Halloween night came by and the students were still studying at Hogwarts. They're midterms were held during the week, and everyone was studying like heck. Well, everyone except for James and Sirius of course. Those two buffoons didn't study as much as the other people. Take Lily Evans for example. Lily was the kind of girl that studies when she's bored for crying out loud. James and Sirius… well, they're guys. You know what guys do when they're bored? EAT. Food and pranks were the top priorities in James Potter and Sirius Black's eyes and that's basically all they ever did. Sure they stopped to study once or twice, but being gifted themselves already… they didn't really need to. That is why most of their time, along with the rest of Marauders when they took a break from studying, was spent in the kitchens or roaming around the castle.
Lily Evans found James and Sirius' attitudes about their studies very disgusting. They would care about food rather than Charms? she thought. But she figured no one on the face of this planet will ever understand the minds of those two, and chose to ignore them. What she couldn't ignore however… was the look on James's face in the Hospital Wing a couple of weeks before. It was a rare time when James Potter had that kind of look on his face, and she couldn't stop thinking about it. His father would be in grave danger, going off on a dangerous case like that… and she couldn't bear to wonder how she would feel if her parents were to put themselves in danger as well. The thought was brought of her mind however, when the Marauders came bounding down from their room making a lot… I mean A LOT of noise.
"Damn those four idiots." said Lily while the other three girls were sitting beside her in the common room.
"Why can't they just act normal for once?" said Jade with a frustrated expression on her face. She hated noise while she was studying, and right now was sending death glares at the Marauders.
"You know THAT will never happen." said Carly.
"Hmmm… you'll never know. They're always full of surprises." mentioned Penny.
"And also full of themselves. Look at Potter… the way he's ruffling his stupid hair.. probably thinks it looks cool or something." spat Lily.
"Well, at least he doesn't' call himself a 'god', unlike that prat Black over there." spat Jade.
"Remus is the only sane one of the three" said Carly. This was followed however by a huge fart noise that came by no one but Remus Lupin himself.
"I take that back. They're all mutually dummies."
"Amen, sister." chorused the other three.
On the other side of the room, the Marauders were laughing hysterically, as Peter and Sirius secretly placed a small charm on Remus' loaf of bread that he brought with him at lunch so that when he finished the bread completely, huge amounts of gas noises came from Remus' behind.
"You dweebs. What the hell did you do to the bread! I knew I shouldn't have taken your stupid little offer." growled Remus. Sirius and Peter stepped back. It really did sound like a growl… you know… Remus being a werewolf and all.
"Just thought we'd poke a little fun at the 'calm and collective' side of the Marauders is all" said Sirius with a grin. James was howling in laughter and Remus threw a nearby pillow at him.
"Hey, I didn't get you all riled up, it was those two over there." James said pointing to Sirius and Peter.
"That's riiiiiight Remmy my man," said Peter. "It would be us that has blessed you with your gaseous talents."
"You're gonna get it, later you know that right?" said Remus.
"Oh…. right."
"Aww come on Remus!! It's not like it smells or anything." said Sirius. Remus than let out a particularly loud one.
"Oh my God… Remus, that was real wasn't it! " shouted James as he covered his nose.
Remus just smiled. "What goes around comes around boys."
"Shut up, Remus." spat Sirius. He transfigured his quill to a clothespin and stuck it on his nose so that he wouldn't smell anything. Peter looked as if he was about to faint.
They strolled up to the girls studying and plopped down right across from them.
"Remus Lupin, what is that smell?!" said Lily covering her nose while the others did the same.
"You just said the answer." said Sirius. He sounded like a constipated pig with that clothesline on.
"Get away from us.. now. We're trying to study."
"Now, now, Evans, you can't rid of us that easily."
"Shut up, Potter, I was talking to you."
"No, but you were talking to US. And in the English language.. 'us' is defined as a pronoun relating to one or more persons that you directly talk to.. which would be… well… us." said James laughing at his own joke.
"You're so lame, Potter."
"Shut up, Evans."
"BOTH OF YOU , SHUT UP!" said Jade. There was noise again.
"Calm down now, pet." said Sirius with a grin.
"Calm?!?! You're telling me to be calm?! How can I be calm when fart boy over here keeps on announcing his talents, the big mouth family over here keeps bickering, and you with that stupid clothesline in your face!"
Sirius looked scared. "Uhh… I don't know."
"Ooooooo you're so irritating, you lot."
Carly and Penny were watching the scene in amusement giggling at the people in front of them.
"Potter, what are you doing?! Put you wand away! Hey!!" Lily tried to grab her parchment but it was too late.
James set up a charm and floated Lily's homework essay in the air. Suddenly a swirl was seen and words began to form. It said:
'Lily… you're head is bleeding!! Oh.. no.. that's just your hair.'
The swirl came back and as words formed again, it said:
'Miss Evans has a kinky fetish with her books.'
Lily was fuming and lunged at James who tried to run away but couldn't. Lily was now currently on top of James slapping everything in sight. James couldn't breathe.
"Geroff, Evans.. AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Lily's knee somehow managed to push into James' no-no spot and he was howling in pain. The others were clutching their stomachs in laughter.
"That's not funny, Sirius! How would you feel if that happened to you."
"All's fair, Jamesy. You'd be laughing to if that were me."
James tried to get up but was having a bit of trouble. He was walking bow-legged as if he just used the bathroom or something.
"Damn you , Evans. You'll pay for this when I can walk properly again."
Lily just chuckled. "Whatever, you prat."
