Disclaimer: I do not own M*A*S*H, I just play with the toys.
Please R+R!
But you're a girl - chapter one
There was a definite chill in the air that morning. Trapper never was one for early mornings but given the option of morning post-op or officer of the day duty with Frank Burns was enough to wake him from his drunken stupor.
'Mac Arthur should make it illegal for the war to be this drafty; someone should sew up the hole in the war. Fill it with wounded sure, but move it to Rio!' Trapper mumbled to himself as he picked his way across the rocky compound.
Being lost in a world of his own, Trapper failed to notice the jeep speeding towards him. The screech of the tires and whine of the brakes broke him from his daydream, allowing him only enough time to leap out of the way. As reality came flooding back, Trapper noticed the casualty laying in the jeep with a nurse leaning over him.
'Er, little help here' asked the supposed nurse as she leapt from the vehicle.
'Sure' Trapper replied coming to his senses 'This looks bad, we need to get him to pre-op now!'
'Hey, what's going on?' Radar had emerged from Henry's office.
'What does it look like Radar, go and wake Hawkeye, I'll need help with this one!' Trapper bellowed over his shoulder as he ran to pre-op with the injured soldier.
Radar came to a skidding holt outside the swamp and yanked the door open.
'Hawkeye, Hawk, wake up you gotta get up!' Radar shouted while he shook Pearce's shoulder to wake him.
'Go away Radar' Hawk moaned but the corporal kept shaking him.
'If you're not out of here buy the time I count to one, I'm gonna take your liver out through your nose and replace it with a pound of onions!'
Still Radar persisted.
'Come on Hawk, you gotta get up. Trapper needs you in the OR'
Hawkeye sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes.
'The x-rays show that he has a fractured pelvis' Trapper explained to the newcomer, 'some of the shrapnel has nicked the femoral artery'
'Will you be doing a vein graft? Asked the 'nurse'.
Trapper gave her a knowing look, his mind up to mischief.
'You know an awful lot for a nurse' Trapper smiled sheepishly.
Before the 'nurse' could reply, Hawkeye burst in and begun to scrub up.
By the time the operation was over, the world had finally warmed up and there was an overcast yet bright sun fighting through the clouds.
This newcomer intrigued Hawkeye; she had deftness and uniform precision in the OR, not to mention the fact that she resembled Aphrodite.
'Hey Trap, who's that?' inquired Hawkeye as he put a hand out to stop McIntyre.
'That's our new angel of mercy, she arrived on the jeep with the casualty' replied Trapper without looking up from the scrub sink.
'I'd like to be her casualty' Hawkeye mumbled with a slight sigh. 'Did you catch her name?'
McIntyre shook his head and Hawkeye, sensing a missed opportunity in the newcomer, ran to where the jeep had stopped.
'I don't think we introduced ourselves, how rude, our manners have temporarily escaped us' Hawkeye grovelled.
'Yeah, we must have left them back in the states' Trapper pitched in.
'I'm Hawkeye Pearce and this is Trapper John, may will welcome you to our paradise island' Hawk announced as he gestured around the compound at the khaki tents and the officers mess.
'Captain Hallwell' replied the vision of loviness.
'May I show you to my tent Captain, maybe you could stay the night?' Hawkeye asked with a sly grin
'Now isn't that a little forward?' asked Hallwell 'I mean, you've only just met me'
'At least let us buy you a drink' chipped in Trapper.
Captain looked them both up and down, then smiled and nodded.
'Just one drink then' smiled Hallwell 'I like to keep good morale' and with this she pulled her duffel bag from the jeep.
'Oh please, allow me' Trapper offered as he removed the bag from Hallwell's shoulder.
'Thank you, Trapper was it?' asked Hallwell, her head cocked to the right, squinting to read the name on his dog tags.
'That right' piped up Pearce as he lead Hallwell into the Swamp 'But you can just call him 'It' if forget his name'
As Trapper set the bag down by Hawkeye's bed, Hallwell noticed Major Burns and came to a snap attention.
'Sir!' Hallwell bellowed as Hawkeye and Trapper looked on confused, a salute for Frank Burns was a few and far between occurrence.
Frank simply returned the salute and mooched out of the door, head held low.
