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But you're a girl - chapter nine
The words in the letter didn't seem to make sense, they were just words on a page. Numbness had grabbed hold of Christmas as she felt her body lose all feeling. Hawkeye and Trapper's voices sounded as if they were originating from an old, broken grammar phone.
'Christmas?' Hawk repeated trying to make himself heard over the screaming voice she could hear in her head.
She didn't reply; she couldn't speak. The slightly crumpled envelope fell from her white knuckled grasp to the floor.
'I.. I.. It has to be a mistake' she stuttered as Hawkeye bent down to retrieve another sheet of paper that had fallen from the envelope.
'It's not a mistake' Hawk breathed softly as he handed Christmas a sheet of newspaper, it was from a recent edition of Stars and Stripes. The headline was blunt yet to the point in bold black font: GENERAL HALLWELL DIES.
Christmas did not take the page of newspaper print but stared at it blankly as if it were a figment of her imagination.
'What.ah' Christmas started, steadying her voice 'what does it say'
Hawkeye looked to Trapper for help but Trap's gaze was fixed on a worn out area of the flooring. Hawk didn't want to read the report out loud but he was also deeply shocked and saddened that Christmas had to find out this way. He cleared this throat at started to read the heart-wrenching article.
'It was announced late on the evening of December 13th that recently promoted two star General Horatio Hallwell was killed in the charge of Ko Pong hill, North Korea'.
Hawk stopped reading and glanced towards Christmas, her attention was centred on the action of her fingers that were coiling around her hands. He went on, feeling as if it were the proper thing to do.
'The General gave his life in action to preserve the victory of the United States of America and for this we thank, honour and praise him'.
Hawk put down the page down lightly on his cot and placed his hand onto Christmas's shoulder.
'I'm so sorry Chrissie' Hawk whispered. His body language spoke volumes of the grief that he knew Christmas would not let go or put on display for others to see.
'Why be sorry' she mumbled 'it wasn't your fault'.
With this, Christmas rose to her feet and removed the newspaper from Hawk's cot. She started to purposely stride from the tent but had not picked up her coat and stopped at the door when she felt Trapper hand on her arm. Her movement desisted as the pressure of the hand stopped her continuing.
'Do you wanna talk about it' Trap asked as he held her coat in his free hand.
'No' Christmas's reply blunt as she pulled her coat from Trapper's grasp and then exited swiftly to fight her way across the snow-covered compound.
Rosie's Place was all but deserted bar one, that one was Hawkeye. He didn't feel like drowning his sorrows at the Swamp, his sorrows had learned how to swim in gin. He hadn't seen Chrissie since her letter that morning; he thought it best to let her grieve in a personal way. It was usual quiet in the bar; few locals used it and servicemen usually only frequented on a Friday night.
Hawkeye had sat in the dingy bar with a glass of sake in front of him, hardly even touching it. Thoughts of how Chrissie was going to deal with her tragedy raced across his brain. She now didn't have a single-family member left.
'How depressing' Hawkeye mumbled as a pretty Korean girl bustled up to his table to take the candle from the table.
'More Sake Joe?' the girl giggled
'No thanks Renia, goodnight' he sighed.
Hawkeye exited the shabby run down bar into the cold night air, pausing to survey his surroundings. The camp seemed calm in the dark, almost peaceful in the half-light being thrown off by the moon.
Meanwhile, as Hawkeye stood at his vantage point surveying his empire, Christmas Hallwell sat in her tent with pen and paper in hand. One thing her mother used to tell her was that if she couldn't tell someone a problem, you should write it down and then burn the paper. This action would help to remove the problem from your psyche. Although this made sense, she did feel a little foolish but she found when she started to write, it was impossible to stop.
I never thought I would ever have to write this but the time has come that I must. I received word today that my daddy is dead.
As this point she stopped, writing things down was like admitting that they really had happened; she didn't think she was ready for that yet. Without her noticing, a tear had slipped down her left cheek and smudged her copperplate script. Christmas roughly wiped her eyes and forced herself to continue.
