Disclaimer: Mr Twiggy is my very own + my most wonderful creation to date. Nobody else in this story belongs to me in any way, they all belong to Louise Rennison (*sob* wish I had thought of them first. However this is not the case.)
Anyway, on to Chapter 4...
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Chapter 4 - Angus: Call of the Wild
Tuesday 21 June
05.30am Woke up to find Libby bending over me, grinning like a loon on loon tablets.
"Gingey move," she said. "Gingey snuggle." And she wormed her way into my bed and sneezed on me. Ugh. The worst of it is, all our tissues AND toilet paper have been used up in Libbs' new 'project', i.e. a hammock for Scuba Diving Barbie, Charlie Horse and the rest of her little friends.
So I'm lying here with snot all over my brand new pyjamas (and I mean ALL over my pyjamas) with Libby hitting me, saying "Gingey keep still."
Why? Why do I allow myself to be bullied by a runny nosed toddler?
Life really is poo.
08.15am Bugger. Am supposed to meet Jas in half an hour. No, wait. Jas isn't talking to me, because I come up with such witty and hilarious ways to torture Elvis Attwood.
08.16am However I still have to go to school, Jas or no Jas.
08.17am I wonder what my life would be like, if Jas died? What would I wear to her funeral? Probably my pencil skirt and my new black top from Morgan. Maybe that would be too dressy for a funeral.
08.18am I wouldn't be able to wear any make-up. I wouldn't want mascara running down my cheeks.
08.19am Maybe I'd wear that black polo neck from Miss Selfridge instead...
SHUT UP, BRAIN!!!
08.20am Double bugger with knobs on. In 25 minutes, I have to: have a shower, decide on outfit, find and put on outfit, probably take everything off and put something else on, put my make up on, eat a nourishing snack ( a Pop Tart) and get to Jas' house and persuade her that I am a fabitty fab and totally marvy person and she loves me really. But first, I have to get rid of Libbs.
08.30am Right. Have had shower. Now, what to wear?
08.35am I can't wear this. It makes me look like I've just escaped from the ugly home.
08.40am Clothes on now. What time is it? Sacre bloody bleu, five minutes to put on make up and get out of house. Who on earth can make themselves look natural in five bloody minutes. Claudia Schiffer, maybe.
08.50am Hurrah! I have had no food, and only put on 2 layers of eye shadow, but I can do the foundation etc. at school. If Hawkeye doesn't catch me.
08.55am Jas is still not talking to me. I have tried everything; bribing her with Pop Tarts, new blusher etc., telling her witty and hilarious jokes, tickling her... but she is ignoring me.
08.56am New plan of action. I asked her if she had seen Tom lately. She turned round, her fringe positively quivering with excitement, and told me about the bird watching trip they went on last night.
Typical. My best friend will only talk to me about bird watching.
06.30pm As usual, chaos reigns under our roof. Mutti and Vati are having a little 'party' with the neighbours. In other words, everyone else in the street has come over to complain about Angus. The mob contains:
1. The postman, whose leg is in stitches from an Angus attack.
2. Mr and Mrs Next Door, because they have to tell their niece that she no longer has a guinea pig, because Angus ate it. Guinea pig sounds tres stupide for not keeping out of his way, if you ask me.
3. The headmistress of the local primary school. Apparently Angus was terrorising the little children into tears. If they'd just given him the beanie babie to start off with, none of it would have happened.
4. The bell ringers. They can't ring bells with ropes ripped to shreds, they say. Pretty bloody useless bell ringers then. They have to learn to adapt to their natural environment, i.e. one with a mad Scottish wildcat on the loose.
The police officer is also here, looking a bit awkward because Mutti is wearing a top that shows CLEAVAGE. And she's wearing MAKE UP. To top it all off, she keeps giggling and saying, "Of course, Officer, we quite understand. Anything we can do to help." Vati is redder than a tomato. It's his fault, if his snoggosity wasn't lower than a dung beetle's Mutti might not try to run off with other men in front of him.
07.00pm The 'nice young policeman' says that unless Angus is kept under control, he's going to have to be put down. The injusticiosity of it all makes me want to show that stupid postman what an attacked leg really looks like.
11.00pm Sacre bloody bleu. Only 4 days to go until my date with Dave the Laugh. Do I have any outfits that Angus has not yet torn to pieces? Or any that have not been splattered with baked beans etc. from when Libby borrows them?
Must begin emergency search mission.
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Haha! Finished! Onto Chapter 5... but only if you review. (You see how my cunning plan unfolds... Mwahahahah!)
Thank you once again to my most wonderful reviewers, the first five were:
Freakyfairy - haha! Did not need Sledgehammer or the Yack to get five reviews. Did not need ur truly wonderful plan.
BECKY41- yes moi also surprised to have managed to get it on fanfic. I had a lot of help from posels though. In fact she told me how to do all of it.
SexiglassesSNOG - heehee, I like "Gingey bought it me" too!
Lollipop of doom - the miseriosity of finishing the 4th book was awful - I wanted it to last for ever, it made me laugh so much!
Zen Tears - thankyou! Your review made me really happy, : )