Jim's Folly

Okay, you're going to be seeing bits and pieces of many future chapters finally coming together. The next chapter hurt me to write…though I must say I'm glad it's done. Mia, I'm glad you like Raven. It's always good to have an original character people like…^^

I hope you all scream and wail at me your comments. I thrive on them, I hope you realize.


Chapter Nine

"So, Andy, what do you want to do for your birthday?" Raven asked him one morning as she poured herself a bowl of cereal. Andrew was working on one of his own at the table in the tiny kitchen.

"I don't know…be with you, I guess," he replied in between mouthfuls.

Raven smiled. "That's sweet, and I'll be there, but don't you want to do something with…I don't know, maybe a friend of yours? How about Robbie from down the hall? You two have fun together."

Andrew shrugged. "Maybe," he said, scooping more cereal into his mouth.

Raven grinned and ruffled his hair as she sat next to him to start her own cereal.

"Either way, baby, we'll be together."

Andrew smiled back, his lips wet with milk. "And that's the important part, da?"

"Da, sweetie."

----

It was a few hours later and Andrew was at play group with a few other lower-income children and Raven was finally at work. The Admiral had given her a new office, smaller, but still, she had an office to retire to at the end of her classes.

Her first dance class had gone well; new students were always a joy, even if she was taking over for another teacher who had 'finally' retired.

"So…" Raven asked herself, looking at the schedule. "I have choir later today…wow," she noted. "A lot of kids signed up!" Sure enough, nearly thirty cadets had signed the sheet to be in class that day.

Raven's stomach fluttered with excitement. She couldn't wait.

There was a knock at her door and she set her schedule down on her desk and turned to face the door as she called out, "Come in!"

She wasn't prepared for who walked in.

Sullen with eyes sunken into his skull, his hair dirty and matted, his once-handsome face littered with bruises, was Jim Hawkins.

Raven gasped. Frozen, she reached out a hand to him. "Jim! I …how? Oh, my…" She couldn't say anything. He smiled faintly and shrugged. "I know what ya mean, Cap. I know yer happy to see me."
Raven's eyes were swimming with tears and she couldn't stop herself from rushing forward and collecting the boy into her arms.

Jim was shocked at first but hearing her sobbing against him, he couldn't help but feel something as his heart broke. This woman cared about him. There was someone out there besides his mother who cared that he was alive. These thoughts touched him and Jim decided it would be best to acknowledge her hug so he wrapped his arms around her in return. Once the hug was over, Raven looked him over, stroking his hair and touching his bruises lightly. "Are you okay?" she asked him, her eyebrows furrowed together.

Jim nodded. "I've been better, but…well…I don't know, Cap. I just…don't know."
"Why did you come?" she asked, curiosity getting the best of her.

He was silent for a moment. Hesitant.

"I …don't know that much either."
Raven smiled. "That doesn't matter. You do know you have been missed around here, right?"

"Amy?" he asked, smirking faintly. While he saw Beth often, he hadn't seen Amy since he'd left.

"Amy and I always get to talking about you when we're together, Jim." Raven sat down at her desk and Jim sat across from her, just like old times. He looked around her new office for a moment, nodding every once in awhile.

"So…they demoted you, I hear."
"No longer a captain, you know." She shrugged. Not much she could do about it!

Jim nodded. "Whatever. You're still here. And that little boy's picture follows you everywhere!"

Raven's pulse sped a few beats. He was referring to Andrew.

"So…who is he, anyway? Little brother?"

"Nu-I mean, no! No…he's…a relative of mine."
"Yeah, I'd believe it." Jim reached forward and looked at the picture closely, holding it out in front of him to compare Andrew's picture to Raven's face. "Yeah…you two definitely look alike."
"Yeah, so we're told."

Jim set the picture back in its place and Raven breathed a sigh of relief.

"So, Jim…what are your plans for the next while?"

"You mean…when am I coming back?" he asked. Raven nodded. "You know me well, Hawkins."
"I don't know when I'm coming back, Cap."
"I'm not a captain anymore, Mr. Hawkins."
"And I'm not a cadet anymore, Cap. Stop calling me Mr. Hawkins."

Raven was silent for a moment. Sitting in the still with him like this was nice. She missed these times. Her heart was beginning to ache just looking at him. Though he appeared well, his eyes scared her. Even more so were the bruises that glared at her.

"Who did that to you?" she thought out loud. Jim smiled. "I was waiting for it."