My daddy, I felt like you were never there for me. I was born in the states but I felt that my true home was in England with mum. Things never seemed right when you were with us but I still loved you. You always said that absence makes the heart grow fonder; it is now that I find this to be true. Remember that tutu you had made for me in New York on my fifth birthday? I do, in fact its still in my baggage back home.
I don't hate you for not being there for me, I know it was part of your job. I know that mum wanted me to stay in England for my education, I guess she didn't want me to face any prejudice because of your title and rank. I never fully understood the pressures that you faced everyday until now, until I put myself in the position that you were in.
You always used to pride yourself on having so much and coming from so little, you never would admit your past to anyone that you did not trust 110%. You're past never mattered to me. I didn't care that you're mother was a whore or that you were born in a brothel. I never repeated that to anybody, not even myself. You always said that you hoped to die in the army because it was there that you felt at home; at least now you have had your wish granted.
I know mum loved you but I know I needed you more. Your daughter, Christmas.
She lost track of how long she sat staring at her words, however long it was; it seemed like hours. Tears had dried on her cheeks without being brushed away by a damp sleeve. A deep cough raised her to her senses as Hawkeye stood in her doorway.
'Oh Hawk' she stammered 'I didn't hear you come in'.
'Not disturbing am I' Hawk gestured as he lowered himself onto her cot.
Chrissie sat in silence; she suddenly couldn't find the right words. She opened her mouth to reply but no words escaped, the only movement were the tears that spilled down her cheeks.
'Hey' Hawk mumbled as he put his strong arms around her shoulders.
Chrissie just sat there sobbing in Hawkeye's arms, not knowing if she should pull away or speak. She could feel Hawkeye's hand stroking her hair as she sobbed.
'Daddy, my daddy' Chrissie cried, her voice quivering with grief.
Hawk couldn't find any words; probably for the fast time in his life he was stunned into silence. He had never been good at comforting women but something his mother had once told him came flooding back 'a woman wants a man who will listen'. This is exactly what he did but Chrissie's racking sobs were becoming too much to listen to.
'Come on Chrissie' Hawk sighed as he brought her face up to meet his.
Hawk gently pushed back Chrissies hair from her damp, red face and kissed her gently in the centre of her forehead. His hand shifted gently through her hair as her glassy, green eyes met his.
'I really am very sorry' Hawk whispered.
Christmas felt completely overwhelmed, she had rarely experienced emotion this strong in her life before. She became caught up in the moment as she kissed Hawkeye back. As he responded as a kiss, the reality of the situation suddenly dawned on her as she pulled away leaping off the cot.
'No' Christmas shouted as she stumbled to gain equilibrium 'what am I doing?'
Hawkeye jumped off the cot to Chrissie's side but she pushed him aside.
'I just don't know if I can' Chrissie mumbled as she turned away from Hawkeye, she thought that becoming involved with a man like Hawkeye would go against everything her father ever wanted for her. Her father never would approve of anybody who wasn't regular army but he was a doctor and an excellent one at that.
Hawkeye approached her from behind and placed his hands onto Chrissie's shoulders but she didn't retract away.
'I know you have a lot of personal grief to deal with' Hawkeye whispered soulfully into her ear 'but I want you to know I will always be here for you'
Chrissie turned to face those cool blue eyes and steadied her voice.
'I know Hawkeye, I always wished that you would be' she breathed.
Hawkeye felt the passion build between and pressed his lips soulfully to hers. Chrissie wanted this; she wanted it so badly and for so long.
The morning sun burnt through the dark winter cloud and the wind had died down to almost a breeze. Hawkeye opened his eyes but he didn't see the all- too familiar surroundings of the Swamp but the neat khaki fashion of Captain Hallwell's tent. He cast his mind back to the night before; they had talked about their families and memories. When the sun began to peep around the clouds, Christmas had fell into a secure sleep with Hawkeye's arms safely wrapped around her. Thoughts suddenly flew across his brain, had he really slept with her? She was in such a venerable position. Hawkeye's fears were calmed when he looked down at their entangled bodies; they were both fully clothed.
