'REACHING FOR SARAH'S SOUL'
Author: Daenar Disclaimer: JAG is property of Belisarius Productions, CBS and Paramount Pictures. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: PG-13 Classification: Drama, Romance (H/M) Spoilers: Everything up to 'Answered Prayers' (mid-season 7)
Summary: Two people have finally found their way to one another when a tragedy forces them to turn back to the very beginning...
Author's note: I had almost forgotten about this story that I'd buried deep in my archives a year and a half ago due to a major case of writer's block. When I remembered it, I thought that no one would want to read it anymore. Yet, the complete lack of shippiness JAG is suffering at the moment made me rethink that point. I felt inclined to go back to the good old times and finally complete this piece, be it just to tie up loose ends.
We're back in the middle of season 7, just after 'Answered Prayers'. So Sergei has just come to the U.S. and Bud still walks on his own two feet.
*****************
Part One:
Dec. 31st 2320 ZULU The Roberts's home Rosslyn, VA
"You sure you're gonna be okay?" Mac looked intently at the young girl in front of her.
"Sure." Chloe seemed to grow at least another two inches. "You just go and have fun. We'll be all right."
"Did Harriet show you where you can find everything?"
"Yeah, and she also showed me how to change diapers." Chloe made a slight face.
Mac chuckled. "You know, Chloe, you never know when something you learn might come in handy."
"That's exactly what Harriet told me." Chloe let her gaze run up and down Mac's figure. "You look so beautiful. When I'm grown I want to be just like you."
Mac blushed slightly. "You never will for you are a blonde with blue eyes and I'm dark all over. But I'm sure you'll be a beauty one day. I can see that."
Now it was Chloe's turn to blush. Luckily she was spared a reply because Harriet entered the room, a half-sleeping toddler on her arms.
"He's got all he needs for tonight. If he should get hungry, just give him a bit of yogurt and at midnight let him stand up for a couple of minutes so he can see the fireworks and won't be afraid of any strange noises, okay?" Harriet put her son into Chloe's arms and rearranged her night blue silk dress. "Did I spill anything over myself?"
"No. You look great, Harriet." Mac gave her a critical survey and then nodded approvingly. They were interrupted by the doorbell. Straightening the collar of his galas, Bud came running out of the bedroom and hurried to open. Male voices could be heard from the corridor. Mac cast one last quick glance in the nearby mirror and checked her make-up. Chloe observed her closely with the slightest knowing smile.
"I heard there was some stunning Marine waiting to be accompanied to some ball tonight." Harm entered the room with a smug grin. Mac stifled a small gasp. This was definitely something she needed to get used to. Ever since Harm had kissed her under the mistletoe in this very same house, only a week ago, he couldn't seem to fight the urge to flirt with her. Noticing that she wasn't alone in the room, though, seemed to dampen this notion immediately and his expression became somewhat embarrassed.
"Hi Harriet, hi Chloe..." All of a sudden, he didn't seem to know what to do with his hands.
Mac noticed the winks and grins Harriet and Chloe exchanged as they greeted their friend. She desperately searched for an innocent topic but her brain suddenly felt void. Inwardly cursing her counterpart for being able to throw her off the track like this, she only managed a strained smile in his direction.
As the awkward silence began to stretch, Harriet saved the situation. "Sir, we were just about to put AJ to bed, but maybe you'd like to see to that yourself?" Mac made a mental note to thank her once she could catch her alone.
"Very kind of you, ladies." Harm knelt down and looked at AJ, obviously glad to have something else to focus on. "Hey, young man, can you say hello to Uncle Harm?"
The toddler sleepily traipsed over into Harm's arms and fell asleep the moment Harm lifted him up into the air.
"Take the towel." Harriet placed it under AJ's little head that was resting against Harm's broad shoulder. "You can never be sure if your galas will survive a three year old boy. Chloe, I want to show you something else in the kitchen." She and the girl left the room. Harm seized the opportunity and stepped over to the window. Mac felt her panic rise when she saw that the smug expression had returned to his gaze. What the hell had happened to this man? How was she supposed to react? True, the idea of Harm coming forth and making a move was a nice concept for a change. Still, having it actually happen was a scenario she simply wasn't prepared for. Whether in Australia or on Chegwidden's porch, it had been her to force him to react. Maybe the fear she was feeling was just the same he had felt back then. 'God, Harm, I'm so sorry... I'll never do it again, I promise... but, please, stop flirting with me until I work out a strategy how to react!'
"Somehow I was hoping for a somewhat warmer welcome." He was entirely too close for her liking.
Mac decided that attack was the best defense. She turned around and threw him a mockingly annoyed glance. "Embarrass me again in front of everyone and you'll notice just how cold I can get."
