Copyright © 2002 by Syvia (Aka Rebecca K. Friedrick). All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer: If you recognize something in this fic, then it probably belongs to someone else. To be more specific- I don't own Playstation, LoK, or anything in them. The only things I do own are myself and Zofia Audron. Oh, and I got the exact quotes from BO1 at nosgoth.net in the Blood Omen Dialogue section. *bows to Wolf Raziel*
Authors notes: Just a crazy little idea I had, and wrote down in a very short amount of time. I go occ here for purpose of humor. R&R please! ^_^ ***Spoilers of the LoK games*** This fic may end up as an MST, but probably not. *grins* Whether that's a good or a bad thing- well... we'll find out, won't we? };-)
Better Graphics
"You say you're a fan girl?" Raziel asked, one eyebrow quirking in amusement.
"I, well- well, uh..." Syvia spluttered, trying to think of a safe answer. "Yes?" she answered timidly.
"And who's your favorite character?" he asked in a wheedling tone.
Syvia glanced at Kain and Mobius, who were now paying attention. She gave a short laugh. "I am not answering that question."
"Aw, come on!" Raziel said, his voice laced with humor. "It's me, isn't it? I have two games out to Kain's one. You've spent more time with me."
Kain laughed, his taloned 'thumbs' flicking across the controller. "My game was longer and had more replay value than both of yours combined, Raziel. Besides... Blood Omen 2 will be out before long."
Raziel ignored him, still looking at Syvia. "Alright, don't answer then, your garment speaks for itself." Mobius looked over at them at these words, confused.
"What?" Syvia cried in an aggravated tone. She looked down at her sky-blue robe, patterned with clouds. "So blue is my favorite color- so what?"
Raziel gestured to his skinless body, the blue muscles covering white bone. "I rest my case," he said. "Everybody loves me."
"Keep telling yourself that, Raziel," Kain smirked. Then he laughed as the game emitted a scream, even though that scream was from his own character.
"Oh please, she loves me," Mobius scoffed. Syvia scoffed in response. "What?" the Time Streamer asked defensively. "You don't?" he murmured, his voice growing soft, dangerous.
Oh shit, Syvia thought, enter Manipulator Mobius, Time Streamer of Destruction. "I, love to hate you..." Syvia murmured in an placatory tone. This seemed to appease the Pillar Guardian, who smiled and settled back into his side of the loveseat.
Kain's underworld FMV began, showing the young human shackled to two poles above a lake of magma. "And now the obligatory S&D sex scene," Raziel murmured. The Soul Reaver suddenly lurched forward, having been smacked upside the head by-
"Mortanius?" Mobius blurted out, amazed as the Pillar of Death strode into the light cast by Syvia's television. "What are you doing here?"
"Is this a private party?" he rumbled ominously, fixing Syvia with the white sockets that served as his eyes.
"No! No, no, no, no, no-" she assured him, smiling nervously.
"What's the matter?" Raziel asked her, rubbing his head. He didn't understand why she seemed so afraid of the Guardian.
"You don't recognize his voice?" Syvia whispered, shocked. Kain nodded once in understanding, his face tense. Raziel looked confused, and turned back to the television. The videogame Kain came upon a Heart of Darkness.
"Reputed to have been ripped from the chest of the greatest vampire to have ever existed, Janos Audron, the Heart of Darkness restores vampiric unlife. Life is precious, Janos discovered - as it was torn throbbing and bleeding from his own body," the videogame recited.
"Did I hear someone mention my name?" a heavily accented voice asked.
"Janos!?" Syvia and Raziel shouted in unison. The blue-skinned Ancient appeared behind the love seat and gingerly sat down in a rocking chair. Mortanius, looking disgustedly at him, conjured a chair of bones and settled into it.
"What's wrong?" Janos asked.
Kain answered for them. "I thought you did not appear until Soul Reaver 2."
"Ah, but you spoke of me in relation to the Heart, and so I am able to join you."
"Oh, for the love of God, does that mean we can expect everyone to arrive sooner or later?" Mobius said, exasperated.
"Don't look at me," Syvia said, putting her hands up. "You're the one who started all this.
The videogame Kain killed his enemies with ruthless efficiency, and began to speak. "There is no greater release than that from vengeance sated. With my assassins dead, my quest was over."
Kain snickered. "To end it right there- wouldn't that have been a short game? I want to ask you something, Syvia." The girl flinched. "Which do you think looked better; the Kain of Blood Omen or the Kain of Soul Reaver."
"Soul Reaver," Syvia answered fervently, "definitely Soul Reaver." The Nosgothians all turned to look at her.
"Why?" Janos asked curiously.
Syvia grinned. "Better graphics," she stated in a matter-of fact tone.
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*Syvia walks out into the endless white room of the space between fan fic chapters*
Syvia- Hey guys- it's the beginning of my shameless plugs!!!!!! *falls to her knees* Oh pleaseeeeeee review!!!!!! *sobs theatrically*
*A young female Ancient walks out, puts an arm around Syvia's shoulders, making shushing noises*
Zofia- It's okay Syvie, it's okay. *the other characters from WCWN poke their heads out of a plot hole and look at the two in confusion*
Raziel- Janos? Who is that?
Janos- Um... how would I know?
Raziel- She's of your race.
Janos- I've never seen her before.
Mobius- Depends entirely upon what fics you've been reading.
Syvia- Why, Zofie? Why? I thought I wrote a summary that would draw people in! Why haven't I gotten any reviews yet?
Zofia- Um... maybe you should be revising more before you update the stories?
Mortanius- I beg your pardon- what are you two speaking of?
Syvia- *drying her tears* Meet Zofia Audron. *the ancient waves a slim blue hand- the boys look confused* Zofia Audron? Janos' daughter in the 'Restoring Balance' fic I've written?
All the guys except Janos- You have a daughter!?
Janos- I have a daughter!?
*Zofia slaps a hand to her forehead, Syvia starts crying harder*
Syvia- See? No one has read it!!!!!
Zofia- Well, is that going to make you stop writing?
Syvia- *thinks about it* ...No. But I want some validation, damnit! *stands up and looks out at the readers* Please, people? Give me some input? And to all of you who have read this one & reviewed it- *massive hugs to all of them*
*turns to Zofia* Say- would you like to be in this fic?
Zofia- *looks doubtful* Well, I'm not in any of the games...
Raziel- Why the hell not? We could use a few more ladies in the fic. *leers at Raziel*
Mobius- Uh... you're leering at yourself?
Raziel- What? No! I was leering at Zofia!
Zofia- (to Syvia) See? This is the revision thing I'm talking about.
Syvia- I see your point. Anyway- *marches up to Raziel* None of that! *slaps him upside the head a second before Janos does the same*
Janos- That's my daughter, blue boy.
Raziel- You didn't even know about her until just now!
*They continue to fight. Zofia turns to the readers, sighs, rolls her eyes.*
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*Bats her eyelashes* Yeah, I admit, I'd like more reviews- but what just passed was also a ploy for more laughs. Did it work?
^_^ Thought so.