Before starting his explanation, Jack invited everyone to sit down. Sara
and Don sat back in the chairs that they were sitting in earlier. Sydney
and Jack sat back on the couch.
"Before I tell you, what I have to say, I need your word that this conversation won't go beyond the people in this room." Jack told his father and aunt.
They both promised that they wouldn't tell anyone. Sara promised that she would not tell any of her children and Don promised that he would not tell anyone at the VFW, no matter how much he might want to.
Jack leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and clenching his hands together. Sydney saw his knuckles turn white. She laid her hand on his, as an encouragement to start.
"My daughter has convinced me that I need to tell you something that I should have told you along time ago." With his attention focused on his father, Jack said, "When I made the decision to go to West Pointe, I had every intention of going. When I received word that I had been accepted, it was the first time in my life that I had hope for a future. I remember how you treated me, after I got accepted. It felt so good to finally do something that you noticed."
Don looked down. He realized a long time ago that his non-existent relationship, with his only remaining child, was due to his own failures.
Jack had paused in his explanation. Sara said to him, "Tell us, Johnny. What happened to change your mind?"
Don looked up in anticipation of Jack's answer. "After I received notice, that I was accepted, I was approached by some people. They said that they had seen my test scores and that I had scored exceptionally high in certain areas. As a result, they felt that my talents would be put to better use somewhere besides the Army."
"At first I turned them down, but they kept pursuing me." He looked at Sydney for confirmation, when he said, "they're a very persuasive organization. They made the whole thing sound exciting, important, and necessary. I'm not sure when it happened, but before I knew it I had said yes."
Jack again looked at Sydney for support. She told him, "It's ok, Dad."
He turned back to his father and said, "I was recruited by the CIA."
Sara let a gasp, to show her surprise. Don's eyes opened wide. That was not what he was expecting to hear.
"My first assignment was to turn down the appointment to West Pointe, without telling anyone why." Still focused on Don, he said, "I succeed in that assignment, beyond their expectations."
Jack felt relief that after all these years he could now tell his father what he wanted to tell him since the day it happened. "Dad, I joined the SLM as part of an assignment. I was on an operation when I was arrested."
Jack watched Don for his reaction. Don's reaction was what Jack had feared. This was not good enough to please his father.
Sydney thought she would help. "Dad's a highly decorated agent, Grandfather. The agency depends on him, tremendously."
Jack realized what Sydney was doing. "Sydney, it's OK."
"Grandfather, don't you have anything to say?"
"What am I suppose to say Sydney? First he hides his altercation with his mother and then this. He was only seventeen. He wasn't old enough to make life changing decisions, like that, without consulting me." Then turning to Jack he asked, "Was I really that bad, Jon, that you couldn't trust me with something that important?"
Jack tried to defend his decision by saying, "They told me not to tell anyone."
"Bullshit!" Don yelled. "At some point you could have told them that you couldn't make a decision like that without talking to your father, first."
Turning to Sydney, he said, "You see Sydney, the problem was never that I didn't talk to your father, the problem was that he didn't think I was worth talking to."
Turning to Jack, but still addressing his remarks to Sydney, Don continued, "I noticed your father and what he did, but he was ashamed of me because he was so damn smart and I was nothing but a night watchman who barely made it through high school."
"I wasn't ashamed of you," Jack said, surprised that his father would think a thing like that.
"No? Then tell me why you never told me about the State Science Fair that you won? Or how you rearranged Bill Sawyer's Five and Dime and increased his sales by twenty five percent. Or that you fixed that beat up old clunker of old Mrs. Wagner, when no else could. Or how you spent weeks in the garage, building that damn radio. That still works, by the way."
Jack never realized that his father knew all of that. He wasn't hiding any of it, he tried to explain, "I didn't keep those things from you because I didn't think you would understand, I didn't tell you about them because I didn't think you would care."
Sydney had spent the last two days listening to her father and grandfather blamed each other for the shortcomings of their relationship. She now realized that the truth was that they were both guilty. "Oh, you two are really something else!" she exclaimed.
Addressing Don, she said, "You think my father doesn't value your opinion? You couldn't be more wrong."
"Sydney, stop." Jack said to her. He didn't need for her to defend him to anyone.
"I will not." She told him.
She continued to address her grandfather. "My father has confronted some of the world's most powerful and evil men, without flinching a muscle, but he comes here and faces you and he stutters when he talks, his hands shake, he struggles to keep his composure. You think a man like that doesn't value your opinion of him?"
