This story is set roughly a year after the ending of The Pit of Snakes, and whopping seven years after the end of the Hundred Year War.
Chapter 1
Katara yawned, stretching in order to settle in more comfortably against her wife in the splendorous queen-sized bed at their Shuhon Island estate. It was getting fairly late in the evening, and since she was aware that any exciting bedroom activities weren't on the menu, Katara was just about ready to call it a night, but apparently Azula did not share her opinion. Azula was stuck studying some of the recent financial reports that had come in from Caldera City late in the afternoon. As much as Katara felt like chewing Azula out for bringing her work home, she couldn't really do it without coming off as a hypocrite. More often than not, Katara would sneak in either herbalist tomes or books on latest in medical research into their bedroom and then read them late past midnight until her wife became frustrated with her and forced Katara to put a stop to it. So, Katara simply let out another yawn and cuddled up tightly against Azula's side, letting her thoughts wander while she waited for her wife to be done with examining the apparently quite important report.
The past year had been incredibly busy in their lives, while at the same time having been incredibly amazing, and Katara felt that she would not trade it for anything. So much had happened, but as far as Katara was concerned, all the marriages taking place were the events that stood out to her the most. Zuko and Ty Lee had tied the knot first, shortly after the coup of the royal council had been put to an end and just prior to the birth of their daughter Izumi. It had been a grandiose affair, befitting the Fire Lord, and Katara had found it incredibly impressive and very romantic. Azula had been less impressed, constantly muttering about the Fire Nation treasury taking an unnecessary hit when it really couldn't afford any more blows. Katara felt that Azula had slightly exaggerated the issue and they had even had a minor fight with Katara accusing Azula of not being romantic enough, but they had gotten over it quickly.
Azula had proved herself as a secret romantic on many occasions since, so Katara knew that she had been wrong to make such an accusation against her love. Azula's eventual proposal to her had been the most romantic thing Katara had ever been exposed to, and it had taken her by complete surprise. Azula had set it up so well. She had completely misled Katara by a conversation the day before when they had talked about marriage, and how they both were fine to delay it for a few more years after their lives became a little less frantic and their prospective careers didn't take up so much of their time. But then, Azula had surprised Katara with a candlelit dinner and the whole getting down on a bended knee to propose, and of course Katara had accepted without a moment of thinking. She had then proceeded to enjoy Azula as her dessert, all a part of their candlelit dinner.
Their ceremony had been far more modest than the wedding of Zuko and Ty Lee, but it had been more touching and personal, at least in Katara's eyes. She was a little sad that Sokka had been the only one on the side of her tribe and family, but it couldn't be helped. Hakoda still hadn't made any moves towards reconciliation, and Katara wasn't going to beg for her father's acceptance of her relationship with Azula. All of their other friends as well as Azula's entire family had been in attendance, and that had been more than enough for them both.
There were several reasons why they had kept their wedding a sort of low-key affair. Katara knew that Azula was still deeply concerned about her public image despite the people of Shuhon Island having come to love and admire their governor. Azula was incredibly sensitive about using taxpayer money for personal reasons and she was never going to turn the ceremony into some kind of a public affair. Also, while the Fire Nation's ban on homosexual relationships had been lifted early into Zuko's reign, entire generations had been raised believing that same sex marriages were wrong and immoral. Reversing that sort of indoctrination was a slow process. While Katara and Azula never did anything to hide their relationship, Katara also did not protest when Azula insisted on keeping things on the down low just so as not to rankle the many people among her subjects who still felt uneasy and uncomfortable about the issue. A part of Katara wanted to confront these people and their bigotry, but thinking back about how complicated the issue was with her own tribe, reaching a point where she was no longer welcome at the South Pole, Katara felt that she couldn't really protest Azula's decision. And despite these difficulties surrounding their marriage, the ceremony had been amazing. Considering their parental issues, Azula and Katara had both been given away by their older brothers, which Katara had found incredibly sweet and touching.
