Intermission
(note, I wanted to get back into the groove of updating this thing, but not having enough time to throw in a chapter, I decided to actually make the rejected form of the LAST one, and turn it into an intermission. Yes, more spoofing of fan-fics and official mythos, but that's what you're reading this for, aren't you?)
A TYPICAL DAY ON VENOM, AFTER THE SACKING OF THE ENTIRE HIGH ARMY STAFF OF COMMAND AND AFTER THE DISASTEROUS BUT REUNIFYING CIVIL WARS BETWEEN CORNERIA AND KATINA BUT BEFORE THE 3075 BEER HALL PUTSCH, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE HOHENSTAUFFEN REESTABLISHMENT OF NON LIZARDS IN THE VENOM LANDS OR THE REVOLUTION OF THE MAJOR CITIES, AND DEFINTELY NOT "SOUL SURVIVOR" WITH THAT CRAZY SNIT AND HER POISON ESTROGEN (DON'T ASK.)
Iguana Woman, Working In Her Kitchen: Jason!
Jason (Another Iguana): Yeah?
IW: What do you want with your crepes?
J: Tornab Crab.
IW: The crepes HAVE tornab crab on them!
J: Dammit, what crepes do you have that aren't tornab crab?
IW: Thorntail.
J:, What, Thorntail Crepes?
IW: Uh... yes.. well, it's sorta flatish.
J: It's dead, isn't it?
IW: Well, it was coughing up blood last night.
J: All right, I'll have a thorntail crepe.
ONE THORNTAIL CREPE LATER
J: (putting down fork and knife) Well, that was really horrible.
IW: Oh, you're always complaining!
J: What's for dessert?
IW: Blue fox cake, blue fox sorbet, blue fox pudding, or strawberry tart.
J: (eyes lighten up) Strawberry tart?
IW: Well, it's got SOME blue fox in it.
J: How much?
IW: Four pounds. Rather a lot, really.
J: Well, I'll have a slice without so much blue fox in it.
ONE SLICE OF STRAWBERRY TART WITHOUT SO MUCH BLUE FOX IN IT LATER,
J: Apalling.
IW: Oh, shaddup.
Son: (coming in door) Hi mom, Hi dad.
J: Hello son.
S: There's a dead dog on the porch, dad!
J: Really?
IW: Where's it from?
S: Whaddaya mean?
IW: What's it's planetary species?
S: Well, it looked a bit lower Cornerian and Katinan to me.
J: (getting up and going out the door) I'll go have a look.
IW: I don't know, kids bringin' 'em in here.
S: It's not me!
IW: I've got three of them by the dumpster, and the sanitation crews won't touch 'em!
J: (coming back in) Visipapetoonian.
IW: How do you know?
J: Tattooed on the back of the neck. I'll call Internal Security.
IW: Shouldn't you call the Royal Command?
S: Call the Royal Gestapo!
J: All right. (Shouting) The Royal Gestapo!
(sirens racing up, followed by a gigantic crash) (the Royal Gestapo burst in the door)
Agent: What's all this then, achtung!
IW: Are you the Royal Gestapo?
All the agents: (In unison) Ho, yes!
IW: There's another dead dog on the porch, baron sergeant!
Agent: Uh, Agent Eastapa, madam. I see, ethnic or post-reunification?
IW: How should I know?
A: It's tattooed on the back of their necks. (spying the tart) Hey, is that blue fox tart?
IW: Yes.
A: Disgusting. Right! Men, the chase is on! Now we should all kneel (they all kneel)
All: O Andross, we beseech thee, tell us who killed the mutt! (thunder)
Andross' Floating head: It was me, you idiot! I always done it!
Jason: It's a bit of a farce, but the prejudice of Corneria is to blame.
Agent: Agreed, we'll be charging them too.
J: I'd like you to take the three by the dumpster into consideration.
A: Right, I'll now ask you all to conclude this arrest with a chant towards our emperor.
All: All things bright and beautiful, all planets great and small. All things wise and wonderful, Andross will whack them all. Amen.
AN ACTUAL CHAPTER: LATER!
