Jim's Folly

Lyrics from Googoodolls.com. (It has to be John Rzeznik or something. He knows how Jim works. Either that or his songs just fit…)

Oh, and Angel…my darling, my favorite…my precioussss….Each contribution….lovely.

Exquisite. Sensational. *looks in thesaurus* Wonderful, magnificent…

Chapter 14

"You're something special Jim. You're going to rattle the stars, you are!"

Jim was going to be okay. It took Sarah a long time to realize this fact, but Raven was often at her side to reassure the upset woman. Andrew came with Raven to the hospital multiple times to visit his new friend.

Jim had been shot in the stomach, missing major arteries, to his relief. Rowan's stupor had left him helpless to shoot Jim anywhere important.

Jim had by now been in the hospital for a few weeks and was slowly recovering. There was little time when Sarah wasn't next to him. Morph had even come along to cheer his friend up. Jim was ecstatic to see him, too.

It was late at night and Jim was tired of watching Infomercials when Raven stepped in. She smiled sheepishly. "Andrew's asleep in the waiting room on Sarah's lap…I thought now would be a good time to talk."

Jim sat up, turning the TV off and smiled. "Yeah, of course." He winced as he sat up, and Raven rushed forward to help him. He shook his head. "No, don't help me…"

"Jim, you can't do it alone," she said, gathering a few extra pillows from a chair beside Jim's bed. He leaned forward as much as he could as she stuffed the pillows behind him and fluffed them. He leaned back on them while she was still in mid-fluff and relaxed, sighing in contentment, though his breathing was labored. She smiled, happy to aid him, even if it was in a small way. She was also glad he was able to breathe on his own. Even though the bullet had missed major arteries, Jim had lost a lot of blood and had been on oxygen in critical condition for a long time. The doctors weren't sure if he would pull through the first night due to his significant blood loss, but Raven's prayers had worked.

She brought his blankets up closer around him and went back to neatening the pillows behind him. He propped himself up as much as possible with his elbow, inches away from her face. She paused what she was doing, her pulse quickening.

"Stop it, okay?" he asked, smiling faintly. "You're as bad as my mother."
She looked into his eyes for a few moments before licking her lips and smiling in embarrassment. "Sorry…I'm just…"
"You can't stand to see me helpless?" Jim asked, going back to relying on the pillows to hold him up. Raven could tell he was in pain. He was trying not to show it, but it was visible.

He turned his attention to the blank screen of the TV. This was awkward, but he was loving having her company. She pulled up a chair and sat next to him.

"How are you feeling, Jim?" she asked.

He smiled. "I've felt better, you know. But I think I could dance a little if they'd let me off this bed, y'know?"

Raven chuckled. He still had the same sense of humor, which was good.

Sighing, he turned as much on his side as he could, not saying another word. Silence of their voices ensued, but much noise continued; the beeping of Jim's heart monitor was continual, people talking in the hallways…Jim couldn't even hear them anymore. All he heard was his own thoughts as he looked at Raven. They were having a silent conversation just by looking into each other's eyes.

Jim smiled faintly, his blinking slowing significantly. "And I'd give up forever to touch you…"

Raven sighed, thinking as well. "I know that you feel me somehow," she thought to herself. Just between the two of them, much was taking place that didn't even need to be spoken. The silence told it all. "You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be and I don't want to go home right now…"

"Do you know why he shot you?" Raven asked all of a sudden, breaking the impenetrable silence. Jim shook his head. "Jealousy? Drunkenness? Stupidity? Captain, I have no idea," he replied quietly. Raven looked away from his eyes and studied the frail boy beneath the blankets. He had tubes all over him. He had an IV in his arm to give him the nutrients he'd failed to receive throughout the past year and he was on lots of medication. He had a lot of blankets on him because lately, he'd been complaining how cold he was. Raven could understand- through the year he'd lost significant weight. He was tiny. He'd lost all the meat he'd gained…and it was going to take a lot of rehab to get him back into the old ways of normal eating.

Jim's hands were out from the blanket, and Raven was so close, she could have taken his hand right then and there. Not even noticing her actions, she took his hand in between hers. His fingers responded, delayed, but still…they responded to her touch and interlocked with her fingers.

"I'm glad you're still with us, Jim," she whispered, tears clouding her eyes.

"All I can taste is this moment…and all I can breathe is your life…and sooner or later it's over…"

Jim was touched in the pit of his soul and he felt tingles up his spine. "I'm glad to be here, Cap."

"I should let you sleep," Raven said, starting to let go of his hand. He tightened his grip. "I don't want to miss you tonight" The thought of her leaving terrified him. "…stay," he pleaded. His plea was genuine. Raven smiled.

"So when can I come back to school, Cap?" Jim asked, closing his eyes. He was probably going to fall asleep soon.

Raven squeezed his hand and let go, reaching up to brush stray hair out of his closed eyes.

"When you're better. The Admiral wants to have you back if you're willing to stay clean."

Jim chuckled, coughing slightly after. "I've long since realized the error of my ways, if that's what you're talking about." He opened his eyes slightly to look at her. Though late at night, she still looked sharp. She'd also changed. He'd never seen her like this. She wore old, faded jeans with a hole in one knee and a large sweater, the sleeves pulled up. Her hair was down, hanging to her waist. How he longed to touch her hair. He could only imagine how it would feel to run his fingers through it…the silk that hung from her head. He wanted to…but knew he couldn't. She was out of his league. He couldn't help but admire her, though.

He decided to lay all the cards on the table and sighed heavily. "I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep with you sitting here just…watching me, you know?" Jim asked. He hoped with all he had within him that she would comply.

Raven started to stand. "I understand, Jim. Get your rest…"

He cut her off. "No, I mean…" She sat down again. He breathed deeply for a few seconds, trying again.

"I'm hoping you won't totally hate me for asking such a thing but…I've never…had the chance…well, honor, to, uh…hear you sing."
Raven blushed. "Jim…it's a hospital, people are sleeping…"

Jim frowned. "Captain, can you sing to me? Just…quietly, I don't care…I don't know if I'll be able to sleep without it…I need nurturing." "And I don't want the world to see me…"
 Raven smiled smugly. "Nurturing? I'll go get your mother." "Cause I don't think that they'd understand…"

Jim whined some more, bringing Raven to laughter. "Please?" he begged. "Give a dying old man his last wish…" "When everything's made to be broken…"

Raven, not amused by his comment, put her fingers over his mouth. "Stop. There will be no talk like that." "I just want you to know who I am…"

"So do you have an accent when you sing?" Jim asked, his voice muffled by her fingers. Her fingers were cold.

She blushed again and shook her head. "I don't understand how it works…" She looked at the ground, ashamed, it seemed. "You can't watch me." She pulled her hand away from his mouth.

"You can't stop me," he whispered.

Raven closed her eyes, knowing fully that he was right.

Taking slow breaths, she looked away from him and imagined herself teaching her class. She chose the song that ran through her head at that current time, unaware of the appropriateness of the song.

She began to sing.

"And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming…or the moment of truth in your lies…" She sang a little more. "Everything feels like the movies…"

Jim watched her sing, admiration flooding his every component. He thought to himself, "Yeah…you bleed just to know you're alive…"

"And I don't want the world to see me 'cause I don't think that they'd understand…when everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am…"

Jim didn't sleep for a long time after she'd left.

He couldn't stop thinking, nor could he get her haunting voice out of his head.

He loved her.

"I met this old cyborg… and he taught me I could chart my own course…That's what I'm gonna do."

"And what do you see off that bow of yours?"

"A future."