'Was it something I said' Hallwell asked timidly
'Don't you worry about Frank' Trapper said as he placed a reassuring arm around her shoulders ' He just got up on the wrong side of the war this morning'
'So Hallwell' Hawkeye asked as he handed her a martini 'do you have a first name or is it just captain to your friends?'
'Its Christmas' she replied. Hawkeye looked somewhat perplexed. 'And don't make any jokes, I've heard them all'
'I don't know any knock-knock jokes' Hawk smiled as Christmas sat down.
'So what brings you to the 4077th Christmas' asked Trapper with a slight smile.
'This slight squabble between a couple of countries, its know as the WAR' she over accentuated this word to make her point.
'Of course, I was almost forgetting' Trapper joked. 'New nurses are always coming and going in this place, mostly going'
'That's the price of war' Hallwell replied.
'That's very GI' Hawkeye observed. 'You must be part of this mans army'
'Correct, my father is a one star general and my mother was a major; she was head of nursing staff at Forte Terrence' Christmas offered.
'Fort Terrence? That's in Maine' Hawkeye quipped 'I should know, I was born there'
'So was I' replied Hallwell, she was getting to become over excited. 'At the Foreman Street Hospital'
'You said your mother was a major what is she doing now?' Trapper enquired
'She's doing time six feet under, it was a fluke accident at the hospital' Christmas sighed as she drained her glass.
'I must say, this is a very good martini'
'Well this morning was very good year' joked Trapper.
'So you decided to become a nurse because of your mother' asked Hawkeye.
Christmas looked up from her glass 'Oh I'm not a nurse, I'm a surgeon' and she dropped the olive into her empty glass.
It was all Trapper and Hawkeye could do was to stare in disbelief.
'A surgeon, but, but..' Hawkeye stammered 'You're a gir-'
'Don't say it' Hallwell interrupted. 'It's nice of you to notice that I'm a girl but I am still a qualified surgeon'.
'You didn't think that I was going to become an angel of mercy if I had the opportunity to become one of the first female surgeon's in Korea did you?'
'Another drink Dr. Hallwell?' Trapper offered the captain another drink as the conversation moved to lighter topics...
But you're a girl - chapter one
There was a definite chill in the air that morning. Trapper never was one for early mornings but given the option of morning post-op or officer of the day duty with Frank Burns was enough to wake him from his drunken stupor.
'Mac Arthur should make it illegal for the war to be this drafty; someone should sew up the hole in the war. Fill it with wounded sure, but move it to Rio!' Trapper mumbled to himself as he picked his way across the rocky compound.
Being lost in a world of his own, Trapper failed to notice the jeep speeding towards him. The screech of the tires and whine of the brakes broke him from his daydream, allowing him only enough time to leap out of the way. As reality came flooding back, Trapper noticed the casualty laying in the jeep with a nurse leaning over him.
'Er, little help here' asked the supposed nurse as she leapt from the vehicle.
'Sure' Trapper replied coming to his senses 'This looks bad, we need to get him to pre-op now!'
'Hey, what's going on?' Radar had emerged from Henry's office.
'What does it look like Radar, go and wake Hawkeye, I'll need help with this one!' Trapper bellowed over his shoulder as he ran to pre-op with the injured soldier.
Radar came to a skidding holt outside the swamp and yanked the door open.
'Hawkeye, Hawk, wake up you gotta get up!' Radar shouted while he shook Pearce's shoulder to wake him.
'Go away Radar' Hawk moaned but the corporal kept shaking him.
'If you're not out of here buy the time I count to one, I'm gonna take your liver out through your nose and replace it with a pound of onions!'
Still Radar persisted.
'Come on Hawk, you gotta get up. Trapper needs you in the OR'
Hawkeye sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes.
'The x-rays show that he has a fractured pelvis' Trapper explained to the newcomer, 'some of the shrapnel has nicked the femoral artery'
'Will you be doing a vein graft? Asked the 'nurse'.
Trapper gave her a knowing look, his mind up to mischief.
'You know an awful lot for a nurse' Trapper smiled sheepishly.
Before the 'nurse' could reply, Hawkeye burst in and begun to scrub up.
By the time the operation was over, the world had finally warmed up and there was an overcast yet bright sun fighting through the clouds.
