AN: WOW!! I was on something when I wrote that last chapter!! So many errors!! And I can't remember writing half of it!! Lor'…I may need help…this fic is affecting mein brain…
Scrawler – Wet Kurt is smelly…as our mutants will discover in this chapter…I feel somewhat sorry for the dynamic duo…and their entourage of Chucky and Magnus…
Vinter – Glad you liked!! A bag o' tricks is indeed very handy! If sometimes disturbing…O_o
Beck2 – You know, I haven't a clue…that was one of the parts I couldn't remember writing…
psychobunny410 - You'll all probably know long before I will…
Risty – I am disappointed in them…Yes, Mystique has trouble with her kids…but Mags is still a major playa! Have a deckchair. *passes psychobunny a deckchair* Enjoy the show!
Panther Nesmith – writer's block? What writer's block? We shall never speak of that…incident…again. Glad you liked Mystique and Mags!
Jassie – Emphasis on the little…for sure…John and Todd…inspired by mein wonderful news reports…and a sad sad experience at the bus stop…with a zippo…*sniffle* Drugs are bad…yes…but I may have been on some last week…
rogueandkurt – You shall see all but the CN Tower…I cannot inflict that torture upon our mutant freunds…
Millenium Mutant – heh heh…stupid fakey maple syrup…that, mein freund, is why I no longer pour syrup upon mein pancakes unless it comes from a freund in Ontario. ^_^ Poor poor Lockheed…I pity him…
Freakish Fangirl – GET A SCANNER!! Mein art is incredibly bad, and yet, I have scanner…something is very wrong with the world…
Shawshank – I was working on that, but I got distracted…to say the least. Ja. Ummm…beside Wanda and Pietro? I don't know, just…ja…I was out of it…I'm infectious, nein?
Personage – Heh heh…don't worry…it would have taken me years longer…
Appin Took - *GASP* Glad you like! *eyes bug out in effort to breathe*
Taineyah – Arrogant Worms? Heh, sorry, but I checked the site, and as I was breezing through quickly, I may have missed some stuff. Shiny…
The Resident Psychopath – Pyro is a perennial fav of all…Canadian goodyness will continue! ^_^
sir crazy gurl – after receiving both of your reviews, I was happy! Whale watching? Something to do in BC! Other than pay taxes…I'm biased, yes I am. Gambit in the haunted house came from…I dunno. Applause! YAY!! *happy grin of delirium* fudge ist gut…and Dinosaurs? Drumheller rulz.
Gambit99810 – Glad you think it's original! I thought of it just before mein family dragged me on a trip to Las Vegas…in the summer…gwah.
Ja, wow…people actually liked the chapter…yet…it's a mess…meh…well…I'm gonna be in Ontario fur a bit, and then need to move on…Ontario's enjoyed more chapters than any other province…excepting Alberta…lor'…I've got three different things to do there now!! Oooh, guess what! Song fic time!! ^_^
DISCLAIMER: A human being should be able to heal a wound, plan an expedition, order from a French menu, climb a mountain face, enjoy a ballet, balance accounts, roll a kayak, embolden a friend, tell a joke, laugh at himself, cooperate, act alone, sing a children's song, solve equations, throw a dog a stick, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, love heartily, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
-Lew Hitchner
(Note to all, if you are Canadian, you can truly appreciate these songs, and Tainz, I owe you!! Gotta love dem Arrogant Worms!!)
"Can we leave yet? Pleeease?" Kitty whined, as Hank calmly collected all of the keys to the vans. And Lance's jeep. And about as calmly as he could while being persuaded from all corners to let them leave.
"Now, I'm quite sure you can find at least one group here you can enjoy. I want you all to go find at least one, and when you get back, I want to hear what it was they were singing. Am I clear?" The mutants began to trudge away. "And no powers!!" Hank called at their retreating backs. "And now for a little downtime for yours truly…" he muttered to no one. Entering one of the vans, he leaned the seat back, propped his feet up, and fell asleep.
