Jim's Folly

You've stuck with me. Thank you. I love you. No, I really do.

Angel, your review tickled me to the extent of snorting really loudly and…yeah. It lightened my day. Thank you. Abby….why would I kill Jim off? I mean, I'm totally a stereotypical writer whose characters always have a happy ending. Why would I need to kill off the main character? What kind of person does that?! (I'm kidding, here. I always do plot twists. I'm known to kill off main characters.) You will hate me. You will never expect what happens. Muaha. *grins* I'm just teasin', I hope you know. You'll just have to wait and see what happens!

Those of you who are in love with Jim will hate me for the descriptive nature of this chapter. I'm sorry. I hated writing it and Rowan turns a *tiny* corner, but…it's all in the plan. I know nothing about drugs. Honestly. I did research for this chapter.


If this all makes no sense, I'm sorry.

Chapter Ten

He watched himself do it. It was old fashioned, but it did the trick. Needles. Heroin. While it was an old-school drug, it still gave him the high he wanted.

He watched himself stick the needle into his forearm; he watched himself take it out; he watched himself drop the needle on the ground and lean back to wait for the drugs to hit his bloodstream and paralyze him in bliss for only a while longer. It didn't even sting like it used to. All of the pleasure that the pain gave him was gone. His body was too used to it. His arms were scarred and bruised. His face was sullen; his eyes were sunken in and the bags underneath were dark with loss of sleep. His lips were dry and chapped and his eyes no longer held life in them. Jim was a lost soul.

Rowan was long gone; he'd left a while back, claiming to go in search of more drugs for them. He'd said that each time and returned with nothing. He was in search of some drug called 'Heaven', a new mix of some older drugs.

Jim sat on the floor, slumped over in the corner, his mouth dry, his throat tight. He was afraid. Seventeen years old, still a baby, practically, and he was about to get hit with the drugs that were on their way.

He was terrified.

His breathing quickened but he tried to force himself to calm down. He didn't want to freak out too badly…the last time that had happened he'd blacked out and woken to Rowan in a drunk rage. He'd never wanted to experience that again.

He always liked to be out of the abandoned shack before Rowan returned.

Rowan was never good to be around when he was on a high. He got extremely violent when he was doped up or worse, and Jim had had a few encounters too many with him during these times.

He felt a strange sensation; the heroin was beginning to affect him. His vision began to swim and he felt a new strength. His body was starting to depend on this drug to stay functional. Rising to his feet, Jim staggered to the door, forcing it open. Rowan was about to enter, surprisingly sober. Grabbing the disoriented Jim, Rowan forced him back to the floor. "Woah, Jimmy. You're not supposed to be leaving when you're high, remember? We talked about this last night," he stated, a steady hand on his chest and back.

Jim's head rolled back and his eyes rolled around in his head, eventually settling on Rowan's worried face. "Why...do you care?" Jim stuttered. Rowan frowned. "Yeah, I'm somewhat human like you when I'm not high, ya know."

Jim's vision was so blurry that before him all he saw was a blue blob. What Rowan saw were two crossed eyes, trying to focus on his worried face.

"Row…an…wha…am I…?" Jim's breathing came in breaks. His lips were turning blue.

"What are you?" Rowan asked, worry entering his system. Jim was never like this. He was never this bad. It never happened to this point…he never took too much…at least, not enough to affect him like this. Rowan glanced into Jim's corner and noticed more than one needle on the floor. His pulse quickened and he glanced back down at Jim, who had begun to drool without knowledge of it. He was slowly getting heavier in Rowan's arms.

"Jim, you're…high. Too high. Did you overdose? How many did you have?" Rowan demanded frantically, shaking Jim. Jim muttered incoherently, his tongue not allowing him to speak. There were gurgling noises coming from the back of his throat. His breathing was slowing down.

Rowan shook Jim again. "Jim! Can you hear me? How many needles did you take?"

Jim blinked a few times before forcing out the word "…I lost count….after….five…"

"Five?!" Rowan's eyes grew wide and he began to tremble. "Jim…you're going to die!"

Jim didn't seem to notice as he slipped into unconsciousness where his dreams overtook him.