This newcomer intrigued Hawkeye; she had deftness and uniform precision in the OR, not to mention the fact that she resembled Aphrodite.
'Hey Trap, who's that?' inquired Hawkeye as he put a hand out to stop McIntyre.
'That's our new angel of mercy, she arrived on the jeep with the casualty' replied Trapper without looking up from the scrub sink.
'I'd like to be her casualty' Hawkeye mumbled with a slight sigh. 'Did you catch her name?'
McIntyre shook his head and Hawkeye, sensing a missed opportunity in the newcomer, ran to where the jeep had stopped.
'I don't think we introduced ourselves, how rude, our manners have temporarily escaped us' Hawkeye grovelled.
'Yeah, we must have left them back in the states' Trapper pitched in.
'I'm Hawkeye Pearce and this is Trapper John, may will welcome you to our paradise island' Hawk announced as he gestured around the compound at the khaki tents and the officers mess.
'Captain Hallwell' replied the vision of loviness.
'May I show you to my tent Captain, maybe you could stay the night?' Hawkeye asked with a sly grin
'Now isn't that a little forward?' asked Hallwell 'I mean, you've only just met me'
'At least let us buy you a drink' chipped in Trapper.
Captain looked them both up and down, then smiled and nodded.
'Just one drink then' smiled Hallwell 'I like to keep good morale' and with this she pulled her duffel bag from the jeep.
'Oh please, allow me' Trapper offered as he removed the bag from Hallwell's shoulder.
'Thank you, Trapper was it?' asked Hallwell, her head cocked to the right, squinting to read the name on his dog tags.
'That right' piped up Pearce as he lead Hallwell into the Swamp 'But you can just call him 'It' if forget his name'
As Trapper set the bag down by Hawkeye's bed, Hallwell noticed Major Burns and came to a snap attention.
'Sir!' Hallwell bellowed as Hawkeye and Trapper looked on confused, a salute for Frank Burns was a few and far between occurrence.
Frank simply returned the salute and mooched out of the door, head held low.
'Was it something I said' Hallwell asked timidly
'Don't you worry about Frank' Trapper said as he placed a reassuring arm around her shoulders ' He just got up on the wrong side of the war this morning'
'So Hallwell' Hawkeye asked as he handed her a martini 'do you have a first name or is it just captain to your friends?'
'Its Christmas' she replied. Hawkeye looked somewhat perplexed. 'And don't make any jokes, I've heard them all'
'I don't know any knock-knock jokes' Hawk smiled as Christmas sat down.
'So what brings you to the 4077th Christmas' asked Trapper with a slight smile.
'This slight squabble between a couple of countries, its know as the WAR' she over accentuated this word to make her point.
'Of course, I was almost forgetting' Trapper joked. 'New nurses are always coming and going in this place, mostly going'
'That's the price of war' Hallwell replied.
'That's very GI' Hawkeye observed. 'You must be part of this mans army'
'Correct, my father is a one star general and my mother was a major; she was head of nursing staff at Forte Terrence' Christmas offered.
'Fort Terrence? That's in Maine' Hawkeye quipped 'I should know, I was born there'
'So was I' replied Hallwell, she was getting to become over excited. 'At the Foreman Street Hospital'
'You said your mother was a major what is she doing now?' Trapper enquired
'She's doing time six feet under, it was a fluke accident at the hospital' Christmas sighed as she drained her glass.
'I must say, this is a very good martini'
'Well this morning was very good year' joked Trapper.
'So you decided to become a nurse because of your mother' asked Hawkeye.
Christmas looked up from her glass 'Oh I'm not a nurse, I'm a surgeon' and she dropped the olive into her empty glass.
It was all Trapper and Hawkeye could do was to stare in disbelief.
'A surgeon, but, but..' Hawkeye stammered 'You're a gir-'
'Don't say it' Hallwell interrupted. 'It's nice of you to notice that I'm a girl but I am still a qualified surgeon'.
'You didn't think that I was going to become an angel of mercy if I had the opportunity to become one of the first female surgeon's in Korea did you?'
'Another drink Dr. Hallwell?' Trapper offered the captain another drink as the conversation moved to lighter topics...