"Agggh!! These bands are all so annoying!!" Tabby held her hands to her head, as the fiddler on stage took his bow, and began to walk off. Despite Scott's attempts to split the group up, to find a single band they enjoyed, the group remained one single large blob. And then there was Fred tagging along. Some of the older group picked up their (damaged) deck chairs, and began to leave, as another band climbed up onto the stage. They groaned again as an acoustic began to play.
I hate the sky dome and the CN tower too
I hate Nathan Phillips Square and the Ontario Zoo
The rents too high, the airs unclean
The beaches are dirty, and the people are mean
And the women are big, and the men are dumb
And the children are loopy cause they live in a slum
The water is polluted and the mayors a dork
They dress real bad and they think they're New York
In Toronto, Ontario
"Toronto…weren't we supposed to go there?" Kurt looked at Jean, who glared at Scott, who shrugged helplessly and was silently wishing that Kitty would phase him into the ground…or that Lance would open the earth up…or that John would make him spontaneously combust.
You know, I think I hate all of Ontario
Oh ya me too
"Glad to see we're not alone yo." Todd said, leaning back.
I hate Thunderbay and Ottawa
Kitchener, Windsor, and Oshawa
London sucks, and the Great Lakes sucks
And Sarnia sucks, and Turkey Point sucks
I took a trip to Ontario, to see Brian in Sarnia
He beat me up and he stole my pants and he put me on a tree
I went to see the Maple Leafs, and got hit in the head with a puck
I don't know even how they did it, i mean i was playing the organ at the time
"Hey…that reminds me…yeh still need to give me m' pants back mate!" Pyro was remembering Nova Scotia…painfully.
Ontario, sucks
Yup, actually you know nowI really think about it, i think i pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country
Well except Alberta
Ya, ya I love Alberta
It's very nice, lots of cows and trees and rocks and dirt
Moo moo moo
but,
I hate Newfoundland cause they talk so weird
And Prince Edward Island is, too small
Nova Scotia's dumb cause its a name of a bank
New Brunswick doesn't have a good mall
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad
Ontario sucks, Ontario sucks
Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometer, isn't that dumb?
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old
And as for the territories they are too cold
And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that it's right next to us
Cause Alberta, doesn't suck
but Calgary does
"Guess that means we should avoid Calgary." Ray said simply. "Alright! We have our band and song! Let's get outta here!"
"Ummm…we don't know the name of this band…" Rahne pointed out.
"Hey, buddy! What's this band called?" Bobby poked a deck-chaired denizen of the area. He was rewarded with shushes. The band was launching into its second song.
"Uh, this next song was actually inspired by a review that we got when we played the Edmonton Fringe Festival. we thought that it was a rather unique review, we were doing a political cabaret and uh, the critic for the Edmonton journal Complained that we had quote" to much Canadian content" Ok soo uh, we decided to write a song about that and it's called Forgive us we're Canadian."
"I forgive you!!" Some one shouted. Someone with a suspiciously German accent. "Was?" Kurt asked as half his team members stared at him.
We always say we're sorry we like to stand in line
And when you ask us how we're doing, we always say just fine!
Forgive us we're Canadian, we try hard to be nice
You too can be Canadian if you follow this advice
"What if I don't want to be Canadian?" Todd asked.
"Get outta here then Yank!" Some random crowd person replied.
We disagree on everything but we try to be polite
And we don't believe in violence, except on hockey night
We adopted European ways, replacing yards with meters
But we still must ask the question, how many miles in a liter
"Ummm…thirteen?" Bobby offered, and was whacked by Logan…who had appeared out of nowhere.
Forgive us we're Canadian, we try hard to be nice
you too can be Canadian if you follow this advice
We could take for hours on end about the constitution
Which is dry as toast but sure as heck beats war or revolutions
We don't much like to wave the flag we find patriotism shocking
So we celebrate on Canada day by going cross boarders shopping
"Shopping! Where?" Tabby and her mall rats glanced around the field, half-expecting a mall to pop up outta nowhere.
Forgive us we're Canadian, we try hard to be nice
you too can be Canadian if you follow this advice
We know how to dress for winter, we're not afraid of snow
And we love our country quietly, and hope Quebec won't go
Forgive us we're Canadian, and some might think it's planned
But there's nowhere that we'd rather live....