The final marriage between the people in their lives had taken place a couple of months ago when after much needling from Katara, Sokka had finally manned up and popped the big question to Suki. The proposal had been duly accepted and plans for marriage had been drawn up quickly. It had been a wonderfully touching and warm affair, and Katara had been so happy to see her brother and Suki deeply in love after so many years together. The two of them still had their hands full while rebuilding the Fire Nation chapter of the Kyoshi Warriors and the latest crop of Zuko's personal honor guard was starting to come into shape. Azula had made the suggestion to Suki to avoid hiring prospective members from the richer Fire Nation families, just to avoid any potential clash of interests, and even assassination plots. As a result, Suki had done most of her hiring in the Earth Kingdom, the outer archipelago of the Fire Nation, and they even had a couple of Water Tribe girls training with them, Katara's old friends Nutha and Niyok.
Katara would be lying if she claimed that despite still being angry with her father, she didn't miss Hakoda in her life. The stubbornness of her father was upsetting Katara a great deal. Hakoda's decisions had cost him so much, and yet it still didn't seem as if he had reconsidered his positions. Her father's marriage had collapsed, but he had also suffered politically. After resuming his duties as the acting Fire Lord, Zuko had reviewed the reparations that the Fire Nation was still paying to the victims of their aggression during the Hundred Year War, and he had drastically curtailed the amounts being handed out. But when it came to the Southern Water Tribe, the reparations were cut entirely, and Zuko had made it very clear that it was done because of the appalling treatment of his sister and her wife. The backlash had cost Hakoda his chieftain's position. Katara had expected Bato to take over, but apparently, he had refused on the account of being linked too closely to Hakoda. Katara didn't know the man who had been chosen in her father's place. As for what had happened to Hakoda in the aftermath of that ignoble ousting, Katara had no idea and it was quietly eating away at her, week after week.
As for the rest of Katara's friends, there were mostly positive developments. Aang was traveling the world together with On Ji, by now his steady girlfriend and possibly more, because there were certain rumors of On Ji starting to show during their last visit to Caldera City. Katara hadn't met them on that occasion, but Aang and On Ji had visited them a couple of times in the Fire Fountain City, and the visits had overall been friendly, but not fully comfortable just yet.
Toph had been visiting almost every other month on top of attending the wedding ceremonies. Azula always made good use of Toph's earthbending talents during these visits. Spectacular mountain hiking trails were something that drew a lot of tourists to Shuhon Island, and in order to entice these tourists to come back, Azula kept asking Toph to use her earthbending and shuffle bits of the mountain range around, reshaping the terrain to set up new hiking trails. On her part, Toph absolutely loved the idea of moving actual mountains. It was a rather frightening and impressive undertaking, and Katara always felt a little bad that Azula was making Toph do actual work while she was visiting, but it seemed that Toph couldn't get enough of this large scale earthbending, and she was constantly egging Azula to let her do even more.
Azula remained fairly complimentary towards Zuko's stewardship of the homeland, but her opinion on this matter was always highly dependent on how often Zuko had asked for her advice recently. Katara had to give Zuko credit for leaning on his sister more and more, despite some of his councilors, Liang and Hironomu in particular grumbling about it. Katara didn't like how Zuko was constantly in the presence of jealous men like those two, who spent a lot of their time trying to drive a wedge between Zuko and his sister. Katara didn't believe that they would be successful, however. Zuko and Azula had been through too much by now for their bond to be broken by some backroom intrigue.
Katara remained frustrated with Uncle Iroh. After the council's coup had been quashed, she had harbored high hopes that Iroh and Azula could overcome their mutual suspicion and that they could establish a working relationship based on trust. She had complained about this to Zuko, and her friend had patiently explained that Iroh was very preoccupied in his continued watch for Ozai, considering his bending deprived brother as a huge threat to security of the post-war world. Katara wasn't convinced by this excuse. Iroh had come to visit them twice on Shuhon Island, but it had been done as a part of his visit to first and foremost advise Zuko. Katara completely understood why Azula had felt as an afterthought, and her interactions with Iroh had remained very cool and no progress had been made.
Katara had even written Iroh a couple of letters recently, trying to persuade him to come and visit them again. Katara had also told the old general that he ought to make it clear that he was coming to see Azula first and foremost, and not Zuko with perhaps stopping by to see Azula if time allowed for it. Katara still struggled to understand how Iroh could not see that he was sabotaging his own efforts to get along with his niece, but then again, maybe he did consider watching for signs of Ozai as a more worthwhile use of his time. Katara obviously disagreed, but she couldn't exactly order Iroh around. And Iroh had failed to respond to her letters, so Katara was not feeling very optimistic.
