Chapter 22: Dreams of Loss
Fujin's POV
It was unlike any other day as I awoke to the sunlight streaming in through my window. My life had started anew and I had never felt better…Rajin and I lived in an apartment in Deling City, and life was being good to us. Yet everyday there was still that black void lingering in my heart…and I knew perfectly why that was still present.
But everyday I pushed a smile onto my face, and pushed everything that had happened to the back of my mind, where nobody could touch it. Nobody would see my pain or feel my sorrow. I would ride it out alone, refusing any help that anyone offered to me. I wouldn't even let Rajin comfort me now. I knew I had to be strong, and by myself.
That day Rajin had gone to work while I stayed at home. We worked much like a married couple would, in that Rajin would go out to work during the day, and I would stay at home playing the role of the wife. We were happy with our system we had worked out, but I think Rajin was doing more than his fair share. Ever since I refused his warm words of solace, he had taken everything upon himself, leaving me with nothing, perhaps giving me my space to work things out…and I thanked him for it.
I lay on the sofa in our small but cosy living room, sighing at the depressing colours around me. Drab greys and browns filled the room, and I thought that as soon as we got some money, I personally was going to re-decorate. While my mind wondered over possible colour schemes, my eyes closed as I tried to envision the room. But instead I promptly dropped off to sleep.
***
I dreamt of being back at Garden. Everyone was there, and there were no uncomfortable feelings towards anyone. I was walking down a corridor talking avidly to Rinoa and Quistis while Seifer and Rajin trailed some way behind us. Their smiles and happy faces comforted me slightly.
We changed our course into the training centre, saying goodbye to the boys, and turned on our heels to practise our techniques against the wild monsters lurking in the greenery. It was strangely quiet amongst the bushes and I started to get a bad feeling churning in my stomach. I looked round for the others finding them close by, each of them also looking a little more frightened. There was a silence that filled the entire area, but then the storm of monsters unleashed themselves on us, leaping out from every direction, crying madly as they bounded towards us.
I looked round at them, seeing in all directions. I blinked, realising for the first time I could see with both of my eyes…
'I can see…' I thought to myself, feeling a smile of power and confidence form on my face. 'I can really see!' I thought bewildered as a new source of power flowed through my veins.
I readied my pinwheel, certain I would take these beasts down. But just then I was pushed to the ground by something. The unexpected blow caused my hand to slip underneath me, and my body weight was pushed down into my pinwheel, piercing my side. I screamed out in pain as the blood flowed freely from my side. I doubled up on the floor, scuffing the dirty ground with my boots as I clutched my side, blood seeping out from my hands. The pain was unbearable, and I screwed my eyes up tightly, clenching my teeth in the dirt. My breath was getting shorter as I gasped for air, and the extreme pain was causing me to lose conscious. As I wavered from one world to the other, I heard the tread of a heavy boot, and as I looked up I saw Tema tower over me grinning and glaring at me. All hope died inside of me as I saw Rinoa and Quistis had also been thrown to the floor not moving at all.
"Not so tough now are you, you freak!" he taunted. "Where's your GF to save you now? Huh? Answer me you albino outcast!" Tema chanted in the same tone again. I looked up gasping for breath as I gazed frightened into his demonic eyes. "You think that GF makes you so special don't you? Well I'm going to take it from you!"
But at that moment, Rinoa and Quistis had managed to pick themselves up off the floor, and before Tema could even move, they lunged at him, causing him to crash on the earthen floor.
"How dare you treat Fujin like that?" they both screamed in his ear, struggling to keep him pinned down. But despite their efforts, Tema pushed them out of his way with a shout of anger. He put out his hand and almost instantly I could feel something in my chest being pulled out of me. I could feel my life long companion slip from my body as easily as she had entered my soul. I screamed out in agony, one hand clutching my side, and the other my heart. My body was being pulled in two directions, and I could feel me about to tear apart in the middle…
As she was finally pulled from my body after the hard, but weak efforts I had made to resist, I saw Quistis suddenly jump up again out of the corner of my eye. Pandemona's spirit was flying threw the air, finding its way towards its new owner, but as Tema grinned in victory, Quistis leaped in front of his palm, claiming Pandemona for herself, saving her from Tema's grasp.
"You don't treat my friend like that you piece of scum…" she said darkly. By now Rinoa was standing too, armed with her own pinwheel, and Quistis had her whip in her hands, each glaring like demons. Tema stepped back hesitantly, muttering something and retreated like the coward he was.
I watched all this from my position on the muddy ground, silently praising the gods for my saviours. But just as they turned round to help me, my conscious slipped and I fell into the world of the dead…
***
I awoke with a start, shouting out as I leaped up like a disturbed cat, twitching from the surreal nightmare, still breathing quickly. My eye darted over every object and every space in the room. I didn't know what had come over me, but I suddenly felt very afraid. Something inside me was missing. My hand thudded to my chest, and I could feel my heart underneath my clammy skin begin to quicken. My breathing was getting increasingly faster hands shook as a thought flashed across my mind.
I remembered the dreams I had before, when something had become reality after I'd woken up. I remembered the time my shoulder bled in the orphanage and the possibility of Pandemona…
I tried hastily to use my magic. I closed my eyes and concentrated, waiting for the winds to engulf me as I summoned my GF…But nothing came. No air currents flew from my fingertips...Nothing…
I wouldn't believe it. There was no possible was for someone to draw Pandemona out of me. There was no one even here! I began to laugh in hysterics, trying to think through my madness. How could I even think the Pandemona had left me?
I tried again. But I couldn't even feel the wind magic flow through me anymore.