Harm grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I was sure Harriet and Chloe were putting AJ to bed because I didn't hear any voices from the living-room. You know, women tend to be rather noisy folks when in large numbers."
Putting her hands to her hips, Mac shook her head. "I won't take any more of this macho talk, boy toy. By the way: hi."
Harm put a finger to his lips, indicating their sleeping godson. "Like to help me put him to bed?" he said in a low voice that was dripping with barely veiled innuendo. Again fighting the impulse to run and hide, Mac made a movement with her right hand as if to slap him. He caught her hand in mid-air and brought it to his lips, his eyes never leaving hers. "By the way: hi."
Once more, Mac's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed but held his glance. For a magical second she thought he might renew the kiss from a week ago - but the moment passed and she drew back self-consciously. He let go of her hand and they went to little AJ's room. From the corner of her eye, Mac observed Harm with the little boy. It seemed so natural to see him tuck his godson in and gently kiss him goodnight. A slight smile played on his lips as he stood and watched AJ cuddle into his quilt in his sleep. Mac knelt down beside the bed and, careful not to wake the boy, brushed a strand of hair from his forehead.
"Good night, munchkin," she whispered and stood up again. They switched on the baby monitor and left the room. Mac felt Harm's eyes on her as she was listening through the closed door to check if AJ was asleep for good. Suddenly she was glad she had chosen the new dark green silk dress with matching stola.
"What I said earlier was true: you sure do look stunning tonight, Marine," he said in a low voice, offering her his arm to lead her back into the living-room.
"Well, thank you," she replied, trying to sound casual but inwardly jumping with joy about the compliment.
In the corridor, Bud was waiting with Sergei. "What did you do to your brother, sir?" he asked, indicating the plaster cast on Sergei's left leg.
"Don't look at me that way, Bud, it was him who went skating without proper equipment." Harm led Mac over to his brother who greeted her warmly in Russian and then continued in English, "I just wanted to find out if your ice is as slippery as ours." He grinned slyly.
Bud raised his eyebrows. "I see you found out it is. You sure you're okay, staying behind with Chloe and AJ?"
Sergei smiled in a way Mac found was very similar to his elder brother's. He lifted one of his crutches and banged it against the other. "I couldn't dance anyway. I'm sure Chloe and I will have fun."
Harm looked sternly at his brother. "Okay, pal. I'll hold you responsible for everything that's going on here tonight, is that clear?"
Sergei snapped to attention. "Aye, sir!" he bellowed.
"Shut up," Harm chuckled, shaking his head. Chloe and Harriet returned from the kitchen. The officers helped their ladies into their coats, they waved to Sergei and Chloe and headed for the waiting taxi.
Jan. 1st 0445 ZULU Capitol Hill Washington, D.C.
Midnight was approaching fast but the crowd on the great dance floor still hadn't thinned. Harm thought he didn't mind. It was the best excuse he had for holding Mac close to him while they were dancing. He had been dancing with her ever since dinner had been over, only interrupted by the few times when Admiral Chegwidden, Bud, Sturgis or Webb had asked Mac to dance. Reluctantly, Harm had then asked Harriet, Bobbi and even Singer but he couldn't wait to go back to Mac. There were few opportunities to have her to himself like this and he wanted to make the most of it. As they were now slowly waltzing along the line of tables at the side of the dance floor, Harm saw Sturgis wink at him. He frowned and led Mac through a swift combination of steps, showing off a little. Luckily Mac was easy to guide in dancing. Sturgis raised an astonished eyebrow.
"What was that for, sailor?" Mac whispered into his ear.
"Just defending my honor."
Mac had apparently decided she didn't need to know any particulars. Harm was glad. Any explanation would only have disturbed the magic of the moment. Instead, Mac closed her eyes and let herself be carried away by the music. Moon River. Harm softly hummed along with Sinatra, watching a slight smile play on her features. He could have gone on like this forever.
Being completely honest with himself, he had to admit he was feeling a lot more uneasy about the situation than he'd let on. In the last few days, his behavior had been something he had begun to worry about. Flirting wasn't new to him, but he had found himself flirting with Mac, and that was definitely a new one. He couldn't even remember how it had started but that tender, chaste kiss they had shared under Harriet's mistletoe had obviously pulled a plug somewhere inside him and set free what he had been afraid of for so long.
At first he hadn't even noticed. He had been with his family for three days after the Roberts's Christmas party. When he had returned to D.C., he and Mac had spent a lot of time with each other, redecorating his apartment a little, and by the time he'd become aware of the gradual change in his attitude towards her, he'd already been on a downhill road - and strangely, no fear would follow the revelation. On the contrary, he felt he was getting addicted to this new dynamic that was building up between them. He felt a need to catch her glance, to touch her arm, to smile, to throw witty remarks. Two days ago, he had noticed that she was becoming increasingly unsure around him and he had known he'd crossed the point of no return. Unwillingly maybe, but he definitely had. 'So be it.' He tightened his grip, feeling her body mold against his. This time he wouldn't run.