At least things were going much better with Ursa, Ikem and Kiyi. In fact, Azula's mother and her family were currently staying with them at the governor's estate on Shuhon Island. Things had been going well as of late, and it truly seemed as if Kiyi's growing attachment to Azula was something that was helping bring Azula closer to her mother. Katara could barely notice any lingering sense of discomfort in Azula's day to day interactions with Ursa or Ikem.
Noticing a yawn escaping from Azula's lips, Katara reached out and tried to take the reports from Azula, but her wife stubbornly refused to hand the papers over, muttering something unintelligible at Katara's efforts. Katara sighed, but when Azula yawned yet again moments later, the waterbender had had enough. She reached out to forcefully take the papers away from Azula. Katara then placed the reports on a nightstand out of her wife's reach. Azula tried to protest, but Katara was having none of it. "Cuddle with me," Katara insisted.
Azula appeared to find the order all too agreeable, and shortly after they were cuddling in each other's arms. The estate was almost completely silent at this late hour, but they could just about make out the voices coming from the adjacent room which Kiyi had claimed as her bedroom whenever she came to stay at the governor's mansion. It seemed as if Ursa had stopped by for a little bedtime chat with her youngest daughter, as she was wont to do every evening, a little ritual between her and Kiyi.
If there was one thing that slightly frustrated Katara about the visits of Azula's family was that for some reason it completely put Azula off from engaging in intimacy. Somehow, sharing the same roof with her mother made it extremely uncomfortable for Azula to even think about it, and Katara hadn't been able to do anything to change that. Occasionally, when the thirst for each other became too strong to resist, they would meet long after work hours either in Azula's office at the city hall, or Katara's department at the hospital. Both places had sofas which they weren't shy about putting to good use, but it really wasn't an ideal solution, and it definitely got tongues of their subordinates waggling.
As Katara listened to the doors of Kiyi's room opening and closing again, Ursa's soft footsteps coming from the hallway, Katara wondered if perhaps she might be able to persuade Azula for a little romp between the sheets after all. However, when she looked up at the face of her wife, she was shocked to see that for some unexpected reason Azula's cheeks were covered with a sheen of fresh tears. "Love, what's wrong?" Katara asked, fear gripping her.
"N-nothing," Azula managed, quickly wiping her cheeks and turning her gaze away.
"Don't be ridiculous, Firelily, you are not the type to tear up for no reason," Katara insisted.
"It's really nothing," Azula continued to remain stubborn. "In fact, it's something completely insignificant."
"Azula, if something is upsetting you, it immediately becomes very significant to me," Katara refused to give up. "Remember, we promised to share everything, the good and the bad. I'm not letting go of this, Azula, so you might as well start talking."
Azula let out a heavy sigh. "You're going to laugh at me," she said.
"Have I ever laughed at you after you've told me something deeply personal?" Katara asked.
Azula sighed again. "Alright, you've made your point," she finally relented. "It's just that listening to Ursa talking with Kiyi like that, it just took me right back to my own childhood. I suddenly saw myself back in my splendorous palace bedroom, trying to ignore the voices coming from Zuko's room, him and mother talking, the sounds of their laughter, so happy and content, I hated it so much."
"I know you had a complicated past-"
"That's putting it mildly," Azula laughed, although the laughter came out sounding a little hysterical. "Ursa sat with Zuko for almost half an hour, sometimes more, and I would just lie there, stewing in my anger, hatred and jealousy as I listened to them having all the fun in the world."
"Did your mother never spend any time with you?" Katara asked. Her anger grew quickly at what she was hearing. Azula was clearly becoming greatly upset simply by revisiting these memories.
"I can't claim that," Azula replied quietly. "I believe she tried. I remember that after spending all this time with Zuko, she also stopped by my room, but I was so angry that I didn't want to speak with her, and I always pretended that I was fast asleep."
"Why did you do that, love?" Katara asked quietly.
"Because… because I guess I just expected her to berate me and criticize my behavior," Azula sighed. "Even though all I really wanted was her love and approval, but I didn't realize it back then. Eventually, I found love and approval elsewhere, but it was all conditional."