'Where is she? Where could she have gone?' I thought wildly to myself. I felt the tears of resignation flow from my eye, and as they toppled over my eyelid, I thought back to the wonderful thought I had when I could see. I had been so confident and happy…now I was a nervous wreck…
'I wonder what I looked like…' I thought for a moment. But those thoughts were soon discarded as the realisation of the fact my partner had been ripped from my body caused me to cry out loud. I couldn't really believe she was gone.
There was a void inside me again. This time even bigger and more frightening. I began to shiver and I knelt on the floor, shaking violently as the normal things I didn't let get to me penetrated my broken spirit, filling my mind with horribly terrifying thoughts. Mumbling foolishly in denial I rolled curled up on the hard floor from side to side, tears streaming down my face. I felt much colder and far more fragile, like I would break and shatter if anything touched me.
Suddenly the doorbell rang and I sprang out of my ball so fast I knocked over a small coffee table with my foot. Shocked at the sudden noise I cowered, wondering what it was. It sounded again and the noise seemed so loud and shrieking, I covered my ears with my unsteady hands. I realised it was coming from the door, and I walked carefully as if I were stepping on broken glass. I peeped round the door as I opened it about an inch, and my eyes widened when I saw who was standing there, cuts and bruises visible on his face.
"You…" I whispered. I opened the door fully, and stared awe-struck. "Its really you…"
"Fujin…" he said softly while holding up his arms. "I'm so sorry…" I could see the sadness in his face.
"Seifer…you're…" I couldn't finish my sentence. I flung myself at him, burying myself in his warm trench coat, mumbling words that made no sense. Strong hands wrapped themselves around my frail form, and I didn't feel frightened anymore. I felt safe, secure in his embrace.
"Sshh…" he hushed me, silencing my mumbling words. He rubbed my back in small circles with his palms, easing my tense limbs. "Fujin…I'm so sorry…I'm so, so sorry…Please…forgive me…" I didn't reply but tightened my grip around him, wanting to be closer to him and away from my sorrows. Unconsciously I began to cry against his chest, soaking his shirt that lay against my eye.
"Fujin? What's wrong?" he said anxiously as he pulled me away from him. I felt the warmth leave me, taking with it the sense of security. I looked helplessly into his eyes, letting all my weakness show and revealing all of my depression.
"She's gone…" I whispered quietly.
"Who's gone Fujin?" he said looking straight back at me. I couldn't break his gaze as I continued to stare blankly at him. I could see where he'd been hit, and the cuts of Squall gunblade had sliced his golden skin.
"Pa…" I couldn't bring myself to even say her name. "Pan…"
"Fujin…" he said bringing me against him once more. I think he understood. "You need to rest…" his voice had changed. It seemed more in charge than before. He knocked his foot against my knees and I fell into him as he picked me up in one clean movement. I leaned against his strong body as he carried my over to the couch where he laid me down and kneeled down beside where I rested my head. His gloved hand stopped on my cheek, brushing back the silver strands of hair that had fallen into my face. I smiled meekly up at him and he smiled in return.
"Go to sleep." He said softly and I shut my eye in response. I heard him shift and get up, but I remained oblivious to his actions. A blanket fell down onto me, covering my body in his scent. I recognised the material as his own coat, and Seifer found my small hand. "I'm here…I'm not going anywhere…" he said soothingly.
"I missed you Seifer…" I breathed as sleep came to me. It didn't seem to matter anymore that Pandemona was no longer a part of me. My mind was overwhelmed with Seifer at that moment. He had filled the empty hole in my heart.
I couldn't see him, but I could feel him smiling…
---
Seifer's POV
Something hit me as strange the moment I had laid eyes on her…The way she had greeted me, the frightened look on her face as she opened the door and now this…
I had taken off my trench coat and had laid it her small body in an effort to keep her warm while she rested. She had looked very tired, but restless at the same time, and I wasn't sure what to do…The strong figure I had last seen at the Lunatic Pandora was completely the polar opposite to the girl I saw before me curled up on the sofa. Her spirit somehow seemed broken and it was as if her character had cracked.
I had expected to have the door slammed in my face, and had been preparing myself for it. I had expected to see a cold and confident Fujin greet me at the door, completely refusing my offer of apology. But instead a timid and afraid girl had welcomed me back without second thought. But beside that confusion she had been mumbling about something else, about her losing something…and as I looked around her small, humble apartment, I saw the table had been knocked over and the rug on the floor on the wooden floor was askew.
Immediately my mind set off alarm bells, I wondered if Fujin had been all right until I had come. She had obviously been in a panic of some sort or another, although I never would have thought I'd live to see the day where the usually so strong Fujin had broken down…Inwardly I smiled, but I knew I was being cruel. The last few months had demanded a lot on her, and it ended up being too much for her…
As I held her small hand I remembered back to when I had last seen the fragile girl, now sleeping in front of me. I had seen how tired her face had been, and I had seen the change in character from when I had left her. Thinking back on it, I wished I had never brought Fujin or Rajin into this. I had been unfair to them, and I had caused them only more pain and suffering, especially for Fujin…
I continued to sit in silence, gently rubbing my thumb over the back of Fujin's hand as I watched her sleep, waiting for the moment when I would explain everything to her and make up for everything I had done to her. I would have to be careful with Fujin…and I knew the slightest thing could maybe cause her more pain.
A smile broke out on my face as I watched her sleeping…She really did look like an angel when she slept. I held her hand in both of mine, feeling the cold still emitting from her skin. There was definitely something that was different about her, as if she were missing that belief in herself which she had worked so hard to build up over the years.
And I would need to find out what…