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soon!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry woke the next morning
to find Ron looking down at him curiously.
"Where did you get to last
night, after we got back from Hogsmeade?"
"Uh Filch caught me and
Draco and made us scrub the toilets on the second floor." Harry was worried
that lies were coming so easily to him these days, he had barely had to think
before that lie had slipped out of his mouth.
"Oh right." Ron didn't look
convinced but didn't argue. "So Quidditch match today, Hufflepuff versus
Ravenclaw, are we going to watch?" Harry nodded in response, getting out of bed
and pulling on his dressing gown.
Later that day, as they were
making their way out towards the Quidditch pitch to watch the game, Ron pulled
Harry aside and let the other pass.
"What's going on between you
and my sister? I mean are you seeing each other, because you better not mess
her around Harry, I mean it." Harry wasn't sure what to say, he took in Ron's
expression and saw that he was deadly serious. Harry knew how protective Ron
and the rest of the Weasley's were of Ginny, not only was she the youngest she
was also the only girl and he would be prepared to bet that her brothers would
be willing to use an 'Unforgivable Curse' on anyone who hurt her. However,
Harry decided to tell Ron the truth as far as possible without mentioning
Draco, he was fed up of lying.
"I'm not sure what is
happening to be honest, I think we are getting to know each other, enjoying each
other's company, you know. I promise you I will do my very best not to hurt
her, I really do care about her." Ron looked happier at Harry's words and the
two of them went to sit in the stands.
Harry looked over to where
the Slytherin's were sitting and saw Draco sitting next to Pansy Parkinson, who
was fawning over him like an adoring fan. He couldn't see Draco's expression
but he guessed it would be similar to the one he worn had last night at dinner.
The game passed reasonably
uneventfully. Ravenclaw had obviously been training hard and their new seeker,
replacing Cho Chang who had left the previous summer was proving to be a worthy
replacement, she had managed to fool the Hufflepuff seeker into believing that
she had seen the snitch and dived impressively, the Hufflepuff following close
behind before pulling out of the dive sharply in an impressive 'Wronski Feint'
before tearing across the pitch after the real snitch whilst the Hufflepuff,
who had managed to pull out of the dive just before they smashed into the
ground, looked around bemusedly. Harry was watching carefully, clearly wishing
to identify any tricks that she might use in the match against Gryffindor, when
she would be playing directly opposite him, he made a small impressed noise as
she raised her fist into the air, her fingers closed around the small golden
snitch.
Ron nudged him "she's pretty
good isn't she?" Harry nodded but Ron continued. "You're better though. It's
not as though Hufflepuff are hard to beat, they are all so trusting."
"You say that like it's a
bad thing." Hermione interjected and Ron looked momentarily abashed before
continuing. "Well it is in this instance, I mean the Hufflepuff seeker almost
crashed into the ground because they thought that the Ravenclaw seeker had seen
the snitch."
Harry tuned himself out of
the conversation around him and once again found himself thinking about Draco.
He, Ron and Hermione made
their way down from the stands and began to walk across the grounds back to the
castle. Ginny and two of her friends joined them, chattering happily. Ginny
snuggled into Harry's side and he put his arm around her once more.
They reached the entrance
hall and out of the corner of his eye Harry saw Draco across the other side of
the room, he did not look very happy. Next to him was Pansy Parkinson, she had
tucked her arm through his and was marching him along, babbling inanely as she
went.
Then Harry spotted Snape,
skulking by the steps that led down into the dungeons, he glared at Harry
before retreating down the steps.
The rest of the weekend
passed rather uneventfully and Harry had very little opportunity to speak to
Draco. However, this did give him
plenty of opportunity to consider his situation and try and decide what he should
do.
He thought about his
relationships with both Ginny and Draco, he thought about how they both made
him feel. He knew that a relationship with Ginny would prove much less
complicated in the long term and for a horrible moment he wondered whether that
had been a deciding factor in his father choosing his mother rather than Snape.
He did not like that thought at all and tried to brush it aside. He thought
about Draco and images of pale blond hair and steel grey eyes flooded through
his mind, then raunchier images of Draco's fingers on Harry's skin, the
expression that contorted Draco's lovely features as he came, the feel of
Draco's cock buried deep inside him. These thoughts were not conducive to
making a rational decision and Harry attempted to sweep them aside.
He knew more clearly each
time he thought about it what his decision would have to be. He cared for Ginny
deeply, plus he thought she was gorgeous and she did do funny things to his
insides when she touched him BUT she was not Draco. Draco was the one he really
wanted, even when he was with Ginny he was thinking about Draco. He was
becoming increasingly aware that the decision had been made for that day in the
hospital wing when Draco had asked Harry to hold him.
Still even though he felt
sure of his feelings now, it did not make life any easier for him, how on earth
would he tell Ginny? He did not want her to hate him, she was too important to
him, plus Ron would cheerfully maim him for upsetting his little sister, for
leading her on. He hadn't meant to he reasoned to himself but he knew that
wasn't the point.