---

In his dreams, all he saw was his mother. She was crying. No Morph, no B.E.N., not even Raven, his Captain. Only Sarah Hawkins remained, crying. Raven's words returned to Jim and his heart broke.

"Don't let anything come in between you two, you hear me?"

He fell to his knees and cried, the hole in his heart growing larger as he watched his mother cry and cry and cry.

~ ~ ~

When Jim returned to the shack, Rowan was waiting for him. After he'd woken from his overdose three days later to a trembling, muttering, paranoid Rowan, Jim had risen and left the shack, not returning for almost a week. Rowan wondered where he'd gone, but he knew Jim would be back.

When Jim entered the shack, Rowan rose with a grin. He wasn't the only one waiting there for Jim.

Jim looked around, unsteady on his feet as the effects of the heroin still hung with steel claws; even if slightly, they were still there.

Rowan grinned and motioned for the person to come forward.

"This is Heidi, Jimmy. I brought her here for you," he stated. The girl was pretty in her own way, but by the way she was dressed, Jim knew what kind of girl she was. Disgusted but intrigued, Jim offered his hand. "Nice t'meetcha…" he muttered.

Rowan turned to Heidi. "He's still a bit…hung over, I guess."

Heidi shrugged. "No matter. He'll never forget me!" Rowan grinned mischievously. "Don't go making a mess in here. I just cleaned up!" he joked. He left the shack with a wave. "I'll come back in a couple of hours." With that, he left Jim alone. Alone with this woman….this…prostitute. Is that what she was? Jim felt sick. Rowan was setting him up with a prostitute. The sad thing was, he was too drugged up to even argue.

***My apologies to any readers named Heidi. ^_~

---

In the shack one night, Jim lay on the one bed, too tired to move, when Rowan entered, whistling a happy tune to himself. He held something and Jim sat up. "Got something for me?" he asked.

Rowan grinned and sat on the edge of the bed. "Here, Jimmy. It's called LSD."

Jim frowned. "What is it?"

Rowan shrugged. "I know it's old school, but it does the trick. Y'know, like cocaine and alcohol do. Y'eat it. Here."

Rowan handed Jim a small square of paper.

----

It had been nearly a year since Raven had seen Jim, but even though she'd heard nothing, her heart still ached with worry for him. Not a day went by when she didn't think of him and each day she wondered if he was going to come back.

Andrew was turning seven soon and Raven was almost twenty-one. Jim had to be nearly eighteen. She wished Jim would come back, even to let her know he was still…alive.
As she sat at her desk that afternoon going over her curriculum for the next year, she was interrupted by a knock on her door.

Admiral LeighArc stepped in without permission, but the look in his eyes told her he didn't require it.

"Instructor Calls, I've heard a report on your favorite ex-cadet."
Raven's heart flittered with excitement. "What have you heard, Admiral?"

"You'll be happy to know that he's still alive, but…he's into worse things, in case you still wondered. A few of the Robo-cops caught Mr. Hawkins and his blue friend stealing; both were insanely high on LSD."

"LSD?"

"Yes. Lysergic acid diethylamide," Admiral LeighArc explained. He wrung his hands in front of him, explaining. "It's a drug taken by mouth. It may be from olden times, but word on the streets is that some kids out there are experimenting by mixing the drug with some others. A new drug they've created which is popular is called Heaven, a mix of ecstasy and LSD."

"Seriously?" Raven asked, raising her eyebrows. While she knew nothing of this, she knew there was much drug usage around her apartment. New drugs around…she had to keep Andrew inside at all times.

"Another thing you may be interested to know is we know where he's staying, and we know what he's been up to lately." The Admiral told her about the shack near her apartment building.

Raven raised an eyebrow. "Admiral?"

"He's basically a lost-cause, Instructor. He's caught in the snare of drugs and sex, that is…he's been introduced to the world of prostitution, so…I don't know if you'll get him back." He paused. "I'm sorry, Instructor. I know how important he was to you."
Raven paused momentarily, blinking back tears. No. It wasn't going to end like this. This wasn't over yet. It didn't have to be this way. Raven's eyes burned with tears and she spoke with fire in her eyes.