All of a sudden, they encountered a traffic jam on the dance floor. Waiting for the others to clear the way, Harm just held her tightly against him. Then the moment was over and the dancers moved on. But Harm never loosened his firm hold, forcing their movements into perfect unison. When the song was over, they just looked at each other for a few endless seconds, then Harm broke the eye-contact and offered her his arm to guide her to their table. Neither of them spoke a word.
"Get your champagne ready, people, it's almost midnight." The admiral joined them and all took their glasses and went outside to watch New Year coming. Outside, they were standing on a platform, looking up into the black sky where laser beams were creating a large clock. Harm and Mac had found a spot a little ways away from their colleagues. As they were counting down the last seconds, Harm felt Mac turn to him and again met her glance, unconsciously reaching for her hand. She started to tremble slightly, whether from the cold or due to sudden emotions he couldn't tell. 'Don't back away now,' he implored himself as he stepped closer.
Midnight. Someone started singing Auld Lang Syne and people immediately joined in, Harm took a deep breath and closed the distance. Very shyly, he allowed his lips to brush hers and linger there for the briefest moment as if to ask if he should go on. He needed all of his willpower not to jump when Mac carefully deepened the kiss. Shaking, he went along with her actions and kissed her more passionately. It was like they were the only people around, the crowd just forming an indefinite mass of movement and noise.
When he finally broke the contact, he saw that there were tears in her eyes. He caught one of them on her cheek with his thumb and tenderly brushed it away, trying not to hope for too much as to what might follow. It was still too wonderful to believe that finally, a year and a half after her almost marrying the wrong man and him almost dying in the effort to attend her wedding, they seemed to come closer than they had ever been before.
"Happy New Year, Sarah." He heard the slight tremor in his voice but for once wasn't afraid to show how he felt.
"Happy New Year," she replied almost reverently. "May all our wishes come true."
In silence, leaning onto each other, they watched the fireworks. Words were surplus to requirements.
Jan. 1st 1040 ZULU Mac's apartment Georgetown, D.C.
During the ride home they hadn't spoken much to each other, still reliving the events of this very special night. Now that the taxi had been sent away and Harm had to get home in his own car, Mac felt a strong urge to say something that would make him stay. Something meaningful that would seal what had transpired but hadn't been spoken aloud yet. But as it turned out, she was spared the effort.
He fixed his gaze to hers and touched her arm. "Mac..."
She swallowed. "Yes?"
"May I... can I come in for a moment, please?"
"Umm... sure." Shaking a little, she opened the door and let him in.
When the door was firmly closed behind them, she shyly looked at him and waited. Harm cleared his throat and nervously ran his fingers through his hair.
"Mac, I... I just wanted to say that... You have to know..." He stopped, helpless, not knowing how to address the subject.
Mac felt an inward tension so strong she thought she would explode any moment if he didn't go on. "What?" she urged him to speak.
Harm drew a deep breath and stepped closer. "What happened tonight..." he looked at her pleadingly as he went on very low. "I don't want this to stop right here. I..." He reached out and with his fingers traced the contours of her face. "You said we should go back to the beginning. I guess we did. Thoroughly." With a helpless laugh, he averted his eyes. "Somehow I feel we've managed to get beyond even where we were in our best times. I don't know if you..." his voice lowered to almost a whisper. "Do you think, after all that's happened, you'd be willing to give this... 'thing' between us a try?"
Mac didn't know how to react. Paralyzed, she listened to the man she loved as he told her what she'd longed to hear for so long. Just a week ago, she would have judged this impossible. Yet, here he was, handing her his heart. As the reality of the situation finally sank in, she wanted to throw herself into his arms. But she knew she had to take up his timing. Unsure, she waited for him to do something. Anything...
When he looked up again, she saw the fear in his eyes and realized she still hadn't answered. Stepping closer to him but not daring to touch him, she said in a low voice, "If I weren't willing to try we'd never have gotten to this point." She held her breath.
Comprehension seemed to dawn slowly on him. When he finally dared to believe his luck, he only took her into his arms and held her close for she knew not how long. Silent tears of yearlong suffering and final relief were shed on both sides as they were seeking comfort in an embrace that suddenly seemed to open up a whole new future. Finally, Mac stepped back and grinned, thoroughly embarrassed.
"Do you... uhm... want to stay the night or what's left of it?" she asked with a not entirely stable voice.