(note, I wanted to get back into the groove of updating this thing, but not having enough time to throw in a chapter, I decided to actually make the rejected form of the LAST one, and turn it into an intermission. Yes, more spoofing of fan-fics and official mythos, but that's what you're reading this for, aren't you?)
A TYPICAL DAY ON VENOM, AFTER THE SACKING OF THE ENTIRE HIGH ARMY STAFF OF COMMAND AND AFTER THE DISASTEROUS BUT REUNIFYING CIVIL WARS BETWEEN CORNERIA AND KATINA BUT BEFORE THE 3075 BEER HALL PUTSCH, NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE HOHENSTAUFFEN REESTABLISHMENT OF NON LIZARDS IN THE VENOM LANDS OR THE REVOLUTION OF THE MAJOR CITIES, AND DEFINTELY NOT "SOUL SURVIVOR" WITH THAT CRAZY SNIT AND HER POISON ESTROGEN (DON'T ASK.)
Iguana Woman, Working In Her Kitchen: Jason!
Jason (Another Iguana): Yeah?
IW: What do you want with your crepes?
J: Tornab Crab.
IW: The crepes HAVE tornab crab on them!
J: Dammit, what crepes do you have that aren't tornab crab?
IW: Thorntail.
J:, What, Thorntail Crepes?
IW: Uh... yes.. well, it's sorta flatish.
J: It's dead, isn't it?
IW: Well, it was coughing up blood last night.
J: All right, I'll have a thorntail crepe.
ONE THORNTAIL CREPE LATER
J: (putting down fork and knife) Well, that was really horrible.
IW: Oh, you're always complaining!
J: What's for dessert?
IW: Blue fox cake, blue fox sorbet, blue fox pudding, or strawberry tart.
J: (eyes lighten up) Strawberry tart?
IW: Well, it's got SOME blue fox in it.
J: How much?
IW: Four pounds. Rather a lot, really.
J: Well, I'll have a slice without so much blue fox in it.
ONE SLICE OF STRAWBERRY TART WITHOUT SO MUCH BLUE FOX IN IT LATER,
J: Apalling.
IW: Oh, shaddup.
Son: (coming in door) Hi mom, Hi dad.
J: Hello son.
S: There's a dead dog on the porch, dad!
J: Really?
IW: Where's it from?
S: Whaddaya mean?
IW: What's it's planetary species?
S: Well, it looked a bit lower Cornerian and Katinan to me.
J: (getting up and going out the door) I'll go have a look.
IW: I don't know, kids bringin' 'em in here.
S: It's not me!
IW: I've got three of them by the dumpster, and the sanitation crews won't touch 'em!
J: (coming back in) Visipapetoonian.
IW: How do you know?
J: Tattooed on the back of the neck. I'll call Internal Security.
IW: Shouldn't you call the Royal Command?
S: Call the Royal Gestapo!
J: All right. (Shouting) The Royal Gestapo!
(sirens racing up, followed by a gigantic crash) (the Royal Gestapo burst in the door)
Agent: What's all this then, achtung!
IW: Are you the Royal Gestapo?
All the agents: (In unison) Ho, yes!
IW: There's another dead dog on the porch, baron sergeant!
Agent: Uh, Agent Eastapa, madam. I see, ethnic or post-reunification?
IW: How should I know?
A: It's tattooed on the back of their necks. (spying the tart) Hey, is that blue fox tart?
IW: Yes.
A: Disgusting. Right! Men, the chase is on! Now we should all kneel (they all kneel)
All: O Andross, we beseech thee, tell us who killed the mutt! (thunder)
Andross' Floating head: It was me, you idiot! I always done it!
Jason: It's a bit of a farce, but the prejudice of Corneria is to blame.
Agent: Agreed, we'll be charging them too.
J: I'd like you to take the three by the dumpster into consideration.
A: Right, I'll now ask you all to conclude this arrest with a chant towards our emperor.
All: All things bright and beautiful, all planets great and small. All things wise and wonderful, Andross will whack them all. Amen.
AN ACTUAL CHAPTER: LATER!