But you're a girl - chapter nine
The words in the letter didn't seem to make sense, they were just words on a page. Numbness had grabbed hold of Christmas as she felt her body lose all feeling. Hawkeye and Trapper's voices sounded as if they were originating from an old, broken grammar phone.
'Christmas?' Hawk repeated trying to make himself heard over the screaming voice she could hear in her head.
She didn't reply; she couldn't speak. The slightly crumpled envelope fell from her white knuckled grasp to the floor.
'I.. I.. It has to be a mistake' she stuttered as Hawkeye bent down to retrieve another sheet of paper that had fallen from the envelope.
'It's not a mistake' Hawk breathed softly as he handed Christmas a sheet of newspaper, it was from a recent edition of Stars and Stripes. The headline was blunt yet to the point in bold black font: GENERAL HALLWELL DIES.
Christmas did not take the page of newspaper print but stared at it blankly as if it were a figment of her imagination.
'What.ah' Christmas started, steadying her voice 'what does it say'
Hawkeye looked to Trapper for help but Trap's gaze was fixed on a worn out area of the flooring. Hawk didn't want to read the report out loud but he was also deeply shocked and saddened that Christmas had to find out this way. He cleared this throat at started to read the heart-wrenching article.
'It was announced late on the evening of December 13th that recently promoted two star General Horatio Hallwell was killed in the charge of Ko Pong hill, North Korea'.
Hawk stopped reading and glanced towards Christmas, her attention was centred on the action of her fingers that were coiling around her hands. He went on, feeling as if it were the proper thing to do.
'The General gave his life in action to preserve the victory of the United States of America and for this we thank, honour and praise him'.
Hawk put down the page down lightly on his cot and placed his hand onto Christmas's shoulder.
'I'm so sorry Chrissie' Hawk whispered. His body language spoke volumes of the grief that he knew Christmas would not let go or put on display for others to see.
'Why be sorry' she mumbled 'it wasn't your fault'.
With this, Christmas rose to her feet and removed the newspaper from Hawk's cot. She started to purposely stride from the tent but had not picked up her coat and stopped at the door when she felt Trapper hand on her arm. Her movement desisted as the pressure of the hand stopped her continuing.
'Do you wanna talk about it' Trap asked as he held her coat in his free hand.
'No' Christmas's reply blunt as she pulled her coat from Trapper's grasp and then exited swiftly to fight her way across the snow-covered compound.
Rosie's Place was all but deserted bar one, that one was Hawkeye. He didn't feel like drowning his sorrows at the Swamp, his sorrows had learned how to swim in gin. He hadn't seen Chrissie since her letter that morning; he thought it best to let her grieve in a personal way. It was usual quiet in the bar; few locals used it and servicemen usually only frequented on a Friday night.
Hawkeye had sat in the dingy bar with a glass of sake in front of him, hardly even touching it. Thoughts of how Chrissie was going to deal with her tragedy raced across his brain. She now didn't have a single-family member left.
'How depressing' Hawkeye mumbled as a pretty Korean girl bustled up to his table to take the candle from the table.
'More Sake Joe?' the girl giggled
'No thanks Renia, goodnight' he sighed.
Hawkeye exited the shabby run down bar into the cold night air, pausing to survey his surroundings. The camp seemed calm in the dark, almost peaceful in the half-light being thrown off by the moon.
Meanwhile, as Hawkeye stood at his vantage point surveying his empire, Christmas Hallwell sat in her tent with pen and paper in hand. One thing her mother used to tell her was that if she couldn't tell someone a problem, you should write it down and then burn the paper. This action would help to remove the problem from your psyche. Although this made sense, she did feel a little foolish but she found when she started to write, it was impossible to stop.
I never thought I would ever have to write this but the time has come that I must. I received word today that my daddy is dead.
As this point she stopped, writing things down was like admitting that they really had happened; she didn't think she was ready for that yet. Without her noticing, a tear had slipped down her left cheek and smudged her copperplate script. Christmas roughly wiped her eyes and forced herself to continue.