How could he and Draco
possibly have a successful relationship, they would be blighted at every turn,
everyone would be against them, Draco's father wanted Harry dead and Harry
could not imagine taking Draco home to meet the Dursley's.
Monday morning arrived and
with it Potions class.
Snape's black mood had
returned and he presided over the class in his usual menacing style.
They were continuing their work
on healing potions, this week they were working on potions to aid peaceful
sleep. Harry, who was working with Hermione once more, caught Draco's eye and
smiled but Draco did not smile back which left Harry feeling confused and
upset.
The lesson progressed fairly
uneventfully apart from a couple of incidents that occurred when Snape was
hovering next to Neville's cauldron watching him adding his ingredients.
Neville, who was very scared of Professor Snape, could not stop his hand from
shaking as he added his boomslang skin and as a result he added too much which
resulted in his potion exploding sending showers of bright green liquid all
over the both Neville and an extremely furious Snape. Fortunately a wave of
Snape's wand corrected Neville's blunder and after deducting 20 points from
Gryffindor, he had swept away leaving Neville cowering by his cauldron, trying
miserably to rectify his past mistakes.
Finally the class drew to a
close and people began clearing away their remaining potion ingredients and
putting their books into their bags.
As the class filed out of
the classroom, Snape's voice cut into Harry's thoughts.
"Potter, you will stay here
and clean up the potion remains." His tone brooked no argument and Harry
reluctantly returned to the classroom, letting his bag slide off his shoulders
and rolling his sleeves up. Draco had
paused by the door but Snape waved him away.
When Harry and Snape were
alone in the classroom, Snape turned to face Harry, the look on his face was
unreadable but Harry was sure that he wasn't going to like what he was about to
hear.
"You can put the down the
cloth, Potter. I want to speak to you about your relationship with Mr Malfoy."
Harry stared at Snape determinedly and waited for the potions master to speak.
The look that Snape was giving Harry reminded Harry of Dumbledore's searching
gaze but Snape's eyes held none of the warmth of Dumbledore's. Snape seemed to
be appraising Harry, he remained silent for a few minutes and Harry felt
increasingly uneasy.
"So?" He said finally, Harry
looked up with a start, somehow surprised to hear Snape's voice after waiting
in silence for so long.
"You and Mr Malfoy, oh and
lets not forget you and Miss Weasley. You are proving to be quite the Lothario
aren't you Potter? Just like your father." Snape added bitterly. Harry didn't
know what to say. Draco had told him about Snape's relationship with James
Potter and Snape's current bitterness harkened back to James' decision to marry
Lily rather than be with Snape, his hatred of Harry, his lack of concern about
his physical appearance, his cruel manner they all stemmed from the same point,
the same decision. The love he had felt for James Potter 20 years ago when they
had been at school together, had not diminished and the pain he experienced
every day upon seeing Harry's face (so like James') had not lessened either.
As he so often found himself
doing in Harry's presence, Snape found himself transported back to the fateful
day when James had told him that he wanted to be with Lily.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm sorry Severus, I love
Lily and I want to be with her. I hope you understand."
But Severus Snape didn't
understand, he had hardly heard James' words. All he knew was that the man he
loved did not love him, he loved Lily Evans, that redheaded mudblood, he,
Severus was pureblood, so was James, they belonged together, why couldn't James
see that? Why did have to fall in love with someone else, why Lily?
Severus knew that he had
made a mistake, he should have known that the arrangement he had with James was
never intended to be permanent, so why had he fallen in love? Because he was a
fool. Because James epitomised everything that was good, everything that was
missing from his own life. James made him feel special, if only for those brief
moments when they lay in each other's arms, James' skin felt so warm against
his own. James' touch felt like a surge of electricity running through his
body, a feeling that he had been unable to match since James' fingers had last
touched his body.
At that moment his eyes met
Harry's.
"James" he breathed and
Harry's head jerked up sharply.
Severus was on the verge of
taking Harry in his arms and crushing his lips against his, he was James' son; he
looked so much like him. Everyday he had to live with the torment of his
ex-lover's son looking at him with hatred in his green eyes – her eyes! It was
then he realised what he was about to do and took a step backwards.
"You're just like your
father, do you know that Potter? You both think you have the right to use
people and then disregard them, as if they have no feelings. Well I am here to
tell you that you can't. Mr Malfoy has been through enough recently without you
causing him further anguish. You had better treat him decently or will have me
to answer to and I will make you very very sorry." Snape's eyes glittered with
menace, Harry felt anger welling up inside of him, what right did Snape have to
talk to him like that?
"This has nothing to do with
me and Draco does it? This is about you and my father. I am not my father and
you can't punish me for what he did to you. Okay so he hurt you and it
must be hard seeing me everyday, reminding you of him but I am not to blame!"
Harry had said the words in a rush; afraid that if he did not speak quickly the
words would never be said. He expected Snape to be furious at his impertinence,
he remembered Snape's anger in the Shrieking Shack 3 years previously, when he
had refused to listen to Harry and Lupin and Sirius. He had held a grudge for
20 years, Harry was sure that his words would make no difference.