Harm avoided her gaze, playing nervously with his fingers. "There might be enough left of it after all," he said hoarsely. Then he met with Mac's eyes and they both burst out laughing, easing away the tension. Harm got rid of his coat, then again pulled her tightly to him and kissed her fervently. She put her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss even more. Long suppressed desire suddenly washed over them, but just as Mac was about to lose herself in oblivion, Harm pulled back and lifted his right hand as if to stop her. She looked at him with raised eyebrows.
"Wait a second. I forgot something. I'll be right back. Don't move." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and made a beeline for his coat. Having taken something from his pocket, he returned to where she stood. "Close your eyes."
"Harm, what..."
"Just a second. Please, Mac."
Mac shook her head at him, smiling, and closed her eyes, wondering just what he might be up to. Then she felt him step up behind her and nestle something around her neck. Amazed, she lifted her right hand to her bust and instead of her pearl necklace, she encountered a small metal object.
"What's this?" She opened her eyes and turned to face him, sure her surprise was visible on her features.
He smiled at her. "Have a look."
Mac went over to the mirror and looked, feeling new tears well up inside her. Around her neck, she saw a delicate white golden necklace. A little heart was hanging from it, not attached in the middle but, as the pendant was shaped only as a heart's outlines, the heart was dangling freely from the chain. At a loss of words, she turned to face Harm who had stepped close to her.
"Harm, I..." She swallowed.
"Like it?" The slight fear had returned to his eyes and she hurried to set him at ease.
"This is so beautiful, thank you." Resting her right hand on the pendant, she lifted her face and kissed him softly. "What's the reason?" she asked when they broke apart.
Harm laid his left hand on her right that was still resting on the necklace. "This is a very special jewel, you know. My father gave it to my mother when I was born. Mom tells me he said that with this pendant, he wanted to give her the whole of his heart. And he told her to give it to me when I had found the woman I really loved, so I could pass it on to her." He sobered, his emotions showing clearly in his eyes. As if to make sure she was awake, Mac reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly, drawing a smile that made her hold her breath once again.
"When I was at La Jolla for Christmas," Harm went on, "I told my mother I had finally decided to give the heart away. She didn't even ask to whom I intended to give it." He chuckled softly. "She only got up, fetched the case and said, 'Give my love to Mac, my dear. Make sure you deserve her.'"
At this, Mac couldn't prevent herself from laughing out loud, blushing deeply. Harm took her in his arms, caressing her back. "Trouble was, I didn't know how you'd feel about this." He leaned back to watch her, grinning. "Seriously, I was scared like hell all day you'd push me away. You would have had some reason I daresay." He sighed deeply, making her laugh even harder. Then he gently cupped her face with his hands.
"I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I always have, you know," he said softly.
The words. He had said them. Mac tightened her hold on him a little, afraid the impact would make her faint. The reaction wasn't lost on him and his smile turned just a little guilty. Glad to see a way out, she only stated, "Well, if you did, you had an odd way of showing me."
He fell earnest. "I know. I'm so sorry." He shook his head as if he couldn't believe his own stupidity. "Really, I mean it. I am infinitely sorry it took me so long to make up my mind. I could have spared us a lot of heartache if I hadn't been such a coward back in Sydney. Even back then there was nothing I wanted more than to have you by my side." His smile crept back up to his eyes. "Maybe the magical third kiss did the trick..."
Mac rested her hands on his that were still holding her face. "Don't trouble yourself with could-haves. You didn't back away this time. On the contrary, you started." Swallowing a sob, she lowered her voice. "This is all I ever wanted. I love you, too."
The overwhelmed expression on his features was enough to make her knees buckle for real. Harm caught her, swept her up and held her, laughing with her. "Don't let that boost your ego, flyboy," she managed to get out despite her laughter.
"I'll know how to interpret this," he retorted smugly, "You know what they say about dress whites and gold wings..."
"Oh, shut up!" Her lips silenced him effectively, and with a start she noticed that his hands had found the zipper of her dress.
Just then, the telephone cruelly interrupted the bliss. Mac rolled her eyes in exasperation. Who would call her on New Year at six o'clock in the morning? Harm stretched out his arm to reach for the receiver but Mac stopped him and gave him a warning look.
"We'd better get used to this ourselves first before we let the others know." She placed a quick kiss on Harm's lips and then picked up the phone. "Mackenzie."
["Ma'am? This is Harriet. They... oh God... There was..."] The rest was lost to helpless sobbing.
Feeling the color drain from her face and reaching for Harm's hand, Mac pushed the speaker button. "Calm down, Harriet," she said with more conviction than she felt. "What happened?"
Harriet's answer came in between little sobs. ["The front door has been forced, Ma'am. AJ, Chloe and Sergei are gone."]
To be continued... (Feedback always appreciated!)
