Jim's Folly

Angel, darling….I really hope you're still speaking with me. I know that last chapter caused reason to give up our speaking terms, but I hope you can forgive me and wait anxiously for Monkeypants'/Squabbit's surprise. I know. I'm a sadistic freak who enjoys writing in order to destroy her characters and miff the readers who have grown so close to them. It's just the way I do things. *laughs* Hey, in my stories way back when, all my characters ended up dying, so just you wait. :P Nothing of that sort has happened yet, and I doubt it will. There's always a chance….though it's one in a….let's say, one in six. Hah. See, that was a joke…one in six, get it….oh, never mind.

Angelface, I know you won't get this message in a long time, but I'm glad to have you with us. Catch up soon, sweetie. Oh, and the ideas keep coming….so don't worry about falling behind!

Chapter Forty One

Jim worked in the kitchen while the radio pounded beside his head. He was under the sink, trying to fix the leak that had decided to spring during a busy part of the lunch rush at the Inn.

In the background a catchy tune played, a song sung by a boy who sounded young. Fourteen, maybe. Fifteen, even. Reminded him of Jim, actually. It was rather amusing. Jim even found himself humming along by the time the song was almost over.

Putting away the tools and wiping his hands on his dirty jeans, Jim rose and closed the cabinet. "All set," he informed Sarah who was entering with a new truckload of dishes.

"Where's B.E.N. when you need him, Jim?" Sarah asked rhetorically. Jim chuckled and walked off with his toolbox.

B.E.N. didn't miss his cue and entered seconds later. "All set for dish duty, Mrs. Hawkins!" he screeched and threw on huge yellow rubber gloves. He didn't want to rust his metal in the dish water, of course.

---

Raven was curled up in a soft chair by the fireplace as a snowstorm raged outside. It had been a number of weeks since her miscarriage and she was beginning to feel better physically. She'd been in a lot of pain, which was common, according to the doctor.

In a few weeks, if she was interested, she was welcome to start trying for another child. She and Jim never talked about it. She was sure the time would come when they were ready again. Maybe it would be another year. Just like the first time.

She chuckled at the thought and continued to read her articles. The doctor had given her various pamphlets from other doctors and a range of hospitals.

Reading one to herself, she was in shock at the statistics.

"If there have been 2 spontaneous abortions in a row, then the most reliable information suggests that there is about a 35% chance (1 in 3) that the next pregnancy will be lost. Therefore, the loss rate is approximately doubled. If there have been 3 spontaneous abortions in a row, then it appears that the couple has a roughly 45-50% chance of a loss with the next pregnancy. There are reports indicating improvement in future pregnancy success for couples with recurrent pregnancy loss after there has been at least one prior live born for the couple (that is, a 40-45% loss rate if no live borns and only a 30% loss rate with a history of a prior live born). Therefore, the couple's prior reproductive history is also important."

She frowned. Though Andrew hadn't been Jim's, that had been a successful pregnancy. Would it be like the article said? Would she go through a few miscarriages and then finally, finally have a successful pregnancy? Tears clouded her eyes and she decided it was best if she didn't even think about it.

Leland was in the easy chair across from her. In between the two easy chairs was a couch. In front of the couch was a table scattered with numerous magazines. Leland was glancing at one. From where she sat, Raven couldn't make out the content of the magazine, but she didn't really care.

Seeing her tears, Leland sighed. "It's not your fault, you know."
She looked up and met his eyes, her own clearing of tears.

"What?" she asked quietly, raising an eyebrow. There were a few other customers in the Inn's main room, but they were spread around the room and didn't seem interested in their conversation.

"Infertility's in the family, young one," Leland told her quietly. She frowned and said nothing, urging him to continue.

Leland rose and sat on the table before her, lowering his voice.

"Jim's my only kid, and now you know why. Sarah and I, we tried to have more, but…it just didn't work for us. I know you got yourself a kid of yer own, so it must be on Jimmy's side. Sorry, kid."
Raven blinked. That made sense…but…what if Leland was just saying that?

"Are you sure it's just not…one of those one-in-six chances? Miscarriage is common among women, you know," she informed him, tapping her pamphlets.

