Chapter sixteen: I watch her sleep.
I watch her sleep.
The moonlight dances across her features and their exquisiteness awes me. Her face as she sleeps is an item of unsurpassed beauty. She looks so serene, angelic even, that I long to lie beside her and wrap her in my arms, never to let her go. But I can't. I'm old, disgusting, evil… I don't deserve her.
She smiles in her sleep and I wonder what happy dreams come to her. Dreams that will forever be denied to me. Dreams she will never share with a sour potions master.
I try to find solace in the thought that she doesn't hate me, she herself said so. She has turned up to be one of the very few people who seem to be able to stomach more than a few minutes in my company. What is more, things have changed between us and we are now... friends. Yes, that would be the term, I suppose. I never had many, nor did I care about it but now... knowing that she and I have become closer manages to send me into emotions I never thought I was able to experience.
But I'm not supposed to feel this way towards her. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to get closer to her. By the Mark, I shouldn't even be doing this, but I need to. Just the idea of being close to her... Merlin, I do want her. But I need her too. More than that, I love her.
I can't remember feeling for anyone the way I feel about her. I probably have. Or maybe not. I can't imagine anybody else, any other woman, getting under my skin like this, making me feel like this. It's not something I can put my finger on, either. It's some nebulous, amazing force that makes Kyra stronger, smarter, more beautiful than any other woman alive or dead.
A piece of hair falls across her face and I gently push it back. I long to climb into bed with her. I want to lay there with her forever, just the two of us. But then again, I can't. She's my student, and she has never shown a sign of liking me. Of course, who-ever could? She has given me the gift of her friendship, that should be enough.
But it isn't. I need you so much, Kyra.