Cold Flower
by Kaz

standard disclaimer applied
warnings: Mu x Tsu, some angst, some lemon later (perhaps...)
special thanks: Tiggy for beta effort and soooo... many other things!!

*~*~*~*

Part 5

Watari entered the room in time to see Hisoka leaning against the big window, looking out to the sakura garden. The young shinigami stood there for a long minute before closing his eyes briefly and sighing. Those green eyes look troubled, Watari observed. Perhaps he was thinking of...

"Bon," Watari rushed to Hisoka's side, inclining his head towards the window, "what are you looking at?"

The green-eyed boy just shook his head and went back to his bed in the other corner. "Nothing, Watari-san. Anou... Tsuzuki..."

Watari wrinkled his brow, walking to the bed and tucking the boy in. "Yeah? What is it?"

Hisoka sighed, curling onto his side. His eyes wandered over to the white wall. Watari couldn't really understand what he was thinking right now. He just stayed there by Hisoka's side, waiting for the young shinigami to continue. "He didn't come today," Hisoka finally said.

The scientist was caught by surprise. "Oh, about that, Bon..."

He swallowed hard. He didn't know what to say. Sure, he had told Tatsumi and Konoe kachou that Tsuzuki asked for a few days off, and because they understood how depressed Tsuzuki was after what happened to Hisoka, they had given their permission. But should he tell Hisoka too? What if he started to feel guilty about Tsuzuki then? He surely never thought about that before...

"Anou... He's not here, because he had some days off from the office," Watari tried to answer as cheerfully as possible. But he couldn't fool Hisoka as the boy stared at him, assessing.

"It's because of me, isn't it?!" Hisoka sat up on his bed, "There's no way that Tatsumi would give him time off unless it was really bad..."

Smiling gently, Watari pushed the boy back to the mattress. "Shimpai shinaide, Bon... He's just a little depressed. He'll be okay!" He chuckled lightly, "...when he comes back, he probably won't remember a single thing about what happened!" Watari made a face.

"Aa..." The boy tried to close his eyes, "...where did he go? Do you know that, Watari-san?"

"Uhm--no, he wouldn't tell me..." Watari said in annoyance. "That man... always does what he thinks is right..."

Hisoka smiled faintly, "Aa... I wonder what he's doing right now..."

Watari just smiled instead of answering.

*~*~*

Tsuzuki tried to fix the tie on his collar one more time; it was a difficult task without a mirror. Pale fingers stopped him, startling him for a second before he realized that it was Muraki. The doctor helped him to fasten the tie, smiling gently at him as he did so. Tsuzuki turned his gaze away, not wanting to make eye contact. But not for long as a warm hand raised his chin and made him look up to see the taller man smiling at him solemnly.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Tsuzuki." Muraki whispered thickly.

The shinigami felt warm color in his cheeks and turned away, but once again Muraki's fingers stopped him. He only had a few seconds to realize what was happening next as Muraki leaned closer, and the next thing he knew his lips were pressed against Muraki's.

He tried to struggle, squirming as he felt Muraki's tongue dart out to slip its way inside his mouth. But there was no way that he could break free with Muraki's arm around his back. He gasped in surprise and shame as he felt a jolt of pleasure building inside him as Muraki pressed their bodies together. He felt a bulge forming in the front of Muraki's pants, rubbing against him.

"I guess we won't be staying long at the party Tsuzuki-san," Muraki breathed, his voice filled with desire. Tsuzuki knew that for sure as the hand behind his back started to draw circles in the small of his back, teasing him. "I can't wait to find out how you taste..."

The shinigami bit his bottom lip hard as Muraki released his lips for just a brief second to plant kisses along his jaw. That sick feeling started to build inside him again, coiling into tight knots that almost choked him with disgust. Muraki's hands and mouth never stopped torturing him.

Tsuzuki closed his eyes, not submitting but not knowing what else he could do, when suddenly Muraki released him. A triumphant smile crossed the doctor's pale face and he extended his hand towards Tsuzuki. "Come, Tsuzuki. We have a party to attend."

Swallowing hard, Tsuzuki could only take the offered hand, walking beside the doctor as they made their way to the huge gates of the Matsuoka Family residence. The darkness of night covered both their figures as if welcoming them to the place where they belonged.

The host greeted them with a big smile. No, Tsuzuki corrected, he welcomed Muraki with a pleasant expression. That made him wonder what kind of relationship the doctor had with the Matsuoka family, one of the richest families in Japan. Maybe Muraki had done some dirty work for them, just as he had for the Kakyouin group. But the lady of the house did treat him nicely, offering him dinner and some wine and that made him mellow a little inside. Somehow, he knew it was the wine.

He had drunk too much of it tonight, he realized as his vision started to get blurry. And that lump in his throat threatened him with the hiccups at any time. Tsuzuki shook his head, trying to get rid of the ache inside his skull. He knew that he could do some embarrassing things when he was drunk and he definitely didn't want that to happen now. But it wasn't working.

"Ne, Tsuzuki, did you enjoy yourself?" Muraki whispered in his ear, making the shinigami shiver lightly with his sudden appearance. And then his expression turned malicious. "You don't look too good... Want me to -- uhm, check you out? I am a doctor, you know?"