That this vast and frozen land!
"But it's not cold here…" Pyro pointed out rather dumbly.
"That can be fixed…" Bobby iced up, receiving a few murmurs from the surrounding crowd, but didn't seem to bother any of them. He raised his arms, and was obviously ready to cover the entire field in frost, but Logan grabbed his arm, and Bobby powered down sheepishly. The band began to play yet again, and the mutants settled down to listen, as no one was exactly forth coming with an answer for who the band was.
"Oo come back proud Canadians before you had TV, no hockey night in Canada there was no CBC"
"OH MY GAWD!!" Some random spectator shouted, earning a laugh from the rest of the audience.
"In 1812 Madison was mad he was the president, you know, but he thought he tell the British where they ought to go, he thought he'd invade Canada, he thought that he was tough instead he went to Washington and burned down all his stuff!" The song started in earnest, and many of the American mutants had horrified looks on their faces.
"They burned Washington?" Jamie whispered to Pyro. Pyro responded with a maniacal laugh, and began to chant 'Fiiiireee…Fiirreee…buuurn'.
And the Whitehouse burned burned burned
And we're the ones that did it!
It burned burned burned
While the president ran and cried
It burned burned burned
And things were very historical
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies
wa wa waaaa
in the War of 1812
"There was never a war in 1812!" Kitty scoffed.
"Ye might wan' t' rethink tha' position Kit…" Rahne warned.
Now hillbillies from Kentucky
"Hey!! Ah resent that!" Sam cried.
Dressed in green and red
"But Sam's in blue and black…" Fred was now very confused.
Left home to fight in Canada
But they returned home dead
Its only war the Yankees lost
Except for Vietnam
And also the Alamo
And the bay of... ham
"Well…nobody's perfect!" Evan grouched.
The loser was America
The winner was ourselves
So join right in and gloat about
The War of 1812
And the Whitehouse burned burned burned
And we're the ones that did it
It burned burned burned
While the president ran and cried
It burned burned burned
And things were very historical
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies
Wa wa waaaa
In the War of 1812
In 1812 we were just sittin' around
Mindin' our own business
"Yeah right…they probably started it…" Ray muttered, and was immediately faced with an angry mob. "Ummm…Sorry?"
Puttin' crops into the ground
We heard the soldiers coming
And we didn't like that sound
So we took a boat to Washington
And burned it to the ground
"Well…we rebuilt it didn't we?" Lance tried lamely.
"Yeah, but the fact it was burnt down is enough." Roberto teased.
Oh, oh...
We burned our guns
But the Yankees kept on coming
There wasn't quite as many
As there was a while ago
We fired once more
And the Yankees started runnin
Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico
They ran through the snow
And they ran through the forest
They ran through the bushes where the beavers wouldn't go
They ran so fast that they forgot to take their culture
Back to America, gulf, and Texico
"Where's Texico?" Amara wondered.
So, if you go to Washington, its buildings clean and nice,
Bring a pack of matches, and we'll burn the White House twice!
"I will mate…I will indeed." Pyro saluted.
And the Whitehouse burned burned burned
But the Americans won't admit it
It burned, burned, burned,
It burned and burned and burned
It burned, burned, burned,
Now, I bet that made them mad
And the Americans ran and cried like a bunch of little babies
Waa waa waah!
In the War of 1812!
"Ladies and gentlemen!! Give it up for the Arrogant Worms!!" Thunderous applause followed, and the mutants made a quick getaway.
"Is he asleep?" Kitty tapped the van window.
"Um…ja. It certainly looks it…" Kurt tapped the windshield. "Hallo in there! Wakey time!! Give keys to Kurt time!!" Hank remained oblivious to all.
"Is there some sort of problem?" The mutants all jumped, including Logan and Sabretooth, who then glared at each other.
"Professor?" (AN: Yes, he's back…he decided to take a very short vacation away from his vacation…)
"Got it open!" Remy suddenly called from the other side of the van. Looking up, he saw Xavier, and hurriedly hid his ever so dandy lock-picking tools. Xavier sighed.