Raven blushed. "I said that out loud, didn't I?" Jim nodded.

"If you must know, it's what happens when Rowan's high. He gets mad and thinks I took all his drugs so he beats me up. Before you rag on me about taking it, be glad that I take it so he forgets that Beth is nearby."
Raven paused. Beth? Beth was in on this too?

"Beth comes over a lot, so when Rowan's high, he gets moody and I get in his face and get Beth out of there before he can hit her. It's a good system."

"Not for you, Jim. I admire that you're trying to protect her, but try to protect yourself! One of these days if you're not careful you could really get hurt!"

Jim nodded. "Yeah, I know…but…I'll be alright. Just wait, Cap. You'll see."

Jim rose to leave and Raven frowned. "Going already?"

"I …yeah. I can't stay for long…I'm sorry, Cap. I'm going home for awhile…gonna see my mom and stuff. You know. Christmastime stuff. Only…without the Christmas…time."

Raven stood and nodded. "It was good to see you, Jim. I'm so glad you're okay. Keep in touch, okay?"

Jim nodded. "Will do."

"And Jim-?" Raven called as he turned to leave.

She met his eyes and with utmost sincerity, warned him: "Don't do anything stupid."
With a smile, he closed the door behind him.

---

"Jim!" Sarah embraced him as soon as he stepped through the door. "I'm so glad you're safe!"

Jim hugged his mother back, truly happy to see her. He buried his face in her hair. She still smelled the same. She smelled like a mother. The smells were the same, the house was the same…even if it was Delbert's manor, it still smelled like home to him. Sarah must have been doing all of the cooking. According to Sarah, Delbert and Amelia were engaged to be married and were already choosing a new place to live in, on one of the richer areas of Montressor.

The Ben Bow Inn was near completion, and Jim planned to help out that summer. Greeted by Morph, Jim held the little pink blob against himself for a long time. He was happy to see that little blob, even if it could only show affection by slobbering on him.

Wiping Morph's previous drool from his face, Jim went to see the rest of the family. He was home.

---

Even though the place was small, Andrew's smile lit up the room. Robbie from a few doors down the hallway was over and the two were having a blast playing with a small video entertainment system the two mothers had put their money together to rent for a few days.

The two women talked while the boys had fun and eventually, it was time for cake and singing as Andrew blew out the six candles that lit up the colorful cake on the table. Kissing his mother, he told her he loved her and how this had been the best birthday he'd ever had.

---

Jim had a problem. It was a big problem. Sarah knew it, Delbert knew it, Amelia even knew it. Amelia already was displeased in Jim's decision to drop out of the Academy.

Jim frowned. He'd been helping his mother rebuild the Ben Bow for the last few weeks until that had gotten boring. One night out with a few old buddies-turned-bad left Jim with some old addictions rekindled and now he was stuck. Sitting in his room against his bed, he looked at the bottle which was now empty and waited patiently for the familiar buzz to get his day started.

Rising to his feet, he went to his mirror and studied himself. Whatever he'd done in the past was torturing his looks now. His eyes were glazed over and sunken into his face, he had dark bags under his eyes and old bruises were finally gone, but he'd not shaved in weeks, so he had a face full of old stubble. His hair was dirty and matted to his head; he needed a haircut badly and a good night's sleep. His youthful beauty was gone. Raven was right. He was doing things that were stupid and he wasn't listening to her. Why not? He cared what she had to say. So what was stopping him from obeying? He didn't know yet, and he didn't think he'd find out for a long time.

Sarah knew now about his addictions and knew it wouldn't be long before Jim underwent severe and possibly violent withdrawal from the cocaine. She knew this could be a problem and sent Jim to his room whenever he wasn't helping with the Ben Bow.

She knew he had a problem with alcohol and, even though she wasn't digging through his room to rid him of it, she knew he had it. She didn't know why she didn't take it from him. She knew a lot of things…but this was one thing she knew nothing about. She'd decided to let him make his own choices and deal with them as they come. If things got out of hand, she could always send him back…couldn't she?

---

It was during Raven's class that she got the call. Picking up her small cellular phone and stepping out of the classroom for a moment, she answered.

"Mrs. Hawkins? Raven Calls. What's wrong?"

"It's Jim," Sarah replied. "He's…having some problems."

"Is he…"

"I think it could be withdrawal…I'm really worried about him, Instructor…" Raven could tell as Sarah's voice cracked that she was crying.

"What can I do, Mrs. Hawkins?" Raven bit her lip. This was bad. She knew this was going to happen.