"S-Stop that...!" Tsuzuki hissed as he felt a hand creep across his behind, his face flushing even more because of the wine and now the embarrassment. Glaring at Muraki, he edged away just slightly, swallowing his wine to the last drop. "And I am trying to enjoy myself...!"

Muraki smirked, "Mm... Want to come out onto the balcony? We could see the moon from there..." he asked suggestively, pointing with his chin to a door that lead outside.

The violet-eyed man thought about the invitation. He didn't feel very comfortable at the party because he barely know the people there. But spending time together with the mad doctor would be the last thing he wanted right now. Who knew what the doctor would do to him when they were completely alone. But then again, he had to spend his time with Muraki for the next five days. To be his completely. And that would mean anything was allowed...

"Okay," Tsuzuki nodded, watching the doctor smile delightfully at the answer. He drank his next glass of wine and then took Muraki's hand. "Show me the way..."

*~*~*

Muraki realized that Tsuzuki had drunk too much for the night, and he didn't like that one bit. He thought that taking some time on the balcony could make the shinigami relax a little, maybe reduce his nervousness. Tsuzuki's hand felt so cold under his, slightly tense. It was probably the wine that caused it, Muraki thought dimly, or was it because of him? He'd never know...

"Here we are, Tsuzuki-san. Don't you think that the moon is lovely?"

Tsuzuki looked up to the sky with him, his eyes getting drowsier every second. "I guess so... I don't know..."

"You drink too much," Muraki noted and took his place behind the shinigami, wrapping his arms around him and facing the moon. "This way you'll feel warmer, ne?" He smiled and planted ghostly kisses on the other's neck.

He didn't feel any rejection from Tsuzuki this time; he just stood there, looking at the moon with his blurry eyes. A minute later he found Tsuzuki leaning back against him, sighing. But he also knew that it was probably because of the alcohol. This was not the Tsuzuki he wanted, it was pointless to continue. So he just stood there, holding the slender figure in his arms tightly, more to protect him from the cold than to take advantage.

"I used to think that you were cold..."

"Eh?" Muraki tilted his head as he heard the muffled words. He saw a faint smile on Tsuzuki's face, but his eyes looked so far away. He tightened his grip on the smaller man, hoping to hear his next words. "What did you say, Tsuzuki-san?"

Tsuzuki untangled himself from Muraki, walking to the edge of the balcony. "I thought because you're so pale, that would make you cold..." He repeated, "...but,"

"But?" Muraki raised his eyebrows, trying to move closer to his violet-eyed shinigami. "Tsuzuki-san, don't stand there, it's dangerous..."

Tsuzuki chuckled lightly, "What are you afraid of, Muraki? I am already dead, am I not?"

The doctor growled and pulled the shinigami by the hand into his arms, feeling the other sobbing against his chest. "You're very much alive to me," he whispered soothingly. He didn't know why he said the words, but he didn't care. Somehow, inside his heart, he knew that those were the words that Tsuzuki wanted to hear, needed to hear. "Come on, let's go home..."

He felt the small figure freeze inside his embrace, and then he nodded. Muraki guided the violet-eyed man back to the car and told him to wait while he said goodbye to the host. When he slid himself behind the wheel, he saw Tsuzuki curled up to one side, another trace of sadness on his beautiful face. He was so drunk, Muraki concluded. What a pity... The violet eyes weren't as bright as they were supposed to be.

He stole another glance towards the shinigami and felt a sudden pang cross his heart. Funny, he'd thought that sentiment only belonged to weak humans, and now he felt it. He brushed the offending bangs from Tsuzuki's face; the violet eyes stared blankly out through the windshield. Muraki could only see the darkness there.

"Let's go home now, Tsuzuki..."

*~*~*

Tsuzuki could feel the tears starting to stream down his face as he buried his face in Muraki's chest. He was doing it again, crying in front of his worst enemy; this time he didn't even know why. Hisoka was saved and everything turned out fine, except for himself. But he didn't regret his decision, back then or now. He was certain that he had done the right thing by taking the offer from Muraki, so what else was making him cry like this?

Maybe because he never thought that the doctor could be so warm, and loving. Love? Ridiculous! Muraki didn't love anyone; he didn't know what love was! That's what he had said to that girl, Kakyouin Tsubaki on the Queen Camellia that time. And Tsuzuki was certain that Muraki's feelings towards him were merely lust, if he wasn't simply trying to drive him insane little by little. Maybe even before the fifth day.

But he had a fiancée...

Maybe he did love his fiancée after all. Maybe she was different. Maybe she was the only person a Muraki Kazutaka could really fall for. But if he really loved her, he wouldn't be doing this with him, would he?

Tsuzuki was only half conscious as Muraki brought him back to his car, excusing himself to see the house owner before they left. He curled towards the window then, looking at some invisible object out there. His head hurt so much, but maybe it was best this away. This way he wouldn't remember what Muraki was going to do to him tonight. Muraki could do anything he wanted, and Tsuzuki couldn't care any less. The doctor had made it very clear what he wanted tonight before they attended the party, and Tsuzuki was more than sure that it would happen

But it was just physical, right? If he didn't feel anything towards Muraki, it wouldn't mean anything, right?

