Chapter 19: Renounced

Seifer's POV

I walked towards my room, my legs moving themselves. But to my surprise I saw Rajin waiting in the hallway, leaning against the door of Fujin's room. He saw me approach and his eyes narrowed.

"What's wrong?" I said, but he didn't answer. Instead he shifted from his place and moved away from the door, leaving me to watch him walk slowly down the corridor into our room. I shrugged off the matter and knocked softly on Fujin's door. My hands raised themselves and opened the door after the quiet response from inside. I stepped in and saw Fujin lying where I'd left her, the covers still over her half asleep frame.

"Hi." She said quietly, her one, red eye half closed. I smiled at her and sat down beside her once more.

"How are you?" I said while stroking her forehead with my hand. To me, the contact was bliss, but I knew that my thoughts were the only control I had over myself. My body moved without my will, and all I could do was live through the nightmare. Edea was taunting me and I knew it.

"Um…ok." She said brushing away my hand, while a red blush emerged on her face. But my hand came back up to rest on her face and my body leaned over hers. I saw the shock on her face through my eyes and I wanted to stop myself.

"Seifer…what are you doing?" she said while struggling underneath me. I said nothing and only smiled while I climbed on top of her. I held down her arms, but inside I was screaming at myself to stop. I didn't want myself to do this; I didn't want Fujin to go through this either. In the back of my mind, I could almost hear Edea cackling at my helplessness.

I couldn't do anything to stop my disgusting actions. I kissed the defenceless girl below me, tugging at her lips with my own, nearly suffocating us both. All the time she tried to push herself away from me tears once again terrified face. But she wasn't strong enough to even move underneath me. I weighted her down and prolonged her torment.

My hands began to move from her arms to her chest. At this she cried out, begging me to stop. My fingers teared at her clothing and Fujin screamed, her voice choked by tears. I wanted to stop. I wanted to never look her in the face again. Not after this. I too was crying out, begging my body to stop.

But for an instant I found that my lips were no longer touching hers and my hands had stopped moving. I looked down at Fujin, and saw her tearful, frightened face. I wanted to tell her this wasn't me doing these things, but almost as soon as the moment began, it ended.

I fought with all my might to stop myself. I felt the control on me weaken slightly. I struggled to push my own arm away from her as if it were a lead weight. My whole body felt so heavy to move, and I managed to push my whole body away from Fujin, rolling off the side of the bed onto the cold stone floor. I felt control rush back into my limbs, and I could move on my own once again. Without even looking at Fujin, I scrambled up from the floor and ran out of the door, banging into walls as I held my head in my hands, full of shame and self-disgust.

'How the hell could I let myself do that?' I thought. I felt like crying inside. I wanted to end my life now, before I really did do something awful to her.

"Seifer." I heard a familiar voice behind me. I looked round with repulsion and glared hatefully at the one person I hated more than myself at that moment.

"YOU!" I shouted at the top of my voice. She smiled spitefully and I spat at her feet. "What the hell do you want?"

"I need you. I need to go to Deling right away, with you at my right side."

"What in Hyne makes you think I'm just going to go with you!" I growled, while my whole body was shaking with rage. She sighed.

"Do I really have to make you do that again?" At once I was taken aback. I slowed my seething rage inside me, and began to actually listen to what she had to say. "Just as I thought," she said smugly. "As you are well aware, my procession in Deling is tomorrow night, and I want you there with me."

"What do I have to do?" I said trying not to sound angry.

"Now now, temper, temper," she said shaking her finger at me in a motherly way. "You'll do as I tell you on the night. I expect you to be ready to leave this evening."

"As you wish." I snarled, while I mimicked a curtsey.

***

That evening, before I had to leave, I spent my last few remaining hours on the balcony. I looked up at the twinkling night sky, and sighed. It would be a long time before I would get another chance like this. But even in the tranquillity of the silent atmosphere, I still couldn't clear my head. Over and over again my mind played the horrible scene back and forth. I hadn't seen Fujin since then, and I didn't want to either. I couldn't possibly face her ever again. Not after the way I treated her…

"Seifer?" a small voice said from behind me. I sighed and didn't answer. I knew who it was and I didn't want to even look at her sweet face with my tainted eyes. "Seifer…" she said tugging my arm slightly cautiously.

"Why are you even here Fujin?" I said looking away from her. But she appeared in front of me and looked up straight into my eyes. I instantly looked away and began to walk away towards where I should have been going.

"Seifer please wait!" I stopped and turned around.

"What?" she opened her mouth to speak, but she shut it again.

"I…I…" she stuttered. Another silence followed, but I waited for what she had to say. "I know that wasn't you." She mumbled. But even though it was the quietest sentence I'd ever heard her speak, I still heard every word, loud and clear, and those words were music to my ears. "I know that wasn't you Seifer." She said a little louder. I began to laugh a little, tears welling up in my eyes.

'She worked it out. She knew that it wasn't me. She…she…' I couldn't even think for I was so overwhelmed. But her next move shocked me even more. She held her arms out, beckoning me for an embrace, yet her head was lowered and I couldn't see her face.

I walked over to her, but I gently pushed her arms back down to her side. She looked up at me confused.

"No Fujin." Her confusion turned to frustration. She turned away from me for a moment without saying a word. I turned away as well, and began to walk away, kicking myself for being so harsh on her, but I needed to sort and eliminate my own gremlins out first, before I dealt with hers.

Suddenly I was stopped in my tracks by two arms. The small, but lithe arms held me fast, wrapping me in a tight embrace. I placed my own hand on Fujin's and smiled to myself. She always stuck with me, no matter what I did. I turned round in her arms and wrapped my fingers round her head and pulled her to me. Her embrace became tighter, and she whispered again and again to me,

"It wasn't you, it wasn't you…"

"Fujin, I need to go." I stated.

"I know," she said into my chest. "Don't forget us." I lifted my hand away from her head and leaned down to kiss her softly on the forehead.

"I won't," I gazed in her eye, wondering when I'd see her again. She grabbed my hand, but it slid out of her clasped hands as I walked away. "Good bye Fujin."

"Not goodbye. It never will be. It will only ever be one thing. See you soon." She whispered softly. But I could see the pain in her face. But aside from pain, I thought I saw guilt in her eye as she looked at me.

"See you soon Fujin." I said smiling back at her.