Disclaimer:The only character I own in this fanfic is Mr Twiggy (don't ask- read on instead), the rest of them belong to Louise Rennison.
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Chapter 3 - My Red Bottomosity
Sunday 19 June
11.30pm Same bat time. Same bat place. Nothing has happened AT ALL, I may as well be dead.
11.35pm Libby has just snuggled into my bed with all her little friends, Charlie Horse and co.
Scuba - Diving Barbie has got very sharp fingers, they're digging into my neck.
11.40pm Libby is singing, "F*** f*** f*** f***ety f*** f*** f***" in her sleep. Oh dear.
(A/N I'm sorry, but I know all too well that some people won't be able to read on if I don't use the *s.)
Monday 20 June
08.30am First day back at Stalag 14, and the launch of Operation Sailor. I spent a whole hour this morning trying to decide how much make-up I can get away with. With Hawkeye as my form tutor, probably not much. So eventually, I just put on 3 layers of foundation, 2 layers of lippy plus lip gloss, blusher, mascara and 5 layers of eyeshadow, and left it at that.
08.45am Met Jas on the way to school.
"Did Rosie tell you about her birthday disco?"
"Non... Please, ma petite amie, tell me more," I replied, full of interestiosity.
"Everyone's invited. It's on a Saturday, in a few weeks time. Tom's coming."
"Oui..."
"He's just got back from Birmingham!"
"I was asking about the party, not the brother of the Sex God." (Alas, life is so cruel, Robbie leaves for Kiwi-a-gogo land while his brother stays behind to go bird watching with Jas. Madness must run in the Jennings family.) But Jas was looking all dreamy and twiddling with her fringe.
"He gave me another love bite yesterday. On my knee." She lifted her skirt a couple of inches to show me (Jas is one of those rare people whose skirt is actually the right length). I didn't want to see it but I looked anyway to be polite.
"Erlack! It's bright purple!" Sacre bloody bleu. My friend is being eaten alive by a giant vampire bat.
09.00am Hawkeye's face when she saw our 'sailor' berets! Tres amusant. When she called the register Rosie answered with, "Aye Aye, Cap'n!" Oh, how we laughed.
02.00pm Comedy comedy extraordinaire! We were strolling through the grounds, practising the essential arts of chatting and applying make-up, when, totally by coincidenciosity, we came across Elvis Attwood's hut. Mr Attwood is the school caretaker, called Elvis partly because he broke his hip trying to do the limbo, and partly because...er, that's it.
(A/N I dunno if that's the right reason, but I can't be bothered to check.)
"J'ai une idea," I said. " Everybody spread out round the hut. I'll start knocking on the wall, but just as Elvis gets to my side, somebody else start knocking. He'll get all confused- it'll be tres, tres amusant.
"Oh, do we have to?" whined Jas. "We always get into so much trouble when we do this kind of stuff."
"Please do this for me Jas, as a severe duffing often offends."
02.30pm It worked! Haha! On incy wincy little flaw though- Elvis saw us, so we all have detention tomorrow. Jas isn't talking to me. Ah well.
03.45pm Aaaargh! Dave the Laugh was outside the school gates today. Ellen still really fancies him, despite the fact that he dumped her only last week.
"Dave!" She shrieked. "Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! What should I do? What if he wants to talk to me? What if he wants to talk to someone else? Is he going to ask me out again? Should I say yes? Oh my god, I don't even have any make-up on!" So while Ellen was dithering behind us, trying to make herself look natural with panstick etc., we formed a protective barrier in front of her. I think Dave was quite surprised when Ellen just popped out of nowhere.
"Hi Dave!" She said, just a little bit too high-pitched. Honestly. Tres pathetico.
"Hey Ellen, how're you diddlin'?" Mad. Dave is mad, tres mad. I wonder if Sven, Rosie's mental boyfriend from Swedenland, has rubbed off on him?
"Oh, I'm - er, I'm fine. Are you going to Rosie's disco?"
"Yeah, I am. Looking forward to it. Listen, Gee, can I talk to you for a minute?" Hahahahahaha. He wants to talk to me. Poor Ellen. She tried so hard as well. Hahaha.
"Sure. Go on, mes petites amies, you need not wait pour moi." I signalled for the Ace Crew to go. Ellen was now full of blubberiosity.
"Gee, I know you're probably a bit upset still about Robbie going off to New Zealand, but I still really, really like you, and if there's any chance that you might like me back..."
Aaargh. Yet another decision to make.
"Gee, I dumped Ellen because every time we went out I kept wishing it was you beside me."
How touching. Do go on.
"Think about it. Please."
"OK."
08.30pm Phone rang. Mutti and Vati clearly too busy snogging to pick it up, so I had to trudge all the way downstairs.
"Oui?"
"Georgia, it's me." Aaargh. Dave the Laugh- what did he want now? I was in the middle of shaving my legs.
"Have you thought about it?"
"Er-"
"Yes?"
"Robbie!" I cried. Dammit dammit dammit. That was a stupid thing to say. Why do I always let slip stuff like that?
"Gee, Robbie isn't going to expect you to be loyal to him for a whole year, but if you want it that way..."
"No! Right! Too long! You! A laugh!" What am I saying? I have been overcome by stupidiosity.
"So, do you want to go out with me?"
"Er, well, um..." Oh, to hell with it all. "Yes. I would." I didn't mean to say that! Oh goddy god! Curse my red bottomosity!
"Great. How about we go to Costas on Saturday, about 2 o' clock?"
"Er- ok."
"See you later gorgeous." He put the phone down.
09.00pm It is slowly starting to sink in. I am once again going out with Dave the Laugh.
09.01pm AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
09.02pm No. I must act with wisdomosity. Think, brain, think. Wisdomosity.
09.03pm Merde. I am knee deep in merde. Can life get any worse?