Author: Daenar Disclaimer: JAG is property of Belisarius Productions, CBS and Paramount Pictures. No copyright infringement intended.
Rating: PG-13 Classification: Drama, Romance (H/M) Spoilers: Everything up to 'Answered Prayers' (mid-season 7)
Summary: Two people have finally found their way to one another when a tragedy forces them to turn back to the very beginning...
Author's note: I had almost forgotten about this story that I'd buried deep in my archives a year and a half ago due to a major case of writer's block. When I remembered it, I thought that no one would want to read it anymore. Yet, the complete lack of shippiness JAG is suffering at the moment made me rethink that point. I felt inclined to go back to the good old times and finally complete this piece, be it just to tie up loose ends.
We're back in the middle of season 7, just after 'Answered Prayers'. So Sergei has just come to the U.S. and Bud still walks on his own two feet.
*****************
Part One:
Dec. 31st 2320 ZULU The Roberts's home Rosslyn, VA
"You sure you're gonna be okay?" Mac looked intently at the young girl in front of her.
"Sure." Chloe seemed to grow at least another two inches. "You just go and have fun. We'll be all right."
"Did Harriet show you where you can find everything?"
"Yeah, and she also showed me how to change diapers." Chloe made a slight face.
Mac chuckled. "You know, Chloe, you never know when something you learn might come in handy."
"That's exactly what Harriet told me." Chloe let her gaze run up and down Mac's figure. "You look so beautiful. When I'm grown I want to be just like you."
Mac blushed slightly. "You never will for you are a blonde with blue eyes and I'm dark all over. But I'm sure you'll be a beauty one day. I can see that."
Now it was Chloe's turn to blush. Luckily she was spared a reply because Harriet entered the room, a half-sleeping toddler on her arms.
"He's got all he needs for tonight. If he should get hungry, just give him a bit of yogurt and at midnight let him stand up for a couple of minutes so he can see the fireworks and won't be afraid of any strange noises, okay?" Harriet put her son into Chloe's arms and rearranged her night blue silk dress. "Did I spill anything over myself?"
"No. You look great, Harriet." Mac gave her a critical survey and then nodded approvingly. They were interrupted by the doorbell. Straightening the collar of his galas, Bud came running out of the bedroom and hurried to open. Male voices could be heard from the corridor. Mac cast one last quick glance in the nearby mirror and checked her make-up. Chloe observed her closely with the slightest knowing smile.
"I heard there was some stunning Marine waiting to be accompanied to some ball tonight." Harm entered the room with a smug grin. Mac stifled a small gasp. This was definitely something she needed to get used to. Ever since Harm had kissed her under the mistletoe in this very same house, only a week ago, he couldn't seem to fight the urge to flirt with her. Noticing that she wasn't alone in the room, though, seemed to dampen this notion immediately and his expression became somewhat embarrassed.
"Hi Harriet, hi Chloe..." All of a sudden, he didn't seem to know what to do with his hands.
Mac noticed the winks and grins Harriet and Chloe exchanged as they greeted their friend. She desperately searched for an innocent topic but her brain suddenly felt void. Inwardly cursing her counterpart for being able to throw her off the track like this, she only managed a strained smile in his direction.
As the awkward silence began to stretch, Harriet saved the situation. "Sir, we were just about to put AJ to bed, but maybe you'd like to see to that yourself?" Mac made a mental note to thank her once she could catch her alone.
"Very kind of you, ladies." Harm knelt down and looked at AJ, obviously glad to have something else to focus on. "Hey, young man, can you say hello to Uncle Harm?"
The toddler sleepily traipsed over into Harm's arms and fell asleep the moment Harm lifted him up into the air.
"Take the towel." Harriet placed it under AJ's little head that was resting against Harm's broad shoulder. "You can never be sure if your galas will survive a three year old boy. Chloe, I want to show you something else in the kitchen." She and the girl left the room. Harm seized the opportunity and stepped over to the window. Mac felt her panic rise when she saw that the smug expression had returned to his gaze. What the hell had happened to this man? How was she supposed to react? True, the idea of Harm coming forth and making a move was a nice concept for a change. Still, having it actually happen was a scenario she simply wasn't prepared for. Whether in Australia or on Chegwidden's porch, it had been her to force him to react. Maybe the fear she was feeling was just the same he had felt back then. 'God, Harm, I'm so sorry... I'll never do it again, I promise... but, please, stop flirting with me until I work out a strategy how to react!'
"Somehow I was hoping for a somewhat warmer welcome." He was entirely too close for her liking.
Mac decided that attack was the best defense. She turned around and threw him a mockingly annoyed glance. "Embarrass me again in front of everyone and you'll notice just how cold I can get."