"You're right, Admiral. He is important. And he's still alive." She stood to her feet, turning away from the Admiral. "And you know what that means?" She pounded her fist against her desk. Admiral LeighArc awaited her response.

"It means there is still hope for him."

She turned and faced him. "There is always hope. I'm going to enforce that hope and get him back."

Admiral LeighArc shrugged. "Instructor, just don't get too into this…last time you did, you lost your position. There isn't very far to go from an instructor after this, you know…so be on your guard."

"Thank you, Admiral." Raven watched him leave before realizing she could go to Jim and get him back. She knew where he was, didn't she? Of course she did. Nothing was stopping her. She stood and left her office.

---

When she entered the shack, she was almost paralyzed with fear and shock. Rowan was nowhere in sight, but Jim was right there before her. He was lying on a shaggy-looking bed, staring up at the ceiling. At the opening of the door, he sat up to look at his visitor, expecting Rowan. He froze in place. It was her. Raven stared at him, studying him. He was worse than last time. His clothes weren't in good condition: he had a button-down shirt with a few buttons at the top undone, his pants were dirty and there were rips in the knees; his eyes were glazed. He was lost to her. His face wasn't as handsome as it used to be. It was now covered with a short beard, dirty, and his cheekbones were very visible as it was clear to Raven he had lost lots of weight. He stood as soon as she closed the door behind her. At least he recognized her.

Part of her wanted to rush forward and hold him to her for all of eternity, but she knew by the look in his eyes that this was neither the time nor the place. She was grateful there were no other men around.

"Jim…"
Jim staggered towards her. "Hey, Cap…how ya been?" he asked, slurring his words together. He smiled faintly. Raven shuddered. His smile wasn't even the sincere, shy smile it used to be. Now it was corrupt and full of lust. His teeth were bared, his lips curled. "What are you here for, Cap?" he asked her. Raven bit her lip, narrowing her eyes with a frown.

"Jim, I came because I've heard some things."

Jim stopped a few feet from her. "What things?"

Raven paused for a moment, considering how to word her next comment. "What you've been into lately…you know…"

"What? The drugs, y'mean?" Jim asked. Raven nodded. He was acting like it was no big deal. Throwing his life away was no big deal to him. Raven sighed. "The drugs among other things."
She sighed heavily before continuing. "I'm worried about you, Jim. That's why I came. I'm sick of worrying about you."

Jim frowned. "You worried about me?"

"Every day," she noted. Jim seemed to think that over for a moment. Raven took her chance to keep going. "I hated each day because I never knew what was going on…whether you were dead or alive…dying in some ditch or an alley…drugged to an extent of overdose.."

"That happened, like, a year ago. I'm not stupid enough to OD again, Cap."
His statement frightened her. She made up her mind. She'd had enough.

She cornered him, her eyebrows furrowed, nostrils flared, eyes ablaze with fire.

Had he not been terrified, he may have enjoyed having her so close to him. She smelled like flowers. Her hair was down and in her face, and her uniform smelled like perfume. Jim sighed, contented, to himself. The other women he'd known had never smelled this good.

"Do you like where you are, Jim Hawkins?! Do you seriously enjoy being so

caught up with drugs and sex that you let it consume you?! Have you given up on the dreams you've had?! What about the Ben Bow? What about your future?" She paused. Jim wasn't reacting. She had to get to him somehow.

"Do you care about your future? You can't tell me you don't remember. You know, the future you told Silver you saw?!" He flinched. She'd gotten him there.

"Look, Jim, you're throwing it all away. You're my best student. I don't want to see you slip away…you've gone too far already. And…now I regret not saying anything sooner." Tears sparkled in her brown eyes and Jim felt bad. He hated seeing a woman cry. Especially one who seemed to care about him. Jim softened as her tone did, but he still wore the smug smirk and had his arms crossed in defiance. Where was the cool temper the alcohol had given him? The heroin, the LSD… they had taken it all away.

"You're turning out like your father, Jim. And I know as well as you do that that's the last thing you want happening." He wouldn't let her comment sink in and show on his expression. As much as he didn't want to admit it, she was right. She was dead on, in fact. He was throwing it all away, and for what? So he could become like his father. The cheating, good-for-nothing abandoner.

He turned and left the shack, leaving her to stew in her frustration.