saw an man who only had half his mouth working.
"Um, sorry sir, we'll like get out of your way!" Kitty scrambled to her feet.
"Wait just ah one minute! Are you all a uh mutants?"
"Umm…" Amara began to stumble over words, repeatedly.
"You see sir…" Three Jamies began at the same time.
"Yeah see mate, they're muties from south o' the border. Care to enlighten these poor Americans as to who you are?" John was the first and only one to actually say anything coherent.
The man puffed his chest out. Or, at least, the best that he could puff it out to. "You don't know the eh uh Prime Minister of uh Canada?" Kitty's eyes went wide, while Jamie and Amara's faces remained blank.
"He's their president!" She exclaimed. Realization dawned on Amara and Jamie. John was already shaking hands with him.
"Congratulations! Now, tell 'em your name mate." Jamie and Amara got to their feet, and lined up to shake hands with the PM.
In another area of the Parliamentary building, the mutants who had escaped the tour guide's clutches, were wandering rather aimlessly.
"How do we get the hell outta here?" Rogue wondered, looking upwards at the giant dome.
"Through the doors." Wanda replied absent-mindedly while hexing Todd.
"Which set?" Bobby scanned the room, amazed at the number of people and doors there were.
"Excuse me my good friends, are you Americans?" An obnoxious sounding man asked. He was followed by a cameraman.
"Yeah, why?" Evan looked at the camera.
"Not all of us are!" Kurt protested.
"Aye, ye dinnae ferget tha' many o' us are not from the States noaw, did ye lad?" Rahne piped up.
"Riight, anyway, my name's Rick Mercer, and I'm doing a segment for This Hour has 22 Minutes called Talking to Americans. Now, do any of you know the tune for the Canadian National Anthem?" The mutants began to hum various songs. Bobby hummed a fiddle song, Jubilee hummed God Save the Queen, and Remy…he hummed 'My Heart Will Go On' from Titanic. "I'll take that as a no…I just so happen to have a tape player and a version of the music, but I'll need your help. I have a copy of the lyrics, and would you all be so kind to sing them? I'll play the tune once, and then you can start singing." Rick Mercer gave the group of sixteen a scrap of paper. He played the tape once, and then started it again, the mutants began to sing in a disjointed manner.
"O Canada,
A great big empty land!"
"Sing it loud, and sing it proud guys!" Rick egged them on.
"We look to America!
For a helping hand!"
"You're doin' great!"
"With bannock bread,
And caribou eggs,
And true North big and cold!"
"You're in the Parliament building!! Louder!!"
"O Canada,
We are on top!
We're close to,
The North pole!
Fermez la bouche!
Mangez poutine!"
"What's poutine again?" Sam whispered to Kurt.
"It's fries covered vith gravy and cheese, now get back to singing!" Kurt hissed.
"O Canada!
A lovely winter dream!
O Canada!
La, la, la, la, la, la!"
"Thank-you folks, you've been absolutely wonderful! Now, I have a few other questions that I'd like you to answer…"
"That dinnea seem like the National anthem…" Rahne said…somewhat confused.
"Yes, I was wondering, since you've all been in Canada, have you had the chance to try our national dish?"
"Poutine?" Kurt perked up at the thought of poutine.
"No, it's meatballs, but they're made out of beaver."
"Um…I don't think so…" Tabby said.
"Really? They're called beaver balls, and are quite good."
"Umm…no, we haven't had any…beaver balls…"
"Order some the next time you're at a restaurant. Tell them Rick Mercer recommended them." The group nodded their heads, and Rick Mercer and his cameraman walked quickly away. They returned to the problem of the doors. And encountered a small group of three girls, with a large sack, and they were arguing.
"There aren't any episodes here!" The first girl was shouting. She had a tattoo on her forehead.
"Maybe we can steal some official stationary and send it to Marvel, say it's the PM, and he's ordering that there be a fifth season…" The second girl argued conspiratorially…
The third was sitting, and digging random objects out of the sack. Including, but not limited to numerous baseballs, an old maid's outfit, and a rabbit that looked like it was high on crack. (AN: GO RABID!! I finally worked 'em in Panther! I feel so proud…and I haven't a clue where ish went…)
"Let's just blame her…" Tattoo Girl said, pointing at the one digging through the sack…
"Ummm…do you know the way out of here?" Roberto asked, approaching the three, and possibly all the more frightened that he'd been pushed toward them. They didn't answer, but looked at Roberto, and began to give chase.
"RUN!!!" He screamed, making a bee-line for the nearest set of doors. The rest followed. Roberto shut and locked the doors behind them.
"Where are we?" Lance asked.
"In the dark yo." Half the group rolled their eyes, but no one could tell who did, because it was dark, and for that matter, only the people who rolled their eyes knew that their eyes were rolling. Except for Kurt. His eyes were glowing in the dark. And they were rolling.
"Kurt…what's with your eyes?" Ray asked…mesmerized by the rolling of the glowing…which was the only visible light in the room.
"Um…Vas is wrong with mein eyes?"
"They're glowin' dude…" Evan stared, also mesmerized.
"They are? Quick! I need a mirror!!" Kurt bamfed out of the room…and Wanda found a light.
"Oh joy…we're locked in a janitor's closet…" Rogue said dryly.
"Locked in…" Sam jiggled the handle. Everyone glared at Roberto.
"So…where is everyone?" Hank asked, looking around. Kitty, Jamie, Kurt, John and Amara were there, along with Pietro, and those who had not gone on the tour in the first place, or had stayed with the tour guide.
"Umm…We don't know…" John shrugged his shoulders in agreement with Amara. Jamie was too busy running circles around the vans. And jeep.
"Kurt?" Xavier asked.
"Last I saw 'em…ve vere running into a room…a dark room." Just that moment, a large series of bangs emanated from within the building, and Sam came crashing out the doors, rolled down the steps, and landed upside down, his feet against Hank.
"Hey! Ah found a way out!"
"And we're all happy fer ya." Rogue replied, in a dour voice. "Fer the las' time Swamp Rat, NO!"
"C'mon chere! Be a sport!" The rest of the group giggled as Remy continued his attempts to hit on Rogue. Except Bobby and Jubilee, they were at the back of the group, and quite happy that way. And Todd…who was too hexed out to continue hitting on Wanda.
"I don't think I want to know what happened…" Xavier said, looking at the motley group…from Logan and Sabretooth, who still had duct tape stuck to them, to Storm…with the maniacal look on her face, and she was still mumbling something about malls, to the younger students, who were dusty, and all on the verge of killing Roberto.
"No, I don't think either of us do…let's just keep moving on to Toronto…" Hank replied.
~~~~Wander~~~~
Mystique took the lead, and was trudging through the forest. Magneto was slightly behind her, and was on a leash, still mourning the loss of his bucket and cape.
"Where the hell are they?!?" Mystique growled. Magneto just whimpered. Mystique came to a sudden halt at a river. There was a very large pile of wood in the middle of the stream. And a brown furry creature standing immediately in front of her.
"Go 'way!" She shoved the furry creature, and was bit by four very long and yellow incisors. The furry creature began to growl.
"Nice kitty…Nice Sabretooth…" Magneto was frightened, and tried to speak softly to the furry thing. "I'm…sorry?"
AN: It's shorter than usual, and took me a week and a day to finish…oy. The chapter wrote itself mostly, but I needed to supervise it…anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm off to…do something else…actually, I'm gonna try mein hand at creating a music video…with downloaded software…feel free to laugh at mein stupidity now. Adios, till next time.