Harm grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I was sure Harriet and Chloe were putting AJ to bed because I didn't hear any voices from the living-room. You know, women tend to be rather noisy folks when in large numbers."
Putting her hands to her hips, Mac shook her head. "I won't take any more of this macho talk, boy toy. By the way: hi."
Harm put a finger to his lips, indicating their sleeping godson. "Like to help me put him to bed?" he said in a low voice that was dripping with barely veiled innuendo. Again fighting the impulse to run and hide, Mac made a movement with her right hand as if to slap him. He caught her hand in mid-air and brought it to his lips, his eyes never leaving hers. "By the way: hi."
Once more, Mac's breath caught in her throat. She swallowed but held his glance. For a magical second she thought he might renew the kiss from a week ago - but the moment passed and she drew back self-consciously. He let go of her hand and they went to little AJ's room. From the corner of her eye, Mac observed Harm with the little boy. It seemed so natural to see him tuck his godson in and gently kiss him goodnight. A slight smile played on his lips as he stood and watched AJ cuddle into his quilt in his sleep. Mac knelt down beside the bed and, careful not to wake the boy, brushed a strand of hair from his forehead.
"Good night, munchkin," she whispered and stood up again. They switched on the baby monitor and left the room. Mac felt Harm's eyes on her as she was listening through the closed door to check if AJ was asleep for good. Suddenly she was glad she had chosen the new dark green silk dress with matching stola.
"What I said earlier was true: you sure do look stunning tonight, Marine," he said in a low voice, offering her his arm to lead her back into the living-room.
"Well, thank you," she replied, trying to sound casual but inwardly jumping with joy about the compliment.
In the corridor, Bud was waiting with Sergei. "What did you do to your brother, sir?" he asked, indicating the plaster cast on Sergei's left leg.
"Don't look at me that way, Bud, it was him who went skating without proper equipment." Harm led Mac over to his brother who greeted her warmly in Russian and then continued in English, "I just wanted to find out if your ice is as slippery as ours." He grinned slyly.
Bud raised his eyebrows. "I see you found out it is. You sure you're okay, staying behind with Chloe and AJ?"
Sergei smiled in a way Mac found was very similar to his elder brother's. He lifted one of his crutches and banged it against the other. "I couldn't dance anyway. I'm sure Chloe and I will have fun."
Harm looked sternly at his brother. "Okay, pal. I'll hold you responsible for everything that's going on here tonight, is that clear?"
Sergei snapped to attention. "Aye, sir!" he bellowed.
"Shut up," Harm chuckled, shaking his head. Chloe and Harriet returned from the kitchen. The officers helped their ladies into their coats, they waved to Sergei and Chloe and headed for the waiting taxi.
Jan. 1st 0445 ZULU Capitol Hill Washington, D.C.
Midnight was approaching fast but the crowd on the great dance floor still hadn't thinned. Harm thought he didn't mind. It was the best excuse he had for holding Mac close to him while they were dancing. He had been dancing with her ever since dinner had been over, only interrupted by the few times when Admiral Chegwidden, Bud, Sturgis or Webb had asked Mac to dance. Reluctantly, Harm had then asked Harriet, Bobbi and even Singer but he couldn't wait to go back to Mac. There were few opportunities to have her to himself like this and he wanted to make the most of it. As they were now slowly waltzing along the line of tables at the side of the dance floor, Harm saw Sturgis wink at him. He frowned and led Mac through a swift combination of steps, showing off a little. Luckily Mac was easy to guide in dancing. Sturgis raised an astonished eyebrow.
"What was that for, sailor?" Mac whispered into his ear.
"Just defending my honor."
Mac had apparently decided she didn't need to know any particulars. Harm was glad. Any explanation would only have disturbed the magic of the moment. Instead, Mac closed her eyes and let herself be carried away by the music. Moon River. Harm softly hummed along with Sinatra, watching a slight smile play on her features. He could have gone on like this forever.
Being completely honest with himself, he had to admit he was feeling a lot more uneasy about the situation than he'd let on. In the last few days, his behavior had been something he had begun to worry about. Flirting wasn't new to him, but he had found himself flirting with Mac, and that was definitely a new one. He couldn't even remember how it had started but that tender, chaste kiss they had shared under Harriet's mistletoe had obviously pulled a plug somewhere inside him and set free what he had been afraid of for so long.
At first he hadn't even noticed. He had been with his family for three days after the Roberts's Christmas party. When he had returned to D.C., he and Mac had spent a lot of time with each other, redecorating his apartment a little, and by the time he'd become aware of the gradual change in his attitude towards her, he'd already been on a downhill road - and strangely, no fear would follow the revelation. On the contrary, he felt he was getting addicted to this new dynamic that was building up between them. He felt a need to catch her glance, to touch her arm, to smile, to throw witty remarks. Two days ago, he had noticed that she was becoming increasingly unsure around him and he had known he'd crossed the point of no return. Unwillingly maybe, but he definitely had. 'So be it.' He tightened his grip, feeling her body mold against his. This time he wouldn't run.