"Come here…to Montressor…come get him, I guess…I can't have him here anymore, Instructor. He's…dangerous."

"Has he…gotten violent?" Raven didn't want to hear Sarah's reply.

"Only in his speech. Instructor…" Sarah took a few breaths. "It's hard to even believe now that he's my son…can you do something?" Raven paused for a second, her thoughts racing at unimaginable speeds.

"I'll come, Sarah. I'll be there."
Saying goodbye and making arrangements, Raven also arranged for Andrew to stay at Robbie's for the night as Raven headed off to the closest ship's flight to Montressor.

-----

He knew she'd come. Even as she stood in his bedroom doorway, glaring at him, he knew she'd come to talk him out of this. She walked towards him, kneeling in front of him. He thought this was slow-motion. She still wore her white work clothes. Her hair was out of its usual braid and hanging down her back, loose, unkempt. She looked beautiful. He felt her soft hands gently placed on his shoulders and thought he heard her talking to him. Her voice was gentle, though he couldn't make out the words. Beautiful. She was shaking him slightly, making the world spin around his head. She was talking to him still. Her tone was sharper. He met her eyes. So beautiful. They were the only things he could focus clearly on and he was fascinated. Brown and surrounded by dark, long lashes, her eyes were the prettiest he thought he'd ever seen. And through his drunken stupor he even thought he saw her crying…

---

I can't believe this. I'm only seventeen and already, I'm turning into a crackpot like my father. He was an alcoholic years ahead of my time…so what am I doing it all for now?! I hate my life. Homework is the pits. These captains all seem to hate me…and I'm a useless teenager emptying my life with every bottle I consume. What's wrong with me? Is there something so satisfying about alcohol?

Jim frowned, angry. Coming back to the same town as the Academy, he thought he'd have gotten himself under control. Yet his plan had backfired on him. He'd drunk another one. Yes, another bottle. The empties sat under the bed of the shack, snickering, laughing at him. Mocking him. Coward, they accused. You'll never get away from us now.

---

Back in her office, Raven was crying her eyes out, terrified for Jim's life. Thinking of him, she realized how much she did care and how much she would indeed miss him if he died.

She couldn't let him continue like this. She had to help, but she didn't know how. How could she get close to him? He was so distant. The alcohol and the cocaine withdrawal had messed with his brain and now, the only person he'd allow near him was the last person she wanted near him. Rowan.

More tears fell as she pounded her fist against the glass of the office's window. She had to reach him, but how? How could she get to him before it was too late?

Even more so, how could she reach him when he was slipping through her fingers? How could she tell him, her student, that she was falling for him, that she longed to have him to herself, that she wanted him for her own. She didn't know how to tell him her maddening desire to spend a moment, even if it was only a moment, in his arms. She didn't know how to explain to him about Andrew, but she knew he'd understand. She knew he'd accept Andrew. She knew he'd like Andrew. She also knew she was falling for him. She knew a lot of things. And as she stood in her office and thought of this particularly messed-up student, she fell deeper until she came to a conclusion.

She loved him.

--

Why did I let her get to me? It's because she's right, isn't it…She raises a good point. I mean, I have thrown it all away…and for what? To become like my father? Yeah, that's exactly what I want.

---

Andrew was worried. Mommy was spending much too much time pouring over a certain student. Andrew never questioned her, he just knew that all of her time had been recently devoted to this boy who lived not too far from here who had left her class to be with some friends of his. Mommy had said they weren't nice friends and she was worried about him. If Mommy was worried about this boy, so was Andrew. Petting his cat, Andrew looked out the window and decided to worry about this boy, too.

----

Jim hated his life. Why was he still here? He could end it all…right here. That Raven chick knew nothing. She didn't have to come in here and try and get him to get back on track. He didn't want to, and that was that, plain and simple.

Tears fell down his cheeks and moistened his shirt. He looked at the box. It was open, waiting for him. The drugs seemed to call. Come to us, Jim…we miss you.

He blinked several times and touched the new bruises Rowan had inflicted. Rowan had called them "Welcome Home" beats. Beats like one would get on their birthday. Only harder. Jim sighed heavily, beginning to tremble. He'd rather Rowan beat him up than Beth, at least. But if Jim wasn't around…Rowan wouldn't beat anyone.

So he nodded, assuring himself. "I'll end it. All of it. My life, my stupid future. I'll end it all right here, right now."
He picked up the box.