But the unknown terror kept shadowing his mind as Muraki returned to the car and drove back to their house. Their house. He'd never had a real home but Meifuu... He didn't even have a place he considered his home when he was still alive; maybe that was part of the reason why he'd wanted to die. He had his friends in Meifuu, he had everything there... But Muraki had given him a house, here... on earth... A small home for the two of them. If they were really lovers, maybe he would consider that to be the most precious thing in this world.

"Here we are, Tsuzuki." Muraki helped him to step out of the car; he almost stumbled on a small rock on the ground. Muraki smiled lightly and opened the door for him. "Go to the bedroom first, I'll park the car and lock the door," the doctor murmured before he disappeared through the door.

Tsuzuki could hear Muraki start the car engine and drive it into their garage. The house here was so small, but they had everything. A garage, a back garden, a small bedroom... He tried to find his way there and once again almost bumped into the wall. He pushed the doorknob to the only bedroom in the house and stepped inside, almost immediately dropping his body to the bed.

He hadn't touched the bed before, but now he knew that it felt so soft and warm, and faintly, he could smell the scent of roses. It was almost beautiful if he tried to forget whom he would be sharing the bed with. Was this really the right thing to do?!

"Tsuzuki?" He heard Muraki's voice break the silence. The lights were turned on and Muraki stepped inside, still wearing his white jacket and glasses. In his drunken state, Tsuzuki could almost picture an angel entering his door.

Strong hands helped him to take off his jacket, and then the tie, everything that the doctor had bought him earlier today. Tsuzuki could feel Muraki unbuckle his belt and he started to sob again. His vision was blurred and that sick feeling started to creep up his spine again.

"Tsuzuki-san? Are you okay?" Muraki held him close in his arms, cradling him. "You want me to get you anything?"

The shinigami lifted his face, staring into the silver depths before him and shook his head. "No, just... just get it over with..."

Muraki pushed him to the bed, started to take off his shoes and socks. Tsuzuki curled onto his side, feeling the cold wrap around his body. Muraki stood up from the bed and walked to the wall near the bathroom, working on a panel there. The heater, Tsuzuki realized as the room started to fill with pleasant warmth. He watched Muraki walk back to the bed and sit beside him, looking down at him and caressing his forehead lightly.

He leaned down for a kiss, and the shinigami squeezed his eyes shut, tears threatening to escape once again. He felt those warm lips touched to his forehead and then the blanket was pulled up to cover his body from the toe to his chin.

"Oyasumi, Tsuzuki-san."

Eh?!

Tsuzuki's eyes snapped open, pitifully though with the headache he had because of the alcohol. He saw Muraki's expression soften as he leaned in for another kiss that was planted on the tip of Tsuzuki's nose. And then the doctor rose from the bed, turned the lights off and closed the bedroom door behind him.

"Mu-Muraki?" Tsuzuki tried to call, but there was no one in the room but himself anymore. He stared blankly at the door where Muraki had left. He let several minutes pass and then tried to sit up in the bed, the blanket spilling to his lap as he did so. He tried to adjust his eyes to the darkness, finding it not so difficult at all. He saw his shoes and socks under the bed and his clothes already folded neatly near them.

That strange rush of feelings washed through him again and he stood up, almost losing his balance as he felt the pain in his head again. He walked to the door, not knowing why he did. He wanted to see him, he wanted to know his reasons. Why Muraki, of all people, would do such a thing, so... kind? Tsuzuki couldn't decide, but his legs carried him there, to the door that separated him from Muraki.

He turned the doorknob gently, trying not to make a noise pushing it open, and peeked outside. He looked out into the small living room. It was bright out there. Tsuzuki shielded his eyes against the sudden light. But the doctor wasn't there. Wait...

Muraki was standing before the glass door that opened into the back garden. He had taken off his jacket, thrown it carelessly onto the sofa. He looked so distant, so different. With a cigarette on his lips, he was standing there looking for something Tsuzuki couldn't exactly figure out. He looked so lonely...

Tsuzuki shook his head. He must've been really drunk to be thinking that way. Muraki didn't need anyone; he didn't care for anyone. So what was that loving expression he wore a few minutes ago when he tucked Tsuzuki into bed? What were those caring kisses that weren't the usual lustful ones, placed on his nose and forehead earlier?

Which one is the real you, Muraki Kazutaka?

Maybe he was thinking about his fiancée...

You're just someone he wanted to have for five days, Asato...

Almost abruptly, the shinigami closed the door, running back to his bed and curling back on his side. He wished he could just disappear into the darkness...

-tbc-

Another fic banned by FFnet *sigh* it's that Heaven's Drive fic *sigh* well, it was my own fault anyway, heheh.. anyway--forgot to tell you that ABS made a fanart for that one for me, woohoo *hugs* Big thanks for ya, Anita!
And of course, thanks to everybody who review this fic! Meow!!! =^.^= I'll be needing encouragement for writing part 6, heh... so, REVIEW!