All of a sudden, they encountered a traffic jam on the dance floor. Waiting for the others to clear the way, Harm just held her tightly against him. Then the moment was over and the dancers moved on. But Harm never loosened his firm hold, forcing their movements into perfect unison. When the song was over, they just looked at each other for a few endless seconds, then Harm broke the eye-contact and offered her his arm to guide her to their table. Neither of them spoke a word.
"Get your champagne ready, people, it's almost midnight." The admiral joined them and all took their glasses and went outside to watch New Year coming. Outside, they were standing on a platform, looking up into the black sky where laser beams were creating a large clock. Harm and Mac had found a spot a little ways away from their colleagues. As they were counting down the last seconds, Harm felt Mac turn to him and again met her glance, unconsciously reaching for her hand. She started to tremble slightly, whether from the cold or due to sudden emotions he couldn't tell. 'Don't back away now,' he implored himself as he stepped closer.
Midnight. Someone started singing Auld Lang Syne and people immediately joined in, Harm took a deep breath and closed the distance. Very shyly, he allowed his lips to brush hers and linger there for the briefest moment as if to ask if he should go on. He needed all of his willpower not to jump when Mac carefully deepened the kiss. Shaking, he went along with her actions and kissed her more passionately. It was like they were the only people around, the crowd just forming an indefinite mass of movement and noise.
When he finally broke the contact, he saw that there were tears in her eyes. He caught one of them on her cheek with his thumb and tenderly brushed it away, trying not to hope for too much as to what might follow. It was still too wonderful to believe that finally, a year and a half after her almost marrying the wrong man and him almost dying in the effort to attend her wedding, they seemed to come closer than they had ever been before.
"Happy New Year, Sarah." He heard the slight tremor in his voice but for once wasn't afraid to show how he felt.
"Happy New Year," she replied almost reverently. "May all our wishes come true."
In silence, leaning onto each other, they watched the fireworks. Words were surplus to requirements.
Jan. 1st 1040 ZULU Mac's apartment Georgetown, D.C.
During the ride home they hadn't spoken much to each other, still reliving the events of this very special night. Now that the taxi had been sent away and Harm had to get home in his own car, Mac felt a strong urge to say something that would make him stay. Something meaningful that would seal what had transpired but hadn't been spoken aloud yet. But as it turned out, she was spared the effort.
He fixed his gaze to hers and touched her arm. "Mac..."
She swallowed. "Yes?"
"May I... can I come in for a moment, please?"
"Umm... sure." Shaking a little, she opened the door and let him in.
When the door was firmly closed behind them, she shyly looked at him and waited. Harm cleared his throat and nervously ran his fingers through his hair.
"Mac, I... I just wanted to say that... You have to know..." He stopped, helpless, not knowing how to address the subject.
Mac felt an inward tension so strong she thought she would explode any moment if he didn't go on. "What?" she urged him to speak.
Harm drew a deep breath and stepped closer. "What happened tonight..." he looked at her pleadingly as he went on very low. "I don't want this to stop right here. I..." He reached out and with his fingers traced the contours of her face. "You said we should go back to the beginning. I guess we did. Thoroughly." With a helpless laugh, he averted his eyes. "Somehow I feel we've managed to get beyond even where we were in our best times. I don't know if you..." his voice lowered to almost a whisper. "Do you think, after all that's happened, you'd be willing to give this... 'thing' between us a try?"
Mac didn't know how to react. Paralyzed, she listened to the man she loved as he told her what she'd longed to hear for so long. Just a week ago, she would have judged this impossible. Yet, here he was, handing her his heart. As the reality of the situation finally sank in, she wanted to throw herself into his arms. But she knew she had to take up his timing. Unsure, she waited for him to do something. Anything...
When he looked up again, she saw the fear in his eyes and realized she still hadn't answered. Stepping closer to him but not daring to touch him, she said in a low voice, "If I weren't willing to try we'd never have gotten to this point." She held her breath.
Comprehension seemed to dawn slowly on him. When he finally dared to believe his luck, he only took her into his arms and held her close for she knew not how long. Silent tears of yearlong suffering and final relief were shed on both sides as they were seeking comfort in an embrace that suddenly seemed to open up a whole new future. Finally, Mac stepped back and grinned, thoroughly embarrassed.
"Do you... uhm... want to stay the night or what's left of it?" she asked with a not entirely stable voice.