The others were still laughing until Remus let out a huuuuuuge one.
"REMUS!!!!!" and they all threw pillows at him.
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For the rest of the night, James Potter was particularly sour at a sudden redhead. He couldn't walk a straight line… literally. He stumbled into the Great Hall for the feast still walking like he just sat on a horse the whole day. Yes.. it was THAT bad. All of Lily's weight went into her knee, and although she is fairly light, that's not how it feels like. James scowled at her and went to sit by his friends, who were snickering with delight.
"Shut up, you lot. It's not funny."
"Yes it is."
"Alright alright whatever."
They continued their snickering.
"Well you don't have to rub it in!"
"Obviously, you've been doing all the rubbing, James."
"Only you would come up with something like that, Black." said Remus irritably.
"I'm going to get that bloody Evans back by the end of the night." said James.
"And how are you going to do that?"
"Sirius… nothing like a good ole' sneaking in the girls' dorms to brighten up her wardrobe a bit."
"That's the oldest trick in the book, James. Lily will probably keep her trunk locked and stuff."
"Then I'll just have to sparkle up our little red-headed beauty then." snickered James.
The rest of the Marauders shook their heads as they saw the all-too-familiar evil grin spread out on James Potter's face as he ate his dinner.
"So you three ready for that quidditch match or what?" asked Peter.
"Well, considering that Wood has trained us to death… I think we're up for it." muttered James.
"You ready for your first announcement, Petey?" asked Remus.
"Of course! Check this out… 'And Lupin gets the quaffle, and a bludger is heading straight for him… he tries to avoid it and… what's this… The bludger has dropped… no fainted!! Oh no! What's that smell?!?!? Remus!!!!!'." The Marauders snickered as Peter finished. Even Remus cracked a smile.
"ANYWAYS…" said Remus. "Five galleons says that Jamesy boy here fails with his miserable attempt to get back at Lily."
"You're on!" said Peter.
Sirius hesitated… "Oh no… you're not betting with me again, Remus. I lost a galleon to you on your stupid paper football game!"
"You didn't say anything about charming the paper to go through the hoop, now did you.. Come on.. Sirius…. I'll bet my collection of sweets."
"DEAL!" said Sirius and they shook.
"Remus… I have a feeling you're going to lose this one, pal." said James..
"James old boy… I have a feeling you'll do something stupid like trip on the stairs or something.
James just shook his head and began thinking of what to do to his fellow house enemy.
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Well into the night, everyone was fast asleep….. almost everyone. In the 2nd year boys dormitory four boys lingered out of their rooms and down to the common room. The Marauders looked like they were going on another escapade again, but this time… James was going solo. He had his wand out and his mind set.
"Remember, Remus.. five galleons and your whole collection of sweets that could last you a life time." squealed Sirius.
"Yes.. but it will only last you two hours." muttered Remus.
"Shut up, you guys… I'm trying to get into sneaky-mode here."
"Sorry there, mate." said Remus as the other two zipped their mouths shut.
James couldn't wait for it to happen. He was going to charm Lily so that when she got out of her bed, she would sprout tentacles and have sign over head saying 'the lake squids' lost niece for sale'.
"Oh the beauty of it all" whispered James to himself and he crept up the girls' dormitories stairs. Step by step, he got closer to the girls' door when suddenly… he slipped. James Potter, considering the althletic person he is.. never slips.. but that's because a slide had appeared in place of the stairs and he went drifting down to the bottom.
"What the heck?!"
"Ohhh… so that's Dumbledore's addition to the dorms, huh." said Sirius. "Tough luck, James..
"No!" he hissed. "I won't give up" He then began to climb up the railing of the stairs… surely there was nothing booby-trapped about that… when suddenly, the rails started to turn oily and wet… causing James… who was almost at the top to come sliding down..
and down…
and down…
and down some more…
and suddenly stopped… but his legs were spread and his groin area rammed straight into the post at the bottom.
Sirius, Remus, and Peter watched the whole scene, and when they saw James get railed smack into the post… they crossed their legs and covered their no-no spots too. Seeing something as painful as that… you could almost feel it yourself.
James couldn't even breathe. He just let himself fall to the ground and just laid there… in terrible, terrible pain.
Remus' face turned red. "Well it looks as if I should take divination next year… I did say you'd fall down the stairs…" he said trying his best to hold in his laughter. The others were turning red too, with their faces all puffy and looked about to explode.
James looked about to explode too… explode with a screech of pain, but instead in a very girly voice he managed a "Ouch." and this caused silent laughter from the Marauders. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were all on the floor, clutching their stitched stomachs in laughter and pointing straight at James. About two minutes later, he got up and hastily tried walking back towards the boys' room. He turned to look at his friends….
"It's not funny." he said still in that high pitched voice causing them to roll over and over again still cracking up silently, yet again as it died down from before.
James then had the urge to make an obscene gesture to his friends… but he remembered the last time he stuck out the finger to Sirius… he got in deep trouble with his mother. In his state, he didn't want any more bad luck to come to him and just hobbled into the room… the other boys still trying to catch their breath.
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Well, that chapter was rather interesting, don't you think?? Damn… sucks to be James Potter right now, doesn't it. haha. It's just like in There's Something About Mary… when Ben Stiller gets bitten in the genitals by Mary's dog… damn.. everyone could almost feel it. It's the exact same thing with our boy James Potter here. Haha oh it was fun torturing him… but you know.. he gets the girl in the end. So it's even. Bye for now.