Chapter fifteen: Good conversation.

The end of February was approaching and one night found Kyra standing outside Professor Snape's door. Feeling rather stupid, she was contemplating whether to knock or not. She had confidently left her room in his' direction, but the lower she descended in the castle, the more doubts assailed her.

' What if he doesn't even like my company?' Her mind asked, but she had no answers to give it. The door looked positively forbidding, and Kyra almost turned back. ' Just go in,' her mind whispered. This was not the time for timidity, she decided, and, before she could change her mind, she reached out and opened the door.

" Miss Gardner," greeted his voice. " I was beginning to think you were a victim of petrificus totalus out there."

" I… I didn't think you were in," she fumbled, turning crimson red.

" As you may have realized by now, I very well am. Do come in… finally."

Kyra couldn't help but smile, she should have known that he was aware of her presence; he always seemed to. His voice had come from the bedroom, so she stepped towards it, noticing that it was indeed open.

" Yes, Professor," she answered and stepped inside. In front of the fire, she saw his dark form unfold and stand at its full height, backlit by the warmly lit hearth.

The man studied her, taking in her ruffled hair, bare feet and heavy fleece pajamas. She looked troubled about something, yet her unkempt beauty managed to charge his body with an electricity he tried to will away.

" What are you doing here?" he asked a bit roughly. " And at this time of the night?"

" I had another nightmare and, since I couldn't go back to sleep, I was looking for a good conversation," she whispered and heard him snicker.

" And you thought you'd find one here?"

Kyra smiled. " I've always had interesting conversations with you before," she told him.

He was silent for just long enough to cause her to shift from one foot to another and back again before he answered. His first reaction was a grunt.

" Very well," he said in the weary tones of one granting a great boon for which they know they can never be repaid. " But I'll have you know that your friend Reid is a fascinating conversationalist," Snape informed her dryly.

" I was looking for a bit more adult conversation," she replied softly. The girl refused to believe it was jealousy what was oozing from her professor's comment.

He seemed satisfied with her answer. " Very well. You mentioned something about a nightmare, was it like the previous ones?" His tone immediately shifted to a concerned one. Unbelievable as it might be, Kyra was getting used to seeing a different side of Snape than the one everyone was used to endure.

" No... I think it had to do with my grandmother," she replied with a somber sigh that pierced Severus' heart. " Mom was there, dad too, but I can't remember what it was about..."

" Do you miss you home?" He asked gently.

" Yeah. I never realize how much I'm going to miss everyone until I'm actually gone, you know?"

He nodded as if he understood, but in reality he had no idea what she meant. He had never had anyone close enough to him to actually miss.

" I feel lonely at times," she went on. I mean, I have my friends and I see my family during the holidays, but... It's hard being alone," Kyra confessed with another sigh.

Snape knew exactly what she meant. His loneliness, though chosen, was sometimes unbearable; those times he chastised himself for being so weak. After years of living like he did, he should be used to that feeling. But he wasn't.

" If you only knew..." he whispered.

Kyra looked at her professor with her eyebrows drawn together. " What did you say?"

" It is of no consequence," he replied.

The look on his face told her the subject was closed and she clenched her fists, frustrated. It seemed as if her professor had made a comment of personal nature and she had missed it. She, who was always trying to figure out the mystery Snape was, had missed a wonderful opportunity of getting to know a bit more about him. That infuriated her to no end.

Looking around, her eyes came to rest on a book that was lying open on his desk.

" What were you reading?" She asked him.

" Famous Muggle Roman lecturer, Marco Tulius Ciceronis' Catilinaries."

Kyra smiled, recognizing the name. " More Latin..." she said.

" Indeed, I happen to know his work by memory, specially his writings on the day of the final judgment," Snape commented.

Kyra looked at him, eyes full of plea. " Will you...? I mean, I'd love to hear a bit of it."

He eyed her intensely for a few seconds before clearing his throat and starting to speak in a low, velvety voice that completely enthralled his listener.