To Harry's great surprise
Snape had not said anything in reply to Harry's outburst. He had slumped into a
chair; his head in his hands and Harry felt an almost overwhelming feeling of
sympathy towards the potions master. He
had loved and lost so long ago but he was still unable to love again, to
forgive and to forget. He thought of Draco and realised that he couldn't be
responsible for making history repeat itself, he couldn't turn Draco into
someone like Snape, bitter and lonely. Ginny even looked something like his
mother. She had red hair too. However, Draco and Snape did not look alike, he
half wondered whether Draco's father and his father had ever met secretly too.
"Was Lucius Malfoy at school
with you too?" Harry found himself asking. Snape raised his head and looked
straight into Harry's eyes as if determined to remember that Harry was not
James.
"Yes." He said tonelessly.
"Why do you ask?"
"Did he know my dad too?"
"Yes but he never fucked
him, he left him to me, he always preferred Sirius Black for some reason, but
he never got him either. Remus Lupin saw to that."
Harry was taken aback by the
wealth of information he was receiving; he didn't say anything for a while
trying to absorb what he had been told.
Snape was watching him,
there was something like hunger in his eyes and Harry found he had to turn
away.
"Draco may not be my son in
blood Harry." Harry looked up at Snape's use of his first name. "But I love him
as if he were, far more than his own father does, I have been his unofficial
guardian from the moment he was born. I know why he was born, you see. Another
innocent child born for Voldemort. The Dark Lord wanted his followers to have children;
you see he wanted to ensure that he would have supporters for generations to
come. Draco, Crabbe and Goyle they were all born for that purpose along with
many others. They are schooled in the dark arts from a very young age. They are
offered no alternatives. I had left the service of the Dark Lord and I wanted
to protect those born to enter his service from the path that was chosen for
them. I always knew that Draco would turn out to be brighter than Crabbe's son
or Goyle's and so I knew that he was the one I needed to focus my attention on,
others would follow his lead. When he came to Hogwarts I could see so much of
myself at his age in him. He comes from a family where honour is prized above
all else, so do I. He hides his true feelings under a veneer of superiority and
arrogance, he is frightened, so was I." Snape paused for a few moments and
looked at Harry with something akin to fear in his eyes as if expecting Harry
to mock him but when Harry remained silent he continued.
"I knew that I had to look
out for him, to try and steer him in the right direction, to try and make him
feel genuinely important, his dislike of you and yours gave me another reason
to take out my anger on you and everything was working out fine. Until that one
day in potions when I saw him watching you, I recognised the look in his eyes,
it was the one I wore everyday when I looked at your father and I knew then
that history would repeat itself. I looked at you to see if you knew it too, I
watched you staring at him as James used to look at me and I knew, I knew the
meetings would start soon, I couldn't stop them I just had to watch my son in
all but blood becoming more and more infatuated with my lovers son. If only you
hadn't met him the night his mother died, hadn't shown him kindness, it's the
worst thing you could do. He fell I saw it myself the morning after, when I
visited him in the hospital wing and you were there. I had warned him what
might happen but he didn't listen – he thought he hated you, he thought he
could control this but he doesn't know the whole story, he doesn't realise that
this is more powerful than either of you. You can't stop it happening."
Snape seemed to have
finished speaking he was just looking at Harry, his eyes full of a terrible
sadness.
"Please don't let Draco
become like me. I can never love again, I loved too deeply, too young and I am
bitter and lonely as a result. Draco has so little happiness in his life, born
into evil, surrounded by coldness and hate it is a wonder he knows how to love."
Harry's eyes met Snape's and
he smiled at the man who had loved his father, who still loved his father even
though he had been dead for 16 years.
"I love Draco, Professor
Snape. I won't hurt him, Ginny is very special to me and I find her attractive
but whenever I am with her Draco is never out of my mind, no matter how happy
she makes me, he makes me happier."
"Then you are different from
your father after all." Snape said quietly.
"Maybe not so different."
Harry replied and before he had time to reconsider his decision he had crossed
to where Snape was sitting and lifted his teacher's face to his. Snape opened
his mouth to say something but Harry shook his head before lowering his mouth
over Snape's for the briefest of kisses, just a fleeting touch of lips. When
Harry lifted his head, he looked once more into Snape's black eyes, which were
filled with a warmth that Harry had never seen there before. Harry's own eyes –
his mother's eyes – shined with unshed tears and he began to leave the room
hurriedly. He reached the door and was about to turn the handle when Snape
spoke his name very softly and he turned.
"Thank you." Severus smiled
and Harry smiled back before leaving the room.
As Harry closed the door, he
heard Snape say something so quietly he could barely hear it.
"James."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N: Any guesses as to why
Harry kissed Snape? An imaginary bar of Honeydukes chocolate to anyone who gets
it right.
IN THE NEXT CHAPTER: Will
Harry tell Draco how he feels? How will Ron, Hermione and Ginny react?
Plus, what did Snape mean
when he said that Harry and Draco's relationship is more powerful than either
of them?
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