"Kitty, please phase through and take the keys from Mr. McCoy. Will the rest of you please search for Ororo?" The mutants made a mad dash, and were stopped by Logan and Sabretooth.
"You lot stay here, we'll find Ororo." Logan growled.
"Glory hog." Pietro muttered, earning a glare from Wanda.
"KURT!! You stink!!" Amara shouted.
"Yeah, you do Blue." Tabitha added, and was pelted with several dozen take-out food cartons.
"Ummm…sorry…but wet fur does tend to smell…"
"But you're not wet anymore…" Jamie pointed out from his rather cramped position under Hank's leaned back seat.
"Fine!! When fur dries, it smells! And I got wet at Niagara! Happy?" The angry blue elf took his eyes off the road. The van screamed. Kurt swerved to avoid the oncoming traffic.
"Horseshoe…" Ray began to correct Kurt…but Kurt began to turn again. "Shutting up."
"Gah! We need to give you a good bath Blue." More empty food cartons were thrown at Tabitha. Hank suddenly yawned, and stretched.
"Yeeaaaaah!!! Hrrmm? What's this? Where are we? And what's that smell?"
"EVERYBODY!! ASSUME CRASH POSITIONS!!" Tabitha shouted. All but Jamie, Kurt, and Hank leaned on the seat in front of them, the crash positions very similar to those on an airplane. Jamie was too scrunched up to do anything other than tremble in fear.
"ENOUGH ABOUT THE VET FUR!! I VOULD THINK THAT YOU AS A FELLOW FURRY FREAK WOULD UNDERSTAND, BUT NOOO!! FIRST WORDS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH IS 'WAS IS THAT SMELL?' I'LL SHOW YOU THAT SMELL!!" Kurt began to swerve wildly, while Hank held on to the dashboard for dear life.
"I'm sorry?" He managed to squeak out between clenched teeth.
"What made him break?" Amara whispered between wildly sliding about.
"I think it was the two straight meals of drive-in food." Roberto answered.
"So…where are we headed?" Scott asked, once again bewildered by the map.
"Winnipeg." Xavier replied.
"Ummm…okay…" Scott struggled to fold up the McDonald's map he held in his lap. (AN: And I had an amazing time trying to type the word struggled…) Jean shook her head, and folded the map perfectly in two while never taking her eyes off the road. Scott spent three minutes staring with little hearts in his eyes (Hidden of course) at Jean. He took out the next map.
"Hmmm…two eights." Kitty put down the cards.
"Cheat!" Bobby shouted. Kitty flipped the cards, revealing only two eights. She then handed Bobby the rather large pile. "Dammit."
"Language Mr. Drake…" Xavier admonished. Kitty smirked, and slipped the five of clubs back into her hand with no one noticing.
"What's th' count now?" Rogue asked in her southern drawl.
"22 ditches cherie." Rogue scowled. She wasn't the Swamp Rat's cherie, and at this rate…her guess of 72 ditches would be far outpaced with Logan and Ororo both fighting over the wheel of the van.
"What about types of fields?" Evan asked suddenly. "We've hit a cornfield, wheat, barley, and whatever the hell type of grain this is…" Evan held up the stalk of grain that had befuddled the entire van.
"EVAN!" Ororo yelled, and gave Logan an extra shove.
"Who's bettin' on Logan again?" Sabretooth asked, leaning back in his seat, chewing on a stalk of wheat.
"Wanda, Remy, and ye. Everyone else thinks she can take 'im to town." Rahne replied, not even looking up from her ledger where she kept track of all the bets.
"We shall see. We shall see." Wanda leaned back, mentally calculating some odds.
CHAPTER END!!
Gwaah…too sick to do anything but pos this now…room still spinnying…gwaah *is feeling very sick indeed* Anyway, alright…they be on the way to Manitoba…and I forgot Mags and Mystique this chap, but I have plans fur 'em. Hopefully I'll feel better later, and write a proper chapter. I feel like I've gypped you all these past two chaps…