My daddy, I felt like you were never there for me. I was born in the states but I felt that my true home was in England with mum. Things never seemed right when you were with us but I still loved you. You always said that absence makes the heart grow fonder; it is now that I find this to be true. Remember that tutu you had made for me in New York on my fifth birthday? I do, in fact its still in my baggage back home.
I don't hate you for not being there for me, I know it was part of your job. I know that mum wanted me to stay in England for my education, I guess she didn't want me to face any prejudice because of your title and rank. I never fully understood the pressures that you faced everyday until now, until I put myself in the position that you were in.
You always used to pride yourself on having so much and coming from so little, you never would admit your past to anyone that you did not trust 110%. You're past never mattered to me. I didn't care that you're mother was a whore or that you were born in a brothel. I never repeated that to anybody, not even myself. You always said that you hoped to die in the army because it was there that you felt at home; at least now you have had your wish granted.
I know mum loved you but I know I needed you more. Your daughter, Christmas.
She lost track of how long she sat staring at her words, however long it was; it seemed like hours. Tears had dried on her cheeks without being brushed away by a damp sleeve. A deep cough raised her to her senses as Hawkeye stood in her doorway.
'Oh Hawk' she stammered 'I didn't hear you come in'.
'Not disturbing am I' Hawk gestured as he lowered himself onto her cot.
Chrissie sat in silence; she suddenly couldn't find the right words. She opened her mouth to reply but no words escaped, the only movement were the tears that spilled down her cheeks.
'Hey' Hawk mumbled as he put his strong arms around her shoulders.
Chrissie just sat there sobbing in Hawkeye's arms, not knowing if she should pull away or speak. She could feel Hawkeye's hand stroking her hair as she sobbed.
'Daddy, my daddy' Chrissie cried, her voice quivering with grief.
Hawk couldn't find any words; probably for the fast time in his life he was stunned into silence. He had never been good at comforting women but something his mother had once told him came flooding back 'a woman wants a man who will listen'. This is exactly what he did but Chrissie's racking sobs were becoming too much to listen to.
'Come on Chrissie' Hawk sighed as he brought her face up to meet his.
Hawk gently pushed back Chrissies hair from her damp, red face and kissed her gently in the centre of her forehead. His hand shifted gently through her hair as her glassy, green eyes met his.
'I really am very sorry' Hawk whispered.
Christmas felt completely overwhelmed, she had rarely experienced emotion this strong in her life before. She became caught up in the moment as she kissed Hawkeye back. As he responded as a kiss, the reality of the situation suddenly dawned on her as she pulled away leaping off the cot.
'No' Christmas shouted as she stumbled to gain equilibrium 'what am I doing?'
Hawkeye jumped off the cot to Chrissie's side but she pushed him aside.
'I just don't know if I can' Chrissie mumbled as she turned away from Hawkeye, she thought that becoming involved with a man like Hawkeye would go against everything her father ever wanted for her. Her father never would approve of anybody who wasn't regular army but he was a doctor and an excellent one at that.
Hawkeye approached her from behind and placed his hands onto Chrissie's shoulders but she didn't retract away.
'I know you have a lot of personal grief to deal with' Hawkeye whispered soulfully into her ear 'but I want you to know I will always be here for you'
Chrissie turned to face those cool blue eyes and steadied her voice.
'I know Hawkeye, I always wished that you would be' she breathed.
Hawkeye felt the passion build between and pressed his lips soulfully to hers. Chrissie wanted this; she wanted it so badly and for so long.
The morning sun burnt through the dark winter cloud and the wind had died down to almost a breeze. Hawkeye opened his eyes but he didn't see the all- too familiar surroundings of the Swamp but the neat khaki fashion of Captain Hallwell's tent. He cast his mind back to the night before; they had talked about their families and memories. When the sun began to peep around the clouds, Christmas had fell into a secure sleep with Hawkeye's arms safely wrapped around her. Thoughts suddenly flew across his brain, had he really slept with her? She was in such a venerable position. Hawkeye's fears were calmed when he looked down at their entangled bodies; they were both fully clothed.