"Your mother pushed you towards Ozai," Katara said, feeling a renewed surge of anger coursing through her, but she forced herself to remain calm.
"I don't think she meant to. Obviously, she didn't," Azula shook her head. Despite feeling very conflicted, Katara was still glad that Azula was defending her mother, at least a little. "The disaster that was my family growing up wasn't down to just one of us making all the mistakes, although, I now realize that my father was the instigator for almost all of our problems, but my mother compounded these issues."
"You've thought about this a lot, Firelily," Katara smiled encouragingly at her wife.
"Yes, of course, it's all been a part of my reconciliation with Ursa," Azula nodded. "All the progress I've made, so much of it with your help, has allowed me to see my past behavior in a new light, and it has been a sobering experience. I now realize that the little girl who pretended to be asleep whenever her mother came in to wish her goodnight, deep inside quietly hoped that her mother would still come and sit by her bed, and perhaps sing her a lullaby even if she thought that her little girl was already sound asleep. And when her mother closed those doors immediately after wishing her goodnight, that little girl felt like her mother was giving up on her again and again," Azula finished, breaking down in tears again.
"I'm so sorry, love," Katara whispered, pulling Azula as tightly against her as she could. "I don't know what I can say to make it better. I'm not sure something like that can truly be healed, but I do hope that your mother wanting to be there for you now means something."
Azula kept quiet for a while, allowing Katara to comfort her. "It does mean a lot, actually," Azula said then. "I just wish that the relationship I have with Ursa now would not be affected by our past this strongly, but it's always there, getting in the way."
"I understand," Katara said soothingly, pulling Azula closer so that her wife's head rested against her chest. "But I think it has been getting better, and it will continue to improve. You both simply need more time," Katara said, gently stroking Azula's hair, feeling the tension slowly leaving her Firelily as she began to relax in the embrace of her wife.
But perhaps there is something else that I can do to help my Firelily and her mother mend the bridges further. Yes… tomorrow I should speak with Ursa. I have an idea that just might be worth a try, Katara thought as she continued watching over her wife as Azula slowly drifted off to peaceful slumber.
Azula snuggled closer to her wife in the bed, still feeling a little embarrassed and foolish about her breakdown the previous evening. She was so lucky for being married to probably the only person in the world who would never laugh at her for being ridiculous. As she cuddled up against Katara's side to peer into the medical research papers her wife was studying, Azula could once again hear the voices drifting up towards them from the adjacent room, Ursa and Kiyi speaking excitedly about something. Azula wasn't going to let her mother and sister having fun drag her back into revisiting the past, however. She was done with that, at least for now.
On some level, Azula felt a little disillusioned about how much the past was still haunting her, perhaps even more so than before. Azula kept remembering Yagoda's words that the past would always weigh on her, but with time the load would become lighter, and Katara always kept repeating the same mantra. Azula often felt like the load wasn't really getting any lighter, but she still wanted to believe Katara's words of comfort. Her wife had never lied to her about anything, and Azula didn't believe that she ever would.
It was strange though, this road to redemption. Everyone kept praising her for how much she had changed, that she was redeemed, that she was good. Azula found it almost ironic, and certainly a little cruel, that at the end of this road to redemption, there was still so much pain to endure and at times it felt like a very twisted reward for the change she had undergone. Azula suspected that it was her radical change of perspective that was now forcing her to see with increased clarity just how wrong she had been when she had blindly followed her father's every word. And it was making her feel as if she could never do quite enough to make up for everything she had done while serving Ozai.
Azula often wondered if Iroh and Zuko had at some point felt the same way as she felt now. Azula could see no indication of it in their actions here and now. Iroh always acted with such confidence in his own wisdom and righteousness, leading Azula to wonder if his past actions while leading the armies of the Fire Nation were ever on his mind. Azula didn't feel close enough to Iroh to ask him about that, but there were questions she wanted to ask of Zuko, hoping that his perspective would help her. Zuko had done some twisted things during his pursuit of the Avatar, invading Katara's home, burning down Suki's village, hiring an actual assassin. Azula wondered if the reparations had truly soothed the guilt that Zuko must have felt for his actions, or whether lingering guilt was something that her brother still struggled with seven years later.