Leland skimmed the paragraph she had just read and pointed to the line that read: "Therefore, the couple's prior reproductive history is also important."

"Right there, Raven. See? As far as I know, you're fertile. Jim might…well, as I said. It's in the family."
Raven licked her lips. It did make sense…but…

"I'll…we'll just have to see how things go," she replied quietly. Leland nodded. "Yes, you could do that. I just hope things work out for both of you, even though my own kid hates me."

Raven frowned. "Mr. Hawkins, he doesn't hate you. He just…" She trailed off. "I don't know how he feels, but I know that he doesn't hate you. I won't speak for him, but I know that a part of him is glad you came back."

"He sure doesn't show it," Leland muttered, averting his eyes into the fireplace.

Raven reached out and touched her father-in-law's arm. "Don't think like that. Give him time. Perhaps lots. He'll come around eventually, it will just take cooperation from you, too."

Leland chuckled. "He gets his stubborn side from me, that's for sure."

Raven smiled and nodded. "Understood."

Leland stood up and sighed. "Thanks for this talk, Raven. It's been fun, actually."
"Really?" She raised an eyebrow. They'd talked about infertility and bad tempers. That was fun?

"Yeah. Getting to know you a bit. It's nice." With that, he left the room, tossing his magazine back onto the pile.

---

That night as Jim slept, he was haunted by dark, disturbing dreams. A tall man was chasing him down a long, narrow hallway and he was having difficulty breathing. His chest was tight and he felt dizzy, like he would pass out. Falling and scrambling against the wall, he clutched at his chest as a feeling filled his brain. This was a familiar feeling. He remembered this feeling from a tiny shack in the middle of a bad part of town. He felt high.

Visions swam before him. Raven, looking beautiful, his father, smiling at him and acting nice. His wife in a pool of her own blood. He could see a horrific vision of her holding a baby. It was very clear the baby was dead.

She was crying.

A face clouded Jim's vision, pushing Raven from it. He could see nothing but this face. Dark hair, dark eyes, soft skin. Pale. Pure. Andrew.

Andrew, standing before Jim, looked older. He appeared to be around thirteen. He was smiling. Reaching a hand out to his stepfather, he grinned wider.

"Find me," he whispered as Jim took his hand.

Jim woke up with a jolt and sat up, waking his wife who had been sleeping against his chest.

"What, what? Jim, what is it? Are you okay?" Raven demanded in a flurry of questions as she turned on the bedside lamp. Jim's breathing was labored and he was trembling. Raven noticed how pale he looked.

"Honey…are you okay?"

He looked into her eyes and again, saw the blood. The baby. He shut his eyes tight and put his forehead against hers, just breathing in her scent. She encircled him in her arms and he immediately began to feel better.

"Bad dream…really, really bad dream," he whispered into her hair.

"Can I ask what it was about…?" she asked. He shook his head. "I don't want to remember most of it…" He considered telling her Andrew had been there, but decided against it. The last thing she needed was more pain.

He definitely didn't want to tell her about the baby. And the blood. The blood…

"I felt high…like…back with Rowan," he told her. She pulled his face from her hair and cupped it in her hands before her. "You had an LSD flashback. They come in dreams and in real time, so if you see weird things happening, it could be an LSD flashback. It's…not the greatest drug you took back then, if you couldn't already tell."
He chuckled. "Yeah, I kind of figured. I really hope I don't dream that severely again, though…it was…just…awful."

He kissed her forehead, enjoying the coolness of her skin beneath his lips and sighed. This time, when he resettled to go back to sleep, he snuggled against her. It was her turn to be the comforter.

----

Author's Note: So, Leland's being nice again like the little Gollum/Leland thing he is according to Squabbit, Raven's doing research and Jim's probably infertile. Where do we go from here? ^_~

Stay tuned! Oh yeah…credits.

Clip found at: www. infertilitytutorials. com/ miscarriage_members/ incidence. Cfm

Zap the spaces. I mean, if you're interested, anyway. The site's full of long words. An of course, since we're naught but humble pirates…and all we want is to leave and never come back… They'll be disinclined to acquiesce to your request. Means no.

Sorry. I make no sense. Saw POTC again last night. That's three times now. Woah.