"Sydney, stop that right now. I don't need you to defend me." Jack scolded her.
"Oh please Dad, you're no better than he is when it comes to communicating."
Sydney pointed out to her father. "Grandfather's right, you know. You should have told him about the CIA, along time ago. You pretend that you didn't because of some false sense of loyalty to the Agency, but the truth is, you didn't because you were afraid that you might fail and you couldn't take the chance of anyone knowing that you weren't perfect."
She turned back to Don and told him, "My Dad has accomplished a lot in his life and it's really too bad that it's not good enough for you."
Don told Sydney to slow down in her judgment of him, "You're wrong if you think I'm not proud of your father."
Then turning to Jack, he said, "I always knew you would be a success at whatever you set out to do. You could have decided to be a trash collector and I wouldn't have cared. All I ever wanted was for you to tell me what was on your mind."
It wasn't easy for Don to express his emotions, but he realized that this was the only chance he would ever have, so he continued as best he could. "You kept so many things locked inside of you and I just didn't how to unlock them. That was the difference between you and Sean. You think I paid more attention to Sean because I loved him more than I loved you? You're wrong. I had a different relationship with Sean because..., well because with Sean you never had to guess what he was thinking or what he wanted out of life. He came right out and told anyone that would listen to him. I celebrated Sean's successes because he shared them with me. I didn't do that with you because you hid yours from me. I thought you didn't want me to be a part of your life."
"Oh my gosh," Sydney started to yell, "Twenty-five years wasted because neither of you could say what you really felt. And look who paid the price! Me. I could have had a family if the two of you could have just sat down and had this conversation twenty-five years ago. I hope the two of you are ashamed of yourselves."
"That girl of yours is sure full of spunk." Don said, surprised by Sydney's outburst.
Jack smiled and said, "Yea she is. That's what makes her such a good agent. " Jack said, as he informed his father and aunt that Sydney works with him at the CIA.
"Kind of a family affair," Sara said.
"Something like that," Jack replied.
"Wait, does that mean that Laura was an agent, also?" Don asked, recalling his last altercation with his daughter-in-law.
Jack's expression changed quickly. He got up and walked away.
"What is it?" Don asked, confused. Had he once again said something insulting about Laura? He looked at Sydney to determine what he may have done wrong.
"My mother wasn't CIA, she was KGB." Sydney told him.
"Before I tell you, what I have to say, I need your word that this conversation won't go beyond the people in this room." Jack told his father and aunt.
They both promised that they wouldn't tell anyone. Sara promised that she would not tell any of her children and Don promised that he would not tell anyone at the VFW, no matter how much he might want to.
Jack leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and clenching his hands together. Sydney saw his knuckles turn white. She laid her hand on his, as an encouragement to start.
"My daughter has convinced me that I need to tell you something that I should have told you along time ago." With his attention focused on his father, Jack said, "When I made the decision to go to West Pointe, I had every intention of going. When I received word that I had been accepted, it was the first time in my life that I had hope for a future. I remember how you treated me, after I got accepted. It felt so good to finally do something that you noticed."
Don looked down. He realized a long time ago that his non-existent relationship, with his only remaining child, was due to his own failures.
Jack had paused in his explanation. Sara said to him, "Tell us, Johnny. What happened to change your mind?"
Don looked up in anticipation of Jack's answer. "After I received notice, that I was accepted, I was approached by some people. They said that they had seen my test scores and that I had scored exceptionally high in certain areas. As a result, they felt that my talents would be put to better use somewhere besides the Army."
"At first I turned them down, but they kept pursuing me." He looked at Sydney for confirmation, when he said, "they're a very persuasive organization. They made the whole thing sound exciting, important, and necessary. I'm not sure when it happened, but before I knew it I had said yes."
Jack again looked at Sydney for support. She told him, "It's ok, Dad."
He turned back to his father and said, "I was recruited by the CIA."
Sara let a gasp, to show her surprise. Don's eyes opened wide. That was not what he was expecting to hear.
"My first assignment was to turn down the appointment to West Pointe, without telling anyone why." Still focused on Don, he said, "I succeed in that assignment, beyond their expectations."
Jack felt relief that after all these years he could now tell his father what he wanted to tell him since the day it happened. "Dad, I joined the SLM as part of an assignment. I was on an operation when I was arrested."
Jack watched Don for his reaction. Don's reaction was what Jack had feared. This was not good enough to please his father.
Sydney thought she would help. "Dad's a highly decorated agent, Grandfather. The agency depends on him, tremendously."