The doors to Kiyi's room closed, and Azula once again heard Ursa's footsteps in the hallway as her mother returned to the room she was sharing with Ikem. However, Azula was completely taken by surprise when the footsteps stopped by the doors to her and Katara's bedroom, followed by a knock on the doors. Azula immediately froze in surprise, but her wife did not seem to be taken aback at all. "Come in, please," Katara called out.
Moments later, Ursa entered the room, looking slightly hesitant. "I hope I'm not interrupting," she said, offering a smile.
"Of course not, mother," Azula managed politely, still wondering why Ursa was even here. "Was there something you wanted?"
"Nothing beyond talking with you, Azula," Ursa said earnestly. She approached the two of them in the bed. "May I?" Ursa asked, pointing at the side of the large bed.
"Of… of course," Azula replied uncertainly, scooting closer to Katara and making room for her mother. She still wasn't sure what could be so important for them to discuss that it couldn't wait until tomorrow.
Ursa sat down on the edge of the bed, smiling softly as she regarded her daughter. "Kiyi is so excited about your little field trip tomorrow," she said, sounding happy. "I could barely get her to calm down enough so that she would fall asleep." Azula and Katara had promised to go hiking with Kiyi on their day off from work, and they would spend all day traversing the hiking trails surrounding Shuhon Island. Kiyi had managed to persuade Ursa and Ikem to stay behind, because she wanted to have more uninterrupted time with her sister and her amazing wife. "I don't think I've ever properly thanked you for the effort you've put in to spend so much time with Kiyi," Ursa continued, reaching out to take Azula's hand. Azula allowed the gesture, even if it made her feel a little frightened and uncomfortable at first, but fortunately the feeling passed quickly.
"Azula loves spending time with Kiyi, and so do I," Katara joined the conversation. "We're going to have an amazing time of it tomorrow, won't we, Azula?"
"Of course," Azula nodded. "Honestly, Kiyi… she's been pretty great," she confessed. "Not at all like how I was at the age of fourteen. Maybe that's why we're getting on so well," Azula sighed.
"She really looks up to you so much, Azula," Ursa spoke in a soft voice. "And I couldn't ask for a better role model for her."
"Are you being serious?" Azula blinked in surprise. "Surely you would prefer Zuko-"
"Azula, I'm incredibly proud of what Zuko has achieved in his life," Ursa smiled at her, gently stroking the back of her hand. "But I think that your journey has been even more impressive, honey, and I realize that more and more each day. Everything and everyone was against you, Azula. And while Zuko had Iroh, for so many years before meeting Katara, you had nobody, and yet you didn't succumb to despair. What you went through required exceptional strength to endure, Azula, strength that I can't imagine anyone else could possess. You've defied the odds to be here and now, stronger than ever before. I couldn't be prouder of you, even if I know that I was one of those who made your journey so much more difficult."
Azula swallowed heavily, struggling not to tear up. Some of her past conversations with Ursa had been very emotional and had ended up with them both in tears, and this threatened to follow that pattern. "I don't feel all that strong," Azula managed, fighting back the tears. "The past, I-" she swallowed heavily. "I want to let go of it, but I just can't and I feel like it's weighing me down like a rock around my neck."
"I wish I could take that pain away, honey," Ursa spoke quietly, also looking on the verge of tears. "Especially when I know that I was the one who caused so much of it. I've made so many mistakes that I won't be able to fix, and being given the opportunity to do better here and now is important, but… it doesn't change that I failed you when you needed me the most, Azula. You were my baby, Azula, and I failed you," Ursa's voice broke with guilty sobs.
At the sight of her mother's genuine remorse, something broke within Azula as well. She suddenly felt like that lonely and neglected nine-year-old, wanting nothing more than her mother's love and approval. Azula rose up on the bed and threw herself in the embrace of her mother. "Mommy…" she sobbed against Ursa's chest, shaking as she allowed her mother to hold her.
This one episode between them wasn't going to fix everything that had gone wrong in the past and it wasn't going to rectify all the mistakes they had made. The path of healing and reconciliation was a slow and gradual one, Katara had told her so. But this felt like another important step to make the weight of their shared past feel much more bearable, and Azula was more than happy to take this step together with her mother.