Harm avoided her gaze, playing nervously with his fingers. "There might be enough left of it after all," he said hoarsely. Then he met with Mac's eyes and they both burst out laughing, easing away the tension. Harm got rid of his coat, then again pulled her tightly to him and kissed her fervently. She put her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss even more. Long suppressed desire suddenly washed over them, but just as Mac was about to lose herself in oblivion, Harm pulled back and lifted his right hand as if to stop her. She looked at him with raised eyebrows.
"Wait a second. I forgot something. I'll be right back. Don't move." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and made a beeline for his coat. Having taken something from his pocket, he returned to where she stood. "Close your eyes."
"Harm, what..."
"Just a second. Please, Mac."
Mac shook her head at him, smiling, and closed her eyes, wondering just what he might be up to. Then she felt him step up behind her and nestle something around her neck. Amazed, she lifted her right hand to her bust and instead of her pearl necklace, she encountered a small metal object.
"What's this?" She opened her eyes and turned to face him, sure her surprise was visible on her features.
He smiled at her. "Have a look."
Mac went over to the mirror and looked, feeling new tears well up inside her. Around her neck, she saw a delicate white golden necklace. A little heart was hanging from it, not attached in the middle but, as the pendant was shaped only as a heart's outlines, the heart was dangling freely from the chain. At a loss of words, she turned to face Harm who had stepped close to her.
"Harm, I..." She swallowed.
"Like it?" The slight fear had returned to his eyes and she hurried to set him at ease.
"This is so beautiful, thank you." Resting her right hand on the pendant, she lifted her face and kissed him softly. "What's the reason?" she asked when they broke apart.
Harm laid his left hand on her right that was still resting on the necklace. "This is a very special jewel, you know. My father gave it to my mother when I was born. Mom tells me he said that with this pendant, he wanted to give her the whole of his heart. And he told her to give it to me when I had found the woman I really loved, so I could pass it on to her." He sobered, his emotions showing clearly in his eyes. As if to make sure she was awake, Mac reached for his hand and squeezed it tightly, drawing a smile that made her hold her breath once again.
"When I was at La Jolla for Christmas," Harm went on, "I told my mother I had finally decided to give the heart away. She didn't even ask to whom I intended to give it." He chuckled softly. "She only got up, fetched the case and said, 'Give my love to Mac, my dear. Make sure you deserve her.'"
At this, Mac couldn't prevent herself from laughing out loud, blushing deeply. Harm took her in his arms, caressing her back. "Trouble was, I didn't know how you'd feel about this." He leaned back to watch her, grinning. "Seriously, I was scared like hell all day you'd push me away. You would have had some reason I daresay." He sighed deeply, making her laugh even harder. Then he gently cupped her face with his hands.
"I love you, Sarah Mackenzie. I always have, you know," he said softly.
The words. He had said them. Mac tightened her hold on him a little, afraid the impact would make her faint. The reaction wasn't lost on him and his smile turned just a little guilty. Glad to see a way out, she only stated, "Well, if you did, you had an odd way of showing me."
He fell earnest. "I know. I'm so sorry." He shook his head as if he couldn't believe his own stupidity. "Really, I mean it. I am infinitely sorry it took me so long to make up my mind. I could have spared us a lot of heartache if I hadn't been such a coward back in Sydney. Even back then there was nothing I wanted more than to have you by my side." His smile crept back up to his eyes. "Maybe the magical third kiss did the trick..."
Mac rested her hands on his that were still holding her face. "Don't trouble yourself with could-haves. You didn't back away this time. On the contrary, you started." Swallowing a sob, she lowered her voice. "This is all I ever wanted. I love you, too."
The overwhelmed expression on his features was enough to make her knees buckle for real. Harm caught her, swept her up and held her, laughing with her. "Don't let that boost your ego, flyboy," she managed to get out despite her laughter.
"I'll know how to interpret this," he retorted smugly, "You know what they say about dress whites and gold wings..."
"Oh, shut up!" Her lips silenced him effectively, and with a start she noticed that his hands had found the zipper of her dress.
Just then, the telephone cruelly interrupted the bliss. Mac rolled her eyes in exasperation. Who would call her on New Year at six o'clock in the morning? Harm stretched out his arm to reach for the receiver but Mac stopped him and gave him a warning look.
"We'd better get used to this ourselves first before we let the others know." She placed a quick kiss on Harm's lips and then picked up the phone. "Mackenzie."
["Ma'am? This is Harriet. They... oh God... There was..."] The rest was lost to helpless sobbing.
Feeling the color drain from her face and reaching for Harm's hand, Mac pushed the speaker button. "Calm down, Harriet," she said with more conviction than she felt. "What happened?"
Harriet's answer came in between little sobs. ["The front door has been forced, Ma'am. AJ, Chloe and Sergei are gone."]
To be continued... (Feedback always appreciated!)