" Tuba mirum spargens sonum
per sepulchra regionum,
coget omnes ante thronum.
Mors stupebit et natura,
cum resurget creatura,
judicanti responsura.

(The trumpet mighty blast shall send,
through all the regions of the dead,
to summon all before the throne.
Then death and nature dazed shall be,
when from their gravesall men shall rise,
to answer to their judge's charge.)"

As his declaiming progressed, Kyra dazedly stood up from the seat she had chosen and closed the distance between them by sitting next to him on the black couch. She drank from his words until the echo of the last one died on his lips. At that point, she realized she was seated very close to him and his proximity was extremely comforting; in fact, she had an urge to rest her head on his shoulder, but she didn't know how he would take that. She didn't know what her reason was to be thinking of doing something like that anyway, but she loved Severus and nothing else mattered right then.

Noticing their gazes had met and locked in a way that she found simply too personal, Kyra blinked hurriedly and uttered a " Recite something more, please, Professor!"

That pleased the Potions Master, though this time, he chose a less absorbing topic. Seeing her so enchanted by his words and feeling her closeness were definitely two factors that dangerously brought nearly to cero the result of his self-control.

" Postremo pensandum
Quanta doctrinae commoditas sit in libris
Quam facilis, quam arcana!
Quam tuto libris humanae ignorantia paupertatem
sine verecundia denudamus!
Hi sunt magistri qui nos instruunt
sine virgis et ferula,
sine verbis et cholera, sine pannis et pecunia.
si accedis, non dormiunt;
Si inquirens interrogas, non abscondunt;
Non remurmurant si oberres;
Cachinnos nesciunt, si ignores.

(And finally, one must consider how great the ease of learning
there is in books, how yielding, how trusty!
How safely we reveal, without shyness, in the face of our books
the poverty of our human ignorance!
They are teachers who instruct us without switches or rods,
without slaps or anger, without notice of rags or riches.
If you approach them, they are not asleep;
If you ask a question, they do not hide;
They do not mutter at you if you make a mistake;
When you are ignorant, they do not know how to laugh at you.)"

When he finished, none of them spoke for a while.

" Wow..." muttered Kyra at last. " That was great, professor. Though I liked the first one better, this sure was accurate," she commented.

Severus laughed lightly. " If only your classmates bothered to look into books every once in a while."

Kyra smiled brightly at him. " Some of them try really hard, you know?" She commented. His only answer was a grunt and she went on. " Though some of them could make your job easier and study for a change."

" It is frustrating, Miss Gardner," he acknowledged with a tired look, " seeing how they waste their time, not caring about their futures."

" Some of us do care," she said softly, impulsively placing a hand on his forearm.

None of them moved or spoke for what seemed centuries; they were too entranced by the feeling of that contact as to react in any way.

Kyra was the first one to do so.

" I... I have to leave now. It's very late," she whispered and stood up, removing swiftly her hand from the place were it had been resting a few seconds earlier.

Severus immediately missed its warmth and felt like asking her to stay. Then, he felt like slapping himself. How could he do such thing? What would she think?

' More important,' his mind pointed out, ' is why you want her to stay. What do you want her for?'

' Her company... I enjoy it,' he confessed inwardly.

But he knew there was more to it than just that. And he also knew that was impossible. He was cursed to be alone for all of eternity, and the proof of it was the revolting mark on his forearm. It wasn't visible, but he could still feel it...

" Yes, indeed. Good night Miss Gardner," he forced himself to answer.

" Good night professor. And thank you for tonight," Kyra replied, whirling around and leaving the room.

After a few seconds, he made up his mind, stood up and silently followed her, telling himself he was doing it out of concern about her safety. But once she had entered her room and he was left standing outside the door, he couldn't bring himself to return to his chambers. He simply stood there for what seemed hours until his heart dictated the next course of action.

Knowing that what he was about to do was completely forbidden, that it meant trespassing every boundary and that it would mean cracking his iron self-control, Severus Snape lifted his wand, undoing Kyra's door locking spells and entered her room.