Jack realized what Sydney was doing. "Sydney, it's OK."
"Grandfather, don't you have anything to say?"
"What am I suppose to say Sydney? First he hides his altercation with his mother and then this. He was only seventeen. He wasn't old enough to make life changing decisions, like that, without consulting me." Then turning to Jack he asked, "Was I really that bad, Jon, that you couldn't trust me with something that important?"
Jack tried to defend his decision by saying, "They told me not to tell anyone."
"Bullshit!" Don yelled. "At some point you could have told them that you couldn't make a decision like that without talking to your father, first."
Turning to Sydney, he said, "You see Sydney, the problem was never that I didn't talk to your father, the problem was that he didn't think I was worth talking to."
Turning to Jack, but still addressing his remarks to Sydney, Don continued, "I noticed your father and what he did, but he was ashamed of me because he was so damn smart and I was nothing but a night watchman who barely made it through high school."
"I wasn't ashamed of you," Jack said, surprised that his father would think a thing like that.
"No? Then tell me why you never told me about the State Science Fair that you won? Or how you rearranged Bill Sawyer's Five and Dime and increased his sales by twenty five percent. Or that you fixed that beat up old clunker of old Mrs. Wagner, when no else could. Or how you spent weeks in the garage, building that damn radio. That still works, by the way."
Jack never realized that his father knew all of that. He wasn't hiding any of it, he tried to explain, "I didn't keep those things from you because I didn't think you would understand, I didn't tell you about them because I didn't think you would care."
Sydney had spent the last two days listening to her father and grandfather blamed each other for the shortcomings of their relationship. She now realized that the truth was that they were both guilty. "Oh, you two are really something else!" she exclaimed.
Addressing Don, she said, "You think my father doesn't value your opinion? You couldn't be more wrong."
"Sydney, stop." Jack said to her. He didn't need for her to defend him to anyone.
"I will not." She told him.
She continued to address her grandfather. "My father has confronted some of the world's most powerful and evil men, without flinching a muscle, but he comes here and faces you and he stutters when he talks, his hands shake, he struggles to keep his composure. You think a man like that doesn't value your opinion of him?"
"Sydney, stop that right now. I don't need you to defend me." Jack scolded her.
"Oh please Dad, you're no better than he is when it comes to communicating."
Sydney pointed out to her father. "Grandfather's right, you know. You should have told him about the CIA, along time ago. You pretend that you didn't because of some false sense of loyalty to the Agency, but the truth is, you didn't because you were afraid that you might fail and you couldn't take the chance of anyone knowing that you weren't perfect."
She turned back to Don and told him, "My Dad has accomplished a lot in his life and it's really too bad that it's not good enough for you."
Don told Sydney to slow down in her judgment of him, "You're wrong if you think I'm not proud of your father."
Then turning to Jack, he said, "I always knew you would be a success at whatever you set out to do. You could have decided to be a trash collector and I wouldn't have cared. All I ever wanted was for you to tell me what was on your mind."
It wasn't easy for Don to express his emotions, but he realized that this was the only chance he would ever have, so he continued as best he could. "You kept so many things locked inside of you and I just didn't how to unlock them. That was the difference between you and Sean. You think I paid more attention to Sean because I loved him more than I loved you? You're wrong. I had a different relationship with Sean because..., well because with Sean you never had to guess what he was thinking or what he wanted out of life. He came right out and told anyone that would listen to him. I celebrated Sean's successes because he shared them with me. I didn't do that with you because you hid yours from me. I thought you didn't want me to be a part of your life."
"Oh my gosh," Sydney started to yell, "Twenty-five years wasted because neither of you could say what you really felt. And look who paid the price! Me. I could have had a family if the two of you could have just sat down and had this conversation twenty-five years ago. I hope the two of you are ashamed of yourselves."
"That girl of yours is sure full of spunk." Don said, surprised by Sydney's outburst.
Jack smiled and said, "Yea she is. That's what makes her such a good agent. " Jack said, as he informed his father and aunt that Sydney works with him at the CIA.
"Kind of a family affair," Sara said.
"Something like that," Jack replied.
"Wait, does that mean that Laura was an agent, also?" Don asked, recalling his last altercation with his daughter-in-law.
Jack's expression changed quickly. He got up and walked away.
"What is it?" Don asked, confused. Had he once again said something insulting about Laura? He looked at Sydney to determine what he may have done wrong.
"My mother wasn't CIA, she was KGB." Sydney told him.